Heartbroken.. please help

[MarieVeronica]

Hi. I’m new to this site. This is my first post. Today, we celebrated the feast of the Immaculate Conception. I attended Mass, with a heart full of joy and love for our Immaculate Mother and gratitude to Our Lord, for sharing her with us. My feeling changed to sorrow, however… when it came time for Holy Communion.

I’m still fairly new to the parish I’m now attending. As I approached Father, and my turn came to receive Our dear Lord… I went down on both knees. At that point… Father bent over me… and said in a fairly audible tone… “We stand upright for communion at this parish”. He gave me the host… and then he said… “We’ll talk about it, outside”.

I walked away from Holy Communion, feeling like a child who had just been reprimanded for misbehaving; By the time I returned to my pew, I was nearly in tears. I was confused. Had I just been corrected for humbling myself before my Creator? I didn’t know what had happened.

As I sat there… and Mass was coming to an end… I decided, that it would probably be most pleasing to Our Lord, for me to be obedient to Father… (who happens to also be the Pastor of this parish) and not object to his correction. When I passed him… I smiled as sweetly as I could, and said… “I’ll remember, Father”. He muttered something about the “customs of the parish”. And I went on my way.

In retrospect… however, I am feeling extremely sad. How can parish “customs” override the individual souls response to being in the presence of Jesus Christ? To receiving Him? I don’t understand what happened today… any responses would be appreciated. Thank you and God bless.

 

[CatholicCajun]

I am so sorry for you. There are those on this forum smarter than I am, so I am sure they will give you better advice. I guess the place to start would be asking Father where is it stated that you CANNOT kneel and ask him to show you in print and then you would find where it states if you can and show him in print. Like I said I am sure there are the wise ones who will give much better advice. God Bless. And remember God knows your heart.

 

[IrishAm]

Have you considered that Father was, in fact, meaning to be kind in instructing you in the ways and customs of what you admit is your new parish. Most people do not choose to draw great attention to themselves when receiving Our Lord, and he my have believed he was shepherding you in the norms of the parish.

Not all instruction is meant to be a chastisement. Perhaps both of your intentions were good ones – you to humble yourself and he to make you feel more at home in this new community.

 

[sphilomena]

I am sorry for your hurt. Some priests are more adamant about this, I hear. It seems the time for correction, however, would be privately, not to embarrass you. I used to receive on one knee; the pastor didn’t mind. After I moved, I discontinued it to my sorrow, because it seems not to be accepted.

When I first began that practice it was after a period of arguing with the Lord whom I felt was asking me to do it as part of my growth. I was not to worry about what other people would say, just do it for Him. The first time I did, I got back to my pew and because I had obeyed Him, I felt Heaven open up and pour down on me something I could not describe in human words. It was just something for that time in my life to test me and help me grow.

 

[ralphinal]

I am sorry. Please do not dwell on it. At least you were at mass. I’ll pray for you and your priest.

 

[EHRAM]

You might find the information in this link helpful:
catholic.com/library/liturgy/cag_changes.asp

FWIW, I was Episcopalian before I joined the Church, and I although I do like the liturgy of the mass, I also liked the Episcopalian customs of bowing before entering the pew at the start of the service, genuflecting when going forward to receive communion, kneeling (most of the year) to receive communion, genuflecting again before reentering the pew, and bowing before leaving the pew at the end. Of course in that Episcopal parish, the tabernacle was not at the front of the sanctuary.

 

[Pong]

How can parish “customs” override the individual souls response to being in the presence of Jesus Christ?

Because if we all did what we felt was best as individuals there would be no uniform sense of worship. We leave the “do your own thing” mentality to the evangelical protestants. Besides, standing is not disrespectful in the slightest.

 

[PatienceAndLove]

Because if we all did what we felt was best as individuals there would be no uniform sense of worship. We leave the “do your own thing” mentality to the evangelical protestants. Besides, standing is not disrespectful in the slightest.

However, as far as I know, the faithful cannot be told not to kneel to receive Our Lord in Communion.

 

[benedictgal]

Dear Heartbroken:

Please know that I empathize with you. Even though the norm is to stand for communion, perhaps this section of Redemptionis Sacramentum might give you an explanation and a bit of consolation:

[90.] ***“The faithful should receive Communion kneeling or standing, as the Conference of Bishops will have determined”, with its acts having received the recognitio of the Apostolic See. “However, if they receive Communion standing, it is recommended that they give due reverence before the reception of the Sacrament, as set forth in the same norms”.176 ***

[91.] In distributing Holy Communion it is to be remembered that “sacred ministers may not deny the sacraments to those who seek them in a reasonable manner, are rightly disposed, and are not prohibited by law from receiving them”.177 Hence any baptized Catholic who is not prevented by law must be admitted to Holy Communion. Therefore, it is not licit to deny Holy Communion to any of Christ’s faithful solely on the grounds, for example, that the person wishes to receive the Eucharist kneeling or standing.

I hope this helps.

 

[homewardbound]

I think its awful that some priests refuse to give Communion to those wishing to receive any differently than standing and in the hand. I know when I take Communion I will always receive on the tongue and of I would ever feel the urge, kneeling. No one should be forced to receive standing. Kneeling is a much more humble way to receive anyway. “Customs” of man are not to be put above God’s wishes. As far as I know, kneeling used to be the norm. I don’t understand why that changed. Nor why some seem to think those who feel led to kneel should be punished. Unity isn’t about conforming to everyone else to make those around you comfortable. Its about obeying God, and some feel led to go against modern day “custom” such as kneeling when receiving or veiling. Punishing those of us who God leads to do these things is disrespectful to God, IMO. People, priests especially, should be more respectful of this.

 

[benedictgal]

I think its awful that some priests refuse to give Communion to those wishing to receive any differently than standing and in the hand. I know when I take Communion I will always receive on the tongue and of I would ever feel the urge, kneeling. No one should be forced to receive standing. Kneeling is a much more humble way to receive anyway. “Customs” of man are not to be put above God’s wishes. As far as I know, kneeling used to be the norm. I don’t understand why that changed. Nor why some seem to think those who feel led to kneel should be punished. Unity isn’t about conforming to everyone else to make those around you comfortable. Its about obeying God, and some feel led to go against modern day “custom” such as kneeling when receiving or veiling. Punishing those of us who God leads to do these things is disrespectful to God, IMO. People, priests especially, should be more respectful of this.

You’ve made some interesting points. However, there is one clarification that I need to make. We do not “take” Holy Communion, we receive. This is what Cardinal Arinze, the Prefect of the Congregation for Divine Worship and the Discipline of the Sacraments has to say on this aspect:

Because the nature of the Holy Eucharist is such that the person who is not a priest celebrating the Mass must be given the Body of Christ. You say “amen”. And you receive, on the tongue or in the hand. If you are not the priests celebrating Mass – if you are the deacon assisting – you must be given [Communion]. You may not take.

Even if you are bishop or cardinal, and you are not celebrating that Mass, you must be given. You must not take.

For example, if you watch us in Rome in St. Peter’s basilica or square, when the pope is saying a major Mass, there may be 40 cardinals, 100 bishops. When we are not concelebrating – we are wearing red vestments but we are not concelebrating – we are just assisting at Mass as all of you who are baptized. When it is time for Communion, we receive, exactly as everybody else. A deacon comes to us and says “the Body of Christ”. I say “amen”. He gives to me, and the same for all.

None of us is allowed to take. We must be given. This is the Church law. It is not to lower anybody, it is just the nature of the sacrament. Even when Christ multiplied bread and fish, He told the apostles to distribute it. It was a sign.

So the Church that regulates Eucharistic practice says that the holy Body and Blood of Christ will be given us. We will not take. Only the celebrating priests or the concelebrating communicate themselves. Everybody else must be given it, even if that person is a bishop or a priest.

I hope this clears up the misnomers about “taking” Holy Communion.

 

[homewardbound]

You’ve made some interesting points. However, there is one clarification that I need to make. We do not “take” Holy Communion, we receive. This is what Cardinal Arinze, the Prefect of the Congregation for Divine Worship and the Discipline of the Sacraments has to say on this aspect:

I hope this clears up the misnomers about “taking” Holy Communion.

Thank you, sorry for the mistake.

 

[CB_Catholic]

I think its awful that some priests refuse to give Communion to those wishing to receive any differently than standing and in the hand. I know when I take Communion I will always receive on the tongue and of I would ever feel the urge, kneeling. No one should be forced to receive standing. Kneeling is a much more humble way to receive anyway. “Customs” of man are not to be put above God’s wishes. As far as I know, kneeling used to be the norm. I don’t understand why that changed. Nor why some seem to think those who feel led to kneel should be punished. Unity isn’t about conforming to everyone else to make those around you comfortable. Its about obeying God, and some feel led to go against modern day “custom” such as kneeling when receiving or veiling. Punishing those of us who God leads to do these things is disrespectful to God, IMO. People, priests especially, should be more respectful of this.

The OP was not denied Communion. The priest gave her Communion and told her it was the custom of the parish to stand, and they would talk about it later. I think the priest acted reasonably. I don’t think he meant to purposely embarrass her, nor was he punishing her or chastising her, but it was an embarrassing moment for her, which I can understand.

A person suddenly kneeling for Communion unexpectedly in a church where the norm is standing can cause the person behind them to be thrown off balance if they are close in line, because people are used to walking at a certain pace and distance and are not expecting the flow of the line to be interrupted by someone suddenly going down on their knees. They can run right into their feet sticking out behind them. This has happened. We have to be mindful of others, too.

 

[Pong]

However, as far as I know, the faithful cannot be told not to kneel to receive Our Lord in Communion.

Nothing in the rubrics forbidding recieving while standing on one’s head, either.

 

[japhy]

Please know that I empathize with you. Even though the norm is to stand for communion, perhaps this section of Redemptionis Sacramentum might give you an explanation and a bit of consolation…

In addition, here’s a Curial Letter defending the practice of receiving while kneeling, and here’s another Curial Letter clarifying the first (because some bishops can be stubborn, I guess).

Here are two excerpts. Fromt he first letter:The Congregation in fact is concerned at the number of similar complaints that it has received in recent months from various places, and considers any refusal of Holy Communion to a member of the faithful on the basis of his or her kneeling posture to be a grave violation of one of the most basic rights of the Christian faithful, namely that of being assisted by their Pastors by means of the Sacraments (Codex Iuris Canonici, canon 213). In view of the law that “sacred ministers may not deny the sacraments to those who opportunely ask for them, are properly disposed and are not prohibited by law from receiving them” (canon 843 ¶ 1), there should be no such refusal to any Catholic who presents himself for Holy Communion at Mass, except in cases presenting a danger of grave scandal to other believers arising out of the person’s unrepented public sin or obstinate heresy or schism, publicly professed or declared. Even where the Congregation has approved of legislation denoting standing as the posture for Holy Communion, in accordance with the adaptations permitted to the Conferences of Bishops by the Institutio Generalis Missalis Romani n. 160, paragraph 2, it has done so with the stipulation that communicants who choose to kneel are not to be denied Holy Communion on these grounds.
From the second letter:To this end, it is perhaps useful to respond to your inquiry by repeating the content of a letter that the Congregation recently addressed to a Bishop in the United States of America from whose Diocese a number of pertinent letters had been received. The letter states: “…while this Congregation gave the recognitio to the norm desired by the Bishops’ Conference of your country that people stand for Holy Communion, this was done on the condition that communicants who choose to kneel are not to be denied Holy Communion on these grounds. Indeed, the faithful should not be imposed upon nor accused of disobedience and of acting illicitly when they kneel to receive Holy Communion”.

 

[tcraig]

At the best NO parishes I’ve attended (never my own, unfortunately ) I’ve seen a variety of postures - bowing or genuflecting before receiving Holy Communion, and also those who kneel to receive. In all cases, the priest(s) involved never made an issue of the communicant’s posture.

I find it amazing that some priests will find it necessary to “correct” a communicant’s posture while receiving Holy Commuion while they are also indulging in abuses (either minor or major) while celebrating the mass. I know that the OP didn’t indicate that other abuses had occured at the mass attended, but I have noticed this in my own experience.

 

[MarieVeronica]

Dear Catholic Answers Forum… I want to thank each and every one of you, for your thoughts and the sharing of your own experiences. God bless you.

I had plenty of time, last night… in sorrowful prayer to consider what had happened. Many tears were shed, and I asked myself repeatedly, “Was I wrong? Was Father wrong?”. I never arrived at an answer on my own, but I found them… this morning, when I looked at your replies. And I do feel much better about what happened. I don’t believe that either of us was “wrong”. I believe what one replier stated… that both Father and myself, had the best intentions. Our Lord does indeed, know the intentions of both our hearts.

I have a special devotion to Our Lord, in the Blessed Sacrament… which He surely knows. But I believe now, as directly after the incident occurred… that it is best for me to be obedient to the Pastor of my parish in this matter. I don’t believe he would enter the Blessed Sacrament Chapel, for example… and order me off my knees. I believe the poster was correct… in advising me that it is better to consider the others in line, also receiving Holy Communion (that they might not expect it, when a person goes down on their knees… and could trip on the feet, etc.).

My action was impulsive, at that moment… and I didn’t consider the consequences. I am starting to believe that the entire episode was simply a “Lesson in Humility” from Our dear Lord. And one that I gratefully accept. Thank you again, dear posters.

This seems to be a wonderful place, and I look forward to reading it often. God bless.

 

[twosweetgirls]

You sweet person, I can feel the sting in your words.

I was, up until two weeks ago, the only parishioner out of thousands (we have a really big parish) to kneel to receive Jesus in the Eucharist. I felt that, for me, that was the most humble posture I could present to receive so great a Gift. However, out of respect for my fellow parishioners and for Father Paul, I thought I’d ask if doing so were okay.

And in Father Paul’s view, it’s perfectly okay–his only concern was the possibility of people behind me tripping over my feet, since everyone else stood to receive the Eucharist. That made sense, and I’ve resumed standing to receive Eucharist myself. Sure, I miss kneeling, but I’m glad I’m in harmony with the rest of the parish, and am convinced that Jesus is only glad I’m there to receive Him in whatever posture (if that makes sense).

Perhaps the only thing I could see changing would have been the way your priest addressed you–maybe he could’ve just said something while shaking your hand on the way out, rather than in the actual communion line. But don’t worry, you were there to receive your Saviour Christ in the Blessed Sacrament, so when you stand to receive him from now on, know that He is happy you’re there no matter your posture.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

Hi. I’m new to this site. This is my first post. Today, we celebrated the feast of the Immaculate Conception. I attended Mass, with a heart full of joy and love for our Immaculate Mother and gratitude to Our Lord, for sharing her with us. My feeling changed to sorrow, however… when it came time for Holy Communion.

I’m still fairly new to the parish I’m now attending. As I approached Father, and my turn came to receive Our dear Lord… I went down on both knees. At that point… Father bent over me… and said in a fairly audible tone… “We stand upright for communion at this parish”. He gave me the host… and then he said… “We’ll talk about it, outside”.

I walked away from Holy Communion, feeling like a child who had just been reprimanded for misbehaving; By the time I returned to my pew, I was nearly in tears. I was confused. Had I just been corrected for humbling myself before my Creator? I didn’t know what had happened.

As I sat there… and Mass was coming to an end… I decided, that it would probably be most pleasing to Our Lord, for me to be obedient to Father… (who happens to also be the Pastor of this parish) and not object to his correction. When I passed him… I smiled as sweetly as I could, and said… “I’ll remember, Father”. He muttered something about the “customs of the parish”. And I went on my way.

In retrospect… however, I am feeling extremely sad. How can parish “customs” override the individual souls response to being in the presence of Jesus Christ? To receiving Him? I don’t understand what happened today… any responses would be appreciated. Thank you and God bless.

Well he did the right thing. He did not refuse you Holy communion and said that you needed to talk with him after Mass. Receiving Holy Communion standing is the norm in the diocese of the United States, not just this parish. Personally I would like to see altar rails return before I am no longer able to kneel. But that is not the case right now.

 

[Phemie]

Well he did the right thing. He did not refuse you Holy communion and said that you needed to talk with him after Mass. Receiving Holy Communion standing is the norm in the diocese of the United States, not just this parish. Personally I would like to see altar rails return before I am no longer able to kneel. But that is not the case right now.

While it’s the norm in the US & Canada, Rome has made it clear that it’s not the norm for the Church – and that communicants may still obediently opt to kneel and should not be made to feel wrong about their choice.

I stand but I fail to see a problem with the few communicants in our parish who opt to kneel.