Hello all..... I need some guidance and your insight

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Jacob21

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Hello everyone, I come to you in a very sad time in my life. I am confused and weary, heartbroken and sad. I know to some this may sound trivial and rediculous, but to me it is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through.

Basically, my girlfriend (whom I planned on marrying) decided she wanted to “take a break.” There was another guy, whom she was confused about what to do. Apparently this guy would walk her home from work, and one day gave her a kiss. She had feelings for this guy, so she wanted to take a break so she could sort things out. Well, we eventually got back together. I rejoiced thinking my prayers were answered.

Then, I get another slap in the face. I find out she cheated on me. This other guy, (different from the first), is older than her by a few years. She has feelings for this kid now, and would want to cuddle and kiss him when she goes to see him. I am heartbroken once again. She said she thinks she still loves me, and wants to be together, but sometimes she doesnt. She says she is so confused, and doesnt want to cheat on me again. That is why she wants to take another “break.”

I dont want to do that. I honestly cant live without her. She is the love of my life, the best thing that has ever happened to me. I thought my prayers were answered, and that everything is going to be ok. But apparently not. I trust her with my life, and forgive her. Yes I am upset that that happened, but I forgive her because I love her so much.

I honestly dont know what to do. I thought that we were going to spend the rest of our lives together, and start a family. I just dont know. Im confused now, because I dont want to be playing second fiddle, if you know what I mean. But I dont want to leave her. I want her to come back and have things be the way they used to be. I still care about her and her safety, and I always will.

I also would like to mention one more thing. I have felt a calling to the Priesthood for a while. Before we started to go out I had this feeling, only it wasnt as strong. But when we starting going out I thought that God had something else planned for my life. Now however, I am feeling that calling even more, and it is much stronger. But I still want to be with her. I’m confused myself now.

If you could please give me some insight. Perhaps some outside views would help me understand the situation better. Please dont try to antagonize my girlfriend, I love her and always will. Also, I wasnt really sure where to put this. So if this is in the wrong section I’m sorry. I figured I’d put it here since it is kind of my daily walk with Christ. Thanks for reading this long post. God Bless!
Jacob
:signofcross:
 
You can and must learn to live without her. She’s no good even at courtship and allows herself to be “confused”, when she probably desired the “confusions” from the beginning. Why would she remain faithful to you after marriage when she can’t even avoid small “confusions”?

That’s what courtship is for: to get to know one another. Now you know her: she’s unfaithful. Though this doesn’t change your feelings for her, it must change your decision about your future together: dump her and avoid much disappointment and humiliation.

Ah, if only I had heard these words in my youth… :o

:blessyou:
 
I know I can. But its so overwhelming. Everywhere I go I am reminded of her. Just going to the store I think of times we went together. Its just so hard. It seems like all of this just came out of the blue. Right after my birthday, it all started with the first incident. I was confused because she just got me an expensive gold cross for my birthday. I just dont know why all of a sudden this period of confusion and unfaithfullness. Maybe shes not ready for long term commitment. I definately am.

My faith has helped me greatly through out this whole ordeal. I keep saying “Jesus I trust in You.” I know He has a plan for my life, and will guide and comfort me. I keep feeling a calling to the Priesthood, please pray for my discernment. I dont know where God is leading me on the path of life, but I trust in Him. God Bless!
Jacob21
:signofcross:
 
Jacob,

I know very well what you’re going through. Unlike me, you’re however willing to trust Jesus and this sets you on the best path the possible.

In Greek mythology, the lance of Passion had the power to cure the wounds it caused. In other words, the wounds of romance are not that deep, but as any skin cut, they demand scratching and so we think that it’s a grave wound. 😉

Trust Jesus and the wound will soon scab and heal.

May St. Faustina pray for us.

:blessyou:
 
Thank you Augustine! Its still hard, but I do trust in our Lord. I know He knows whats best for me. I have been praying alot recently, not only for me but for her. I just want her to be safe and happy. I know the Lord will take care of her, and keep her safe.
Jacob :signofcross:
 
OK I am probably about to demonstrate yet again why I am not any good at counselling or evangelisation. But I’ll give it a go.

Jacob21,

You sound like an immature teenager. Pull yourself together.

You had a lucky escape. Imagine if she had cheated on you after you had married. Give thanks to God for sending you what appears to be a blessing.

You can live without “her.” After all if you’re reading this you’re alive.

The question is whether you will live in self-inflicted misery. That is your choice.

You cannot live without Jesus. But you can live, happily, without “her.”

Now get on with your life!
 
Yes, you can live without her.

You will. And you must. 👍

My senior year of high school, I took a break from my boyfriend. I was confused and couldn’t decide if I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him or not. Turned out to be the best thing that I done in my life.

Everything happens for a reason. Step back, allow her to breathe. Yes, your heart will ache and break, but if her’s doesn’t as well, you were not meant to be together. Get on with your life.

And Jacob, you at this time have something in your life that I didn’t in my youth, your Faith, the Church, Jesus and his Blessed Mother…wow, you have a team of angels helping you out…you are going to make it.

God bless you, and I’m praying for you.

(This would be the advice that I would give my son, if you were him)

Dana
 
Dating is a scary thing. When you are dating someone you get ideas about marriage and settling down. Men and women get them. Suppose a man gets the idea that he loves his girlfriend. He should propose. The reason is simple. He has taken her to the point where she wants to get married. She desires marriage. If number 1 boyfriend does jump up and claim his prize it will go to the 2nd boyfriend. Why do you think she would feel different than you?

If you are not ready to make a commitment you shouldn’t be playing the game. There are always reasons not to marry. God puts them there to test your love. You’ll never find the perfect person, probably because you are not perfect. I really don’t think God wants us to date forever.
 
Trust what others who have been through broken romances and hearts tell you. These wounds that seem to hurt so much heal quickly.

It may seem now that you can not live without this girl, but that is not the case at all. In fact you will forget about this girl and in a short time wonder what you ever saw in her. You are not the first person to go through this so listen to those who have experienced it. You will forget about her quickly as impossible as that may seem.

Secondly, the pain you feel now over the fact that she wants to be with other young men would be a thousand times worse if you were married to her and had a couple of children and it would be a thousand times more complicated. This is a sign of things to come. It happens all the time that married couples end up in adultery. Sexual attraction is a powerful thing and some people are unfaithful.

The vast majority of people who divorce say the problems that caused the divorce were there while they were dating and engaged. They do not go away simply by wanting them to or walking to the altar. If she is confused and attracted to other men now and wants to be with them that will probably not change.

Get away from this girl as fast as you can. Go out on dates or spend time with other girls even if you have no strong romantic feelings.

If you think this girl is causing you pain and heartache now it will only get worse the longer you prolong it.

What could make it worse is after you make the break she may decide she wants you back, because she is confused. Run from this one. Flee. Never look back. She will be a lifetime of headaches, heartaches and grief.
 
Thank you all for you help and insight. I truely appreciate it. I will stay strong in prayer and trust in our Lord Jesus. God Bless you, and thank you!
Jacob :signofcross:
 
Jacob21 said:
Thank you Augustine! Its still hard, but I do trust in our Lord. I know He knows whats best for me. I have been praying alot recently, not only for me but for her. I just want her to be safe and happy. I know the Lord will take care of her, and keep her safe.
Jacob :signofcross:
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Jacob, you’ve received such good advice and I’m glad to see how receptive you are to it. One thing that may seem a little strange to say, but now that you’ve prayed for her, don’t bring her to mind anymore. This was advice given to me by a very wise priest when I was in a similar circumstance. Praying for her is a way that allows you to keep her in your mind and thus makes it more difficult for you to get past your emotions.
 
Dear Jacob -
I’m thinking I have a few years (age wise) beyond yours and still believe that if I were in that situation, I’d be asking the same questions. Relationships / romance become even more heartbreaking and difficult when we’ve found someone we think is “the one” - or we really want to settle down.

It’s true - as other posters have said - this gal hasn’t made up her mind. Whether unfaithful or undecided would describe her - she’s not ready for commitment. AND she may never be. Only God knows.

Just as only God knows if He’s calling you. Tread lightly on that decision of a calling. While you believe you might have had a religious calling before dating this girl, perhaps the disappointments in your current dating status might be more of an alternative rather than a “calling”. You have to heal first - as best as possible - before making so great a decision. But I’m not telling you to rule it out. Go to God - and tell Him that you’re not sure and then put it in His Hands. (He already knows this - but may be waiting for you to say it - to give you the answer.)
God bless and guide you in your life’s decisions.
 
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