HELLO! I am new.......need advice

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Melissash

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Good Afternoon –

I hope this finds everyone doing well!

I found this site a couple of days ago and I am working my way through the forum.

I would like to ask your advice………My question(s) is re: my mom’s salvation.

A little history: I grew up Catholic – went through the motions and left the church shortly after making my confirmation. Stayed away from church until 11 years ago – I went to a Protestant church were I gave my life to Christ and had the “born again” moment. I have been really doing a lot of soul searching lately and my concern for my mom has brought me back to Catholicism.

I know I am not just on a journey for my mom’s sake – but also for mine. I am wondering if the ‘something missing” that I have been struggling with will be found within the Catholic Church. My struggle with the Protestant faith is for another time – I will share it later. I have a long road ahead of me…….and I am reading, watching EWTN and searching diligently for answers.

Anyway – my mom grew up Catholic and stopped going to church at least 15-20 years ago…….she is now 75. She must believe in God – because she is angry with God………her parents were abusive and my dad was an alcoholic and also physically/sexually abusive. I have tried to talk to her about God and she wants no part of it……in her anger she states that she would rather burn in hell then go to heaven. My mom has the “head knowledge” of God – but not the “heart knowledge.” These are terms I have learned in the Protestant faith. My thinking, up to this point, has been that since she has not had her “born again” moment – she is bound for hell. This has led me to learn more about Catholicism.

I guess I have several questions………is she saved? Is she bound for hell? Will God have mercy on her and realize that she has a lot of pain/grief standing in the way of her really knowing god? What will she need to do to be right with God? What should I do? Does God love her and is He working in her life to bring her into relationship with Him? Etc. Etc.

The Protestant answers I have received basically state that she will go to hell since she has not said the sinner’s prayer. I don’t know enough about the Catholic faith to discern any really answers.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Melissa 🙂
 
I would guess that if she was baptized, and has not rejected God for another belief system, she is probably saved, but only God knows for sure. One can be angry at God, and still be saved.
There might be purgatory in the picture, but purgatory is not a bad thing, it is a final cleansing.
What you can do for her is to pray for her, and to show her love and understanding. Maybe at some point watch a video or two with her, not pushing your faith but just spending time with her watching good movies. Like the Passion during the Lenten season, or other inspiring movies with a faith based premise.
Only God knows what is in the heart of an individual.
 
Hi Melissa! The first advice I give you is to turn to fervent prayer. Know that God has His own timetable and that we cannot rush Him. Secondly, always emphasize God’s love for your mother. Let her know that all the evil that has happened to her is a product of sin (i.e. other people sinning against her and God), and sin has never been a part of God’s plan for our lives. God created us to be happy and that is why there is a universal desire for happiness. Sin and happiness do not mix and this is demonstated by how sin has ravaged her life. Those negative emotions she has toward God should be turned towards the real culprit of her misery, sin. More later…

God Bless,
Michael
 
Melissash said:
The Protestant answers I have received basically state that she will go to hell since she has not said the sinner’s prayer.
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Ouch. 😦
Melissash said:
Will God have mercy on her and realize that she has a lot of pain/grief standing in the way of her really knowing God?
Click to expand...
The Lord is all merciful. Try to be a living example of Christian love and charity to your mother. I feel it may be beneficial for you to meditate on the following parable:

“For the kingdom of heaven is like a householder who went out early in the morning to hire laborers for his vineyard.
After agreeing with the laborers for a denarius a day, he sent them into his vineyard.
And going out about the third hour he saw others standing idle in the market place;
and to them he said, You go into the vineyard too, and whatever is right I will give you.' So they went. Going out again about the sixth hour and the ninth hour, he did the same. And about the eleventh hour he went out and found others standing; and he said to them, Why do you stand here idle all day?’
They said to him, Because no one has hired us.' He said to them, You go into the vineyard too.’
And when evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his steward, Call the laborers and pay them their wages, beginning with the last, up to the first.' And when those hired about the eleventh hour came, each of them received a denarius. Now when the first came, they thought they would receive more; but each of them also received a denarius. And on receiving it they grumbled at the householder, saying, These last worked only one hour, and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the day and the scorching heat.’
But he replied to one of them, `Friend, I am doing you no wrong; did you not agree with me for a denarius?
Take what belongs to you, and go; I choose to give to this last as I give to you.
Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me? Or do you begrudge my generosity?’
So the last will be first, and the first last.”
(Matt 20:1-16)
 
Also, Melissa, be subtle on how you approach your mother. If you are too aggressive in your evangelization, you will automatically turn her off and get her upset. Rather, constantly do acts of kindness and never judge her by labeling her, not that you actually do that. Remember, always preach the Gospel, sometimes use words. That comes from Saint Francis. When she sees your behavior and how you deal with your own problems, that may help in changing her attitude towards God and the Church.

You have to put her in the hands of God and not worry whether she will go to hell or not. By worrying, you will not get her into heaven faster. We don’t know what the future has in store for us, but ultimately we know that what God has prepared for us has to be good. It may not be the good we expected, but we have to trust in God and not in our own intelligence (Proverbs 3:5-6)

God Bless,
Michael
 
My thinking, up to this point, has been that since she has not had her “born again” moment – she is bound for hell. This has led me to learn more about Catholicism.

The late Archmandrate Father Stephen Barham (a former assembly of God minister turned eastern catholic) said in one of his tapes, that we are born again in baptism. If we have already been baptised, and later in life when we get that “born again” experience , it is a “conversion of the heart”, which is the holy spirit which we recieve at our baptism is stirring within us, but that we have already recieved the spirit, and have already been born again.
I might have butchered what he said since it has been awhile since I listened to that tape, but that is basically what he said, and I liked the sound of it.
Again I would say you need to pray and show her love and compassion.
Would she be totally closed to the idea of Christmas Mass
or Easter Mass?
Just getting her foot in the door once might help break the log jam in her spiritual block.
 
“We must remember that the mercy of God is infinitely greater than our wickedness.” -Fr. Thomas Williams
 
Melissash said:
Good Afternoon –

I hope this finds everyone doing well!

I found this site a couple of days ago and I am working my way through the forum.

I would like to ask your advice………My question(s) is re: my mom’s salvation.

A little history: I grew up Catholic – went through the motions and left the church shortly after making my confirmation. Stayed away from church until 11 years ago – I went to a Protestant church were I gave my life to Christ and had the “born again” moment. I have been really doing a lot of soul searching lately and my concern for my mom has brought me back to Catholicism.

I know I am not just on a journey for my mom’s sake – but also for mine. I am wondering if the ‘something missing” that I have been struggling with will be found within the Catholic Church. My struggle with the Protestant faith is for another time – I will share it later. I have a long road ahead of me…….and I am reading, watching EWTN and searching diligently for answers.

Anyway – my mom grew up Catholic and stopped going to church at least 15-20 years ago…….she is now 75. She must believe in God – because she is angry with God………her parents were abusive and my dad was an alcoholic and also physically/sexually abusive. I have tried to talk to her about God and she wants no part of it……in her anger she states that she would rather burn in hell then go to heaven. My mom has the “head knowledge” of God – but not the “heart knowledge.” These are terms I have learned in the Protestant faith. My thinking, up to this point, has been that since she has not had her “born again” moment – she is bound for hell. This has led me to learn more about Catholicism.

I guess I have several questions………is she saved? Is she bound for hell? Will God have mercy on her and realize that she has a lot of pain/grief standing in the way of her really knowing god? What will she need to do to be right with God? What should I do? Does God love her and is He working in her life to bring her into relationship with Him? Etc. Etc.

The Protestant answers I have received basically state that she will go to hell since she has not said the sinner’s prayer. I don’t know enough about the Catholic faith to discern any really answers.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Melissa 🙂
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Hi Melissa,

Thanks for joining our forums and asking your question.

If I was your mum, I too would be angry at what she has had to deal with.

My opinion is she is angry with God as she knows God truly loves her.

It is like when we get so angry with our own parents, but know we still love them.

She knows she can vent all her anger and frustration out on God, as He will always love her no matter what.

Maybe you could ask her to come to Mass one day, or simply sit in the Church with you, while you pray.

This may help her find peace.

Also pray lots for her.

None of us know what God’s will is, and whether she will get to Heaven, but God is All-loving, and All-merciful.

She hasn’t turned her back on God and set out to worship anything else, she is just angry with how her life eventuated.

You are proof that God is good to her.
Show her how good you are for her through loving actions.

Anyway, that is all my opinion, and I will pray for you both.

God bless
 
I think the best thing you can do is be an example and pray her eyes are opened, as yours have been.

I am also a “re-vert”, i.e. I was raised Catholic and walked away, only to return to the Church fairly recently. My path sounds a lot like yours! I went to Protestant churches for many years, finally “got it” and became a believer, but once I had spent a few years in a non-denominational church as a believing member, I began to realize something was missing. The first two years I was just happy to be a believer, worshipping in a church. But as time went on, the infighting and organizational problems of this church were getting to me. As I was expressing my frustration with the myriad problems this particular church had, my hubby said it sounded like I needed a change and that I was actually looking for the Catholic Church. So we returned in the spring of 2005, and couldn’t be happier!

Back to the point, I think you should just start attending Mass, re-learning all the details of the faith (there were so many things I had forgotten), and just being a good practicing Catholic. If the opportunity presents itself, you can let your mom know what you are doing. Eventually, you could invite her to go with you, but be prepared for resistance. It is possible she may never go. But in the meantime, you will be increasing your devotion to God, becoming closer, and developing a rich spiritual life. Plus you will be praying for your mom daily.

That’s really all you can do at this point. She’s got to come to this herself, by the leading of the Holy Spirit. Your being a good example may help in her journey.
 
“We must remember that the mercy of God is infinitely greater than our wickedness.” -Fr. Thomas Williams
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For which, God be praised!

You & your mother are in my prayers…It sounds as though she has had a lot of pain which is still unresolved. That does not, IMHO, mean a rejection of God.
Keep praying & living your faith before her, & trust God for the moment to share it with her.

God bless you & yours, now & always.
 
welcome home, Melissa.
your mother has all the help she needs from the Church for her healing anytime she wants to ask for it, but like most people who have been hurt, it is not so much the original offense or abuse, as the bitterness and resentment she is clinging to that is the barrier. there is probably nothing you can do or directly for her. You will be working indirectly through constant prayer for her, that she respond to the grace of the Holy Spirit to seek healing for her injuries. Another immense source of grace for you, for her, for your whole family will be your return to the sacraments. This has power beyond anything you can imagine.

As for how to approach family members, Patrick Madrid’s book Search and Rescue is the best guide on what to say, what not to say, how to say it, and what to do in the meantime.
 
She probably has absolutely no problem as you said with the beliefs of Christianity.

What is her problem can probably be, something along the lines of…

Why would she want to go to heaven if God allows so much problems. It would maybe seem to her that God doesn’t really love her and she wouldn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t love her.

This is a tough one as it is a really touchy subject, emotion.
If you hit it head on you will just get emotion back at you. You need to sympathize and walk her back. Don’t bump up against her as her problem isn’t a rational problem but emotional and using arguements, logic and reason probably wont work.

You need to be a Christian example, talk gently and let her express herself then you see what God puts in your heart to tell her.

We cannot judge anyone, and say “yes they are going to hell”
We can only pray that they wont and do everything possible that will help them avoid choosing hell, because essentially that is what it comes down to.

You choose hell and God in love will give it to you.
(He will always give you chances and grace to come back to Him but we are always allowed to reject that)

You choose heaven and God in love will give it to you.
(He will always give you the grace and leave it up to you to follow)

We are all called to spread the Word and do everything possible to keep people from choosing hell.
Pray, Pray, Pray

In Christ
Scylla

You will find what is missing in the Catholic Church and a whole lot more.
 
She probably has absolutely no problem as you said with the beliefs of Christianity.

What is her problem can probably be, something along the lines of…

Why would she want to go to heaven if God allows so much problems. It would maybe seem to her that God doesn’t really love her and she wouldn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t love her.

This is a tough one as it is a really touchy subject, emotion.
If you hit it head on you will just get emotion back at you. You need to sympathize and walk her back. Don’t bump up against her as her problem isn’t a rational problem but emotional and using arguements, logic and reason probably wont work.

You need to be a Christian example, talk gently and let her express herself then you see what God puts in your heart to tell her.

We cannot judge anyone, and say “yes they are going to hell”
We can only pray that they wont and do everything possible that will help them avoid choosing hell, because essentially that is what it comes down to.

You choose hell and God in love will give it to you.
(He will always give you chances and grace to come back to Him but we are always allowed to reject that)

You choose heaven and God in love will give it to you.
(He will always give you the grace and leave it up to you to follow)

We are all called to spread the Word and do everything possible to keep people from choosing hell.
Pray, Pray, Pray

In Christ
Scylla

You will find what is missing, in the Catholic Church and a whole lot more.
 
She probably has absolutely no problem as you said with the beliefs of Christianity.

What is her problem can probably be, something along the lines of…

Why would she want to go to heaven if God allows so much problems. It would maybe seem to her that God doesn’t really love her and she wouldn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t love her.

This is a tough one as it is a really touchy subject, emotion.
If you hit it head on you will just get emotion back at you. You need to sympathize and walk her back. Don’t bump up against her as her problem isn’t a rational problem but emotional and using arguements, logic and reason probably wont work.

You need to be a Christian example, talk gently and let her express herself then you see what God puts in your heart to tell her.

We cannot judge anyone, and say “yes they are going to hell”
We can only pray that they wont and do everything possible that will help them avoid choosing hell, because essentially that is what it comes down to.

You choose hell and God in love will give it to you.
(He will always give you chances and grace to come back to Him but we are always allowed to reject that)

You choose heaven and God in love will give it to you.
(He will always give you the grace and leave it up to you to follow)

We are all called to spread the Word and do everything possible to keep people from choosing hell.
Pray, Pray, Pray

In Christ
Scylla

You will find what is missing, in the Catholic Church and a whole lot more.
 
Hi Melissa:

In a way I can sympathize with your plight. My father was raised in the Anglican Church (High Anglican I believe) and he walked away from the church about 40 years ago and never went back. I am often asking many of the same questions you ask.

My wife’s, father died suddenly of a heart attack at age 67 in September. He was raised Catholic and also left the church many years before. However, I truly believe he still had a strong faith in God but didn’t feel “worthy” to go to church. My wife urged him for years to go to reconciliation and make things right again, but I don’t think he ever did.

Just remember when the thief who was next to our Lord on the cross asked if he would be saved, Jesus promised the thief that he would be with Him in paradise. Now, did Jesus make him recite the sinners’ prayer first? In fact, that prayer is nowhere in the Bible.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that Jesus never gives up on us, not even unto our last breath. He comes to each of us at the moment of out death and welcomes us to come with Him. Jesus does not reject those who say “yes” to Him with a humble and contrite heart.

This is what is so beautiful about the Catholic faith. We know that as long as we do not die in a state of mortal sin we can be purged of our sins and enter into the kingdom perfect as God is perfect (and that IS from the bible).
 
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