Hello! New with question

[NicoleCook]

Hi! I hope I have posted this in the right category…
My name is Nicole, or Nikki. I am 24 years old a mom to 3 boys. In 2003 I graduated highschool and was dating a man in the Navy whom I was becoming very serious with. My father told me that he was afraid that I was getting too serious and might be tempted to sin against God with pre-marital sex. He asked me to get married to this man. When I told him that we were not sleeping together and that I wasn’t sure If I was ready to marry ( i was still in highschool at the time ) he gave me no choice and said I was to marry him or I was not allowed to see my mother or sibilings. I was married on Oct 4th, 4 months to the day that I graduated. Needless to say my now X husband, cheated on me a dozen times and had alittle habit of slapping me around and bringing home ( curable thank God ) diseases to me. He also picked up a habit of using illegal drugs. I left him 3 years later but had 2 children by him by them ( but was still preg. with the 2nd ) My best best friend from highschool agreed to be my labor coach and cut my son’s umbilical cord and just never left. He bacme my 2 sons adoptive dad and they have neevr met my X ( my first son was only 6 months when i left him for good ) Now, here is the delima. I know it is agianst my religion, but my best friend moved in with us to provide a more stable envirmonet and help with finaces. we ended up getting engaged =) and in the process of waiting for my annulment I became preg with my 3rd son. Before I had gotton married the first time I NEVER would have had pre-marital sex, I dont know what happened. Living togetehr made it so hard and I guess I was angry at what had happened in my first marriage. But anyways…my annulment still isnt done…they said it would take a year and ahalf from this Jan. to complete so my best friend and I got married on Thursday in a civil union. I know the church doesnt recognize us as amrried beacuse i am still married to my X…and now I cant even recive communion =( My soul is TORMENTED day and night. I was raised such a traditional Catholic and now I cant even live like one. My husband and I pray the Rosary novena to our lady ( the 54 day novena ) togther. we go to church every sunday. God is the center of our lives and our childrens lives. When my annulment goes throug, we will re-marry in a catholic ceremony. are we still commiting sin? is God displeased with us??? we are doing all the right things. the only missing piece is my annulment. but does God take intentions into consideration??? I dont know what to do anymore. My husband and I have absatined from sexual conduct to try to apease our religion but it is nearly impossible. we have even tried praying the rosary before we go to bed. but we only make it a month or 2. Is God angry witrh me?? with us?? any response would be greatly appreciated. soory so long!!
God Bless!~

 

[lizaanne]

Hello Nicole - welcome to CAF.

You are trying to do the right thing, but you did get it all a bit mixed up didn’t you.

You need to stop sleeping in the same bed. That is only going to make this harder. Continue to pray together, but you need to be living “as brother and sister”. Yes - this will be extremely hard.

Think of it this way. You say that you never would have had pre-maritial sex before, so why will you do so now? You are NOT married to this man, you are still married to your ex until the Tribunal determines otherwise.

Please, get both of you to confession, and rearrange your home situation so you can avoid any occasion of sin.

You know what is right and what is wrong, I can tell this by your post. You just need to live the right way now until you hear back from the Tribunal.

Hang in there - this is not just jumping through hoops, this is protecting the state of both your souls.

~Liza

 

[dang71]

My soul is TORMENTED day and night.

my heart breaks for your situation, and my wife and I will definitely keep you in our prayers. you are on the right path, getting the annulment and planning on getting married in the church to your current fiance, but it is true you should abstain from intimacy until after the Catholic marriage. God is happy with you, and God loves you tremendously, so do not be tormented. It is a struggle, but you have the strength of Christ with you, and the strength of all the prayers of all the people of this forum behind you. if you fall, get to confession, but know that God is helping you every moment of every day of your life.

May God bless you and your family…

 

[06convert]

Wow. yes, you are in a very unfortunate situation. But there is hope. First of all God is always forgiving and never stops loving you. Second of all, read on, if you do the right things you can get yourself back in the communion line in no time.

I can only assume that God is testing your strength and your determination to do the right thing. Satan also realizes this struggle and is trying to add his deception to the mix. Praying is definately a good way to combat that. I appluad your efforts there.

God loves you and it’s through Him you feel the calling to do the right thing. It is very obvious you know what is right and what is wrong. Don’t compound the situation by making things worse. No matter what you intentions, doing the wrong thing cannot be justified.

God is pleased that you have the intention of doing good, but without action intent is just intent. Don’t take chances with your soul. There isn’t any material thing in this world that is worth giving up your own salvation. Go to confession and do your best to avoid sin, and avoid situations that would cause you to sin.

Regarding communion. First of all. Search for information regarding spiritual communion. You can always do this if you are not in a state of grace. The Church recommends communion at least once a year, weekly isn’t required, nor is it a sin if you don’t recieve communion once a week. There is no need to feel tormented by this.

Lastly, here is what you do to get back to communion:

1. Recognize that until your annulment you are still married to your ex. Do not consider yourself married to your current significant other. Try to live according to the rules of being a non-married couple.
2. Go to confession and confess everything that youv’e done.

Sins gone, grace restored, you are good to go to communion.

You are only to avoid communion if you are in a state of moral sin, if you do the above, you will be clear to go. However, if you continue to fall into moral sin with your current partner you will have to again abstain from communion until a subsequent confession.

 

[Trishie]

You show no ill-will against your father so you surely have a forgiving heart. He didn’t realize that in forcing you against your will, the marriage couldn’t be valid anyway. The second marriage isn’t valid either until you officially have the annulment.

You and your boyfriend are trying and I pray you can both get through this waiting time. If you both offer the waiting pain to God, and how hard it is to be faithful to our faith in this, then perhaps you can feel that you are doing penance for any sins committed in the past.

I ask God to give you both strength in His spirit. Under the circumstances you are doing your best for your children’s faith in going to Mass.

What Lizanne said about separate beds…is difficult but if it’s possible to have a single bed separate for one of you to sleep in…I know it’s confusing to the children but they often accept what happens as normal if the parents do something different.

It’s sad the annulment will take so long, but if you both can treat it as a time for penance for what hangs heavily on your consciences, so that when the annulment comes through you can feel you can begin again with clear hearts and minds.

It’s a sad situation, and you have my prayers and love.

Trishie

 

[BayernAnhaenger]

Now, here is the delima. I know it is agianst my religion, but my best friend moved in with us to provide a more stable envirmonet and help with finaces. we ended up getting engaged =) and in the process of waiting for my annulment I became preg with my 3rd son. Before I had gotton married the first time I NEVER would have had pre-marital sex, I dont know what happened. Living togetehr made it so hard and I guess I was angry at what had happened in my first marriage. But anyways…my annulment still isnt done…they said it would take a year and ahalf from this Jan. to complete so my best friend and I got married on Thursday in a civil union.

You need to get to confession, and bring all of this to a priest. It is a dire situation that you need to resolve as soon as possible.

What you shouldn’t have done:
Had a baby (much less have sex pre-maritally).
Get “married” in a civil union (this goes against the Church, and in itself is a sin).

and now I cant even recive communion =( My soul is TORMENTED day and night. I was raised such a traditional Catholic and now I cant even live like one.

How can you not live like a Catholic? You still have access to praying, you still have the obligation to attend Mass. The only thing you can’t do is receive Communion in this state of mortal sin you seem to be in.

are we still commiting sin? is God displeased with us??? we are doing all the right things. the only missing piece is my annulment. but does God take intentions into consideration??? I dont know what to do anymore.

Get to a priest. Don’t wait a minute longer. Call up your parish office, and ask to speak to your priest. Explain why you want to meet with him, and schedule it for the next week or sooner. AS SOON AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE. Don’t waste your time any longer asking lay people for advice on the Internet.

My husband and I have absatined from sexual conduct to try to apease our religion but it is nearly impossible. we have even tried praying the rosary before we go to bed. but we only make it a month or 2. Is God angry witrh me?? with us?? any response would be greatly appreciated. soory so long!!
God Bless!~

First off, you should not be sleeping in the same bed. Your priest, after you meet with him, is probably going to tell you to live as brother and sister. That is, no sex, and certainly not sleeping in the same bed. That’s a huge no-no.

God is angry with you as much as you continue to sin.

GET TO A PRIEST. That’s the best advice you can receive. Use it. Now.

 

[NeedImprovement]

Hi Nikki.

I’ll be praying that the annulment is not too long in coming. Confession and seeing a priest appear to be a recurring theme in the posts here by our fellow members. That’s a recommendation which is pretty hard to beat. You could really open up to a priest and you might be pleasantly surprised at the amount of good advice and support you’d find.

Re. refraining from receiving Holy Communion : On this point you truly are living like a Catholic, while a considerable amount of us don’t or haven’t always listened to our consciences in related circumstances. As painful as it is for you, try to realize it is necessary for your present situation. Here’s one way of viewing things:

Refraining from Holy Communion is a two sided coin. The side you’re looking at is the painful side of being deprived. The other side of the coin says that , despite your human weakness, you remain obedient to this precept of the Church; it could be said in other words that you refuse to abuse Holy Communion - where Jesus is truly and substantially present. I assure you, particularly in today’s world, that type of love/respect for Jesus in Holy Communion consoles His Eucharistic Heart (you might want to look at that side of the coin from time to time in the interim).

Don’t give up on the Rosary; it’s extremely powerful.

God bless you, and those dear to you.
You have my prayers… Hail Mary …

 

[PJM]

Hi!

**Is God angry witrh me?? **

 

[peary]

Hi! I hope I have posted this in the right category…
My name is Nicole, or Nikki. I am 24 years old a mom to 3 boys. In 2003 I graduated highschool and was dating a man in the Navy whom I was becoming very serious with. My father told me that he was afraid that I was getting too serious and might be tempted to sin against God with pre-marital sex. He asked me to get married to this man. When I told him that we were not sleeping together and that I wasn’t sure If I was ready to marry ( i was still in highschool at the time ) he gave me no choice and said I was to marry him or I was not allowed to see my mother or sibilings. I was married on Oct 4th, 4 months to the day that I graduated. Needless to say my now X husband, cheated on me a dozen times and had alittle habit of slapping me around and bringing home ( curable thank God ) diseases to me. He also picked up a habit of using illegal drugs. I left him 3 years later but had 2 children by him by them ( but was still preg. with the 2nd ) My best best friend from highschool agreed to be my labor coach and cut my son’s umbilical cord and just never left. He bacme my 2 sons adoptive dad and they have neevr met my X ( my first son was only 6 months when i left him for good ) Now, here is the delima. I know it is agianst my religion, but my best friend moved in with us to provide a more stable envirmonet and help with finaces. we ended up getting engaged =) and in the process of waiting for my annulment I became preg with my 3rd son. Before I had gotton married the first time I NEVER would have had pre-marital sex, I dont know what happened. Living togetehr made it so hard and I guess I was angry at what had happened in my first marriage. But anyways…my annulment still isnt done…they said it would take a year and ahalf from this Jan. to complete so my best friend and I got married on Thursday in a civil union. I know the church doesnt recognize us as amrried beacuse i am still married to my X…and now I cant even recive communion =( My soul is TORMENTED day and night. I was raised such a traditional Catholic and now I cant even live like one. My husband and I pray the Rosary novena to our lady ( the 54 day novena ) togther. we go to church every sunday. God is the center of our lives and our childrens lives. When my annulment goes throug, we will re-marry in a catholic ceremony. are we still commiting sin? is God displeased with us??? we are doing all the right things. the only missing piece is my annulment. but does God take intentions into consideration??? I dont know what to do anymore. My husband and I have absatined from sexual conduct to try to apease our religion but it is nearly impossible. we have even tried praying the rosary before we go to bed. but we only make it a month or 2. Is God angry witrh me?? with us?? any response would be greatly appreciated. soory so long!!
God Bless!~

You are asking the wrong questions! You have three great blessings from God - your children. Your now legal husband provided you and your children with shelter, food, clothing, and wanted to give you a stable environment.

Have you discussed all this with a priest or spiritual director? My advice is to take it one day at a time and thank God for the blessings he has bestowed upon all of you. Everything will work out according to God’s timetable for your life. Instead of asking if God is angry with you, ask Him to show you how His grace and direction is working in your life. You will be o.k.