Help...17 Y.O. doesn't want to go to church/confirmation

[CradleJourney]

Why make these kids wait so long, until the age when all they want to do is rebel and get away from what their parents want for them? Why keep them waiting, parking them in limbo for 10 years until they can be full members of the church?

IMO confirmation should happen no later than 12. Will that stop kids from going away from the church as they get older? Nope. But I bet it will help them feel more closely connected to the faith, and bring many of them back to the faith in adulthood. And save a lot of hassle for people coming back into the church.

I respect your position and I fully admit that I may be in theological error on my beliefs regarding Confirmation.

That said, I am basing the rest of my post on my personal experience. I attended Catholic grade school and made my confirmation in 8th grade because that’s “what was done”. I didn’t have any particular doubts about my faith, but I hadn’t particularly examined my faith either. We were Catholic, this is what catholics do

I was too young to be really rebellious at that age - but that rebellion hit a couple years later - and, well, I’ll spare the details, but let’s just say I completely left the church and did a great deal of damage (thankfully not physical) to myself and others.

Eventually, I grew up and was leading a rather normal life but kept getting “pestered by God” as I call it. Again, skipping many details, years and issues, I found myself called to return not just to God, but specifically to the Roman Catholic Church. And after much research and internal debate, finally came to understand, accept and truly (I feel for the first time) believe with my whole heart, mind and soul. Can you imagine my joy? Can you imagine how much I envied (yes, it’s a sin) those who were able to come forward at Easter Vigil to be fully accepted into the Church? Yes, I spoke with a priest and had the sacrament of reconciliation. But for me I greatly wish I had not been confirmed then - a ceremony that meant nothing - and instead could have done the classes when I was at a point of truly desiring what I was told Confirmation meant - an adult, public acceptance of the Church and a receiving of the grace of the Holy Spirit.

Like I said, this is all personal viewpoint. I would rather give my teenagers the choice. As I posted above, both did - but only after truly grappling with the decision and carefully reflecting on it. I had no choice, thus, didn’t really consider what confirmation was, why I was doing it, or what it meant. So for me - no choice = no meaning. Perhaps I returned to the church because I had been confirmed which allowed the Holy Spirit better access to my soul? Maybe. (Sorry - awkward wording there but not sure how to properly phrase that) But I don’t believe so.

Again - all my personal point of view, definately subject to errors in theology and wording, but posted with sincerity if not skill.

 

[thomasf]

Eventually, I grew up and was leading a rather normal life but kept getting “pestered by God” as I call it. Again, skipping many details, years and issues, I found myself called to return not just to God, but specifically to the Roman Catholic Church. And after much research and internal debate, finally came to understand, accept and truly (I feel for the first time) believe with my whole heart, mind and soul. Can you imagine my joy? Can you imagine how much I envied (yes, it’s a sin) those who were able to come forward at Easter Vigil to be fully accepted into the Church? Yes, I spoke with a priest and had the sacrament of reconciliation. But for me I greatly wish I had not been confirmed then - a ceremony that meant nothing - and instead could have done the classes when I was at a point of truly desiring what I was told Confirmation meant - an adult, public acceptance of the Church and a receiving of the grace of the Holy Spirit.

I had a similar experience with leaving the church and coming back, yet when I came back I was glad I didn’t have to go through all that and be received into the church as an adult.

IMO if you leave something like that up to kids, in today’s culture, 90% of them would not go through with it. Then you have kids with nothing to bring them back to the church if they make that decision later in life, or having to go through an extensive RCIA process to come in to the church as an adult.

I had to work through getting my marriage convalidated and an annulment for my wife’s first marriage, and that took long enough and was enough of a hassle. I am thankful and grateful to my mother for giving me a catholic religious education and insisting on my confirmation in the church, that gave me a history of being catholic, and a call back to the church. It meant a lot to her, and when I started seeking God as an adult that meant a lot to me. My catholic upbringing, my confirmation, my family tradition of catholicism, all that pulled me back into the church. And having been confirmed, having parents that insisted on my religious education and upbringing in the church, was a major positive for me.

Kids will kick and scream and protest about that kind of thing. I did. I hated going to church my entire life while growing up. I mean I HATED it. And protested ccd classes my whole childhood. Most of my other friends were out playing on monday afternoon, I was in ccd classes at church. And most of the people in the classes with me felt the same way. That’s what kids do. But parents are responsible for their education and upbringing in the church, and if you have to make them go, you make them go.

 

[devoutchristian]

Confirmation received while in a state of mortal sin is sacrilegious. It’s a mortal sin to force someone to commit sacrilege.

 

[thomasf]

Confirmation received while in a state of mortal sin is sacrilegious. It’s a mortal sin to force someone to commit sacrilege.

And how does that fit into this discussion?

 

[Mike_from_NJ]

It’s been about 26 years since I was confirmed, so I’ve long since forgotten most of it. Is there a part in the ceremony where the participants have to make some verbal gesture affirming their confirmation? I think there was in mine, but again it’s been a long time now

If so, would any good come from the OP’s son attending the ceremony so as not to disappoint his mother if he can’t truthfully respond in the postivie? Thanks!

 

[devoutchristian]

And how does that fit into this discussion?

One who does not believe or who is indifferent towards the faith commits an objective mortal sin.

If so, would any good come from the OP’s son attending the ceremony so as not to disappoint his mother if he can’t truthfully respond in the postivie? Thanks!

No. In fact, claiming to believe that which one does not believe would be spiritually harmful.