Help a bad catholic....please

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Gorillaman

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I know that there are so many other people that need more prayers than me…but this is obviously getting to be too big for me…I need help.

There have been times since I’ve comoe to the full and unbridled understanding that I am a child of God where I am s filled with the holy spirit and have felt so complete…

But it doesn’t stay, and it’s Not that I don’t want it to stay I pray for god to let me keep faith all the time. But I lose the faith. I wake up some mornings (like this morning) and the first thought that pops into my head is “there is not God”…i have been keeping a rosary with me and praying a decade to keep the faith. But those same fruitless, atheistic, self serving, self centered thoughts come to my head.

I know he’s here. I know Jesus is here. But simply knowing it isnt enough…I’ve left God before (or at least thought I did) …and I just don’t want to be that blind ever again.

Any of you dealt with this?

And I feel silly asking for prayers…but if you gotta couple seconds…

Thanks.
 
We are all tested with times where we have no feelings about our faith, but need to make acts of faith.

This helps us become spiritually mature.

So, with no feelings, keep praying and making acts of the will to love the Lord and do His Will.
 
Temptations are a part of life…The devil is never still…he prowls the earth looking for souls to steal…

In a more practical vein…
Try to view these temptations in the same way that a dieter might crave foods that are bad for them. One cannot prevent such things from popping up, but one can work to prevent them from taking hold. Continue to pray, continue to praise God, and to ask him daily to preserve you.

Peace
James
 
Dorothy is right. We all go through times where we do not feel the Lord’s presence. Times where spiritual consolation dries up. St. John of the Cross called it the “dark night of the soul” (and he wrote a book about it!).

It is in those times where we need to remind ourselves that love is not about feelings, but about the choice for another. We keep praying and making those acts of will for God. I’ve heard it described as God wanting to give us the chance to really choose Him for Him rather than for the good feelings being in relationship with Him can offer.

All this doesn’t make it any easier, though. :o It can be very hard. I will pray for you as you go through this dry spell. Please pray for me, too.

If you like to read, I would recommend the series of prayer books by Fr. Thomas Green. Specifically, When the Well Runs Dry and its sequel Drinking from a Dry Well. These are much easier reads than St. John of the Cross (whose mysticism I still struggle to grasp). If you want reassurance that what you’re going through is a perfectly normal part of the spiritual journey, these books will help with that. They will also help give you direction on what to do with it all.

Of course, having a good spiritual director is ideal. But it can be a struggle to find one.
 
Gorillaman said:
I know that there are so many other people that need more prayers than me…but this is obviously getting to be too big for me…I need help.

There have been times since I’ve comoe to the full and unbridled understanding that I am a child of God where I am s filled with the holy spirit and have felt so complete…

But it doesn’t stay, and it’s Not that I don’t want it to stay I pray for god to let me keep faith all the time. But I lose the faith. I wake up some mornings (like this morning) and the first thought that pops into my head is “there is not God”…i have been keeping a rosary with me and praying a decade to keep the faith. But those same fruitless, atheistic, self serving, self centered thoughts come to my head.

I know he’s here. I know Jesus is here. But simply knowing it isnt enough…I’ve left God before (or at least thought I did) …and I just don’t want to be that blind ever again.

Any of you dealt with this?

And I feel silly asking for prayers…but if you gotta couple seconds…

Thanks.
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Oh Gorillaman, my heart aches for you because I can relate. You feel like this is making you a bad Catholic, but the truth is that so many of us go through the exact same thing. St. John of the Cross calls it the “dark night of the soul”. We can’t really prevent those fruitless, atheistic, self serving, self centered thoughts from coming into our minds, can we? It’s what you do with it. These thoughts still creep up on me from time to time, and I don’t even know why. I KNOW that I believe in God and in Christ. I have felt him. I have tasted him. There is no proof necessary. All of me believes this! And yet, the thoughts creep in.

If it is at all helpful to you, I have a “technique” I use. (I use the term technique pretty loosely here ;)) Whenever a thought like this comes into my mind, I make myself visualize the image of Divine Mercy. The Divine Mercy image is just Christ, with his hand up in a sign of peace, and the two rays of light coming from him representing the blood and the water. It truly helps me a lot.

🙂 Clearly you are a good Catholic. You recognize your struggles, and you are humble enough to ask for help. Saints are nothing more than sinners who continued to get back up every time they fell down. Don’t forget that.

Be loved, be blessed, and be well. You’re in my prayers. :hug3:
 
The dark night of the soul is very common among the faithful. The vatican in fact sees it as a sign of true faith when investigating those to be beautified. The Lord and the enemy both test us, and it may feel like you will never feel the light again. But it is there, just waiting for us. Many people seek to regain that heady feeling of being filled with the joy of the presence of God. I miss the Presence that I felt in my conversion like a prisoner misses the clear sky and a soldier misses the sound of his wife calling his name. I believe that God, in His wisdom and mercy, gives us that incredible experience in the begining of our walk as a taste of heaven. Much like the rush of the Spirit that we will feel along the way, these are to remind us of being united with Him again in the New Jerusalem.

I was blessed in my walk by the kind voice of the Holy Spirit when I was praying to feel the Presence again. I was reminded that I feel His Presence each time I take communion. And since then, my joy has overflowed each time I stand before the alter.
 
Gorillaman said:
I know that there are so many other people that need more prayers than me…but this is obviously getting to be too big for me…I need help.

There have been times since I’ve comoe to the full and unbridled understanding that I am a child of God where I am s filled with the holy spirit and have felt so complete…

But it doesn’t stay, and it’s Not that I don’t want it to stay I pray for god to let me keep faith all the time. But I lose the faith. I wake up some mornings (like this morning) and the first thought that pops into my head is “there is not God”…i have been keeping a rosary with me and praying a decade to keep the faith. But those same fruitless, atheistic, self serving, self centered thoughts come to my head.

I know he’s here. I know Jesus is here. But simply knowing it isnt enough…I’ve left God before (or at least thought I did) …and I just don’t want to be that blind ever again.

Any of you dealt with this?

And I feel silly asking for prayers…but if you gotta couple seconds…

Thanks.
Click to expand...
You are not a bad Catholic, or bad Christian. You are human, loved and cherished by your creator, the Lord God Almighty for who you are, despite inherent human frailty and weakness.

Only Jesus Christ was born without the need of conversion, because he was not only human but divine.

Don’t be so hard on yourself. It sounds like you are fully aware of your human condition.

And, it seems with that understanding, you know that conversion is a never ending process.

As I try to learn and follow the life of St. Francis, I am coming to know that in our lives we have New Beginnings…not just a single New Beginning.

Read Scripture, pray, receive the sacraments, and live the gospel message of our Lord and Savior.

May you find peace!
 
Read “The Screwtape Letters” by C.S. Lewis.

I will pray for you. Never be ashamed to ask for prayer!
 
Go to church and visit Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, if you can. He’ll help you wherever, of course, but it’s good to be in the Real Presence.

Go to Confession regularly, even if you only have a few sins to report. It will strengthen you for battle.
 
…thank you All so much…

I don’t think you know how much what y’all each said means.

I’m a tough kid, but without God…I’m nada.

Idk what to say…too many words in me…but my heart.

Thanks.
 
Ophelia23 said:
Oh Gorillaman, my heart aches for you because I can relate. You feel like this is making you a bad Catholic, but the truth is that so many of us go through the exact same thing. St. John of the Cross calls it the “dark night of the soul”. We can’t really prevent those fruitless, atheistic, self serving, self centered thoughts from coming into our minds, can we? It’s what you do with it. These thoughts still creep up on me from time to time, and I don’t even know why. I KNOW that I believe in God and in Christ. I have felt him. I have tasted him. There is no proof necessary. All of me believes this! And yet, the thoughts creep in.

If it is at all helpful to you, I have a “technique” I use. (I use the term technique pretty loosely here ;)) Whenever a thought like this comes into my mind, I make myself visualize the image of Divine Mercy. The Divine Mercy image is just Christ, with his hand up in a sign of peace, and the two rays of light coming from him representing the blood and the water. It truly helps me a lot.

🙂 Clearly you are a good Catholic. You recognize your struggles, and you are humble enough to ask for help. Saints are nothing more than sinners who continued to get back up every time they fell down. Don’t forget that.

Be loved, be blessed, and be well. You’re in my prayers. :hug3:
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I won’t…thank you. Thanks. The stuff you said helps a lot.
 
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