Thanks for all of your replies. I’m not sure I could call it rape because he did not have sex with me. I realized that there was definitely force because I have bruises on my arms and I remember I kept telling him to stop and it took a lot of strength to make him stop. This happened while I was in Barcelona 2 days ago but now I am in my program in Florence, Italy. I don’t think it is worth it to go to the police because this happened in a different country but the good thing is that I realized that I took his ID so I know his name if I did want to do anything. I can’t remember a lot of parts of the night but I have faint memories and I pretty much recall what happened after the apartment but it just felt like I was out of my body, so maybe I was drugged? I’m not really sure. I just know that I would have never cheated on my boyfriend were it not for the drinking and I’m not sure if I should tell anyone. I tried telling my parents but I know they would be disappointed in me but now that I noticed bruises it shows that he was forceful.
I know I have a problem with drinking because I become a different person and I drink to such an excess that it is not the first time I have blacked out. The reason I was worried about being drugged was because I didn’t have enough where I think I would black out from the alcohol and it feels like I was out of my body while it happened.
Thanks for all of your suggestions.
I’m a little concerned that you keep entertwining blacking out with being drugged. People who have a problem w/alcohol are notorious for minimizing how much they drink. People who have a problem w/any substance are also notorious for using the consequences of their poor choices after they’re under the influence as a way of excusing their behavior. I don’t mean to sound harsh, honestly, I don’t, b/c I think this was probably a pretty scary incident. But I’m sorry to say, I kind of hope it
was scary for you. Scary enough to get you to get the help you need, hopefully (?)
You said it took a lot of strength to get him to stop. But trust me, hon, you got lucky. He
let you push him off. You may have walked away w/bruises, true, but the biological fact here is that men are physically stronger than us. If he had really wanted to rape you, he could have.
Take a second and really reflect on that.
I’m
NOT saying you derserved this experience b/c of your drinking but I am saying that this type of thing
CAN be a consequence of poor choices. Now you know that for sure. You said it yourself, you become a different person when you drink. Okay, you know that as well. Take advantage of the fact that you “only” have bruises, and “only” some pretty horrible memories, and realize how close you came, and know that a full on rape would have been MUCH worse.
This is just my humble opinion but I would not get the authorities involved. I mean, it does sound like you were assaulted in some way, but there’s too many holes in your memory to make what you
do remember look legit. For one thing, you seem fairly certain that he did not have sex w/you. Also, one of the first things that came to my mind (and I’m no lawyer here) is that you had the presense of mind to snatch his ID “just in case”. You’re talking about a very serious charge here. A charge that would have the potential to ruin his life, too.
I think the fact that you even thought about telling your parents shows you have a pretty decent relationship w/them. But that part is up to you…I would however, absoluetly tell your boyfriend. If you told him exactly what you’re writing here, then he thinks you were taken advantage of by some creep in a bar in a land far, far away…and it sounds like that’s very true, but think like a guy for second - what’s he supposed to say? Especially now if you tell him you’ve got bruises. He’s supposed to be there to protect you, right? Even from yourself sometimes. But that was impossible for him to do. All I’m saying is that men have different ways of dealing w/the fact that their g/f’s or wives have been assaulted. You’ve put him in a frustrating position. He loves you, but he’s proabably also thinking (whether he’d admit this to you or not) that maybe if you
hadn’t been in the bar this would’nt have happened to you. Sidebar: Didn’t you have friends w/you?
If you don’t get some help (take the link below and at least look into it), then I’m hear to tell you that this or something worse is bound to happen to you again. Think of what your parents will feel then…or your boyfriend, and what about how you’re going to feel about yourself?
Your life is a gift from God Himself. Go home and get your life back together, hon.
You were incapable of consent (you even asked him to stop and he didn’t); you didn’t cheat on your boyfriend, you were raped!
. The next day, I woke up with a “hangover” that lasted 3 days and thought I must have been the biggest alcoholic to have a blackout and the “shakes”. [It took an Oprah episode and some memory recovery to realize that drugs were involved.]
But I don’t agree with the harsher part of your post–I would be heartbroken if my father emailed me something like that after I opened up to him that I had been sexually assaulted.