HELP! Advice needed

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Marie5890

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A dearly beloved friend of mine is in training to be a spiritual director. As such she needs a couple of volunteers to “practise” on so I was very willing to be helpful and supportive when she asked me.

That is the background.
This is the foreground.
The more we meet, the more uncomfortable I get with her approach to developing and nurturing one’s relationship with God. She has mentioned Medjigorie (sp?) and of recent, ennegrams (sp?).

I know Medjigorie is under Vatican investigation, but I admit I am not comfortable with it personally. I think there is a lot of profitterring going on and (and I could be wrong) I think its fake. It all seems so wrong esp when in take in light to Lourdes or Fatima.

Ennegrams. Im really not comfortable with. Way to "New Age"with me. For her I know she sees it as another avenue of God reaching out to His people etc etc. But in my view, it’s one more way that the devil uses to deceive.

I KNOW she is very devoted to our Lord. She is earnest in her journey and I trust all that. I just dont trust the vehicals she leans towards in order to develope that

Any thoughts or insights would be so appreciated.

Thanks
 
Since she is a dearly beloved friend, couldn’t you speak plainly to her, perhaps expressing your surprise that she is embracing things that the Church does not?

Betsy
 
I am also in training to become a spiritual director and I am also seeing directees as part of my training.

One of the things that they stressed to us when we were looking for directees is that we should not do direction with friends. There has to be a certain boundary between the director and directee. You’re not there to socialize with the person, but to provide spiritual direction. This is not a relationship with mutual giving and receiving; the point is to focus on the needs of the directee.

In addition, I’m wondering why things like the Enneagram or Medjugorje are coming up. It doesn’t sound like they’re topics you’re raising. Her job as a director is to support you in your spiritual life, not to try and force a particular spirituality on you. I suppose the context might make a difference. If you were discussing various Marian apparitions and she said “oh you forgot one, what about Medjugorje” that’s different from trying to tell you what you should think about it or whether you should believe in the message there.

Overall, even if she weren’t a friend, there’s a question of whether she’s a good director for you. Someone who makes you uncomfortable is not the person you should be seeing. (OK…an exception would be someone who makes you uncomfortable in your complacency or sin, but that’s not what we’re talking about here.)

I’m trying to imagine what I would do if my director brought up questionable topics and the problem is that I can’t imagine it. I’ve been seeing him for years and that would be completely out of character.
 
I would simply state to my friend that:
  1. The apparitions at Medjugorje are unapproved and I do not believe in them. I believe in the Fatima apparitions which are approved, and am more than happy to talk about Our Lady of Fatima! 🙂
  2. Enneagrams have been associated with the New Age and I don’t want to have anything to do with them. Thank you for understanding! 🙂
Note to Marie5890: If you are not an adherent of the Fatima apparitions, that’s okay, as it’s private revelation and therefore not a requirement for being a Catholic.
 
I would suggest that if she’s trying to branch out with her spirituality, she should move backwards, not “forwards.” She should have trust in methods used by saints and mystics that have been approved and long in use, not odd trends not in line with the Church.
 
Tell her to follow the Church teaching on ennegrams and Mejugorie. It’s not fine to use ennegrams. It’s best to be wary about Mejugorie, since the local bishops gave it a negative ruling officially, but there is no official ruling by the Vatican thus far.

Tell her that she must be very wary and watch diligently. satan’s trademark is to attack people who are very pious with one or two deviations from Church teachings at first then use these things to lure them into worse things. It’s very dangerous.

Mother Angelica always uses this story to illustrate this…

If you throw a frog into a pot of boiling water, what will it do? Of course it’s going to jump out right away because of the hot water. A frog that is put in a pot of lukewarm water that is slowly warmed will not notice the change to boiling quite as easily.

The devil works in little increments so it doesn’t bother the conscience so much.
 
In the years since I became a Catholic in 1953, new occupations have arisen. Computer operators for instance.
.And counsellors - “witnesses to the tragedy are receiving counselling” I thought this sort of help was gained through prayer, our pastors, neighbours and families. None needed university diplomas.
So I sniff suspiciously at those setting themselves up as “spiritual directors” especially when some sort of academic training seems implied.
In the case before us, I would ask if the potential director is not someone who enjoys directing others about. 😦
 
I also think that there is an inapporpriate boundary of using a friend as a spiritual director. Friends can discuss spirituality when there is a 50 50 give and take.

As a spiritual director, the FIRST thing she needs to understand is she is NOT God and she needs to repect you more than you need to respect her. (With her power of authority comes certain disadvantages she needs to accept since she is choosing to be the director)

I would simply say, ‘I don’t feel comfortable with this and choose to stop’ I leave it to you how much detail as to why you give her if any.

If she gives you a hard time for stopping, it goes to show she will be a poor director and I would immediatly start praying for all the people she will try to mess up

CM
 
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