Help! Advice on my boyfriend entering the seminary!

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My boyfriend and I ended a serious relationship a week ago because he feels the call to enter the seminary. I myself, believed I was called to the religious life since I was 8. But I am now 20 and have fully discerned I am not called to be a nun. I understand why he feels called, and as broken hearted as I am, I support him in this and he knows I do. BUT now he feels that he just needs to continue college here with me to fully discern if he is called to be a priest. I now don’t know what to do. As much as I want him to stay here and maybe discover by hanging out with me that he and I are meant to be together, I truly believe he needs to go to the seminary and answer God’s call. Isn’t it true that if he isn’t meant to be a seminary, that God will reject him in one way or another? I know he and I have a good relationship, one truly blessed by God and I think we will someday be blessed in marriage. What should I tell him? How do I help him through this? I don’t want to turn him away from either God or me. I’m so confused and I love him so much. I only want what’s best for him and that God’s will be done. Every time I pray about this, God makes it ever so much clearer to leave my heart open to him. What suggestions does anyone have?
Thank you so much for everything, I’m praying for you all!
 
I would suggest that you maintain your friendship. Don’t be grabby or possessive. pray that he make the right decision. “Not my will, but Thine, be done”

And it is just possible that he took a very honorable way of saying that he is afraid of a relationship and marriage. 🤷

Step back. Let go, and let God.
 
Hiya,

How long has he been discerning? Just because someone feels called doesn’t mean the best idea is to go running off to the nearest seminary and join and then see if it was the right move. Maybe your boyfriend needs more time to discern this. But it doesn’t mean you can’t be there for him and it doesn’t mean by keeping your heart open it is God’s wish you both eventually marry either. It is ok to love and by loving others we also bring God into the picture and it doesn’t have to be in a bf/gf relationship. Keeping your heart open also might mean you need to keep your heart open to God because you both sound quite young, so maybe God has some plans later for yourself also.

If your bf feels he wants to finish college at this stage, then let him and God work that out and be a friend to him while he takes more time to discern this.

God calls many people, but not all the time are they called to enter a religious life. If you have both made the decision to break off your relationship then maybe you can support him in maybe finding some assistance to help with his discerning. If you feel that him hanging around with you is going to affect his ability to discern, then maybe you and your bf need to talk some more about what would be the best idea to help him in this process, such as not spending as much time together or taking a break from spending anytime together if possible. If you are worried your bf spending time with you is going to bring you guilt or cause difficulties in his discernment process then maybe the best idea is to walk away and let God and your bf work this out a bit more. I can’t see why he can’t continue to finish college while he goes through this discernment phase though, unless you feel he will want to hang around with you, and in that case maybe you need to take an upper hand and tell him to take some space and contemplate his calling more.

It appears you have both already done something by aknowledging his callling, you being willing for him to possibly enter a seminary, you both contemplating God’s will and praying for guidance in this matter.

When we make decisions, and when we feel at cross roads with those decisions as to whether it is right it can be difficult and conflicting, but there is help and that is prayer and there are other people your bf can talk to that might assist him in what is the best decisions to make.
 
God Bless you for your love of Jesus!

Most people would be insulted or infuriated, as if they were insulted personally.

When we look back from the perspective of eternity, our choices will be seen in a perfect, beautiful light, the Light of Truth.

I myself, would not want to stand in front of Jesus and have to explain why I prevented a man from becoming a Priest!

There is no other calling as beautiful except for Motherhood!!!

Your attitude is precious and so refreshing in today’s world of “ME, ME, ME.”

Thank you for your exquisite reflection of our Lord Jesus Christ and His Perfect love for each one of us!!

Sancta Maria, Mater Dei, Ora Pro Nobis Peccatoribus!

Mark
 
I feel I can help through telling a little of my own story.

I was in a serious relationship for 3 years and we ended up getting engaged (I was 22 and she was 20). I was entering medical school the next year and we were very excited. We were to be married this upcoming summer…so it was a long engagement, one of the few mistakes. Prayer was a part of our lives, but not our life together. We never got into the habit of praying together which is one thing I would recommend to any couple, which it sounds like you and your BF can do.

The main point I am trying to say is that I ended up applying to the seminary for next year because I have been putting off a call since I was in Junior High. I thought I could find happiness in other places, with other people. The hardest thing for me to do was to walk away from my relationship/from my engagement, but there has been so much grace since then, for both of us.

Also, there is a big difference between being called to the seminary and being called to be a priest. Perhaps God has some formation in mind for your BF before you two would join in Holy matrimony. Perhaps God wants to make him an even better husband/father. If, in the end, he is called to priest, I can tell you would be fully supportive of that and that is amazing! Trust me that is a huge help in trying to discern after a serious relationship.

I would say do not worry too much and put it into God’s hands. It does not seem like there is a bad outcome to this…either he will discover a deeper love for you or he will discover a call to a deeper love for God and His flock. Either way God wins and that is all that truly matters. Plus, again from experience, I am sure you will always hold a place in his heart, through prayer, at least. I also agree with what everyone has said previously, space can be a very good thing…sometimes the body is more persuasive than the spirit.
 
I found these quotes at the bottom of “Do I have a Vocation?” thread by Jehu…food for thought…

St John Chrysostom, as quoted by St Thomas, says: “When God gives such vocations, He wills that we should not defer even for a moment to follow them; for when the devil cannot bring a person to give up his resolution of consecrating himself to God, he at least seeks to make him defer the execution of it, and he esteems it a great gain if he can obtain the delay of one day, or even of one hour.”

“Because,” continues St Liguori, “after that day, or that hour, other occasions presenting themselves, it will be less difficult for the devil to obtain greater delay, until the person, finding himself more feeble and less assisted by grace, gives way altogether,and loses his vocation.”

St Jerome gives this advice to those who are called to quit the world: “make haste, I beseech you, and rather cut than loosen the rope by which your bark is bound fast to the land;” that is, break at once all ties that bind you to the world.

“Is the world the place for testing a vocation?” asks St. Vincent de Paul. “Let the soul hasten as fast as possible to secure asylum.”

“One could not give a more pernicious counsel than this,” writes Father Lessius. “What is it in reality except the desire to extinguish the interior spirit, under the pretext of a trial, and to expose to the tempest of temptation him who was preparing to gain the port of safety?

“If a gardener were to plant a precious seed, requiring great care, in stony ground, covered with thorns ; if he exposed it to the rays of the sun and every change of climate to try would it grow in that unfavourable spot, who would not look upon him as a fool? Those who advise people called to religious life to remain, for a while, in the world have even less sense. A vocation is a divine fruit for eternal life. It is planted in the human heart, a soil little suited to its nature, and requires great care and attention. Watch must be kept that the birds of the air, the demons, do not carry it away; that thorns, the concupiscences and solicitudes of the world, do not choke it; that men with their false maxims should not trample it under foot. Whosoever wishes to preserve and see grow in his heart the seed which the Divine Sower has cast there, ought to fly from the world and reach a safe refuge as soon as possible.”
 
TKC07 said:
My boyfriend and I ended a serious relationship a week ago because he feels the call to enter the seminary. I myself, believed I was called to the religious life since I was 8. But I am now 20 and have fully discerned I am not called to be a nun. I understand why he feels called, and as broken hearted as I am, I support him in this and he knows I do. BUT now he feels that he just needs to continue college here with me to fully discern if he is called to be a priest. I now don’t know what to do. As much as I want him to stay here and maybe discover by hanging out with me that he and I are meant to be together, I truly believe he needs to go to the seminary and answer God’s call. Isn’t it true that if he isn’t meant to be a seminary, that God will reject him in one way or another? I know he and I have a good relationship, one truly blessed by God and I think we will someday be blessed in marriage. What should I tell him? How do I help him through this? I don’t want to turn him away from either God or me. I’m so confused and I love him so much. I only want what’s best for him and that God’s will be done. Every time I pray about this, God makes it ever so much clearer to leave my heart open to him. What suggestions does anyone have?
Thank you so much for everything, I’m praying for you all!
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I will pray for a good outcome that is according to God’s will. I suggest praying for and to the Holy Souls in Purgatory for a good outcome (the one that God wills). More information here:

The powerful intercession of the Holy Souls in Purgatory for their benefactors and ways to help them

missionbell.homestead.com/Afavourgrantedbytheholysouls.html

The web page has accounts of the intercession of The Holy Souls in Purgatory, for their benefactors in cases of illness, addictions, cars that won’t start, infertility problems, serious weight loss problems, protection in accidents, noisy unruly neighbours, conversion, chronic insomnia, their help for people who are experiencing major trouble with city councils, success with projects, employment, real estate, television sets that don’t work properly, finding lost property and trouble with relations, etc. and prayers and ideas on how to help The Holy Souls in Purgatory.
 
“If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it never was.”

… You have to step back sufficiently that you aren’t drawing him away from any potential call to the priesthood. I don’t know how far this is, though it certainly does not allow a bf/gf relationship, how much further away than that depends on how much those feelings affect your friendly relations after ending it. Wistful, misty eyed, etc. stuff simply is not to be done.

So… give him up to God, make sure to cut the emotional ties, though you can leave the door open, don’t do anything to draw him back – let him be called one way or the other without any persuasion on your part. Be hard on yourself if that’s what is necessary, now is the time to truly detach and give up all to God.

🙂

Teach you some good lessons doing this if you do wind up together.

May you and all have a blessed and holy Good Friday I pray.
 
TKC07 said:
My boyfriend and I ended a serious relationship a week ago because he feels the call to enter the seminary. I myself, believed I was called to the religious life since I was 8. But I am now 20 and have fully discerned I am not called to be a nun. I understand why he feels called, and as broken hearted as I am, I support him in this and he knows I do. BUT now he feels that he just needs to continue college here with me to fully discern if he is called to be a priest. I now don’t know what to do. As much as I want him to stay here and maybe discover by hanging out with me that he and I are meant to be together, I truly believe he needs to go to the seminary and answer God’s call. Isn’t it true that if he isn’t meant to be a seminary, that God will reject him in one way or another? I know he and I have a good relationship, one truly blessed by God and I think we will someday be blessed in marriage. What should I tell him? How do I help him through this? I don’t want to turn him away from either God or me. I’m so confused and I love him so much. I only want what’s best for him and that God’s will be done. Every time I pray about this, God makes it ever so much clearer to leave my heart open to him. What suggestions does anyone have?
Thank you so much for everything, I’m praying for you all!
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I beg you to readjust your thinking at once.
The young man is NOT your boyfriend. He is not available in that capacity.
He has made other plans for his future and the sooner you recognize that the better.

That you imagine a future with him is very disruptive and contradictory.
Do not take the risk of opposing yourself to what is God’s will for him right now.
 
TKC07 said:
My boyfriend and I ended a serious relationship a week ago because he feels the call to enter the seminary. I myself, believed I was called to the religious life since I was 8. But I am now 20 and have fully discerned I am not called to be a nun. I understand why he feels called, and as broken hearted as I am, I support him in this and he knows I do. BUT now he feels that he just needs to continue college here with me to fully discern if he is called to be a priest. I now don’t know what to do. As much as I want him to stay here and maybe discover by hanging out with me that he and I are meant to be together, I truly believe he needs to go to the seminary and answer God’s call. Isn’t it true that if he isn’t meant to be a seminary, that God will reject him in one way or another? I know he and I have a good relationship, one truly blessed by God and I think we will someday be blessed in marriage. What should I tell him? How do I help him through this? I don’t want to turn him away from either God or me. I’m so confused and I love him so much. I only want what’s best for him and that God’s will be done. Every time I pray about this, God makes it ever so much clearer to leave my heart open to him. What suggestions does anyone have?
Thank you so much for everything, I’m praying for you all!
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I am sorry that you have to go through this. I understand it is not easy for you and it might not be easy for your former boyfriend.

As we normally say, if we love someone, we want it best for that person. I think you know what needs to be done but it is easier said than done. If he decides to go back to college and continue to discern, I believe that the best way is to let him have space and you should respect him for that. You and he can still be friend but it does not mean that you contact him very often. You might as well leave him alone and hardly talk with him - just pray for him instead.

You might ask yourself why God has brought him into your life and then taken him away from you. Sometimes, we don’t really know the whole truth but we all do know that in different stages of our lives, God does indeed bring different people into our lives for great purpose, and when this purpose is accomplished, He might take those people away from us.

For yourself, start to pray and ask God to guide you and heal you and more importantly pray about your own vocation too! If God is calling him to discern to enter seminary, God certainly has something special for you and it is time to focus on that instead of your relationship with your former boyfriend.

God bless and you are in my prayer.

PS: my former girlfriend is going through what you are going through right now. You might not want to consider yourself that you have “fully” discerned and that you are not called to be a nun. Many people thought like that and they are still called to live as religious down the road. Therefore, continue to pray … maybe you are not called to the religious order that you had visited but you might be called to other that you have not known of. Please pray for that!
 
My advice to you is to follow the path of the former fiance of Mother Dolores. Dolores Hart was a beautiful Hollywood actress who gave Elvis Presley his first on-screen kiss. She was engaged to a wonderful man and the wedding plans were being developed. However, she still was not sure if marriage or the convent was her calling. Her fiance stood behind her choice of chosing the convent. Mother Dolores is now in her 70’s and her former fiance is still a good “holy” friend. He never married. In fact, a small miracle took place as the result of their friendship. I don’t want to ruin the story so I will recommend you listen to her story at the audio library of EWTN. Go to ewtn.com and click on audio library. Type in Mother Dolores in the search box and you will be given two choices. I would start with the older interview with Fr Groeschel. That’s where she describes her relationship with her fiance. Then I would also listen to Fr Mitch’s more recent interview. You will conclude after listening to these audios that the former fiance “did the right thing”.
 
I definitely feel your pain! Well, in my case, we were only together for a couple of months and I was fully aware all along that this was a possibility. So it’s not like it was a huge shock when he broke up with me two weeks ago, and it’s not like I had invested years in the relationship. But this was the first time I had ever made any kind of emotional investment in a relationship, in spite of the fact that I meant not to, so of course it made me sad. I guess I send guys to their vocations though… the first guy I dated wound up married within a year of my breaking up with him and then became a (non-Catholic) minister; the second went to the seminary six months after I broke up with him; and this one broke up with me to go to the seminary. So maybe one of these days I’ll be someone’s vocation I guess.

But… I don’t know. On the one hand, at least they didn’t leave us because they stopped liking us or because they found someone else. On the other hand, if either of those was the case, we’d be fully justified in being mad at him and/or the other girl, and when you’re mad at a guy it’s a lot easier to come up with reasons to be glad you aren’t with him anymore. But when the “someone else” is God, you aren’t allowed to be mad. It’s like he left you for your best friend, but you can’t just disparage her in your mind to make yourself feel better.

IThis is an interesting experience for me because it was the first time my love for God was put to the test. I’ve had to learn how to really separate what I want from what has to happen. The way I look at it, any relationship is a two-way street and that’s why they’re all so chancy. In our cases, our holding onto them won’t do any good at all because they’ve already let us go, so it’s time for us to let them go too. I’ve decided to be his friend anyway since he’s bound to need those in the next few years, but I’ve also decided to look forward to my own life. Yes, it was great while it lasted and yes, it’s a sad thing that it’s over. But you don’t live life by being sad. In the words of Tim McGraw, “there’s no such thing as what might have been, that’s a waste of time; it’ll drive you out of your mind.”

Anyway, as people have told me, there are plenty more fish in the sea, and even though that doesn’t help one bit right now, someday it will. Everything makes sense in the end.
 
I’m not wise enough to give you advice on this, but I know a priest (who’s been a priest for 14 years now) who spent a long time thinking about priesthood while dating his girlfriend (a relationship of 4 years). Then one day she was the one to break up and tell him he should go to the seminary. It was a difficult period for both of them, but in the end he became a priest and now he always says he has to thank her because if she had been possesive, he wouldn’t have become what he is. She got married and he baptised one of her children 🙂
 
TKC07 said:
My boyfriend and I ended a serious relationship a week ago because he feels the call to enter the seminary. I myself, believed I was called to the religious life since I was 8. But I am now 20 and have fully discerned I am not called to be a nun. I understand why he feels called, and as broken hearted as I am, I support him in this and he knows I do. BUT now he feels that he just needs to continue college here with me to fully discern if he is called to be a priest. I now don’t know what to do. As much as I want him to stay here and maybe discover by hanging out with me that he and I are meant to be together, I truly believe he needs to go to the seminary and answer God’s call. Isn’t it true that if he isn’t meant to be a seminary, that God will reject him in one way or another? I know he and I have a good relationship, one truly blessed by God and I think we will someday be blessed in marriage. What should I tell him? How do I help him through this? I don’t want to turn him away from either God or me. I’m so confused and I love him so much. I only want what’s best for him and that God’s will be done. Every time I pray about this, God makes it ever so much clearer to leave my heart open to him. What suggestions does anyone have?
Thank you so much for everything, I’m praying for you all!
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My best suggestion to you would be, as other had suggested, to pray for him. I had been on the other side of this equation once, meaning that I was pondering my vocation and had a girlfriend at the time. The best thing that she did for me was give me my space and just be understanding of me. It is a most difficult circumstance for both parties, and you being the girlfriend puts you in a very vulnerable position. Just to let you know, we left our relationship as more as a friendship.
However, after much deliberation and soul searching, I found that my vocation was to be a husband and I married my girlfriend. My souls still yearns to serve the Lord and I do so in different ministries, but that is something your boyfriend will have to find out on his own. Just be patient. Pray for him on his journey that he makes the right decision in his discernment, but most of all, that God’s will be done and not our own, as there may always be something else planned for both of you.

Pax tecum.
 
Hey,
I just wanted to say that I’ll be praying for you too. I’m going through a similar experience and I understand the complications and uncertainties that go along with that. It’s not an easy decision to make by any means, and there’s more that ties into making these decisions than anyone who has never gone through a situation like this could understand.
That being said, I’d just like to say that seminary is a place for discernment. Going to seminary doens’t mean that one will come out a priest. It’s a place where there is structure and guidance for looking at what God is calling a person to do.
I would suggest remaining friends. That’s what I am doing right now. It’s hard, but (if you’re in a situation like mine) no one else really quite gets what you’re going through except him. Even if you’re coming at it from different viewpoints, it’s nice to have someone to talk to who understands the whole situation.
“We love because He first loved us.” 1 John 4:19
So just keep loving him because we were created for love.
 
My first cousin and a friend of mine were boyfriend and girlfriend for years. He felt the calling to be a Priest. (she was not Catholic, but Luthern) He explained to her for years that he had this calling. They both went to college, (different ones) but kept in close contact, Phone, letters. Over the years he made up his mind that a Priest was what he was ment to be.

They have remained Great Friends to this day. He lives in another state now and she lives here in MI. To this day she has never married, but she accepts his being a Priest. This has been 30 years now. They are purely friends. Sometimes what God calls us to do is the best for everyone.

Yet not everyone is Truely called to be a Priest. You boy friend will find out through much prayer and seeking.
 
The simplest answer is the most difficult answer.
Do nothing.
I have found myself married to a wonderful man with a Aspergers Syndrome. We didn’t know he had it before we got married and the stress of marrying brought out all the ugly, damaging and almost abusive behaviours that go with this condition. :confused:
I wanted this situation fixed! I prayed and I prayed and I prayed. I cried. I argued and just about had a break down with my own problems over the situation.
The problem was I had to let go and let god deal with it. :rolleyes:
I wanted answers NOW. I wanted it fixed NOW.
I never gave up praying but I did get to a point where I thought 'god really isn’t listening to me! ’ :mad:
He never stopped listening to me. 👍
Things just weren’t happening the way I wanted them to.
Sure my husband’s mental illness was a shock and our daily life wasn’t panning out exactly how I had expected and there did come a point where I even thought was my marrying him a huge mistake! :eek:
But no matter how YOU want the situation to turn out - you have no control over it.
As a human that can be very scary 😦 humans like to believe they can control or handle most things.
Thats where FAITH comes in. You don’t KNOW god’s plans and neither does your boyfriend.
It’s time to sit back and let GOD’s intentions be revealed.
Maybe you won’t like the way things turn out - maybe you’ll be happy how it all ends up.
No-one knows that one but GOD.
All I can say is one day my husband’s condition improved ever so slightly. But when you are living with dysfunction every day - you notice something good.
He made me a cup of tea. 👍
Now that doesn’t seem much - but for a person with autism - thinking about someone else is not one of their strong points. To make me a cup of tea meant he had to think about me and that I would like one. That is like climbing Mt Everest to these people!
I did find out later my husband had been able to hide alot of his most odd behaviours from me because we didn’t live together before marriage. So I’d always thought he was a little eccentric but I didn’t get the full picture until we married.
I could say I am in an unhappy marriage with a crazy guy! :
or I could say I am in a happy marriage with a guy who is walking over hot coals to show his love for me. We have good days and we have bad days - but you would have that anyway regardless of your relationship.
You will have them too - one day you will be accepting of god’s will and then the next day fighting it and wishing it would go the way YOU want.
That’s a personal journey and I only made it through a difficult situation by just handing it over to god. When you pray so feverently and you ask god what to do and the reply comes ‘do nothing’ it almost seems like a cop out! Surely I have to do something about this situation! 🤷 But no - you don’t. Its all under control…just not yours.
 
When you say, ‘God makes it ever so much clearer to leave my heart open to him,’ who is the ‘him’ you are writing about - God or your ex-boyfriend?

I fear you want him to go to seminary now, so that he can very quickly find out that he’s not meant to be a priest, and this whole ‘vocation thing’ will blow over and you can pick up your relationship, get married, and live happily ever after. Let me just say, ‘been there, done that,’ and that I wasted five years of my life praying and believing that God was promising me that we would ‘someday be blessed in marriage.’ And I had better reason to keep the belief alive than you did: the man I was involved with admitted to me that he knew he was not called to be a priest, but that he wanted the ‘power’ he thought priests have over people. He told me that he hardened his heart and would not listen when God spoke to his heart about a vocation to marriage.

I was sure that my prayers would be answered and that God’s grace would penetrate this man’s heart. I was sure that if God was not calling him to the priesthood that there would be no grace for him to fulfill the vocation. Surely the priests on the staff at the seminary would figure out that he was not called? (I later found out that the seminary he chose was notoriously bad and more likely to ruin a true vocation than to discern who did not have one.) It didn’t happen.

I would go so far as to suggest that either you or he needs to change colleges; go study somewhere else. Make new friends in a new place. Consider him a completely EX-boyfriend. Don’t ‘be there for him’ when he needs to talk, because that keeps you emotionally wrapped up in a man who is not emotionally wrapped up in you; it keeps you dangling on the hook, being the ‘good, supportive Christian woman’ who will ‘be there for him’ when he realizes that he has no call the the priesthood, and comes back to you and wants nothing more than to marry wonderful you. Been there, done that, too.

I would even advise limiting the amount of time you spend in prayer for your ex-boyfriend. Don’t make him and his vocation (and your love for him) the focus of your prayer, because that can be misleading and self-indulgent, and can perpetuate feelings that you need to let die. Make yourself and your relationships with God and your family and friends the focus of your prayer. Pray for yourself to be a good student, good friend, good daughter, sister, even good citizen 95% of the time, and pray for your ex-boyfriend 5% of the time.

Can you kneel before God in the tabernacle and say, ‘I give him up to You, completely, and now I want only You, Lord?’ Can you make your relationship to God just a relationship between you and God? Or is concern for your ex-boyfriend the major thing that you ‘talk’ about with God? Women tend to fuss and worry and try to ‘manage’ other people’s lives - even in prayer. Are you at risk of talking to God so much about your ex-boyfriend’s happiness, that you can only ‘hear’ God if He seems to be talking about your ex-boyfriend? Could you be missing a call God has for you, because you are only listening for ‘news’ about your future marriage to your ex-boyfriend?

If God sent another man into your life, would you accept that? Or would you think that you were being disloyal to your ex-boyfriend if you started another relationship, even if you knew that God had sent you someone else? Are you sure that you are open to the possibility of your ex-boyfriend becoming a priest? Are you sure that you consider him your ex-boyfriend, and not just your temporarily-confused-future-husband? Do you find yourself looking for and seizing on stories you hear about men who eventually ‘came back’ to women they once left (for the priesthood or for some other reason)? (That is, do you look for ‘hints’ that one day you will marry this man from other sources, outside of prayer?) Are you really 100% open to God’s will, even if it means the priesthood for your ex?

You talk like I used to talk, and a good friend of mine, too, who was in the same situation. We were so sure of the messages God gave us in prayer, that one day we would be married to these men.

In both cases, the men became priests.

Beware the spiritual pitfalls that come from hanging your happiness on - and making your prayer life revolve around - a man who is not yours. Somehow you’ve got to ask God for the grace to let go of your ex-boyfriend, and trust him and his soul and his happiness completely to God. Otherwise, you could be in for a lot of pain and suffering, and could even risk your own relationship to God and future happiness.

I pray you will come through this more easily than I (or my friend) did.
 
I will just give my own experience at let you judge:

I often felt I wanted to be a priest, but for various reasons I did not pursue it. One, I felt an allegiance to my family to perpetuate the family name, which at the time I was the last living male with the name. Second, I never felt I had a clear call.

I met my wife in college, adore her, and together we have a wonderful son whom I love more than anything on this earth. I am perfectly happy and have no complaints. (And by the way, I have accomplished perpetuating my name, Check!)👍

That being said, I am often haunted more than I would like to be by the specter of priestly calling, and this often causes me to wonder if I should have pursued it more than I did. I was in a vocation discernment group in high school and more than one priest and nun told me they thought I had the calling through the years. (Even once in confession, and the priest only heard my voice!). Since then I wish I had done more to sure of my calling, and now think it will be with me all my life, wondering what I should have done.

If I were you, I would let him go. He can never be free of God’s call if he truly has it, and you will always wonder how much he could have done for God had he graced His altars. Being as you love God so much and wish to do His will, your joy and love for your boyfriend will grow in new and better ways if he does have a calling, and you will never lack for a spiritual father in time of need. See him as your friend in the journey to salvation, and that will be healing for the loss of your not being together in that sense. I hope my story give you some help.
 
TKC07 said:
My boyfriend and I ended a serious relationship a week ago because he feels the call to enter the seminary. I myself, believed I was called to the religious life since I was 8. But I am now 20 and have fully discerned I am not called to be a nun. I understand why he feels called, and as broken hearted as I am, I support him in this and he knows I do. BUT now he feels that he just needs to continue college here with me to fully discern if he is called to be a priest. I now don’t know what to do. As much as I want him to stay here and maybe discover by hanging out with me that he and I are meant to be together, I truly believe he needs to go to the seminary and answer God’s call. Isn’t it true that if he isn’t meant to be a seminary, that God will reject him in one way or another? I know he and I have a good relationship, one truly blessed by God and I think we will someday be blessed in marriage. What should I tell him? How do I help him through this? I don’t want to turn him away from either God or me. I’m so confused and I love him so much. I only want what’s best for him and that God’s will be done. Every time I pray about this, God makes it ever so much clearer to leave my heart open to him. What suggestions does anyone have?
Thank you so much for everything, I’m praying for you all!
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I can’t begin to imagine how hard this must be for you. I certainly don’t know what the right answer is, but I’m happy to point out the big things that I see. Maybe it will be a change of perspective that will help you. At least I hope so.

First, please stop looking at the possibility of him becoming a priest as your loss. Understandably, you may have started to view him as your husband-to-be, so it may feel like he’s “leaving you” in a way - but he’s not. He’s your boyfriend, not your fiance’, and certainly not your spouse. Your relationship is in the phase of “discerning for marriage” and either of you is free to walk away at any time without wronging the other. Keep in mind, he could even decide that he does want to be a husband, just not yours. Neither of those things is what you want, but that does not mean that he is unfairly being taken from you. All of us, in discerning our vocation, must (and have) gone through this.

Second, deciding to enter the seminary is not synonymous with becoming a priest. It takes years from that point to become a priest because it takes time to discern if that “relationship” is right, just like it would if he were deciding who he should marry. He certainly would not be the first person to go and change his mind after a while (if that happened), BUT you can’t be hoping and praying that he will do that in a timely fashion. It could take YEARS. This is not something you can rush … and your post feels a little like you want him to hurry and make a decision. “Honey if you’re not going to commit now that you’ll definitely be my husband one day then you definitely need answer God’s call to be a priest, so go ahead and leave for seminary.” Why does it have to be immediate? Can’t he just stay where he is and keep thinking about it? Please do not push him towards the priesthood because it’s easier than having him around undecided.

If you feel that you can’t be his friend and not his girlfriend, that’s understandable. However, him “not leaving yet” is not the same thing as the two of you being together. It’s not likely that you’re going to keep dating (read that as: discerning marriage) until he says “I’ve decided that I’m really leaving for the seminary at the end of the week.” People don’t switch relationships that fast. It’s more likely that he needs to definitely end the relationship and take some time to see how it feels before he makes the decision to leave.

This brings me to point number three. If he’s put space between the two of you to begin his discernment, it’s not right for you to “hang out with him so he’ll see you’re meant to be together”. That might be comparable to trying to get him to cheat on a new girl he’s seeing … except it’s not a new girl, it’s God. I believe that you mean it when you say you want what’s best for him and that God’s will be done, but you have to realize that to be truly supportive like this may require you to be more selfless than you’ve ever been in your life. you’ll have to truly turn it ALL over to God and just be his supportive friend. No ulterior motives, no secret prayers at night that things go your way, no wondering if you could turn him away from God (because you wouldn’t do anything akin to “cheating”), no “knowing” that you would have a blessed marriage … nothing. You wouldn’t be okay with dreaming of another woman’s fiance, would you?

Everything I’ve said here is undeniably a herculean feat. I don’t know that I could do it, honestly. I’d probably just have to say “I truly wish you the best of luck” and walk away. But you’re not me, so hopefully you can be strong enough to support him during this difficult time. I suspect his fear of the pain he’d cause you (both real and imagined) is hindering his decision. He could be afraid it would hurt you too much if he ended your relationship, OR he could feel that if he hurts you this way he BETTER become a priest … either way he is not really making his decision freely. Making him feel free to truly discern is the probably the best thing you can do to help him.

I wish you the best, you are in my prayers … but I’m willing to bet you are going to be just fine. Your heart is already in the right place. 🙂
 
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