Help and Advice in preparing for a Baptism

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Krislavis

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I’ll try and summarize this as best as possible:
My husband and I are both Catholic (i entered the Churvh this Easter)however I am the only one currently practicing and we are expecting our first child in Aug. Currently my husband will not attend Mass with me since I attend the parish just two blocks away and the priest and deacon there are not shy about occasionally covering difficult topics (such as contraception, homosexuality, and abortion) in their homilies. I have come to have a lot of respect for them because of this, however their coverage of the topics is what drove my husband away and he now considers that priest and deacon to be judgemental bigots (he honestly doesn’t know them personally enough to make any sort of call on them at all) and instead of recognizing that they are only preaching what the Church teaches he is attributing it to them personally and saying he will attend another parish but not that parish.

Now until now I have continued to go to that parish even though it means we are not attending together because I felt attending elsewhere would quietly be saying to him it is okay to only accept some of the Churches teaches and not others. Or it is okay to avoid recognizing certain topics and of you do support those topics it is okay to say that person is judgemental. However, now he is saying he will not attend any baptismal prep or baptism held at that parish as well. I brought this up with our pastor who replied that he has never had this happen in 10yrs of priesthood. I’m not sure if he will allow me to go through the prep alone as he said we both would need to participate (and he only has you do one meeting to prep). Even if he allowed us to do the baptism somewhere else he would be the one to do the prep (also something he suggested).

I don’t know what to do as I’m really saddened by my husband’s current position on this. I know how good he is, but when it comes to this he is filled with so much anger towards that priest it is hard to witness. The priest has offered to come over (say for dinner) and be put in the hot seat so to speak, but I’m scared as to what my husband’s reaction would be (Since I know how much he does not want to interact with the priest). However I think he really needs to address his anger in this area for his own good even if he doesn’t want to. Is it right for me to hold this dinner?
 
Krislavis said:
I’ll try and summarize this as best as possible:
My husband and I are both Catholic (i entered the Churvh this Easter)however I am the only one currently practicing and we are expecting our first child in Aug. Currently my husband will not attend Mass with me since I attend the parish just two blocks away and the priest and deacon there are not shy about occasionally covering difficult topics (such as contraception, homosexuality, and abortion) in their homilies. I have come to have a lot of respect for them because of this, however their coverage of the topics is what drove my husband away and he now considers that priest and deacon to be judgemental bigots (he honestly doesn’t know them personally enough to make any sort of call on them at all) and instead of recognizing that they are only preaching what the Church teaches he is attributing it to them personally and saying he will attend another parish but not that parish.

Now until now I have continued to go to that parish even though it means we are not attending together because I felt attending elsewhere would quietly be saying to him it is okay to only accept some of the Churches teaches and not others. Or it is okay to avoid recognizing certain topics and of you do support those topics it is okay to say that person is judgemental. However, now he is saying he will not attend any baptismal prep or baptism held at that parish as well. I brought this up with our pastor who replied that he has never had this happen in 10yrs of priesthood. I’m not sure if he will allow me to go through the prep alone as he said we both would need to participate (and he only has you do one meeting to prep). Even if he allowed us to do the baptism somewhere else he would be the one to do the prep (also something he suggested).

I don’t know what to do as I’m really saddened by my husband’s current position on this. I know how good he is, but when it comes to this he is filled with so much anger towards that priest it is hard to witness. The priest has offered to come over (say for dinner) and be put in the hot seat so to speak, but I’m scared as to what my husband’s reaction would be (Since I know how much he does not want to interact with the priest). However I think he really needs to address his anger in this area for his own good even if he doesn’t want to. Is it right for me to hold this dinner?
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I don’t want to be harsh but what kind of guy causes his pregnant wife this kind of strife?

Does he resent your recent conversion?
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
I don’t want to be harsh but what kind of guy causes his pregnant wife this kind of strife?

Does he resent your recent conversion?
Click to expand...
In his mind I think he justifies it by thinking I am the one causing my own strife by choosing to attend that parish. If I only follow his suggestion of attending a different parish everything would be fine.

He also separates out those teachings on Catholic sexual ethics as personal beliefs that one can choose or not choose to follow instead of viewing them as the teachings of the Church. So he sees my conversion to Catholicism as fine and is okay with it so long as he doesn’t tie in my now acceptance of ALL of the Church’s teachings.

While he hasn’t outright said that some of his resentment of this priest is do to my conversion and decision/wish to follow Catholic beliefs and teaching on sexual moral ethics I would not be surprised if that is partly the case.
 
Krislavis said:
In his mind I think he justifies it by thinking I am the one causing my own strife by choosing to attend that parish. If I only follow his suggestion of attending a different parish everything would be fine.

He also separates out those teachings on Catholic sexual ethics as personal beliefs that one can choose or not choose to follow instead of viewing them as the teachings of the Church. So he sees my conversion to Catholicism as fine and is okay with it so long as he doesn’t tie in my now acceptance of ALL of the Church’s teachings.

While he hasn’t outright said that some of his resentment of this priest is do to my conversion and decision/wish to follow Catholic beliefs and teaching on sexual moral ethics I would not be surprised if that is partly the case.
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With all due respect, the problem is not the baptism or the parish but rather your marriage. Counseling may be something to pursue. If he will participate in a baptism at another parish, do that. Baptism is baptism.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
With all due respect, the problem is not the baptism or the parish but rather your marriage. Counseling may be something to pursue. If he will participate in a baptism at another parish, do that. Baptism is baptism.
Click to expand...
While Baptism may be Baptism, that may mean joining another parish simply to have someone else do the prep…
 
Krislavis said:
In his mind I think he justifies it by thinking I am the one causing my own strife by choosing to attend that parish. If I only follow his suggestion of attending a different parish everything would be fine.

He also separates out those teachings on Catholic sexual ethics as personal beliefs that one can choose or not choose to follow instead of viewing them as the teachings of the Church. So he sees my conversion to Catholicism as fine and is okay with it so long as he doesn’t tie in my now acceptance of ALL of the Church’s teachings.

While he hasn’t outright said that some of his resentment of this priest is do to my conversion and decision/wish to follow Catholic beliefs and teaching on sexual moral ethics I would not be surprised if that is partly the case.
Click to expand...
Krislavis said:
While Baptism may be Baptism, that may mean joining another parish simply to have someone else do the prep…
Click to expand...
Not really. Your “parish” is canonically a geographical issue. We have had every single one of our kids baptized outside of our geographical parish. One, was 1800 miles and two time zones away. No registration necessary.
I have a feeling if you speak to your pastor he will help you with the solution
 
Welcome home to the Church and congratulations on the baby! You are lucky to have a parish Church just two blocks away. I don’t think that parish shopping/hopping will solve anything, but I could be wrong. I think your pastor’s offer to visit your home for an honest talk is a wise move.
 
I wouldn’t know what to advise, so I’ll just pray for you and your family.
 
I’m sorry you have to deal with this.
I’d suggest asking your husband if it’s all right to invite the priest for dinner. Please don’t spring it on him as a surprise.Hopefully they can discuss it as mature adults.
Don’t be too hard on him. As you live out a Catholic witness by loving and supporting him, without judging, he’ll come to see the beauty of the church. And the Holy Spirit will work on him.
It might take a while. And of course it’s not easy for you, dealing with a new baby which is a challenge as well as a wonderful blessing.

As another poster suggested, you can have the child baptized in another church.
Try not to make these social justice issues come between you and your marriage. They are important, but your marriage is your priority.
Many of us started out with foolish beliefs on abortion, etc and changed over time. Nothing is written in stone.
God bless.

.
 
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