Help Dealing with Lust

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Hello everyone.

I need some serious advice. I am a 17 year old male in my junior year of high school. I want to be holy, close to God, and happy.

However, I have a huge problem with lust (as most teenage boys do). I promise God CONSTANTLY that I will stop masturbating and lead a holier life, but then that very night I will end up masturbating again. It’s like being addicted to some drug. I don’t want to seek professional counseling, I just need help dealing with this.

I want to say that this isn’t an emotional thing (as for what my reason to do it is). Basically, I just enjoy the pleasure and the feeling. However, every time I do it, I feel terrible afterwards and ask myself “What if I died right now? Is this a mortal sin?”

I go to a Catholic High School. According to all my religion teachers, masturbation is a mortal sin. However, I reason to myself before I masturbate that in my case it isn’t because I am addicted to it. Is this really the case?

PLEASE HELP! I have been searching for God for two months and haven’t felt his presence. If there’s anything I want for Christmas, it’s to feel God’s love personally.

Thank you. God Bless!
 
cwp587 said:
Hello everyone.

I need some serious advice. I am a 17 year old male in my junior year of high school. I want to be holy, close to God, and happy.

However, I have a huge problem with lust (as most teenage boys do). I promise God CONSTANTLY that I will stop masturbating and lead a holier life, but then that very night I will end up masturbating again. It’s like being addicted to some drug. I don’t want to seek professional counseling, I just need help dealing with this.

I want to say that this isn’t an emotional thing (as for what my reason to do it is). Basically, I just enjoy the pleasure and the feeling. However, every time I do it, I feel terrible afterwards and ask myself “What if I died right now? Is this a mortal sin?”

I go to a Catholic High School. According to all my religion teachers, masturbation is a mortal sin. However, I reason to myself before I masturbate that in my case it isn’t because I am addicted to it. Is this really the case?

PLEASE HELP! I have been searching for God for two months and haven’t felt his presence. If there’s anything I want for Christmas, it’s to feel God’s love personally.

Thank you. God Bless!
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It’s not “like” being addicted to a drug, it is being addicted. You may well be a sex addict (or lust addict or sexaholic, or what ever label you wish to put on it.) I should know, for I suffer from that same affliction. Studies have been done that show that compulsive sex affects the brain in a way similar to drug abuse, for both overstimulate and in the end degrade or even destroy the same brain receptors, those for Dopamine which regulates pleasure.

I always marvel and rejoice when I hear young men of your age seeking help. It took me until I was 31 to come to my senses fully. For you the train may be easier to stop and turn around than when you get to be my age. 👍

A few things you can do –
  1. Pray every day. Try to turn your life over to God’s care, and ask him for the grace to, just for that day surrender your desire to lust over to him.
  2. Seek help. I would suggest, if you can find one in your area, a meeting of Sexaholics Anonymous, which is a 12-step group based off of the well-known 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. (There are others out there, but the sobriety definition for SA, “No sex with self or others outside of a committed, male-female marriage” fits the closest with Catholic teaching IMO). Get a sponsor as soon as possible, if you join SA, and keep in daily contact with them.
  3. When you do fall, go to confession. DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP ON THESE OCCASSIONS. The enemy wants you in despair, all the better for him to keep you chained in your addiction. While the behavior is objectively wrong, God still loves you and wants you to turn back to him with your whole heart. Remember that.
  4. Reflect on the Passion, especially the Scourging at the Pillar. And remember that he took those blows for you and for all of us as an act of supreme love for us mired in impurity addiction.
In your asking for help, you are showing courage and a desire to stop. You are in my prayers. 🙂
 
I have gone through the same experiences I am a senior in High school. Something that may help is anytime you get the urge or feeling to masturbate focus your attention elsewhere…try physical activity or prayer…it’s whatever works best for you…lastly I do know that feeling of just being addicted but the fact is masturbating is a sin and you just need to steer yourself away from it. The Lord is always watching, you are never alone, that’s when you are doing good or bad acts.

God bless
 
Is there any specific method I could use to not repeat the behavior?

It seems that the strongest time that it occurs is right before bed. Other than that, I can control it pretty well.
 
Just try simple things like doing a puzzle or just counting sheep as soon as the urge hits you
 
cwp587 said:
Is there any specific method I could use to not repeat the behavior?

It seems that the strongest time that it occurs is right before bed. Other than that, I can control it pretty well.
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A couple of things I can think of –

Try changing your routine – what do you usually do just before bed? COuld it be somehow contributing to your wanting to do that before sleeping? Do you pray before bed? If not, perhaps try praying before going to bed. Also, try changing your environment somewhat – if need be, layer up while sleeping (either via blankets or, as odd as it might sound, multiple pairs of underwear or clothing) so that you have more restricted physical access to that area.
 
Do you have a computer next to your bed? This is what my problem was, I would say, well, i CANT control the feelings, and i need to release the tension, so i would try to justify it. then right afterwards, i would feel horrible. vow to never do it again…next night, or a few nights later, repeat, repeat, repeat. It’s so easy to fall into this. i started watching Catholic movies before bed, to keep my “holiness factor” (lol) up, and it would diminish the temptation for sure. after a while of this, i stopped thinking about it for a week or so at a time, and now, about 6 or 7 months later, a almost never struggle with getting to the point of really coming close to masturbating. just change your behavior surrounding when and where you masturbate. and give it time, and remember that you shouldn’t despair, and use confession regularly. this helped me greatly! Good luck, and you can do it!
 
The only thing I have next to my bed is a box of tissues and a rosary (Odd combo).

I wish I could finish college starting tomorrow and go ahead and get married. I’m tired of dealing with this masturbation thing! Haha

Thank you all
 
well, regardless, like I said, whatever your routine for masturbation may be, change it. This is the hardest part I have found. say a decade of the rosary perhaps to turn your mind away, and keep it there for a little while. Mary is a tremendous help!
 
cwp587 said:
Hello everyone.

I need some serious advice. I am a 17 year old male in my junior year of high school. I want to be holy, close to God, and happy.

However, I have a huge problem with lust (as most teenage boys do). I promise God CONSTANTLY that I will stop masturbating and lead a holier life, but then that very night I will end up masturbating again. It’s like being addicted to some drug. I don’t want to seek professional counseling, I just need help dealing with this.

I want to say that this isn’t an emotional thing (as for what my reason to do it is). Basically, I just enjoy the pleasure and the feeling. However, every time I do it, I feel terrible afterwards and ask myself “What if I died right now? Is this a mortal sin?”

I go to a Catholic High School. According to all my religion teachers, masturbation is a mortal sin. However, I reason to myself before I masturbate that in my case it isn’t because I am addicted to it. Is this really the case?

PLEASE HELP! I have been searching for God for two months and haven’t felt his presence. If there’s anything I want for Christmas, it’s to feel God’s love personally.

Thank you. God Bless!
Click to expand...
I’m about your age and I understand how lust can be a constant temptation. I can’t say I’m an expert but I’ll do my best to give some advice…
First however, remember that God knows you are struggling. He isn’t against you, he is for you. Once you get stuck with a bad habit, it can be hard to break…so God understands and always is with you but its important to realize God always calls us to break free of sin even if it is hard. The fact that you want to be holy is a grace from God and a sign he is still with you, so its really important never to give up. A priest told me in confession one time that no matter how many times you sin, you always defeat the devil when you return to the confessional. Its important to remember that.

Ok here are some possible suggestions :
  1. PRAY THE ROSARY-- this is important. Not every now and then. Every day. Every day. Whatever time works. Even if you can’t all at once, say a decade here and there to say all 5 decades. This is important.
  2. Say the “Three Hail Mary’s” devotion. Here is what it is: fatima.org/essentials/requests/3hailmaryleaf.asp its especially effective when done for purity
  3. Other prayer options (do some, its probably not possible to do all)- in addition to those, always be praying. Short prayers throughout the day, chaplet of divine mercy, reading the Gospels, stations of the cross, meditations, acts of love to God, novenas, personal prayer, etc. Use the Sacramentals maybe a blessed medal of St. Joseph or Mary?
  4. Get rid of the tissues at the side of the bed. and anything else that might be conducive to impurity
  5. Don’t debate the issue. Its better to just habitually think in your mind “This is not an option now forget it” than “OOOh that would be fun, wish i could do it but i can’t :(” That takes practice but it changes everything
  6. Place a picture near your bed of Mary or the Divine Mercy picture. These are important. The Divine Mercy is a reminder that God’s mercy is always there for us. He loves us and forgives us. This doesn’t change the horrible nature of sin, you realize how frustrating it is. That alone should remind you of the damage of sin. The Divine Mercy is no excuse for sin but a reminder that God is stronger than sin.
  7. Frequent Communion with devotion. Make sure to go to confession before hand.
  8. Stay up later until you are a little more tired so that when you go to bed you have lesss time to have to deal with the temptation, If you are tempted in bed maybe just get up and go do something else. Read, eat, play a game, do homework (speaking of which I have lots to do right now :D…better get on that) etc.
  9. Never give up
  10. This is sort of hard to explain, but its something that I think takes a lot of time to realize. After being free from lust and then being tempted again I notice my relationship with girls in general changes and the way I think of them does. It is impossible to experience when struggling with lust unless you have really been free. Once youre free you may realize. Its hard to explain but in my experience its like you see girls as real people and friends and it changes your relationship. Private lust feels to me isolating and just like you are a slave to your passions and feel like girls are just objects. Being free form lust changes that and its hard to describe but it feels more whole and complete and pure!!! I think what happens is that lust turns us into ourselves and makes our physical pleasure everything where sex was meant for a man and woman to go beyond themselves and become one with eachother to become Cocreators with God. A much much different picture.
Good luck, I understand the struggle, I’m a senior in HS and I know its hard. Just keep pushing, God never gives up. He died for you. Hope this is helpful.
🙂
 
One more thing,
after conquering the tempatation for a while, it gets easier. Its not like it won’t come back but it will always be in check and won’t play a big role in your life.
 
It’s not easy. You may fail time and time again. It’s not easy to just go “cold turkey.” If you can’t do this, then you should at least focus on trying to reduce the amount you commit these sins and then gradually over time remove them from your life.

A few things to try to help you:
  1. Frequent confession. If you have to go after every time you sin then do it or even weekly. At the very minimum once per month. Also no receiving Communion in a state of mortal sin! The more you go to confession the better. Sins have a tendency to snowball. You do it once and then after that you start to reason that since you’re already in a state of mortal sin that you can just do it again since you’ll be going to confession on Saturday or next Saturday or whatever. It’s not good.
  2. Pray! The Rosary is powerful and if you can say it every day. You can also try other devotions, prayers, sing religious songs all day, or just free form pray, but pray a lot especially when you feel tempted.
  3. Do penance. Do charitable works, fast (this isn’t suggested much these days for some reason), etc.
  4. Avoid things that cause you to sin. If your computer causes you to sin, then walk away as soon as you get the urge. Shut it down and don’t go back for the rest of the night. Same goes for TV, magazines, cell phone or whatever else. If your hand causes you to sin then cut it off. Obviously don’t cut literally your hand, but cut off the things that make you sin.
  5. Read the Bible, not only is it important, but it also takes up time from your pornography/masturbation habits.
Anyway you get the idea.
 
Satan is no fool. He has every human under a sin. Masturbation is Satan’s cheap sucker punch.

It is a very difficult habit to kick especially if your genetics and fleshy nature crave it. I was a chronic masturbator, I still fall.

In order to stop this habit. You need to work extremely hard at reforming your mind and it will be a painful experience.

Masturbation with or without porn is a sin that will take you to hell.

You must remove the demon of lust. Jesus can remove this demon from your soul.

Reasons for masturbation
  1. evil spirits in the house
  2. evil spirits in your body (demons)
  3. your evil lustful mind
  4. your evil lustful heart
 
CHAPTER 13 – On Resisting Temptations [The Imitation of Christ]

So long as we live in this world, we cannot remain without trial and temptation: as Job says, “Man’s life on earth is a warfare.” We must therefore be on guard against temptations, and watchful in prayer, that the Devil find no means of deceiving us; for he never rests, but prowls around seeking whom he may devour. No one is so perfect and holy that he is never tempted, and we can never be secure from temptation.

Although temptations are so troublesome and grievous, yet they are often profitable to us, for by them we are humbled, cleansed, and instructed. All the Saints endured manly trials and temptations, and profited by them; but those who could not resist temptations became reprobate, and fell away. There is no Order so holy, nor place so secluded, where there are no troubles and temptations.

No man can be entirely free from temptation so long as he lives; for the source of temptation lies within our own nature, since we are born with an inclination towards evil. When one temptation or trial draws to a close, another takes its place; and we shall always have something to fight, for man has lost the blessing of original happiness. Many try to escape temptations, only to encounter them more fiercely, for no one can win victory by flight alone; it is only by patience and true humility that we can grow stronger than all our foes.

The man who only avoids the outward occasions of evil, but fails to uproot it in himself, will gain little advantage. Indeed, temptations will return upon him the sooner, and he will find himself in a worse state than before. Little by little and by patient endurance you will overcome them by God’s help, better than by your own violence and importunity. Seek regular advice in temptation, and never deal harshly with those who are tempted, but give them such encouragement as you would value yourself.

The beginning of all evil temptation is an unstable mind and lack of trust in God. Just as a ship without a helm is driven to and fro by the waves, so a careless man, who abandons his proper course, is tempted in countless ways. Fire tempers steel, and temptation the just man. We often do not know what we can bear, but temptation reveals our true nature. We need especially to be on our guard at the very onset of temptation, for then the Enemy may be more easily overcome, if he is not allowed to enter the gates of the mind: he must be repulsed at the threshold, as soon as he knocks. Thus the poet Ovid writes, “Resist at the beginning; the remedy may come too late.” For first there comes into the mind an evil thought: next, a vivid picture: then delight, and urge to evil, and finally consent. In this way the Enemy gradually gains complete mastery, when he is not resisted at first. And the longer a slothful man delays resistance, the weaker he becomes, and the stronger his enemy grows against him.

Some people undergo their heaviest temptations at the beginning of their conversion; some towards the end of their course; others are greatly troubled all their lives; while there are some whose temptations are but light. This is in accordance with the wisdom and justice of God’s ordinance, who weighs the condition and merits of every man, and disposes all things for the salvation of those whom He chooses.

We must not despair, therefore, when we are tempted, but earnestly pray God to grant us his help in every need. For, as Saint Paul says, “With the temptation, God will provide a way to overcome it, that we may be able to bear bear it.” So, let us humble ourselves under the hand of God, in every trial and trouble, for He will save and raise up the humble in Spirit. In all these trials, our progress is tested; in them great merit may be secured, and our virtue become evident. It is no great matter if we are devout and fervent when we have no troubles; but if we show patience in adversity, we can make great progress in virtue. Some are spared severe temptations, but are overcome in the lesser ones of every day, in order that they may be humble, and learn not to trust in themselves, but to recognize their frailty.
 
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