Help! Did son's therapist give bad advice?

[ToeInTheWater]

I mentioned sports teams and that’s generally safe, as long as one is focusing on the game itself and not the off-the-field antics of players. There’s even space to get really, really absorbed in stats and playbooks and drafting (football talk is huge in my area, my husband is a total nerd about it, but that’s an advantage socially. I don’t follow it extensively, but I still know the names of the major players and the rules of the game, and can have casual conversations in the check out line etc.)

I can see AS spectrum kids doing really well in “Fantasy sports” that focuses strictly on player stats, and doesn’t require one to have a rooting interest in any one team or player.

I think most of the issues with players being “poor role models” happen when kids are encouraged to idolize them and “support the players on my team no matter what” in order to be considered a “true fan”.

While most people I know who follow sports are adults who are savvy enough to separate the players’ personal lives from their rooting interests, I have certainly seen younger fans get led astray and decide “If player X does Y, it can’t be that bad”. With “Y” being anything from “using steroids” to “having 10 kids with 4 different women” to “beating his wife”.

Depending on the size of his school, there are probably other people the OP’s son can find to share interests with. IIRC, he’s in public school, so faith and religion may be difficult, but there’s still Lord of the Rings kids, kids who like old movies, and a lot of the kinds of things that Xantippe mentioned. I went to public school not THAT long ago and I ran with a pretty innocent, nerdy crowd of “good kids.” Encouraging him to broaden his horizons in wholesome ways, and connect with other kids with other interests, should be very good for him!

Yes, assuming HS is just as cliquey as when I was a teenager almost 20 years ago, the point is not to “fit in” with every single kid in HS, that is impossible!

There are certainly circles where it’d be impossible to “fit in” without not only watching South Park and other vulgar shows but having sex and doing drugs. But not all students run in such circles.

 

[Xantippe]

I work with special needs high school students, including those with aspergers. Watching South Park is a VERY bad idea. I know parents who have learned the hard way about this very thing. Even though their child is responsible and makes good choices, they are very selective about what he watches on TV. Why? One reason of many is that for some reason they meld their personalities with TV or movie characters, if only for a little while.

If he has what we call “class out” in other words he is in classes with regular students, and spits out some South Park vulgarity, his first high school experience will be a suspension or a week in ISS. I know what I am talking about. I would consider getting a new therapist. :twocents:

That’s very valuable.

Yeah, all you need is a kid to glom onto some rude expression and keep repeating it and BOOM–vice principal’s office.

 

[Xantippe]

To answer a few questions, my son tends to overly talk about airplanes. He wasn’t into military planes but learned about them by studying the various aspects of military and commercial engines, and the physics that goes along with it (this kid really knows his science). So, he used to talk over the heads of his peers. Now, he has found older kids that can keep up with him. He plays trumpet and golf, and he joined the school band and is going out for track & field.

We homeschooled him in 7th and 8th grade, but he has friends from church and altar serving going to HS with him. So, he has a group that accepts him. We’re told he’s a handsome young man. /QUOTE]

Very nice.

There really ought to be at least one other kid at school who is into planes. Big Girl has a classmate in 9th grade who is working toward his pilot’s license.

 

[Xantippe]

Yes, assuming HS is just as cliquey as when I was a teenager almost 20 years ago, the point is not to “fit in” with every single kid in HS, that is impossible!

Preppy MWF, stoner Tuesday and Thursday?

 

[ToeInTheWater]

Preppy MWF, stoner Tuesday and Thursday?

LOL! That being said I can think of kids who did move from clique to clique, but more on the order of months spent in, say, the Preppy clique then move to the Stoner clique then maybe go through rehab, “get saved” and move to the Holy Roller clique…

Anyway, I recall feeling “left out” in HS because my parents didn’t let me watch Beverly Hills, 90210 or Melrose Place and those were the popular shows marketed toward teens back then – maybe MP technically was meant for adults but most of the kids who liked 90210 watched MP, too.

But they didn’t have a problem with me watching the many Star Trek spinoffs also on air about the same time, as most of the episodes of those shows didn’t mention sex at all, even if sex was implied I can’t recall too many episodes where sex really mattered that much to the plot.

So I did spend a lot of time with kids who also watched Star Trek. I later grew out of that phase and don’t watch any Star Trek shows anymore. But it did help navigate the HS social waters somewhat.

 

[Xantippe]

LOL! That being said I can think of kids who did move from clique to clique, but more on the order of months spent in, say, the Preppy clique then move to the Stoner clique then maybe go through rehab, “get saved” and move to the Holy Roller clique…

Anyway, I recall feeling “left out” in HS because my parents didn’t let me watch Beverly Hills, 90210 or Melrose Place and those were the popular shows marketed toward teens back then – maybe MP technically was meant for adults but most of the kids who liked 90210 watched MP, too.

But they didn’t have a problem with me watching the many Star Trek spinoffs also on air about the same time, as most of the episodes of those shows didn’t mention sex at all, even if sex was implied I can’t recall too many episodes where sex really mattered that much to the plot.

So I did spend a lot of time with kids who also watched Star Trek. I later grew out of that phase and don’t watch any Star Trek shows anymore. But it did help navigate the HS social waters somewhat.

Big Girl wore her Star Trek pjs to pajama day at school.

stylinonline.com/pajamas-star-trek-next-gen-command-set.html?Size=X-Large&gclid=CjwKCAjw_dTMBRBHEiwApIzn_ENhayPvhZNV4B4ndRkMN3pqUk4ngItTjGH0ff3agh6VGL0a4IxPJxoC0gEQAvD_BwE

 

[Franciscan_Way]

Go with your thought, “No way”!

 

[1990Domer]

Thank you for the great advice! DS is going to Catholic school, and I truly believe it is with a capital C. As I mentioned, our priest in residence just got named principal, and he is a very orthodox priest not afraid to talk about tough subjects.

For some weird reason, his social awkwardness is endearing to girls (who are really attractive). I think it’s because he does not at them as sex objects and doesn’t show off to impress them. He works out, got his braces off and has really matured into a sweet young man (who is about 6’1"). The only real animosity he’s gotten is from a neighborhood boy who thinks he’s “cool and beautiful.” Yes, I heard this kid actually say that. He also said if he had to be a priest, he’d shoot himself. He got an earful from me. This same kid objectifies girls and wonders why they flock to DS.

I suggested DS start a plane watching club. There have been military exercises around our house (due to North Korea), so he’s been talking with his peers to see if they spotted any planes (he and his cyber school friend both saw an Osprey).

In any case, the core group that has befriended him are goofy in their own right, but they are sweet kids (they all altar serve and do youth group). Sadly, they are not as bright as DS, so he may not be in class with them.

As for potty words, it’s me who let’s out a few during college football season. My username may give away my affiliation…but, this may be a plus because a couple older HS boys want to attend the same school.

 

[angell1]

I can see how it might be useful to know a few details about something popular just to keep up with a conversation (as long as it’s appropriate). I’m surprised people still watch South Park too, but for another example - I don’t watch Game of Thrones, but I do know who the main characters are and the basic gist of the show, and most of the time when people talk about it they aren’t talking about the immoral parts, but plot developments and who they are rooting for as characters. Even if he doesn’t participate, it could be less bewildering for him to have a general idea of what’s popular with his peers.

Another analogy might be having an idea about local sports teams for talking around the water cooler at the office. I think that’s most likely what your son’s therapist is going for. She may not know herself much about South Park (especially depending on her age), but if your son brought it up as something he’s heard his peers mention, it’s possible that she naively thought it would be an OK thing for him to do.

I never really watched south park, but from what I’ve heard, it’s a really stupid show.

and it’s too bad that tv ruined game of thrones so badly, I read the first book, it’s not anything like what the tv show sounds like

 

[Allegra]

LOL! That being said I can think of kids who did move from clique to clique, but more on the order of months spent in, say, the Preppy clique then move to the Stoner clique then maybe go through rehab, “get saved” and move to the Holy Roller clique…

Anyway, I recall feeling “left out” in HS because my parents didn’t let me watch Beverly Hills, 90210 or Melrose Place and those were the popular shows marketed toward teens back then – maybe MP technically was meant for adults but most of the kids who liked 90210 watched MP, too.

But they didn’t have a problem with me watching the many Star Trek spinoffs also on air about the same time, as most of the episodes of those shows didn’t mention sex at all, even if sex was implied I can’t recall too many episodes where sex really mattered that much to the plot.

So I did spend a lot of time with kids who also watched Star Trek. I later grew out of that phase and don’t watch any Star Trek shows anymore. But it did help navigate the HS social waters somewhat.

I went to a really large high school with 600+ in my graduating class, so my experience may not be so typical. However, I would have been one of those kids who easily moved from clique to clique. I sat where I wanted on the bus. I ate with any number of people I liked at lunch. We had a rotating schedule, so it was very common for me to eat with a completely different group of people on MWF than TTH. I had friends that were athletic and musicians, foreign exchange students, honors students, and even from the special ed room. In such a large school, cliques weren’t really that important. Some would criticize that it was harder to form “close” relationships with friends, but I would argue that a friendship based on membership in a clique is the ultimate in shallow relationships. On the plus side, there was a certain level of unanimity. You could always find someone who had never heard of you. I had a friend that literally threw up in front of the three tiered lunchroom on the first day of school, fell down a flight of stairs, exposing her underwear to everyone and spilling her lunch and purse everywhere, and ran off to hide in the nurse’s office and you know what happened? Someone went and got a janitor. Most people just went on eating their lunch. No one even remembered it the next day. My friend went from mortified to indignant. No one had the decency to start a rumor that she’d been drunk or anything! One person asked her if she’d hurt herself as she got on the bus. I had a good time in high school. I don’t remember anyone killing themselves.

 

[phil_at_dayboro]

I haven’t seen South Park for years , it’s a show teens can relate to,
It’s more adult humour , it’s nothing like the Simpsons which I have Always thought was total Rubbish , the Simpsons is NOT Children Humour ,it’s Adult humour ,
South Park will be fine, why not watch it with him,if you think it’s Rubbish ,
Then simply explain to him it’s really just Rubbish , and gently persuade him to agree with you like only a loving mother can

 

[1990Domer]

He’s really not interested in watching after reading up on some of the episodes. I saw a small YouTube montage of the series. No thanks. He can watch Nova with DH.

 

[jcrichton]

LOL! That being said I can think of kids who did move from clique to clique, but more on the order of months spent in, say, the Preppy clique then move to the Stoner clique then maybe go through rehab, “get saved” and move to the Holy Roller clique…

Anyway, I recall feeling “left out” in HS because my parents didn’t let me watch Beverly Hills, 90210 or Melrose Place and those were the popular shows marketed toward teens back then – maybe MP technically was meant for adults but most of the kids who liked 90210 watched MP, too.

But they didn’t have a problem with me watching the many Star Trek spinoffs also on air about the same time, as most of the episodes of those shows didn’t mention sex at all, even if sex was implied I can’t recall too many episodes where sex really mattered that much to the plot.

So I did spend a lot of time with kids who also watched Star Trek. I later grew out of that phase and don’t watch any Star Trek shows anymore. But it did help navigate the HS social waters somewhat.

Hi!

…well… the sex was there… the difference was that the intimacy usually stayed behind the scenes–the spinoffs were more “modern;” sex was not only almost always there but highly flaunted… it’s like the “kids” shows where intimacy (actual sex or behavior which is highly intimate) is brought out into the cafeteria or the local hangouts… as a sci fi nut–I have suffered throughout the years as they’ve pushed me out with so much nonsense that has little to do with anything but gratuitous and “in-your-face” sexing.

Maran atha!

Angel

 

[jcrichton]

Thank you for the great advice! DS is going to Catholic school, and I truly believe it is with a capital C. As I mentioned, our priest in residence just got named principal, and he is a very orthodox priest not afraid to talk about tough subjects.

For some weird reason, his social awkwardness is endearing to girls (who are really attractive). I think it’s because he does not at them as sex objects and doesn’t show off to impress them. He works out, got his braces off and has really matured into a sweet young man (who is about 6’1"). The only real animosity he’s gotten is from a neighborhood boy who thinks he’s “cool and beautiful.” Yes, I heard this kid actually say that. He also said if he had to be a priest, he’d shoot himself. He got an earful from me. This same kid objectifies girls and wonders why they flock to DS.

I suggested DS start a plane watching club. There have been military exercises around our house (due to North Korea), so he’s been talking with his peers to see if they spotted any planes (he and his cyber school friend both saw an Osprey).

In any case, the core group that has befriended him are goofy in their own right, but they are sweet kids (they all altar serve and do youth group). Sadly, they are not as bright as DS, so he may not be in class with them.

As for potty words, it’s me who let’s out a few during college football season. My username may give away my affiliation…but, this may be a plus because a couple older HS boys want to attend the same school. ������������������

Hi, Domer!

…DS’s respect and genuineness is what attracts the girls; his intelligence will cause friction between him and other boys (as well as the attention the girls give him)… so there’s a plus but also a minus to this… as the boy that attacked DS’s persona, others will do so as well… and some girls “must” get attention from the “uninterested” guy… these are tow points that you must work with him to strengthen him so that he would not be caught off guard or thrown into confusion/doubt.

…as for the older crowd… it is a blessing (I was the only fellow allowed to play with the older guys (football, basketball, baseball); keep him grounded; let him know that he does not have to go out of character (drink, smoke, act up or engage in other “grown up” behavior) just to make/keep a friend.

Intelligence coupled with humility is wonderful–he can be a leader of kids his own age and younger… and depending upon his abilities to remain humble and his interest to help others, even older kids and adults would eventually look up to him!

Do talk to him about users… there will be those who will attempt to prey on him because of his intellectual mobility; they would search him out to do the science projects or home/class work assignments… all the while just seeking an easy way with him carrying the load…

If you teach DS to hold fast (secured about his abilities, goals, and self-respect) he will learn to do well with no friends, a few amigos or many many followers–my picture was up on the board on my second semester in HS… people were greeting me and seeking my friendship… that never stopped… but I had to learn to weed-out the losers and users.

Maran atha!

Angel

 

[jcrichton]

I never really watched south park, but from what I’ve heard, it’s a really stupid show.

and it’s too bad that tv ruined game of thrones so badly, I read the first book, it’s not anything like what the tv show sounds like

Hi, Angel!

…well, is that rule that broke out in the eighties: sex, violence, gore, hatred, irreligiousness… SELLS!

Maran atha!

Angel

 

[jcrichton]

I went to a really large high school with 600+ in my graduating class, so my experience may not be so typical. However, I would have been one of those kids who easily moved from clique to clique. I sat where I wanted on the bus. I ate with any number of people I liked at lunch. We had a rotating schedule, so it was very common for me to eat with a completely different group of people on MWF than TTH. I had friends that were athletic and musicians, foreign exchange students, honors students, and even from the special ed room. In such a large school, cliques weren’t really that important. Some would criticize that it was harder to form “close” relationships with friends, but I would argue that a friendship based on membership in a clique is the ultimate in shallow relationships. On the plus side, there was a certain level of unanimity. You could always find someone who had never heard of you. I had a friend that literally threw up in front of the three tiered lunchroom on the first day of school, fell down a flight of stairs, exposing her underwear to everyone and spilling her lunch and purse everywhere, and ran off to hide in the nurse’s office and you know what happened? Someone went and got a janitor. Most people just went on eating their lunch. No one even remembered it the next day. My friend went from mortified to indignant. No one had the decency to start a rumor that she’d been drunk or anything! One person asked her if she’d hurt herself as she got on the bus. I had a good time in high school. I don’t remember anyone killing themselves.

Hi, Allegra!

…if you are referring to the suicides of young people… I think it’s part of the social changes… we (in the US of A) have removed God from society; we have divested children from their parents, siblings, and grandparents; we have broken the mind and spirit of all through the hollowood’s spirituality and “social acclaims;” we have nurtured the jocks (both male and female–cause cheerleaders are celebrated in the same vein), queens, and thugs; while, simultaneously, debasing and rejecting the intellect; we have created idiot norms (don’t snitch, don’t help me, don’t walk with me, don’t defend me, don’t study, don’t carry/use textbooks, don’t learn, hate your teachers, bully others, wealth trumps everything, good guys don’t win or should even be liked; just be cool…), and vanity and uselessness trumps any and all virtues…

…children are growing up alone; siblings are taught to hate/distrust each other and their parents… parents are taught to divest themselves of their children and to live for themselves… so a child in crisis will turn to another child whose main concern is to be/sound/feel superior and cool… it is a wonder that health crisis in teens and preteens have not ended up as the worst pandemic to ever hit the world stage.

…we have all but removed reason and safe haven from the most vulnerable in human development; reality, is not a choreographed movie/program–the young don’t always have the ability/tools to see beyond what is considered an end-of-life crisis, which could well just boil down to, ‘some one/a few people don’t like me.’

Maran atha!

Angel

 

[jcrichton]

He’s really not interested in watching after reading up on some of the episodes. I saw a small YouTube montage of the series. No thanks. He can watch Nova with DH.

Hi, Domer!

…there are excellent programs in the Scientific Network (everything from ancient marvels of science/tech to future tech at use right now).

Maran atha!

Angel

 

[jcrichton]

As usual, you are doing a great job with your beautiful son! We have many children, I even have grandchildren now time flies! One of my children is on the spectrum as well as having another child with disabilities and it can be a challenge as you know, lots of mistakes were made for sure. I can tell you though I think this therapists advice is worthless (sorry to be blunt)

Why? Because if my child watched South Park they would have talked about the show in a very boring way with a robotic voice that’s why. It’s not the SHOW that my child needed to watch, it was engaging with others that they needed to practice over and over and over again. I had to remind them to ask others what they liked. Sometimes the conversation was about TV, sometimes it was about peanut butter, sometimes it was about the weather, it really didn’t matter they needed to learn to adapt to others and ask questions, not just ramble on about what they liked.

I found conversation practice to be helpful. It annoyed them a lot but we tried to make it funny and it was helpful. It was role play and I pretended to be a kid at school and we had conversation practice. Sometimes I would be boring and shy and sometimes I would say something weird to throw them off.

YOU know your son best! You have done a great job so far, often you have gone against what everyone else has told you and look how great your son is doing! Prayers coming your way for many blessings for your beautiful family.

Hi, Monica!

Thanks for sharing!

…yeah, it does not take a degree to employ commonsense!

Building up and encouraging a child does not mean throw them in a tank full of piranhas!

Your experience/practice is demonstratively a better advise!

Communication is the key; when we master some of it we become a magnet for others–pile up smarts or abilities… and you’ve got a winning dynamic.

Maran atha!

Angel