Help discerning my vocation

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jtodisco

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I have been struggling to discern my vocation ever since I returned to the faith approximately 4 years ago. Since that time I have felt a persistent nagging feeling to become a priest or a religious brother. However, since I was quite young I always imagined myself getting married one day and having a family. Obviously I cannot do both.

I have tried to pray and meditate about this many times seeking a clear indication of what I should do to no avail. Whether I imagine myself entering the priesthood/religious life or eventually getting married I find myself feeling very anxious. All three vocations have their merits and their sacrifices.

But I don’t know if I can persist in ignoring these urgings I feel to become a priest. I have tried on many occasions to ignore these thoughts. I have told myself that I know I am not worthy to become a priest, especially to administer the Sacraments, knowing just how much of a sinner I am. I have told myself that I could never give up the prospect of married life and raising children. And the objections go on, while the promptings do not.

However, there are times when I am bombarded with just as many thoughts about getting married and raising a good Catholic family as well.

I am at a loss.

And so I ask you all to please pray for me, asking God to give me guidance so that I may know what His will truly is for me. Thank you. 🙂
 
Imagine yourself in the following situations…
  1. A religious, in a monastery or in the world depending on your particular charism, avowed to poverty, living in a community, no possessions, working only for your community’s aims and praying constantly. Living a very simple life indeed.
  2. A diocesan priest, living in the world and serving it through celebrating Mass, forgiving sinners, administering sacraments of the sick, baptism, marriage, listening to people, helping them, teaching them, marrying them, burying them, consoling, congratulating, etc.
  3. A family man, married, children, house, job, the business of day to day life, watching your children grow up, achieving material gains, retiring when you’re old.
For each of these examples, which one do you imagine yourself happiest in? Which one do you wish you could have most? Don’t worry about how you get to that point, or how scared or confused you feel now, just consider the situation of having arrived and you being in it. Which seems most natural to you? Which do you think will be the situation where you find your inner voice, your conviction, your sense of being at home?
 
jtodisco said:
I have been struggling to discern my vocation ever since I returned to the faith approximately 4 years ago. Since that time I have felt a persistent nagging feeling to become a priest or a religious brother. However, since I was quite young I always imagined myself getting married one day and having a family. Obviously I cannot do both.

I have tried to pray and meditate about this many times seeking a clear indication of what I should do to no avail. Whether I imagine myself entering the priesthood/religious life or eventually getting married I find myself feeling very anxious. All three vocations have their merits and their sacrifices.

But I don’t know if I can persist in ignoring these urgings I feel to become a priest. I have tried on many occasions to ignore these thoughts. I have told myself that I know I am not worthy to become a priest, especially to administer the Sacraments, knowing just how much of a sinner I am. I have told myself that I could never give up the prospect of married life and raising children. And the objections go on, while the promptings do not.

However, there are times when I am bombarded with just as many thoughts about getting married and raising a good Catholic family as well.

I am at a loss.

And so I ask you all to please pray for me, asking God to give me guidance so that I may know what His will truly is for me. Thank you. 🙂
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I will pray for you, and let me tell you–even in the seminary there are times when I have those thoughts, wondering about whether I might be called to something other than diocesan priesthood. But the key to that is not getting ahead of yourself, taking things one day at a time. Devote yourself to prayer and to living your current state of life as best you can and for the glory of God, and all becomes clear to you. If you don’t have a spiritual director I would highly recommend finding one. Ask your parish priest, or if there is a religious house nearby seek the counsel of one of their priests. The point of a spiritual director is to walk with you as you discern what you are called to, no matter what that might be. How old are you, by the way? If you’re in high school, slow down, be the best student that you can be, and things will come together. A good number of men I know here in the seminary didn’t seriously consider the priesthood until they were in college or had worked a few years. All things happen in God’s time, not a moment sooner or later. So just be patient with yourself, and be patient with God. “All time belongs to Him, and all the ages, to Him be power and glory forever and ever. Amen.”

-ACEGC
 
I have gone through the “imagine yourself…” exercise myself and honestly found it not so helpful, because I found I could see myself happy in either religious life or as a mother and wife. I LOVE serving, I love prayer, I love being in the church…I also love kids, I’ve never dated but I’d like to marry but I love the idea of being a nun…so what did I do?

Well, the best advice that a friend who went through discernment years ago was try religious life, you can’t “try” marriage, but you can visit a … ok, you’re a man…you can visit a monastery, you can spend time “trying” that life or go to seminary.

Prayer, obviously, is huge. A good spiritual director.

Through prayer and many, many visits with nuns, I have received the “this is where I want you” sign from God. It really will come. It may take awhile. The friend I mentioned was in a monastery for four years before discerning that really wasn’t where he belonged. I loved each and every convent visit I made for two years…and after much prayer and time spent in Adoration, God has revealed where He wants me.

Patience and prayer. Again, a good spritual director!
 
I don’t have great advice like the previous posts, considering I’m a little confused myself. But I’ll pray for you. 😉
 
Elisabeth51 said:
I have gone through the “imagine yourself…” exercise myself and honestly found it not so helpful, because I found I could see myself happy in either religious life or as a mother and wife. I LOVE serving, I love prayer, I love being in the church…I also love kids, I’ve never dated but I’d like to marry but I love the idea of being a nun…so what did I do?

Well, the best advice that a friend who went through discernment years ago was try religious life, you can’t “try” marriage, but you can visit a … ok, you’re a man…you can visit a monastery, you can spend time “trying” that life or go to seminary.

Prayer, obviously, is huge. A good spiritual director.

Through prayer and many, many visits with nuns, I have received the “this is where I want you” sign from God. It really will come. It may take awhile. The friend I mentioned was in a monastery for four years before discerning that really wasn’t where he belonged. I loved each and every convent visit I made for two years…and after much prayer and time spent in Adoration, God has revealed where He wants me.

Patience and prayer. Again, a good spritual director!
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I second all of this, and would add that the “imagine yourself” thing isn’t really that helpful, because with an active enough imagination you can imagine yourself doing just about anything. You could probably imagine your way into a life of crime. Sitting here in my room in the seminary right this minute I could imagine being a parish priest, being a scholar and a teacher, being a religious, getting married, being an astronaut, any number of things. I can imagine that some things would be fulfilling and some things would not; I can see how the gifts and talents I have been blessed with could be put to service as a married man or as a priest or religious. It’s not about what you imagine you would feel good doing, it’s about what really and truly is most life-giving for you. Does this mean that if you pursue a possible vocational path and find disappointment, sadness, and hard times that God isn’t calling you to that? Not necessarily–it isn’t always going to be sunshine and rainbows; sometimes the storms are rough, and the joys are subtle, but again–all will happen on God’s time, and patience is essential. Learn yourself well enough to know what gifts God has given you, and then humbly seek what He wants you to do with them.

-ACEGC
 
Hi jtodisco. God bless you, brother! I have no great words of wisdom, but I’ve lifted you up in prayer. The Holy Spirit is all-powerful and perfect, and I pray that you are able to discern His will for your life, no matter how He chooses to reveal it or guide you (because we know He has His reasons for doing it exactly as He does it!). But I do pray that He would illuminate your mind and fill your heart with His love and grace, and aid you in this discernment. And no matter where you are lead, may you be a light in this world, a true disciple, servant and witness to the Lord Jesus Christ-- whether that be as a strong husband and father, or as a great and faithful priest-- the world needs both! May He protect you from sin and corruption. May you persevere to your dying breath. God bless you and keep you, jtodisco!
 
Let’s get to praying!

Hail Mary, full of grace
The LORD is with you.
Blessed are you among women
and blest is the fruit of your womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God,
Pray for us sinners.
Now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

Ave Maria, gratia plena,
Dominus tecum.
Benedicta tu in mulieribus
and benedictus fructus ventris tui, Iesus.

Sancta Maria, Mater Dei
Ora pro nobis peccatoribus
Nunc, et in hora mortis nostrae.

Amen.

Something I heard in the diocesan retreat I attended: You may be in your vocation when you’re right at home and scared to death.
 
May the Lord Jesus Christ guide your footsteps into the Vocation that He wishes and Wills for you to have. May you be given all the graces and strengthes that you are in most need of to cooperate with His Will for your life. Amen.
Have you thought of spiritual direction?
 
God does not tend to tyrannically impose your state of life upon you, but rather gave you your own life
and will to use as you see fit. God has given you guidance in Public Revelation and Magisterial Teaching
by which to live your life. This guidance comes in two forms (I) The Love Commanded and (II) The Love
Counselled. The Love Commanded is what we are obliged to do in a Christian life; namely that you are
to love the lord with thy whole heart, mind, strength and soul, and to love thy neighbor as thyself. This
implies the keeping of the ten commandments and following the teachings and precepts of the Church
in all matters of faith, morals, and discipline. Now to examine information more pertinent to the particular
states in life.

The love counselled is that which Christ and his Church have taught that none are obliged to do, but
all are invited by Christ to follow. This love is harder but more pleasing to the Lord. They take the form
of the Evangelical Counsels. They are three Counsels of the lord and his saints to a life of (I) Poverty,
(II) Perfect Chastity, (Perfect in that it includes celibacy) and (III) Obedience. This is also called the religious
life, and is proclaimed dogmatically by the Council of Trent to be a better and more blessed state than
Matrimony. This is not to say that matrimony is bad but rather is the lesser and more immediate of two
goods the lord has offered to his children; one state focused on what is legitimately good in this life,
the other exclusively oriented towards the goods of the world to come.

Now another matter is brought up in your post, that of the priesthood, and this is a horse of a different
colour. While we are free to seek the Religious or Matrimonial state, as this is only seeking to use rightly
the gifts the Lord has freely given us, we must be more careful in the matter of the priesthood which
St. Paul has said is only for those, “called as Aaron was.” What then does this mean for us practically? Be
not afraid, you won’t be left in the same mess of guessing Gods ineffable will for you. Rather, If you feel
A strong attraction to the priesthood and there are no obvious impediments, then you have a probable
vocation and need to apply to either a diocese or order and let THEM discern YOU and not the other way
around. Remember, God called Aaron indirectly through Moses, so if you are called to the Priesthood God
will call you, as Aaron was, indirectly through a bishop.

I hope I helped, and I submit this to you with a filial obedience to the Church.
If she is shown to condemn any of what I have said I retract it implicitly.

In Christ,
Iggy

Further reading:
(I) Holy and Ecumenical Council of Trent Session XXIV CANON X.-“If any one saith, that the marriage state is
to be placed above the state of virginity, or of celibacy, and that it is not better and more blessed to remain
in virginity, or in celibacy, than to be united in matrimony; let him be anathema.”

(II) Matthew 19:10-12 and First Corinthians Chapter 7. Please read the relevant notes for both passages.

(III) Vocation: Discernment or Commitment? by Fr. Joseph R. Upton published on Pg. 71 of the August/September
2011 Issue of the “Homiletic and Pastoral Review”. Which is a great magazine that I heartily recommend anyone in
or considering a religious or priestly Vocation subscribe to.
 
edward_george said:
I second all of this, and would add that the “imagine yourself” thing isn’t really that helpful, because with an active enough imagination you can imagine yourself doing just about anything. You could probably imagine your way into a life of crime. Sitting here in my room in the seminary right this minute I could imagine being a parish priest, being a scholar and a teacher, being a religious, getting married, being an astronaut, any number of things. I can imagine that some things would be fulfilling and some things would not; I can see how the gifts and talents I have been blessed with could be put to service as a married man or as a priest or religious. It’s not about what you imagine you would feel good doing, it’s about what really and truly is most life-giving for you. Does this mean that if you pursue a possible vocational path and find disappointment, sadness, and hard times that God isn’t calling you to that? Not necessarily–it isn’t always going to be sunshine and rainbows; sometimes the storms are rough, and the joys are subtle, but again–all will happen on God’s time, and patience is essential. Learn yourself well enough to know what gifts God has given you, and then humbly seek what He wants you to do with them.

-ACEGC
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Thank you! I would definitely attribute my problem with the “imagine” exercise to my very strong imagination…but when several sisters at different communities give you that as a retreat exercise… you’re right, if you have an active imagination, it isn’t going to work. I feel better now. 🙂

Patience, prayer, and seeking what God wants you to do, He will tell you, it just may be a curvy road getting there as you learning things along the way that will be helpful to you when God gets you where He wants you.
 
jtodisco said:
I have been struggling to discern my vocation ever since I returned to the faith approximately 4 years ago. Since that time I have felt a persistent nagging feeling to become a priest or a religious brother. However, since I was quite young I always imagined myself getting married one day and having a family. Obviously I cannot do both.

I have tried to pray and meditate about this many times seeking a clear indication of what I should do to no avail. Whether I imagine myself entering the priesthood/religious life or eventually getting married I find myself feeling very anxious. All three vocations have their merits and their sacrifices.

But I don’t know if I can persist in ignoring these urgings I feel to become a priest. I have tried on many occasions to ignore these thoughts. I have told myself that I know I am not worthy to become a priest, especially to administer the Sacraments, knowing just how much of a sinner I am. I have told myself that I could never give up the prospect of married life and raising children. And the objections go on, while the promptings do not.

However, there are times when I am bombarded with just as many thoughts about getting married and raising a good Catholic family as well.

I am at a loss.

And so I ask you all to please pray for me, asking God to give me guidance so that I may know what His will truly is for me. Thank you. 🙂
Click to expand...
Pray to God to be open to His grace and to go wherever He needs you to go. I’m currently going through the same type of vocation question in my life and my priest told me very simply to pray and test my calling. He said if you feel called to religious life or the priesthood then go visit monasteries and seminaries. If they deny you or you don’t feel compelled to test the vocation further then you have your answer and can move on. Basically when it comes to being a priest or any religious he said you never really know you have a vocation until the Bishop lays his hands on your head.

Sometimes when people think they have a calling to the priesthood they go to a seminary and end up bumping into their future wife and discover their true calling is to the married life. God works in mysterious ways my friend. Just pray that you can be led by the eyes of faith and not the eyes in your head.

As far as feeling unworthy just know that NO ONE is worthy enough to be a preist or a religious. Out of the 12 Apostles Christ chose the only one that thought of himself as worthy to be one was Judas.

My prayers are with you.

Hail Mary,
Full of grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou
Among women,
And Blessed is the Fruit
Of thy womb: Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
Pray for us sinners,
Now and at the hour of our death. Amen
 
Elisabeth51 said:
Thank you! I would definitely attribute my problem with the “imagine” exercise to my very strong imagination…but when several sisters at different communities give you that as a retreat exercise… you’re right, if you have an active imagination, it isn’t going to work. I feel better now. 🙂

Patience, prayer, and seeking what God wants you to do, He will tell you, it just may be a curvy road getting there as you learning things along the way that will be helpful to you when God gets you where He wants you.
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This is why spiritual direction is essential. First off, for some people, that imaginative activity can be an aid to discernment. For others it can be a hindrance–for people like you and me, who have active imaginations, it’s easy to imagine being anything. Secondly, a spiritual director walks with you, helping you to learn who you are, what gifts God has given you, and then through prayer discerning what He wants you to do with them.

-ACEGC
 
May the Lord Jesus Christ continue to guide you in the Way and the Vocation that He wills for you. May you have all the graces and strengthes that you are in most need of to cooperate with His Will for your life. Amen.
 
Thank you all for your prayers and for your very helpful advice. I definitely would like to have a spiritual director who would help me to discern if I am being called to the priesthood or religious life. I may contact my parish priest for help, however as devout of a man as he is he seems to be focused more on retirement than anything else. Anyway, thanks again for the prayers and suggestions.
 
Greetings Jtodisco,

Thanks for the update. Let us know how things continue to go.

God Bless.
Anathama Sit
Lord Jesus Christ please lead my friend to a spirtual director that can help him in his discernment process. Guide him in this process as he discerns Your will for his life. Raise up supportive people in his life that can help him with this as well. May the Holy Will of God be accomplished in my friend’s life. Amen.
 
Lord Jesus Christ please give my friend all the graces and strengthes that he is in most need of to follow Your Holy Will as he discerns the Vocation that you are calling him to. Amen.
 
Greetings! As a fellow “discernee” I thought I’d add my two cents. First off, you have to realize that God would never call you to a vocation that would make you unhappy. Only in doing His will, will we find true fulfillment. I think we get into the mentality that unless we’re doing this or that, we’re not going to be happy. Not true! God would never call us to a life where His Grace could not sustain us. Secondly, it’s great that you’re interested in the married life. That shows that you’re a normal human being. 🙂 As humans, we have natural desires and instincts. We know they are good because God gave them to us, but just like other good things, they can cause us to sin if we’re not careful. Every normal human being is going to be attracted to the opposite sex and has some level of attraction to the married state. This is good. However, by answering God’s call to a religious vocation (if you have one), you are giving up one good thing (having a wife and kids) for another good thing.

A few words of advice. Pray (I’m sure you’re doing that). Get a Spiritual Director (A priest you feel like could talk to and who offers good advice…preferable a guy who’s been a priest for awhile). It would be good to tell him beforehand that you’re discerning a religious vocation (don’t worry, he knows the difference between “discerning” and “decided” :)).

Lastly, a lot of Seminarians DON’T BECOME PRIEST. God can actually call men to the seminary without calling them to the priesthood. You go, you discern further, you take it year by year, and you leave it up to God whether you stay and become a priest, or whether you return home a stronger man of faith to pursue married life (or whatever it is God is calling you to do). I’ve never met an ex-Seminarian who regretted giving it a shot. It takes a lot of courage and a lot of obedience and I strongly admire these men for being generous and open to God’s will!

Don’t be afraid to take the next step. It seems to me that the Holy Spirit might be tapping you on the shoulder. Don’t worry, Seminarians aren’t going to come to your house in the middle of the night and kidnap you, if you mention you might be interested in Religious Life. Priest, religious, and everyone else just want you to do God’s will.

I do want to STRONGLY encourage you to tell someone (particularly your parish priest) that you’re drawn to Relgious Life. As humans, we have a way of talking ourselves out of our vocation (The Enemy LOVES this), by saying silly things like, “I’m not worthy”, “I’ll have to give up so much”. No one is worthy of a religious vocation. No one is worthy of heaven. No one is worthy of calling himself a child of God. Heck, NO ONE is worthy to receive OUR LORD in Holy Communion! Just give God your all and He’ll make up for what’s lacking. 🙂

God Bless You!
 
Prayer for Vocations

Lord Jesus, let your call be heard
by the fervent and generous hearts
of young people, and make them
your followers and ministers.
Provident and loving Jesus,
grant to those whom you call
the necessary means to succeed
and the grace to persevere.
May they meet the demands of their call
and become salt of the earth
and light of the world,
holy ministers and dispensers
of the mysteries of God.
We ask you for vocations
for the whole Church,
vocations according to your heart,
numerous enough
to meet the pressing needs
of your Church and the world.
Send true shepherds of souls
filled with the Holy Spirit.
May their hearts be detached
from all worldly entanglements.
Make your priests holy, Lord,
splendid and exceptional witnesses
to the world
that the humankind cannot be transformed
without the spirit of the Beatitudes.
Amen.

Prayer to Mary for Vocations

O VIrgin Mary,
Mother of Jesus,
and Mother of the Church,
to you we commend
our young people,
in particular those
called to closely follow
your Son.
You know the difficulties,
the struggles,
the obstacles they must face.
Assist them to answer “yes”
to the divine call, as you did
at the invitation of the angel.
Draw them near to your heart
so that they can understand
the beauty and the joy that
awaits them when the Lord Jesus
calls them into His intimacy,
to be witnesses of His love
in the world. Amen.
 
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