Help figuring out my beliefs

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Aaron1988

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hello everone and thank you for reading this.

Firstly I have to say I’m not religious but everything I read about Christianity seems to be pretty much in line with my beliefs so I just want to find out a bit more about christianity and my beliefs which are:- anti-porn that’s magazines and movies (because the women aren’t treated as people), I don’t smoke or take drugs and have never tried either and I never will, I don’t drink very often (maybe 2 this year) mainly due to being a step dad since I was 19 but now I just don’t have the desire to drink, I HATE infidelity to the point that I can’t even read a book or watch a film where one of the characters or one of the actors in real life has cheated it makes me feel physically sick, I’m 90% sure I want to stop having sex before marriage (10% unsure due to it being impossible to find someone willing to wait!) I haven’t had sex in 9 - 12 months, doing ANYTHING physical outside of a relationship creeps me out (I have only kissed 2 people, been kissed by another 1 and have slept with 2 people (inside long term relationship due to them wanting to)), I always try to help people and be kind to them and be a nice person.

I am a 22 year old guy from England currently single but living with my ex due to financial reasons which have to be sorted out before I will move out as she has a young son from a previous relationship and even though he his not my biological son I still want to make sure he will be ok and they will be ok financially.

Thanks for taking the time to read this -Aaron
 
Hi Aaron,
welcome to Catholic Answers Forums.
It great that you have moral values and that you find you have compatibility with Christian beliefs.
It is possible that you may find some interest in this link, for instance:
catholicity.com/catechism/
 
I have been reading the link you sent me but to be honest the only problem I have with being a Christian is how can I belive in something (someone?) I can’t see? I know that’s why its called having faith but it’s just so so hard to belive in something/someone you can’t see. I do have a bit of understanding when it comes to Christianity as I went to a Christian youth group until I was about 14/15 but we moved and it was an hours bus ride away and I had just moved to a new school (a better one so I had to work harder as I had to catch up) and It just seemed like so much hasle so I stopped going, but I did RE (religious education - learning about religions including Christianity) in which i got a B (+?)one of the highest in the school as most people did this class as an excuse not to have to do any work. Also to me the bible seems a bit confusing as it seems to have so many things to do and not to do but it would be so much easier if it just said you can do this you can’t do that, I know there is the ten commandments but that doesn’t mention (to the best of my knowledge) no sex before marriage or that god hates divorce or that you should treat your wife as Jesus treats the church etc it just seems like there is so much more to being a Christian other than the ten commandments and you belief in god and Jesus.
I also forgot to mention in my previous post that I strongly belive in marriage and I hate divorce as I belive if you love someone enough to marry them you should stay together (other than if they are violent or hurt your children, as you should always put your childrens safety first) -Aaron
 
Aaron1988 said:
I have been reading the link you sent me but to be honest the only problem I have with being a Christian is how can I belive in something (someone?) I can’t see? I know that’s why its called having faith but it’s just so so hard to belive in something/someone you can’t see. I do have a bit of understanding when it comes to Christianity as I went to a Christian youth group until I was about 14/15 but we moved and it was an hours bus ride away and I had just moved to a new school (a better one so I had to work harder as I had to catch up) and It just seemed like so much hasle so I stopped going, but I did RE (religious education - learning about religions including Christianity) in which i got a B (+?)one of the highest in the school as most people did this class as an excuse not to have to do any work. Also to me the bible seems a bit confusing as it seems to have so many things to do and not to do but it would be so much easier if it just said you can do this you can’t do that, I know there is the ten commandments but that doesn’t mention (to the best of my knowledge) no sex before marriage or that god hates divorce or that you should treat your wife as Jesus treats the church etc it just seems like there is so much more to being a Christian other than the ten commandments and you belief in god and Jesus.
I also forgot to mention in my previous post that I strongly belive in marriage and I hate divorce as I belive if you love someone enough to marry them you should stay together (other than if they are violent or hurt your children, as you should always put your childrens safety first) -Aaron
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all the laws can be described as love, love thy neighbor as thy self God bless
 
I am not an apologist. My arguments may not convince anyone but me. However, I was struck by your desire to learn; and some of the things you mention have been covered in religion classes I have taught recently. Our religion texts are based on the Catechism of the Catholic Church, by the way.

I believe in a God I can’t see because I can’t understand how this beautiful and complex world could have been made without one. No matter what theory of creation you embrace, there has to have been a first being, one that has always existed. The world must have come from this being. Since nothing else existed, everything must have been planned and created by this one being in some fashion. Therefore this being must be intelligent. An unintelligent substance could not create the world in all its beauty and complexity, and certainly couldn’t create a being as complex as the human being.

Some ideas I have heard for accepting the unseen talk about the wind. You can’t see the wind. You can only see the results of the wind, the tree branches swaying in the breeze and the leaves rustling. You can’t see love, but you accept that it exists. You know how you feel when you love someone, or when someone loves you. I feel God’s love in many ways, too. You’ve undoubtedly heard it said that God is love.

If I go on, you’ll only be bogged down; and if you can’t accept what I have said so far, there is no point in me going on. May the Holy Spirit guide you in your search.
 
I too belive the intracacies of the world around us are too complex to be a coincident and I belive evolution was the adaptation of the plants and all living creatures adapting to the world around them changing, if that makes sense?

I have heard god being compared to love and the wind before ie you can see/feel it/god all around you I think the problem I have is that there is so much infidelity, promiscuity, divorce and we live in such a sexulised culture (I live in England but to me it seems to be the same in the USA as well as the rest of the world) that it seems like that among other things like murder, drugs, porn etc. is all there is in the world. I know this is because god gave us free will but it is just so hard to see any good around me.

PS yes I have had premarital sex but I hated doing it and only did it because I was pressured into it but I now want to wait until I am married I just don’t know how I’m going to explain that to my next girlfriend without seeming like a hypocrite and if I do some how find someone else who wants to wait how they will feel knowing this.
 
Aaron1988 said:
I have been reading the link you sent me but to be honest the only problem I have with being a Christian is how can I belive in something (someone?) I can’t see? I know that’s why its called having faith but it’s just so so hard to belive in something/someone you can’t see. I do have a bit of understanding when it comes to Christianity as I went to a Christian youth group until I was about 14/15 but we moved and it was an hours bus ride away and I had just moved to a new school (a better one so I had to work harder as I had to catch up) and It just seemed like so much hasle so I stopped going, but I did RE (religious education - learning about religions including Christianity) in which i got a B (+?)one of the highest in the school as most people did this class as an excuse not to have to do any work. Also to me the bible seems a bit confusing as it seems to have so many things to do and not to do but it would be so much easier if it just said you can do this you can’t do that, I know there is the ten commandments but that doesn’t mention (to the best of my knowledge) no sex before marriage or that god hates divorce or that you should treat your wife as Jesus treats the church etc it just seems like there is so much more to being a Christian other than the ten commandments and you belief in god and Jesus.
I also forgot to mention in my previous post that I strongly belive in marriage and I hate divorce as I belive if you love someone enough to marry them you should stay together (other than if they are violent or hurt your children, as you should always put your childrens safety first) -Aaron
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From yo9ur postings you sort of remind me of the Rich young man in Mt who had followed all the commandments from his youth, but then Jesus gives him one more thing to do in order to be “perfect”. (Ref Mt 19:16-22)

Now it is not an exact parallel, but we can see that you have “the Law” written on your heart and you follow this law. However, like the rich young man, you lack but one thing and that one thing is very difficult for you to overcome. For him it was selling his possessions, for you it is coming to belief in the God who already has called you and, indeed, has imprinted himself on you.
So I suggest that you be patient with yourself and realize that God is very near to you already and that mainly what you need is to simply open your mind to receiving him. I say your mind rather than your heart because, by what you have written, it seems your heart is already there. It’s your intellect that is getting in the way…😉

When I read that you have trouble believing in something you can’t see, my first thought was - “But we CAN see Him” - He is right there in the Eucharist, visible, and tangible.

Of course I realize that there are steps needed before you could accept that statement…but CAF is a good place to stimulate your mind toward God.

The very first suggestion is that you need to be able to spend time alone for thinking, reading, mediation and contemplation. All of this, when turned toward God, is a form of prayer. I can’t stress enough how important this is to spiritual growth and understanding.

My second suggestion is that you try to hook up with a priest or deacon who can meet with you regularly to discuss these matters. The good folks here will certainly work to help you, but sometimes the many voices, opinions, and viewpoints can become confusing. Having a single voice who knows you well and you can speak to face to face is a great advantage.

I hope some of the above is of use to you.

Peace
James
 
I am nowhere near perfect, we are all human and we all make mistakes, myself included.
I did in the past think about going to church to discuss this but as there are so many different churches ie roman catholic, Protestant, church of the latter day saints (morman?) then you have jehovas witnesses and judahism (Jews) I just didn’t know where to turn for advice. Will I be accepted as a Christian because I have had premarital sex (although I regret it I still did it 😦 which I hate myself for letting myself be pressured into it) I know god will forgive me but how will other Christian react when I tell them I done that? And even worse what about my future wife how could she accept that I did that with someone other than her? -Aaron
 
Aaron1988 said:
I am nowhere near perfect, we are all human and we all make mistakes, myself included.
I did in the past think about going to church to discuss this but as there are so many different churches ie roman catholic, Protestant, church of the latter day saints (morman?) then you have jehovas witnesses and judahism (Jews) I just didn’t know where to turn for advice. Will I be accepted as a Christian because I have had premarital sex (although I regret it I still did it 😦 which I hate myself for letting myself be pressured into it) I know god will forgive me but how will other Christian react when I tell them I done that? And even worse what about my future wife how could she accept that I did that with someone other than her? -Aaron
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Please do not worry about being accepted as a Christian even though you have sinned. I was a horrible sinner and have been forgiven for all of those past sins. God does not hold grudges against those seeking Him and doing His will. If you have not been baptized, baptism washes you clean. If you have been baptized, a sincere turning back to God will bring you back into grace.
  1. Stay away from JW’s and Mormon’s. Their concepts are not accepted as Christian as they deny the divinity of Christ.
  2. Judaism might be OK, but depending on the branch of Judaism you investigate, you may find yourself caught up in the many rules of the Mosaic Law - and it appears that this is something you find troubling about the bible.
  3. I would strongly suggest that you investigate the Christian Tradition through the Catholic Church. First of all, of course, I’m Catholic and this is a Catholic board…😃
    But secondly, and more importantly, Catholicism is the original Church from which all of the protestant Churches sprang.
    Meeting with a priest or deacon or…at your local Catholic church will give you riches beyond imagining. Answers to your questions and great peace in your heart.
Peace
James
 
I was baptized when I was a baby, although I don’t know what church it was at and none of my family, or friends for that matter, are Christian.

Question about catholicism (if that’s a word) don’t Catholics belive in not using contraceptives? and if so what about the fact i have only ever had sex using a condom? What if your wife can’t get pregnant again because of a medical condition that could kill her if she had another baby? Because if I was married and this happened my wife would come first even if that meant we could never make love again because she would always be more important to me than sex would ever be (and no I wouldn’t cheat. I HATE cheaters).

Another question why do some (all?) Christian men seem to think they are better than women and their wife should do as she is told and not get an opinion? -Aaron
 
Aaron1988 said:
I was baptized when I was a baby, although I don’t know what church it was at and none of my family, or friends for that matter, are Christian.
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Well - that is a detail that can be worked out later.
Question about Catholicism (if that’s a word) don’t Catholics believe in not using contraceptives? and if so what about the fact i have only ever had sex using a condom?
What if your wife can’t get pregnant again because of a medical condition that could kill her if she had another baby? Because if I was married and this happened my wife would come first even if that meant we could never make love again because she would always be more important to me than sex would ever be (and no I wouldn’t cheat. I HATE cheaters).
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My friend you sound more Catholic than many Catholics I know…😃
The Church forbids the use of Artificial Birth Control (ABC). The Church condones and even promotes the use of Natural Family Planning (NFP). This all stems from a very profound and comprehensive understanding and teaching that is well presented in a series of talks by Pope John Paul II called “The Theology of the Body”.
This covers the proper understanding and use of our lives, our bodies, our sexuality etc. in a way that I am sure you would find to be extremely compatible with where you already are spiritually and morally.

Indeed - in a marriage where a pregnancy would/could mean the death of the mother, celibacy is a viable option. Just as celibacy might be necessary in a marriage where one partner is sick or disabled. I myself must live a celibate married life since my wife suffers from dementia (Alzheimer’s).

The thing that people often don’t realize is that there are many ways to “make love” that do not involve sex…
Another question why do some (all?) Christian men seem to think they are better than women and their wife should do as she is told and not get an opinion? -Aaron
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Well - I don’t know where you heard that, but I have never known ANY catholic men who believe that and certainly no Catholic women. Men and women do have somewhat different roles in a marriage, but the kind of domination that you refer to is an abomination, not a true Christian marriage.
I can tell you surely that my parents, “old school” Catholics had no such marriage. Each had strengths and weaknesses and together they worked as a team.
This is the ideal of the Christian marriage and the one promoted by the Catholic Church.

Peace
James
 
yes there are lots of ways to “make love” non sexually with your wife such as kissing and touching each other, giving her a massage and/or her giving you one, or for a compleatly non sexual but intimate encounter with your wife you could snuggle up under a blanket and watch the sunset/sunrise, cuddle up on the sofa and talk etc anything can be intimate as to me intimacy is about sharing things (hopes and dreams, wishes and fears etc) with your wife wether that is emotional (see above) spiritual (going to church together) or physical (could be something as simple as sharing a sandwich with your spouse) anything can be intimate because it is her, your wife. Intimacy is the person your with (your wife) not what you do.

I got this from things I have read online (not the bible but things people have posted elsewhere online (not on here) but I can’t remember where) ie the wife’s “job” is to serve her husband, but it never says anything about him serving her. I know when I am married my wife will NOT do all the housework, cooking, laundry etc as she is my wife things should be equal and I should want to do things around the house as we both live there it is both of our responsibilitys (same with the children). I want to make my wife’s (when I meet her and then marry her) life as easy as possible and I will do as much as I can around the house. -Aaron
 
Aaron1988 said:
I am nowhere near perfect, we are all human and we all make mistakes, myself included.
I did in the past think about going to church to discuss this but as there are so many different churches ie roman catholic, Protestant, church of the latter day saints (morman?) then you have jehovas witnesses and judahism (Jews) I just didn’t know where to turn for advice. Will I be accepted as a Christian because I have had premarital sex (although I regret it I still did it 😦 which I hate myself for letting myself be pressured into it) I know god will forgive me but how will other Christian react when I tell them I done that? And even worse what about my future wife how could she accept that I did that with someone other than her? -Aaron
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You’ll be accepted by Catholics, ha ve you taken a look at what St. Augustine did before he became Catholic? :eek:
Aaron1988 said:
I was baptized when I was a baby, although I don’t know what church it was at and none of my family, or friends for that matter, are Christian.

Question about catholicism (if that’s a word) don’t Catholics belive in not using contraceptives? and if so what about the fact i have only ever had sex using a condom? What if your wife can’t get pregnant again because of a medical condition that could kill her if she had another baby? Because if I was married and this happened my wife would come first even if that meant we could never make love again because she would always be more important to me than sex would ever be (and no I wouldn’t cheat. I HATE cheaters).

Another question why do some (all?) Christian men seem to think they are better than women and their wife should do as she is told and not get an opinion? -Aaron
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You can get a conditional baptism

contraceptives are morally wrong

You feeling that husbands basically owning wives is morally repugnant is a perfectly fine view for a Catholic, the Catholic Church holds that husbands and wives are equal
Aaron1988 said:
yes there are lots of ways to “make love” non sexually with your wife such as kissing and touching each other, giving her a massage and/or her giving you one, or for a compleatly non sexual but intimate encounter with your wife you could snuggle up under a blanket and watch the sunset/sunrise, cuddle up on the sofa and talk etc anything can be intimate as to me intimacy is about sharing things (hopes and dreams, wishes and fears etc) with your wife wether that is emotional (see above) spiritual (going to church together) or physical (could be something as simple as sharing a sandwich with your spouse) anything can be intimate because it is her, your wife. Intimacy is the person your with (your wife) not what you do.

I got this from things I have read online (not the bible but things people have posted elsewhere online (not on here) but I can’t remember where) ie the wife’s “job” is to serve her husband, but it never says anything about him serving her. I know when I am married my wife will NOT do all the housework, cooking, laundry etc as she is my wife things should be equal and I should want to do things around the house as we both live there it is both of our responsibilitys (same with the children). I want to make my wife’s (when I meet her and then marry her) life as easy as possible and I will do as much as I can around the house. -Aaron
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Physical intimacy can be something as simple as cuddling together or watching a sunset, spiritual intimacy could be praying together and sharing your feeling is emotional intimacy. You don’t need sex to have a happy life with someone
 
I’m fine with not useing contraceptives but as I have always used them I suppose that sex without a condom is something I have saved for my wife so at least I will have something special to give her in a way. Also I love children (which is good if we can’t use contraception).

Thank you for your advice on emotional, physical and spiritual intimacy as I really want my marriage to be special and filled with love, compassion and kindness. -Aaron
 
Aaron1988 said:
yes there are lots of ways to “make love” non sexually with your wife such as kissing and touching each other, giving her a massage and/or her giving you one, or for a compleatly non sexual but intimate encounter with your wife you could snuggle up under a blanket and watch the sunset/sunrise, cuddle up on the sofa and talk etc anything can be intimate as to me intimacy is about sharing things (hopes and dreams, wishes and fears etc) with your wife wether that is emotional (see above) spiritual (going to church together) or physical (could be something as simple as sharing a sandwich with your spouse) anything can be intimate because it is her, your wife. Intimacy is the person your with (your wife) not what you do.
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You exhibit great maturity for your age…certainly more than I did at 22…😃
It often takes people - especially men, a very long time (if ever) to recognize that intercourse is but one small component of the whole of “Love-making”.
I got this from things I have read online (not the bible but things people have posted elsewhere online (not on here) but I can’t remember where) ie the wife’s “job” is to serve her husband, but it never says anything about him serving her. I know when I am married my wife will NOT do all the housework, cooking, laundry etc as she is my wife things should be equal and I should want to do things around the house as we both live there it is both of our responsibilitys (same with the children). I want to make my wife’s (when I meet her and then marry her) life as easy as possible and I will do as much as I can around the house. -Aaron
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I do not deny that there are certain Christian sects and certain “Christian” individuals who believe in strict roles in marriage. Thankfully the Catholic Church is not one of them.
In my own experience of growing up I had wonderful examples of true Christian marriage in my parents. My mother was better educated than my father, and more orderly. My Father could grow most anything and loved gardening. My Mother took care of the household accounts and my dad raised a garden that fed us vegetables summer and winter. Mom wasn’t much “outdoors” and mainly looked after the house, but but dad was not above cooking or running a vacuum etc., though he was never much good at laundry…😊
The secret to a good Christian marriage is to trust and to recognize strengths and weaknesses, similarities and differences and then using these to make the whole greater than the sum of the parts.

Peace
James
 
To me it seems like most guys my age seem to be only intrested in sex, porn, stripclubs, getting drunk, football (soccer) etc so needless to say I don’t tend to get on very well with them!

I have always known that I want to get married and have children since I was very young so I always tried to learn how to do the things that need doing around the house. I have been ironing my own clothes since I was 14 (also my exs and her sons) I have been cooking for years (when my youngest brother was born when I was 18 I used to take it in turns with my mum to either cook or look after my baby brother and since living with my ex I have done all the cooking except when working late or if i was ill (which was hardly ever as I didn’t have time to be ill with my ex and her son to look after) I remember my mum showing me how to use the washing machine when I was 12 (I think) and as I have been living with my ex since I was 19 I am definately used to looking after children (my exs son was about 14-16 months old when we moved in together) and I used to regularly look after him and 2 of his cousins since they were very young (exs son 2, cousin 18 months , other cousin 6 months) since I was 20 as getting a babysitter would have been almost impossible as my exs son and his eldest cousin have haemophillia and the youngest is lactose intollerant and they were all really shy/disliked new people. But as I have got used to doing the housework, laundry, cooking etc over the last three years I find it easy now but when I first lived with my ex it was so hard. So I suppose in this case you could say that living with someone before getting married (because I hadn’t found god) could possibly make me a better husband? Although now I want to live a moral life and although I still want to find out more about being a catholic first I’m pretty sure it is something that I want to do with my life. -Aaron
 
Aaron,
I think there is little doubt that God is calling you into His Church. As I said before, you already ARE very catholic in outlook and desire.

As for living with someone before marriage (and before “finding God”) making you a better husband, I will only say this. It has been my experience that God will use ALL of our past to make us a better person. Our past experiences might be good or bad or even a combination. We may be happy with our choices or ashamed of them or most likely some of each, but God can use all of that to teach, to admonish, and to help us grow.
Plus - such experience can help us to help others to avoid certain mistakes…well sometimes…🤷

Peace
James
 
“you already are very catholic in outlook and desire” how do I put that into practice in everyday life? What are the do’s and don’ts in everyday life for example I have read somewhere on here and on chastity websites that its a sin to masterbate so obvioulsly I have to ensure I don’t do that (which is fair enough as that part of my body belongs to my wife, wherever she may be I want to make her proud of me). -Aaron
 
Aaron1988 said:
“you already are very catholic in outlook and desire” how do I put that into practice in everyday life? What are the do’s and don’ts in everyday life for example I have read somewhere on here and on chastity websites that its a sin to masturbate so obviously I have to ensure I don’t do that (which is fair enough as that part of my body belongs to my wife, wherever she may be I want to make her proud of me). -Aaron
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Honestly - On a day to day basis, just keep doing what you are doing for now. Live chaste, be honest and loving to God, yourself and your fellow man.

But do see if you can set an appointment with your local parish priest for instruction, or see if there is an RCIA (Class to learn more about the faith) class near by that you can attend.

You will be embarking on a journey of discovery that will fill you with more joy more satisfaction, more grace and more holiness than you can imagine…

Peace
James
 
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