Help for a confused aching heart

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Kerryr1013

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Hi,
Just looking for feedback, I’m a doula (birthcoach). I hope in the next two to three yrs to obtain my masters in midwifery and be a midwife. I donate all my services to the women discerning whether to keep their babies or abort in order to help them choose life. I know that every success is God’s not mine. I have helped many women and several have converted or are in the process now of becoming Catholic. I am humbled God has used me for this, and I am grateful.
I would really really like to concecrate myself to God through religious life, either becoming a sister or taking a vow of concecration. I also have mental illness, my doctor strongly feels it’s a result of abuse I suffered as a child and young adult. Because of this I an in a position of being unable to do either, I’ve been rejected several times. Now I’ve thought about this and even asked myself, is it possible He has called me to marriage ?The same thought occurs to me each time, if Jesus who is infaliable doesn’t wants me, what man could? I feel so so sad and I offer this up for the souls of the unborn and their mama’s that they all become saints through baptism and living sactifying lives bur the fact still remains, my heart aches. Any thoughts?
 
Hello Kerry,

I am sorry that your heart aches. The process of vocational discernment is difficult…I am struggling somewhat as well, but let’s not lose hope.

If you are currently completing an educational program to become a midwife, I think it’s important to remain steady and true in that process. I’m not sure how compatible such educational programs are with the formation for religious life. As far as I can tell, their consecration and vows are not a one-time event, but an educational process that takes years (hence the distinction between postulants, novices, and the perpetually professed…help me if I’m getting these terms wrong!) Being denied to enter may simply mean that you should continue in your current education.

Mental illness is complex. At least in my experience, stabilizing your mental health is a top priority before making any life-changing commitments.

Perhaps it is important to remember that sometimes we think God is saying “no” when he might be saying “not yet. wait.” Or even “great idea, but I have something even more amazing in store for you!”
The same thought occurs to me each time, if Jesus who is infaliable doesn’t wants me, what man could?
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This is a thought, not reality. The thought “Jesus doesn’t want me” is false, regardless of your particular station of life, whether that be single, married, or consecrated celibate.
 
Dear Kerry

Be Not Afraid! If the Lord was not patient, no one would have been saved. Currently am reading “A way of perfection” By St Teresa de Jesus (of Avila) who says
“If what we ask from God may cause a soul to loose eternal life, Go will not give it to us…” So be patient and you will see the wonder of the Lord

Read Ecclesiasticus (Sirach) 2:1:11

By the way, I saw a religious commmunity of women (Supposedly you are a woman) for sisters with mental illness and down syndrome. smth like that. Let me research again and I can post it to you.

Do Not Be Afraid because God Loves You
  1. He created you in his own image
    2.He died for you
Densy
 
Kerryr1013 said:
Hi,
Just looking for feedback, I’m a doula (birthcoach). I hope in the next two to three yrs to obtain my masters in midwifery and be a midwife. I donate all my services to the women discerning whether to keep their babies or abort in order to help them choose life. I know that every success is God’s not mine. I have helped many women and several have converted or are in the process now of becoming Catholic. I am humbled God has used me for this, and I am grateful.
I would really really like to concecrate myself to God through religious life, either becoming a sister or taking a vow of concecration. I also have mental illness, my doctor strongly feels it’s a result of abuse I suffered as a child and young adult. Because of this I an in a position of being unable to do either, I’ve been rejected several times. Now I’ve thought about this and even asked myself, is it possible He has called me to marriage ?The same thought occurs to me each time, if Jesus who is infaliable doesn’t wants me, what man could? I feel so so sad and I offer this up for the souls of the unborn and their mama’s that they all become saints through baptism and living sactifying lives bur the fact still remains, my heart aches. Any thoughts?
Click to expand...
You are doing marvelous work for the Lord in your current “ministry”. Maybe your vocation is in that work. God Bless You for working to protect God’s little ones and for bringing new believers to him.

You should feel proud of the work you’re doing - a very noble and grace-filled endeavor

I hope you find peace and comfort
 
:gopray2::gopray2:

God loves you so much… . 1 John 3:1 says “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!.. .”

I get panic and anxiety attacks. I have a list of verses that I keep in my bible to read when I start getting kind of panicky or anxious. It helps - Psalms are great.
 
Kerry, I just want to add my support for the comments of the other posters. In particular, stabilize your health issues, complete your education and continue your ministry.

Most importantly however, know that Jesus unconditionally loves you and always will.
 
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