Help for a friend converting to Catholicism

  • Thread starter Thread starter justbeinfrank
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
J

justbeinfrank

Guest
I have a friend (we’re in college) who recently decided to convert to Catholicism. Before, he didn’t have any religion and was something like an agnostic/seeker type.

In any event, he has been making great progress, and he asks me questions all the time about the Church and theology. I try to answer these as best I can. He is very intellectually-oriented, and deliberate in his thinking. So this formula has led to some detailed discussions of moral theology, in particular. He’ll pose hypotheticals, and I’ll try to answer them based on my (limited) knowledge of Catholic moral theology.

But he has become somewhat anxious lately because it now seems to him that the Catholic Church has so many “rules” and that Catholics have *a harder time *of getting into Heaven than non-Catholics, simply because ignorance frees many non-Catholics from guilt for their sins. So that is problem #1.

There’s a somewhat related problem, which is that he doesn’t understand the concept of “grace”. I try to tell him that Catholics have an advantage because the sacraments give us Divine grace. But he can’t understand how grace changes things at all. I tell him that going to confession, or receiving communion, helps in the struggle against sin. But he asks why people go to communion as if “going through the motions”, and don’t seem to get *anything *out of it. So I tell him that people need to favorably dispose themselves toward receiving grace. But then he asks how that is not just a clever way of covering up the fact that we’re really just improving by ourselves. It seems to him that grace doesn’t play a role – it’s only us using our free will to live according to the moral law. That’s problem #2.

Furthermore, I think he is becoming scrupulous. Of course, I don’t know for sure, but I cautioned him against scrupulosity, and he was confused. He said that when you really contemplate Hell, in its sheer awfulness, that it is rational to be scrupulous, that you *should always be worried that your actions are wrong. *And that is problem #3.

It seems to me like he needs a holy, orthodox spiritual director. But we are in college, and the local parish is okay, but not known for its orthodoxy, and we’re graduating in a few months anyway.

Does anybody have recommendations for my friend? Good books? Resources? Tips? Insights?

Above all, please offer a quick prayer for us! And thanks in advance.
 
Does he have a Catechism? If not, I would suggest one. Also, the book Surprised by Truth** by Patrick Madrid is a good one. I hope that you will be able to continue seeing your friend after graduation to help him in his journey. God bless you.
 
he has become somewhat anxious lately because it now seems to him that the Catholic Church has so many “rules” and that Catholics have *a harder time *of getting into Heaven than non-Catholics, simply because ignorance frees many non-Catholics from guilt for their sins. So that is problem #1.
Rules are not things that have to be followed because they are the rules. They are theological answers to questions. They need to be assimulated and understood in order that you understand that they are the answers-- even if you have not yet come up with the questions.
There’s a somewhat related problem, which is that he doesn’t understand the concept of “grace”. I try to tell him that Catholics have an advantage because the sacraments give us Divine grace. But he can’t understand how grace changes things at all. I tell him that going to confession, or receiving communion, helps in the struggle against sin. But he asks why people go to communion as if “going through the motions”, and don’t seem to get *anything *out of it. So I tell him that people need to favorably dispose themselves toward receiving grace. But then he asks how that is not just a clever way of covering up the fact that we’re really just improving by ourselves. It seems to him that grace doesn’t play a role – it’s only us using our free will to live according to the moral law. That’s problem #2.
Sounds like he’s caught up in the ‘rule’ thing. The Church places importance on orthopraxy- right doing. Action is important. Grace is about your intention. These things are between you and and conscience and God.
Furthermore, I think he is becoming scrupulous. Of course, I don’t know for sure, but I cautioned him against scrupulosity, and he was confused. He said that when you really contemplate Hell, in its sheer awfulness, that it is rational to be scrupulous, that you *should always be worried that your actions are wrong. *And that is problem #3.
Theologically there are some interesting ideas about hell being seperation from God. If you understand Christian life as a journey into the Trinity, this makes complete sense. Jesus broke all these three questions you ask down into two simple commandments.
It seems to me like he needs a holy, orthodox spiritual director. But we are in college, and the local parish is okay, but not known for its orthodoxy, and we’re graduating in a few months anyway.
I agree!
Does anybody have recommendations for my friend? Good books? Resources? Tips? Insights?
I would recommend he read some stuff by the Pope

This amazon.co.uk/Introduction-Christianity-Communio-Cardinal-Ratzinger/dp/1586170295/sr=1-4/qid=1169196260/ref=sr_1_4/026-8242269-4269219?ie=UTF8&s=books

and this amazon.co.uk/Truth-Tolerance-Christian-Belief-Religions/dp/158617035X/sr=1-1/qid=1169196291/ref=sr_1_1/026-8242269-4269219?ie=UTF8&s=books

Would be good places to start!
Above all, please offer a quick prayer for us! And thanks in advance.
Prayers being said! Good luck!!

:gopray:
 
Catholic Church has so many "rules
Unfortunately “rules” can mean many different things to different people. Please give examples of what these “rules” entail. However a quick analogy is, imagine playing football (soccer) without a referee, do you think the players would have much fun when the opposite team is getting away with fouls and tackles etc…imagine the opposite, having a strict referee that is whistle happy…every time the game would have to be stopped and plenty of players would be sent off.
Rules, that is the right amount of rules, actually enhances the experience of life. The world may think for example that the CC restricts the expression of love by enforcing that couples should only have sex once they are married. The reality is that what the CC is doing is upholding the significance of sex. The world instead has made sex into a very insignificant act. When a man cheats what is the excuse “it was just sex, is not like it meant anything”. Sexual intercourse is a physical expression of an interior reality. If the interior reality does not exist then the physical expression should not be acted out. The CC is merely trying to make people realise that only a married couple can really be expressing the true interior reality through sex; that is the reality of unity.
Catholics have *a harder time *
of getting into Heaven
The objective of life is not “how do I get to heaven?” Who is the focus in this sort of question? I, Me and Myself. People get stuck with the self-centred mentality of seeking to put oneself as number one priority… They are applying the same materialistic mentality and transferring it to the religious ground. A better way to approach faith is how do I get to have a relationship with God? Who is the focus in this sort of question? GOD…that’s much better.
But then he asks how that is not just a clever way of covering up the fact that we’re really just improving by ourselves
.
Faith is about improving our relationship with God more so than about being perfect.
“The more saintly are not those who commit fewer faults, but those with higher courage, a larger generosity, and a greater love” by Father Grou. A good rule of thumbs…it is all about relationship not performance
He said that when you really contemplate Hell,
Many think people in hell are saying “why did I sinned, man I wish I was in heaven”. People that are in hell have no desire to be in heaven. They are completely against God. They suffer because the only being (that is God) that can fulfil them is the one they detest. So if God hypothetically speaking were to invite them to heaven they would immediately refuse such an invitation as something heinous and prefer to be in hell instead.

As for books my recommendations are for him to list his main issues and bring forth literature that deal with the specifics. Perhaps you could give examples and we can provide some book titles. The CCC is too legalistic for some but it has a lot of info.
 
Pillar of fire Pillar of Truth - get that to him right away.

As for books here are some I recomend, as I have given them to non catholics.

Born Fundalmentist, Born again Catholic- David Currie

Catholic and Christian- Alan Schreck, Great book that is jam packed in a small package, he is a theologian.
 
Pillar of Fire, Pillar of Truth – that is the Catholic Answers tract, right?
 
As for it being easier for the ignorant, this is not true. We all have the natural law so anyone can sin and sin mortally. Someone without access to sacramental absolution would need perfect contrition to be forgiven a mortal sin.

Likewise, baptismal grace is not granted automatically due to ignorance. There must be complete love of God and contrition for sin (God can be known from natural reason):

St. Alphonsus Liguori (1691-1787) Moral Theology - (Bk. 6): “But baptism of desire is perfect conversion to God by contrition or love of God above all things accompanied by an explicit or implicit desire for true Baptism of water, the place of which it takes as to the remission of guilt, but not as to the impression of the [baptismal] character or as to the removal of all debt of punishment. It is called ‘of wind’ ‘flaminis’] because it takes place by the impulse of the Holy Ghost Who is called a wind ‘flamen’]. Now it is de fide that men are also saved by Baptism of desire, by virtue of the Canon ‘Apostolicam De Presbytero Non Baptizato’ and the Council of Trent, Session 6, Chapter 4, where it is said that no one can be saved *‘without the laver of regeneration or the desire for it.’” *
 
To who much is given…much is expected…we have the fullness of the truth…once you are aware of that truth, you are expected to abide by all of the teachings
But he has become somewhat anxious lately because it now seems to him that the Catholic Church has so many “rules” and that Catholics have *a harder time *of getting into Heaven than non-Catholics, simply because ignorance frees many non-Catholics from guilt for their sins. So that is problem #1.
.
 
But he has become somewhat anxious lately because it now seems to him that the Catholic Church has so many “rules” and that Catholics have *a harder time *of getting into Heaven than non-Catholics, simply because ignorance frees many non-Catholics from guilt for their sins. So that is problem #1.
Frank,

While ignorance may free many non-Catholics from the guilt of many individual sins, it is nowhere near the panacea that some people think it is. A non-Catholic can eat meat on Good Friday and not sin because he is not under Church discipline, but pretty much everybody knows deep down that premarital sex and stealing are wrong. Another point in this same direction is that God will give everybody a chance to accept His grace in some form or another, and Catholics have the clearest idea and some of the strongest encouragement to accept it. So problem #1 really shouldn’t be that much of a problem.
Furthermore, I think he is becoming scrupulous. Of course, I don’t know for sure, but I cautioned him against scrupulosity, and he was confused. He said that when you really contemplate Hell, in its sheer awfulness, that it is rational to be scrupulous, that you *should always be worried that your actions are wrong. *And that is problem #3.
I think he’s right, actually, that it is rational to be scrupulous … as long as “scrupulous” means VERY careful to avoid sin. It may interfere with his lifestyle some, but there are a lot of lifestyles that need to be interfered with.
Does anybody have recommendations for my friend? Good books? Resources? Tips? Insights?
I have always been very fond of C.S. Lewis’ writings. As a guide to practical morality I found Screwtape Letters more helpful than the Bible.
  • Liberian
 
Hello justbeinfrank,

You said your friend is “intellectually oriented”. A book that came to my mind is Frank Sheed’s “Theology and Sanity”. Mr. Sheed has a very clear, interesting way of stating things. (Guess it came from years of street preaching in England.) It is not an apologetic book that presents the Catholic taith versus Protestant - it just sets forth Catholic theology. Very good.

Definitely the Catechism of the Catholic Church.

You said your friend had been atheist. In coming to Christianity, is he seriously examining other denominations? If so, then some of the apologetic books mentioned above would be good. But if he has already recognized the validity of the Catholic Church then they might not be necessary and other books might be better. Books that will expand his knowledge of the faith and help in developing his spiritual life.

Nita
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top