Help for relationship of seven years

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Longing

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With the aid of some helpful advice from this forum, I have managed to communicate better with, and open up more to, my girlfriend of seven years. However, I fear that it is too little too late. She told me today that she wants us to be separated for the whole month of June with no contact or communication whatsoever, that we should explore other people during that time, and that we can meet up in the beginning of July to chat and see how we feel.

She says that she doesn’t love me the same way as before, that she needs time to be single.

I know that 30 days isn’t long, but I am genuinely terrified of losing her. I love her just as madly as I did at the start, nor do I have any inclination to see other people
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Try as I can, I know that I can’t change her mind. We are going to see each other for the last time this weekend coming. I plan to tell her EVERYTHING then, even if it takes the whole day and night, and even if it doesn’t change the situation.

I guess that what terrifies me the most is that she might find someone better in that month. I don’t know how I’ll deal with that should it happen.

I would appreciate any prayers and/or suggestions. What can I do this weekend to make the situation better? Is there anything that I can even do? I know that God gives everyone their own free will and mind.

I am just SO SO TERRIFIED. I don’t know how I will stay sane for the month of June. I truly believe that my girlfriend and I are soulmates – after all, we have been together 7 years already, and have been through so much. It just feels to me like our life together is only beginning.

I have had a sucky last twelve months, and losing her would be the worst of the things that have happened to me.
 
Seven years - why aren’t you married to this woman? What is the point of dating for that long? That’s a really long time to spend in a relationship heading nowhere. I suspect your GF has finally realised this and does not wish for you and her to both waste any more time together.

It will be hard to end it. But may well be for the best.

By all means tell her how you feel. But please listen to what she tells you too. In short, when she says she doesn’t love you like she once did, it’s a clear sign that this relationship has already run its course (some time ago I suspect).
 
underacloud said:
**Seven years - why aren’t you married to this woman? ** What is the point of dating for that long? That’s a really long time to spend in a relationship heading nowhere. I suspect your GF has finally realised this and does not wish for you and her to both waste any more time together.

It will be hard to end it. But may well be for the best.

By all means tell her how you feel. But please listen to what she tells you too. In short, when she says she doesn’t love you like she once did, it’s a clear sign that this relationship has already run its course (some time ago I suspect).
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They could have started very young.
 
I’m a female who was once so deeply hurt when a man I was engaged to broke it off with me. We had only dated about 2 1/2 years, but the devastation was almost unbearable as my future plans instantly went up in smoke, so I really do feel for you and can feel your pain. Hindsight is 20/20, and you won’t have it until later. But what if your relationship with this woman is keeping you from finding the woman who is going to be head-over-heals in love with you for the rest of your life (and vice versa?). I know it’s impossible to imagine now, but everyone I know who has suffered from a broken heart has ended up in a better place on the other side, after feeling the hurt for a while. If I had married that guy, who knows where I’d be? Thinking about it isn’t pleasant - I realize the things I would have missed out on (especially my husband now) and that makes me sad! It took time to get over him, but eventually I realized what a great gift it was being released from that relationship, despite how crushed I felt at the time. I can’t imagine not being married to my husband. I’ve run into the ex a few times and I have felt little more than “meh” when I see him.

Who knows what will happen in this month-long “break,” but I’d be mentally prepared for it not to end well. I hope you can find a healthy way to cope - the first few days will be the hardest.

I just wish I had been faithfully practicing my faith when I went through my thing. If I had been, I would have attended daily Masses, when possible, in search of peace and comfort and would have possibly even gone to speak to a priest about my despair.

I’m sorry for the tough time you’re facing…a break and/or a break-up are tough, but time really does heal the wound…(as simple and cliche as that sounds)…best wishes to you…
 
You’ll be fine. She wants to go, you have no choice but to accept it. Let her go gracefully, don’t put up an argument. As painful as it may be, use this as an opportunity to grow.
 
Xantippe said:
They could have started very young.
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Yes, that is a strong possibility. Nonetheless, the question is relevant assuming they are adults now. Where was and is it heading?

Sadly for the OP, it seems to be heading nowhere.
 
You must have very low self esteem if you fear she would find someone better in a month. My wife would have to search for years and, quite frankly, it would be fruitless.
Do you know so little of women as to suggest you put it all out there even if it takes hours? She has made up her mind and women do not reason things out with you when emotions are involved. She has already overthought the entire situation herself. Tell her you love her and leave it there. (I already know you won’t. Sigh.)
Let her go. For those of us who expect to live only a reasonable life time, seven and a half years may be a little too long. She may be in this camp. If you want someone, you have to put a ring on them.
 
Petaro said:
You must have very low self esteem if you fear she would find someone better in a month. My wife would have to search for years and, quite frankly, it would be fruitless.
Do you know so little of women as to suggest you put it all out there even if it takes hours? She has made up her mind and women do not reason things out with you when emotions are involved. She has already overthought the entire situation herself. Tell her you love her and leave it there. (I already know you won’t. Sigh.)
Let her go. For those of us who expect to live only a reasonable life time, seven and a half years may be a little too long. She may be in this camp. If you want someone, you have to put a ring on them.
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This is a great post.
 
Petaro said:
You must have very low self esteem if you fear she would find someone better in a month. My wife would have to search for years and, quite frankly, it would be fruitless.
Do you know so little of women as to suggest you put it all out there even if it takes hours? She has made up her mind and women do not reason things out with you when emotions are involved. She has already overthought the entire situation herself. Tell her you love her and leave it there. (I already know you won’t. Sigh.)
Let her go. For those of us who expect to live only a reasonable life time, seven and a half years may be a little too long. She may be in this camp. If you want someone, you have to put a ring on them.
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👍
 
And just to clarify, we have been together so long that the love between us is so strong and intense. She does still love me, I can see that about her, it’s just not the crazy over-the-top love as before. We will remain close no matter what, so it’s not like I won’t ever see her again. I just don’t want to loose her as my girlfriend. I miss the super close bond we had. I know that we both have loads more to offer.
I am a firm believer that if something exists in one state, it can change to a different state. So as long as there is real love anything is possible. Real love does come around only once in a lifetime and is always worth fighting for.
 
Petaro said:
You must have very low self esteem if you fear she would find someone better in a month. My wife would have to search for years and, quite frankly, it would be fruitless.
Do you know so little of women as to suggest you put it all out there even if it takes hours? She has made up her mind and women do not reason things out with you when emotions are involved. She has already overthought the entire situation herself. Tell her you love her and leave it there. (I already know you won’t. Sigh.)
Let her go. For those of us who expect to live only a reasonable life time, seven and a half years may be a little too long. She may be in this camp. If you want someone, you have to put a ring on them.
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Everybody is different and marriage times can differ.
There is no rationalizing anything with a woman, but when true love is involved, rationalizing isn’t a factor. True love is from the heart and never changes. So once one’s mind clears up, the love returns. At least, that’s what I believe. True love is from God and mustn’t be thrown away.
 
Longing said:
I’m 30, girlfriend is 28
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So you’ve been together most of your adult life but have not decided to marry. That is telling.

Let it go and move on. This talk of “true love” may be how you feel, but it seems she no longer feels this way and you don’t have any right to impose this idea on her. Listen to what she tells you and be open to the possibility - the strong possibility - that this relationship is not what God has planned for you.
 
underacloud said:
So you’ve been together most of your adult life but have not decided to marry. That is telling.

Let it go and move on. This talk of “true love” may be how you feel, but it seems she no longer feels this way and you don’t have any right to impose this idea on her. Listen to what she tells you and be open to the possibility - the strong possibility - that this relationship is not what God has planned for you.
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Yes.
 
underacloud said:
So you’ve been together most of your adult life but have not decided to marry. That is telling.

Let it go and move on. This talk of “true love” may be how you feel, but it seems she no longer feels this way and you don’t have any right to impose this idea on her. Listen to what she tells you and be open to the possibility - the strong possibility - that this relationship is not what God has planned for you.
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It hurts, but yes, it is part of adult life. Discerning your spouse for marriage. Sometimes, you are on the other end as in she doesn’t longer want to pursue the relationship.
 
Longing said:
Everybody is different and marriage times can differ.
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However, 7 years as adults with no marriage tells a different story. It points to some major issues. Marriage is a natural progression in a strong relationship.
Longing said:
There is no rationalizing anything with a woman
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Wow, that is a bold statement.
Longing said:
True love is from the heart and never changes.
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True love is an act of the will. Perhaps studying what the Catholic Church teaches about love and marriage would be helpful to you.
 
1Lord1Faith said:
You’ll be fine. She wants to go, you have no choice but to accept it. Let her go gracefully, don’t put up an argument. As painful as it may be, use this as an opportunity to grow.
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Yep. Classic breakup maneuver, she is moving on so best to let her go and see what God has planned for your future.
 
Longing said:
And just to clarify, we have been together so long that the love between us is so strong and intense. She does still love me, I can see that about her, it’s just not the crazy over-the-top love as before. We will remain close no matter what, so it’s not like I won’t ever see her again. I just don’t want to loose her as my girlfriend. I miss the super close bond we had. I know that we both have loads more to offer.
I am a firm believer that if something exists in one state, it can change to a different state. So as long as there is real love anything is possible. Real love does come around only once in a lifetime and is always worth fighting for.
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Ok cut out the once in a lifetime stuff that isn’t healthy. Plenty of people lose a spouse and find love again to prove that is incorrect.

Don’t buy into there is only one soulmate myth either. I’ve been married for 22 years and I can promise you our love is infinitely different than the day we married and infinitely greater today. You will find someone, fall in love and grow together as God has planned and learn what love truly is.

This is a detour not a destination.
 
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