Help forgiving an injustice

[Captain_America]

Over a year ago I was dealt a real personal injustice, by someone who had inadequate knowledge of my intentions. It was a rush to judgment about my intentions, and the only basis for this person’s actions was a confused account given him by a third person.

I’ve forgiven the third person. I can appreciate that I was unclear and that he just didn’t understand me.

I’ve not been able to forgive this other person who harmed me on the basis of this third person’s misinformation.

Any helpful suggestions warmly welcomed.

 

[pianistclare]

I hear you. I have my own story about someone who caused me great personal loss out of jealousy.
I’m told I need to forgive her.
I try very hard not to think about her, and if I do, I realize I have no control over her crazy self. I read the book, “The People of the Lie” by M. Scott Peck. Excellent book.
It’s about people who harm others, and have literally no clue they did anything wrong. How could they be wrong? They believe the lies in their head. :nope:

It has helped me to sort of laugh off the crazy. It’s hard. I pray for peace, and I take comfort in the fact that the more people interact with this person, the more people say “wow, she’s nuts!” Having friend that can commiserate with you and support you helps.
Sorry this happened to you, friend.

 

[ClearWater]

Over a year ago I was dealt a real personal injustice, by someone who had inadequate knowledge of my intentions. It was a rush to judgment about my intentions, and the only basis for this person’s actions was a confused account given him by a third person.

I’ve forgiven the third person. I can appreciate that I was unclear and that he just didn’t understand me.

I’ve not been able to forgive this other person who harmed me on the basis of this third person’s misinformation.

Any helpful suggestions warmly welcomed.

Once, I had a really powerful experience with forgiveness, someone who had hurt me REALLY badly, VERY deliberately. What helped that time was watching a movie with the crucifixion of Christ. As I watched it, I saw how Christ forgave those who killed him when he was 100% INNOCENT!

So, I figured since I am NOT 100% innocent, I needed to forgive EVERYONE, and I did. It was VERY powerful.

I felt, in forgiving, that I (more than anyone else) was being released. If we are not forgiving, it is sort of like we’re stuck, can´t properly advance until we do.

Now, forgiveness doesn´t mean you will even need to ever tell the person you forgave. In cases of criminal behavior, it doesn´t mean one would let them out of jail, or invite the person to your house, or even need to speak to the person. It means you let go it.

As long as you hold to this, unforgivenss, over the long term, can, I think, even cause health problems. When we forgive, it’s even good for our bodies, I believe.

One could also remember ALL one’s faults, especially our WORST sins. Keep those in front of you right now while trying to forgive. Recall that Christ forgave you, and just mainly asked that you forgive others. He said if you forgave, you would be forgiven, to that SAME degree.

I’ve seen online where some suggest trying to imagine you’re punishing that person and that, finally, that person has now PAID the debt, in full. I’ve not tried that with myself, don´t know how that would work.

There is yet another way, which is to try to put yourself in that person’s shoes. In some cases, there are circumstances which, though maybe not justify the actions, help, to explain them, but sometimes not.

With forgiveness, it’s also a choice. We can feel like we’re giving, but really, afterwards, it feels more like we’re receiving.

For…give…forgive.

For…get…forget

It sort of even makes sense. St. Francis said it’s in pardoning that we are pardoned. So, a lot of this is the opposite of what we would normally even think.

With forgiveness, one sometimes has to also repeat it, again and again.

Good luck!

 

[ClearWater]

Sometimes, when a little time has passed, it can make it easier…or sometimes, not.

Think of times when YOU were unjust. WHY were you unjust? Think of times when you were mistaken and someone suffered greatly, as a result.

Think of times when you were forgiven. How did you feel? Think of times you weren’t forgiven. How did that feel?

There are all kinds of reasons we do what we do. It’s quite complex. Sometimes, we can even project OUR feelings onto others. So, if we are feeling angry, can (mistakenly) think THEY are.

We can displace anger from one person to another, say. It’s like when one is really angry with a supervisor, can’t do anything about it, kicks the dog…takes the anger out on someone else…maybe not even consciously. Usually, this operates at a subconscious level. We often do things without even being aware of some of our true motivations.

 

[ClearWater]

Sometimes, we have “transference”…which is where you can have feelings towards, say, a father figure. Later…you can, unconsciously, transfer those feelings to someone else…sometimes, unfairly. It happens, and more than we probably realize.

So, someone can see you, for example, be reminded of someone who hurt them greatly, say. Then, they can hurt you. Now, you may have done NOTHING, but still, there are dynamics like that.

There are all KINDS of explanations.

Some people have some mental problems, hormonal, have been hurt too much…overreact, don’t see things as they truly are. Their perspective becomes sort of “colored” by past events, often negative.

Surely, there’s a reason, and to that person, he probably thought he had a good reason to do what he did, even though it turned out to be wrong.

 

[petra22]

I had a similar experience. And I really disliked that person. It ate at me.
Then I had a dream and I was out on the EDGE of space. It was dark and I was about to step over the edge-not a falling feeling, just knew that when I crossed over I would be so alone and wouldn’t I like to have even THAT PERSON to talk to right then??? I woke up and got the message. I can’t forget very well but I have forgiven… I’ll pray that you can forgive, too. Don’t hold it in.

Our Father…
Hail Mary…
Glory be…

 

[ClearWater]

Here are some more thoughts.

Sometimes, I have taken Christ’s words, literally, insofar as enemies are concerned and forgiveness. I have actually tried, on occasion, to do good to those who have persecuted me.

Once, I had someone who had stolen something from me. I GAVE what was stolen to the person.

Another time, someone destroyed all my flowers in front of my house. I thought I knew who had done it. I GAVE my last remaining flower, that was in the back of my house where the “enemy” couldn´t get to it. Then, the destruction stopped.

My boyfriend has a really bad enemy who works RIGHT next to him. He has done him untold damage. Anyway, this may fall flat, but I am thinking of GIVING him …something good, wishing him a Happy New Year.

Now, that may not work…may even fall flat, but try praying for those who persecute you. LITERALLY do that. If you see that person who deliberately harmed you, GIVE him something good, and wish him well.

If it doesn´t work, what have you lost? If it works, more power to you.

Also, one last thing…sometimes people hurt us because on some level, they are ENVIOUS or JEALOUS of us. I mean it. Sometimes, people envy us so much that they are trying to hurt us, because it’s as if they just can´t stand it.

So, try to help that person. Start by forgiving that person. You may never be friends, but at least try not to remain in a state of unforgiveness if nothing else.

God bless, and God speed!

Here’s food for thought, a TRUE story about enemies…and forgiveness.

google.com.mx/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#sourceid=chrome-psyapi2&ie=UTF-8&q=joyeux%20noel%20trailer

 

[ClearWater]

Someone on the forum suggested giving another person…a Canoli and glass of wine as a way of mending fences, said it worked in that person’s family! That’s the idea. Good luck!

 

[Captain_America]

I had a similar experience. And I really disliked that person. It ate at me.
Then I had a dream and I was out on the EDGE of space. It was dark and I was about to step over the edge-not a falling feeling, just knew that when I crossed over I would be so alone and wouldn’t I like to have even THAT PERSON to talk to right then??? I woke up and got the message. I can’t forget very well but I have forgiven… I’ll pray that you can forgive, too. Don’t hold it in.

Our Father…
Hail Mary…
Glory be…

Wow. Very interesting. And scary. Very scary.

 

[Captain_America]

Thanks all. I’ve let a year or so go by, but I still think the fellow acted rashly and entirely misjudged things. I also wonder if he wanted also to use the situation to give me a setback (harm me). At any rate, it unfairly muddied my name.

You know, when you forgive someone, it is so tempting to want to tell that person that you forgive him----as a backhanded way of asserting that he was in the wrong.

 

[pianistclare]

Thanks all. I’ve let a year or so go by, but I still think the fellow acted rashly and entirely misjudged things. I also wonder if he wanted also to use the situation to give me a setback (harm me). At any rate, it unfairly muddied my name.

You know, when you forgive someone, it is so tempting to want to tell that person that you forgive him----as a backhanded way of asserting that he was in the wrong.

True, but it seldom works, as you know.
The thing about forgiving is this: you can forgive, but you can only RECONCILE if the other party believes that there was an injustice in the first place. That’s why I got a lot from the People of the Lie book. It helped me to see that some people simply cannot accept the fact that they were wrong. They look at you perplexed…like what? What did I do?
Why should I apologize to YOU? I didn’t do anything to hurt you!
Amazing, but it happens a lot.
The main thing to remember is the forgiveness benefits you, not them. It’s for the peace of your soul. Once you have forgiven, it ceases to be an issue, so it ceases to harm you. If you forgive the other party, they likely don’t acknowledge it or even realize it. They’re just moving along like nothing happened.
God bless you.

 

[ready]

Think of all the times and ways you have offended our innocent God and forgive your friend, just as God always forgives you. If you want to be forgiven by God, forget about your friend’s offense and forgive him/her. Whenever you remember his/her offense and start to feel upset with him/her pray for him/her. From now on start praying for your friend whenever he/she comes to mind, do not hold a grudge, as this is sinful. God bless you.

 

[Robert_Sock]

For many, forgiveness is a difficult virtue to master. When we learn the power and wisdom of forgiveness, we are bound to have reached an advanced level of spiritual maturity. Regardless the nature of any possible abuse that we may have endured, nor the severity of that abuse, full recovery from abuse cannot be achieved until we truly forgive our abuser(s). Any anger or resentment we hold within us, live and thrive within us, and become a part of our very self. We will never rid ourselves of this anger and resentment until we experience true forgiveness towards all. Seeing our tormentors suffer a thousand times over will only add to our own misery.

On the other hand, to endure unnecessary torment and misery is never righteous, but a perversion. Also, the righteousness of forgiveness should never involve our condoning abuse or any other forms of evil.

True forgiveness requires our valuing peace and love above all else. Experiencing forgiveness towards those who have wronged us resembles perfect love more so than perhaps any other human experience. Forgiveness involves recognizing and valuing the potential for love that exists within every human soul, including our own soul. Sins cannot be completely forgiven until we forgive, and find an inner peace with, everyone who has ever wronged us; for every ounce of anger and resentment that we hold against any other(s), there will surely exist an ounce of sin held against us – for harboring anger and resentment within our self is sin.

The Golden Rule states: “do unto others as you would have them do unto you!” Our forgiving everyone, especially those we consider our enemies or adversaries, is to demonstrate to God that we are worthy of His forgiveness. Likewise, to find love for all our enemies and adversaries is to demonstrate to God that we have suffered long enough with our anger and resentment, and we are ready to receive His love.

Again, to experience the true power and wisdom contained within the virtue of forgiveness is to develop great spiritual growth!