Help getting to church

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Voltrael

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We have a very hard time making it to mass. The family is myself, my wife (who is disabled), my seven year old daughter and three year old son.

The logistics of getting the kids ready and my wife getting ready, and then getting in the car and driving to mass just seems to fail more often than not. We have problems at other times, but it always seems to become amplified when it has to do with mass. I am able to get my daughter to CCD on time every week, but mass preparation (especially for my wife) just seems to not happen. My wife has said several times she feels the devil is actively trying to keep us from attending mass.

Any advice on things we could do to be more successful?
 
Voltrael said:
We have a very hard time making it to mass. The family is myself, my wife (who is disabled), my seven year old daughter and three year old son.

The logistics of getting the kids ready and my wife getting ready, and then getting in the car and driving to mass just seems to fail more often than not. We have problems at other times, but it always seems to become amplified when it has to do with mass. I am able to get my daughter to CCD on time every week, but mass preparation (especially for my wife) just seems to not happen. My wife has said several times she feels the devil is actively trying to keep us from attending mass.

Any advice on things we could do to be more successful?
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My answer would depend on the nature of your wife’s disabilities. I’m not asking you to provide details, that info is private and you do not need to share.

Is it possible to listen to the Mass on Catholic radio or watch it on television the weeks you aren’t able to make it in person? Have you discussed this with your pastor? It is highly likely that your obligation may be dispensed due to your life circumstances.

As for general advice on getting ready, at our house we do all the prep work the night before. We pick out and iron clothes, get showers, and figure out hair styles (my daughters all have a hard time getting ready due to fixing hair it seems). We begin dressing and getting ready 90 mins before the time we need to leave. It normally does not take a full 90 mins, but that gives us a cushion in case something “goes wrong” or the boys get distracted. Plus we can take our time that way instead of rushing.

May God bless you and your family. I’ll keep you in my prayers.
 
I second the advice about getting everything ready the night before you go to Mass. Maybe you could go at a later time, as well, to give yourself longer to get ready? Would your seven year old be able to help you with your three year old? I don’t know if they take anything to Mass with them, but maybe telling them to pick something the night before they go might be a help.

Lou
 
We set our goal to go to the 8:00 AM mass and often manage to miss the 11:00 AM mass. Thank you for the advice. It just feels like there is some fundamental issue related to mass that is causing us problems.
 
Voltrael said:
We set our goal to go to the 8:00 AM mass and often manage to miss the 11:00 AM mass. Thank you for the advice. It just feels like there is some fundamental issue related to mass that is causing us problems.
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Is there any chance you could go to a Mass in the afternoon? It would give you the morning to get ready and you wouldn’t have to rush.

Lou
 
The Sunday afternoon masses where we live are in Spanish. We could try to go to the Saturday evening mass, but that never seems to work out well either.
 
It can take a long time for things to settle and feel routine. I’d pick one Mass and try the same prep routine several weeks in a row before deciding it doesn’t work. This gives you time to adjust, get comfortable, and work out any kinks.

How do you get it to work during the week?
 
CCD works because it’s just my daughter and not my daughter and wife. Getting either one of them ready is much simpler than getting both ready. We barely make things all the time during the week, but it’s worse on the weekend. I think my wife has a thing about everything needing to be perfect because it’s mass, and then we end up really late. We’ve tried me and the kids going and her coming later when she is ready, but that usually ends up in her missing mass completely and my having to handle the kids by myself.
 
One thing you could try is making a list with your wife of everything that would ideally be done when you leave for Mass. Figure out what can be done the night before, what can be done morning of, and what needs to happen as part of getting into the car. I’d also figure out who can do what, and prioritize. What absolutely has to happen, and what would be nice but not necessary?

You may have additional difficulties because of your wife’s disability, but based on what you’ve said here this sounds like a time management issue, which can definitely be overcome. 👍
 
Have everyone get ready. Allow them ample time. If they are not ready, go yourself.

If the 7 year old is ready, which she should be, you could insist she go with you. The younger one is still OK to leave at home. Your wife may not like it, but maybe that would impress upon her that it is serious enough for you to go to Mass, alone or with the family.
 
Actually, my wife encourages me to go alone,but I hate going with just the kids.
 
Voltrael said:
Actually, my wife encourages me to go alone,but I hate going with just the kids.
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Perfectly understandable. But perhaps there are other issues at play with your wife and her feelings toward attending mass. I’m not judging her - I’m speaking from my own experience and offering it as an idea to consider.

There are times in my life when I’ve been eager, ready, excited to attend mass - and have no problem getting ready and attending.

There are times in my life when I’ve felt like the proverbial busted can of biscuits - I feel horrible about myself, my appearance, uncomfortable in my own skin - let alone actually go out in public and see people who only see me once a week and I feel are ready to judge/condemn me. Obviously those are times when I have great difficulty getting ready - and if there’s any issue with hubby or kids or need to hurry - then I definitely do not want to attend.

And while my husband is a wonderful man - he absolutely has no clue about these different mental/emotional states I’m in, nor why one week I’m all chipper getting everyone up and ready to go and another week I’m hiding in the covers begging to be left alone. But he loves me and he listens anyway.

Perhaps your wife is feeling frustrated, depressed, or just plain tired of needing help. So maybe at a time when you are not trying to get ready for mass, you could ask her to help you understand what she really means by wanting you to go alone and let her know however she’s feeling about it - that it’s okay to feel that way. If it is negative feelings of any kind that are involved making the getting ready process take longer, then talking about them might help. And it might help her to know how much it means to you that she’s there with you.
 
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