HELP:-) How to ask a young lady out / Where to on a first date?

[FanofB16]

Hi.

I’m a 30 year old single Catholic man and there’s a 22 year old Catholic woman I like very much. We’ve been spending some time together because we’ve both been away on a Catholic retreat with others.

I’ve been getting to know her, we seem to have a lot in common and she seems to like me, at least I can make her laugh at my jokes.

Although, I would stress that there are no “obvious” signs that she likes me more than a friend, we seem good together and seem to enjoy each others company.

Anyway, as this retreat is coming to an end soon, I want to ask her out. I don’t mind being turned down, that’s just life, but I was wondering what should I say:

should I ask her out to lunch or dinner?

What do you think?

Would really appreciate your advice.

FanOfB16

 

[Pax]

I have been married for 36 years so I’ve been out of the dating scene for a long, long time. Nevertheless, I think you should simply let her know at the end of the retreat that you really appreciated her company and that you would like to see her again soon. If she gives a green light to this, then ask her to join you for dinner at a nice, but not overly fancy restaurant.

Good food and good company warms the heart, and it will be a great opportunity for you to develop a friendship and perhaps a courtship.

 

[dakotagirl]

“Dakotagirl would you like to meet me at x for coffee on Thursday?”
Seriously, look her in the eye and just say something like that. She will either think you are dumb or gladly accept, but the chances of the former are slim if you ask her like that. Just sayin…

 

[daughterofmary]

I have been married for 36 years so I’ve been out of the dating scene for a long, long time. Nevertheless, I think you should simply let her know at the end of the retreat that you really appreciated her company and that you would like to see her again soon. If she gives a green light to this, then ask her to join you for dinner at a nice, but not overly fancy restaurant.

Good food and good company warms the heart, and it will be a great opportunity for you to develop a friendship and perhaps a courtship.

I liked this idea. It wasn’t too forward, but let her know how you feel about her company and that you wish to get to know her better. I like the dinner idea too.

Perhaps ask if she wants to go to Mass together and then go for lunch afterward?

 

[FanofB16]

Hi. Thanks so much for all your very helpful replies.

I especially like the idea of only saying about enjoying her company and would she like to meet up after the retreat etc.

Another question - do girls know instinctively when you like them?

I mean, I went to speak with her this morning for no particular reason and I was quite tired so I only said a few words about enjoying the time of worship and she said the same thing. And then I said I would see her later. Hardly earth-shattering, I feel as if this was a missed opportunty, but I suppose she either likes me or does not.

Better go now. Internet access is restricted fortunately here.

 

[chevalier]

I prefer to ask “how about” questions and keep the tone a bit less than serious. Being tentative generally works. Obviously, sometimes you have to be more concrete, but that’s only when you really need to. Don’t sweat it and don’t dramatise.

 

[I_A]

Fan of B16

How would a girl instinctively know you like her? People communicate. If you wanted her to know you liked her you needed to let her know, by the tried built in method that may seem instinctive: flirting. You don’t say, “Hey, I like you,” but you move, interact, talk in ways so that the subtle actions of gestures and voice inflection communicate it. Now flirting is often instinctive.

 

[beckyann2597]

Hi,
I have been married a long time but I still have a couple suggestions.

In your previous conversations has she mentioned liking a particular kind of food, or music? If she said she really likes italian or indian food, take her to a yummy restaurant that kind. Does she like jazz? Take her to a jazz bar. Does she like dancing with the stars? Ask her if she might like to go to a dance class. If you do something that she mentioned in an earlier conversation she will say, this guy listens to me and cares what I have said. This is important!

If you do something especially well, this could be your chance to impress her. Do you golf well? take her to the course for a round of golf and lunch! Are you a really good singer and know she is not tone deaf? Take her to a karaoke night! (It s important that she is not tone deaf for karaoke, she will need to to know you are good for her to be impressed!)

Also, casual coffee together is a good first date. By making casual conversation with her you can learn more about her and get ideas on wooing her. There are no expectations on a coffee date.

Also, girls don’t know instinctively if you like them, If you fear you were short with her the last time you spoke, then mention it next time you see her. “I worried I might have been too quick with you last time I saw you. I didn’t mean to be rude and if I was I apologize”

I hope you have a good time together.

 

[sanctamaria17]

Coffee It’s neutral and a very casual place to get to know each other. After doing that a few times, then ask her to lunch or dinner.

 

[FanofB16]

Hi,

Just a word of thanks for all your helpful replies.

Unfortunately, things are going nowhere for me with the young lady I was interested in.

I asked her friend by phone if she could send me the girl’s mobile number so that I could call her. But, she never replied!

And I then emailed the young lady I liked to ask her out for coffee. That was a few days ago and no reply again.

It’s disappointing for me, considering how well we appeared to get on together.

But what is even more disappointing is that either her or her friend did not have the courtesy to reply to me and rather just chose to ignore me. I dont think it is very Christian-like.

Anyway, back to loneliness and wondering what just is wrong with me that I cannot seem to ever get anyone to be romantically interested in me - and I’m 30 so I’m not that young any more :-(((

 

[chevalier]

Hi. Thanks so much for all your very helpful replies.

Hope mine wasn’t useless either.

I especially like the idea of only saying about enjoying her company and would she like to meet up after the retreat etc.

Yeah, we generally prefer people to value our company for its own sake rather than just as a part of being prospective partners. In fact, myself I’d rather marry a good and trusted friend than a new crush that were about potential partnership only.

Another question - do girls know instinctively when you like them?

Depends. Some are quite oblivious considering what’s said about women. Others realise early. At any rate, I wouldn’t count on their intuition being so much better than a man’s in this regard. You just need to communicate unless you both can pick up each other’s hints.

I mean, I went to speak with her this morning for no particular reason and I was quite tired so I only said a few words about enjoying the time of worship and she said the same thing.

Great.

And then I said I would see her later.

Great.

Be natural. You want to enjoy that relationship. You won’t be able to enjoy the present if you live too much in the potential future.