Help! - I don't like kids

[Lily_Bernans]

OP, I think you love children, but you just don’t have an affinity for them.

I grew up with adults only. I learned to read when I was three and write when I was four. As the child of Europeans in the US, I learned three languages simultaneously - English, Dutch, and French. I was always made to behave as a “little adult.”

I got along fine with the other children my age in school, but by my teens, I just wanted the company of adults. Now, as an adult of 32, I find it difficult to relate to children. I don’t particularly “like” them, but I love them all. I wish all of them could be happy, know God, have wonderful health, never suffer, never be in need, etc. I don’t like all the things children do, but I can say with total honestly that I want the best for all of them. It bothers me greatly when I see a child in need. I include all children in my prayers. I think if’s okay not to like children as long as you love them and want the best for all of them even if you can’t “feel” the love. Feelings can be deceptive at times.

 

[Anglewannabe]

Why in the world would you volunteer your time doing something you genuinely don’t like?

.

Honestly, the kids sense that you are not happy to be with them and I think it would be the fairness and most loving thing to stop volunteering.

You are not a monster, just because someone is a kid does not mean you will hit it off with them so to speak

 

[Xantippe]

I think every parent has “favorite stages” with the lives of their children and you might find this to be the case as your children get older. I felt absolutely drained when my children were infants and yet had a friend who was a pediatric nurse who loved babies. She had babies with stomach problems that cried all the time and it did not phase her one bit. That would have driven me to madness I think.

Fast forward to the toddler ages. I love those ages and she said I can’t take it ages 2-5. I feel like “throwing them out the window” Meanwhile she would hold her next baby constantly. She went on to have 5 children. Meanwhile back at the ranch I loved 2-5. Everyone is different.

Most parents( and I am older now, LOL kids grown and in college )can talk of special ages and difficult ages. Don’t worry. I might agree with the others I wouldn’t sap out my energy with volunteering with kids. Spend some time on yourself.

I admire your post. Lots of parents can relate to difficult parenting moments and my best was NOT the teen years. I could pass on that whole stage and your willingness to share helps other.

God bless and look forward to easier times ahead.

Mary.

Right.

I like infants and 4+. 1-3 I’m pretty meh about.

 

[heidi_storage]

Why in the world would you volunteer your time doing something you genuinely don’t like?

That totally baffles me. It’s like me feeling the need to volunteer at an animal shelter…I don’t like most animals but everyone else I know does…so I should inflict more frustration and pain upon myself? That doesn’t make sense.

Stop with the volunteering. It’s okay to be frustrated with children but you need to conserve that good/positive energy for your own kids.

Find an outlet and do things that you like to do…not what you think others expect you to do.

I hate to say it but you’re a ticking time bomb of rage and frustration if you volunteer your “time off” to be with more kids.

+1

 

[Xantippe]

To be fair, I think toddlers can be charming, but I find them much more stressful to be around.

 

[Kelfa28]

To be fair, I think toddlers can be charming, but I find them much more stressful to be around.

For me they totally are.

For other people I know…two of my closest friends and my mother, for example…they are the best age ever!

My mother absolutely loves the 18 month to 4 year old age range. She was also a ballet teacher for nearly thirty years and routinely taught that age group with an incredible amount of energy and joy.

She used to say the only thing that drove her a little batty was the group bathroom trips…inevitably, if one 3 year old needed to use the bathroom…the entire class needed to go too.

The other thing that is very different for her is the male gender. She only had daughters and spent her entire career teaching little girls.

Toddler boys…especially her grandson…are a totally different level of energy she isn’t used to.

Me, personally? I have the hardest time with 18 months to 4 years. I enjoy birth to 18 months and then age 5-12ish (or whenever the teenage brain begins firing).

It also totally depends on the child.
My oldest is maddening sometimes. She’s hit every single clichéd and difficult milestone you can think of from 15 months to 4 years.
Tantrums, whining, asking “why” constantly, needs attention and the need to be entertained 24/7, general fears like monsters in the closet and spiders.

Weirdly enough…I still enjoy being around her because she is my twin. We look alike, have the same personality quirks and enjoy the same things.

My middle is such an easy child. She entertains herself, is incredibly verbal and self-sufficient for her age and rarely ever throws tantrums.
She is the only 2 year old I know who can go to Mass, stay relatively quiet and needs virtually nothing for me to bring to keep her entertained.

But she is much harder for me to enjoy and relate to because she and I are so very different. She isn’t even like my husband…she reminds me of my sister.

Kind of why hubby and I needed a third a child to round out our family…I was literally raising myself and my sister!

When my mom watches the girls she practically gets flashbacks.

 

[EasterJoy]

It doesn’t sound to me as if you don’t like children. It sounds as if you find difficult children more difficult than difficult adults. Not liking children is when even well-behaved examples can’t please you.

That is a natural inclination, not something to feel guilty about. You do not have to go out of your way to be around people you find difficult. You only have to go out of your way when you are actually with them to act generously or go out of your way to remember you are serving the Lord particularly when you are good to someone not because it feels good or they return the favor but because it pleases the Lord. St. Thérèse of Lisieux talks about this in the Story of a Soul.

As a penance for Lent, I was once nice to a teacher whom no one at my school liked. I chose it because it seemed like a hard thing to do. I can’t say we ever got to be friends, but it got to be kind of a habit and I did soften towards her. People asked me how I could stand her…well, because I bit the bullet and decided to do it. The more I did it, the less effort it took. That doesn’t mean my family had her over for dinner after I graduated from that school! I did learn to appreciate the reasons she was more difficult, but they weren’t really excuses. (She even drove my mother nuts, and Mom could get along with nearly anyone!)

You sound as if you are the kind of person that doesn’t let on to the children that you aren’t enjoying them. That is the main thing! Let go of your guilt feelings and offer your efforts as a sacrifice to the Lord.

 

[1990Domer]

On behalf of “misbehaved” kids, lease do not judge the parent(s). There may be invisible disabilities that the child has that the parent has a difficult time controlling (ADHD, autism, anxiety, OCD, social anxiety, sensory integration disorder, etc.). However, therapists will often recommend, that parents expose their children to “society” in order to help the child cope with said disability.

I cannot tell you how many times I was called a “bad parent” because my child was ill-behaved and spoiled. To add insult to injury, he was big for his age because dad is 6’7". Hearing such comments without considering the possible alternative is very depressing and often leads to isolation of the parents and the child. I’ll admit it–I prayed that God would take both me and dear son out of our misery. He didn’t listen, but gave me strength to persevere. My child, who I was told would live in an institution, is mainstreamed, an altar boy, plays trumpet, gets straight A’s and is discerning a vocation. Yes, he still is on the autism spectrum, but I believe God worked a miracle. I can’t wait until Wednesday when he serves at mass again.

Food for thought from someone on the other side of the fence.

 

[Horton]

I’m struggling with something that brings me some shame but it’s undeniable. I don’t really like children. I always wanted to be a mom, but that wasn’t based on any experiences with children. I was the youngest of a small family and never interacted with many younger children. I was homeschooled and very isolated, so I hardly spent time with people my own age. Even with other adults now, I am an introvert and I have only a few select friends. I do much better one-on-one than with a group.

Five years ago I got married, now I have a 2-year-old and a 4-year-old. I love them very much, more than I ever imagined I could. Even so, they are a huge challenge for me and I don’t find myself responding to them the way I thought I would. My other parent friends are wiping their kids noises with their bare hands, and I still find that revolting. The behavior others call cute gets on my nerves. It seems like almost all other people I know love children - even strangers. I find all children - especially those that aren’t mine - messy, loud, annoying, gross, bratty, and all around inconvenient. Of course they can also be cute. But I’m not even talking about children with ADD or any other “issues” - I mean average, well behaved children.

Having my own children has made me much better with other people’s children, but I only really feel loving towards the children of close friends. Most children I find myself wanting to avoid at best, or spank at worst. I don’t wish any harm on them and I recognize their importance in society is just as equal to any other living person. I just don’t want to be around them. I don’t usually want to be around my own kids unless I have to be there.

I realize how selfish it is to dislike children because they don’t “benefit” me in any way, or because they cause me some minor inconvenience. I have been feeling bad about this forever, and I keep putting myself into volunteer positions with pre school children, I guess thinking I’ll get used to it, or just feeling that I “should” like them. Or at least that I should have to put up with them like everyone else. I’d much prefer to hang out with people my own age, or at least other adults of different ages. I am enjoying the years of my children being small, but I look forward to the day I’m not responsible for all their needs every minute. And I’m just about ready to quit my volunteering with Sunday school and other work with children because I get so frustrated with them, so annoyed by them. I can honestly say I almost hate being around them and I feel like the remainder of my day is nearly ruined because of their influence on my mood.

Is this a sin? Only a monster wouldn’t automatically like sweet innocent little children, right? Or is this a common feeling among other adults too, and I’m just unaware? Is this a serious flaw or just a personality trait? Is it ok for me to avoid children who aren’t my own, simply because I don’t like them? If so, why do I feel so guilty about it?

I’ve never really liked kids either. When I got married, having children was just expected so I did. I loved being pregnant and those first few newborn weeks with the first one. After that parenting was a chore. I had all boys I raised on my own after I lost my husband. I loved my boys and was fiercely protective of them but when they were little I couldn’t wait for them to grow up. As adolescents and teens it was much easier as they were more self sufficient. As I had my children very young I never had much of chance to do some of the things young people do like travel. I couldn’t wait for my kids to grow up.

I made sure my kids had all they needed, shelter, food, clothing, medical care, education, attention, a sense of family, vacations, I even learned how to bait a hook with a worm so I could teach them to fish, bought them ski passes, provided a “high school” car, and so on…There wasn’t much I wouldn’t do for my kids, but I still don’t like children.

I love my kids, all adults now, and adore my grandkids. But I can only handle them in smaller doses. I tend a couple of my grandkids two afternoons a week and I enjoy my time with them but I couldn’t watch every day, all day. Some of my grandkids live a couple of hours away and I’ll take one or two at a time for a weekend, but I’m ready for them to go home after a couple of days. The older they get, the easier it is.

You are not a monster any more than those of us who don’t care for kids. Please find another way to volunteer. In my career I had several opportunities to change jobs to a better paying one working with kids…couldn’t do it. Now that I’m retired I spend my volunteer time with adult ministries within my parish.

Give yourself a break and just get from one day to the next. Now that it’s all over, it seems like it took no time at all to raise my kids but during it seemed like it would never end.

 

[EasterJoy]

I’ve never really liked kids either. When I got married, having children was just expected so I did. I loved being pregnant and those first few newborn weeks with the first one. After that parenting was a chore. I had all boys I raised on my own after I lost my husband. I loved my boys and was fiercely protective of them but when they were little I couldn’t wait for them to grow up. As adolescents and teens it was much easier as they were more self sufficient. As I had my children very young I never had much of chance to do some of the things young people do like travel. I couldn’t wait for my kids to grow up.

I made sure my kids had all they needed, shelter, food, clothing, medical care, education, attention, a sense of family, vacations, I even learned how to bait a hook with a worm so I could teach them to fish, bought them ski passes, provided a “high school” car, and so on…There wasn’t much I wouldn’t do for my kids, but I still don’t like children.

I love my kids, all adults now, and adore my grandkids. But I can only handle them in smaller doses. I tend a couple of my grandkids two afternoons a week and I enjoy my time with them but I couldn’t watch every day, all day. Some of my grandkids live a couple of hours away and I’ll take one or two at a time for a weekend, but I’m ready for them to go home after a couple of days. The older they get, the easier it is.

You are not a monster any more than those of us who don’t care for kids. Please find another way to volunteer. In my career I had several opportunities to change jobs to a better paying one working with kids…couldn’t do it. Now that I’m retired I spend my volunteer time with adult ministries within my parish.

Give yourself a break and just get from one day to the next. Now that it’s all over, it seems like it took no time at all to raise my kids but during it seemed like it would never end.

I don’t see how doing your duty as a parent even though you enjoy a different stage of life more than the one your child happens to be in is different when the stage you happen to like is early childhood instead of young adulthood or even adulthood. Teens do not exactly appreciate being treated like chopped liver because they aren’t toddlers any more, either, after all.

It reminds me of those “Baby On Board” yellow diamonds that people sometimes stick inside their cars. I saw one with identical shape and color that read something like: “No Babies Here, So Go Ahead and Kill Us.”

 

[pensmama87]

I don’t see how doing your duty as a parent even though you enjoy a different stage of life more than the one your child happens to be in is different when the stage you happen to like is early childhood instead of young adulthood or even adulthood. Teens do not exactly appreciate being treated like chopped liver because they aren’t toddlers any more, either, after all.

It reminds me of those “Baby On Board” yellow diamonds that people sometimes stick inside their cars. I saw one with identical shape and color that read something like: “No Babies Here, So Go Ahead and Kill Us.”

Off topic, but I read recently that the actual intent of the " Baby on Board " signs is to notify emergency personnel in case of an accident (like the colored stickers on children’s bedrooms for firefighters.)

 

[1990Domer]

I think this thread may be hard if you have or are suffering from infertility. So, I am going to politely leave this thread.

 

[Horton]

I don’t see how doing your duty as a parent even though you enjoy a different stage of life more than the one your child happens to be in is different when the stage you happen to like is early childhood instead of young adulthood or even adulthood. Teens do not exactly appreciate being treated like chopped liver because they aren’t toddlers any more, either, after all.

It reminds me of those “Baby On Board” yellow diamonds that people sometimes stick inside their cars. I saw one with identical shape and color that read something like: “No Babies Here, So Go Ahead and Kill Us.”

Not quite sure what you’re getting at here. Yes I did enjoy my kids more when they were a little older. I can remember the feeling of freedom when I finally got to leave the house without a diaper bag after all those years.

I never treated my kids like “chopped liver” when they were teens. We actually had a lot more fun. I made my house the neighborhood house for the kids to hang out. The other parents knew me and my rules, I knew their kids and those kids knew my expectations of behavior. While it meant I always had a bunch of kids in my basement, I knew where my boys were. Cost a little more for snacks and the latest video games but the kids were safe.

We lived near several national parks & wilderness areas and would take long camping weekends. We would go visit larger cities for long weekends and visit zoos, museums, and other local attractions.

If you were to ask my kids if they felt deprived in childhood because their mother didn’t like kids, they would say no. My kids have turned into wonderful adults, two of them good fathers themselves.

 

[Rose71]

One of the wisest things my mother said to me was, “It doesn’t matter whether or not you like someone, as long as you love them!”

Nobody is a ‘monster’ or ‘evil’ for finding their children, or other people’s children difficult to deal with. Think back to when you were a teenager: I bet there were times when your parents made you seethe with rage at the unfairness of their rules, their choice of attire, their advice on your own wardrobe etc. Does your DH never, ever get on your nerves?

Families are made up of human beings and we all do annoying things and we all become annoyed by one another. I think Facebook has a lot to answer for because it has encouraged the myth of the ‘perfect child’ and ‘perfect life’ and we all feel obliged to ‘like’ yet another picture of a little cherub doing something positively mundane, like sitting on her potty :yawn:

 

[EasterJoy]

Not quite sure what you’re getting at here. Yes I did enjoy my kids more when they were a little older. I can remember the feeling of freedom when I finally got to leave the house without a diaper bag after all those years.

I never treated my kids like “chopped liver” when they were teens. We actually had a lot more fun. I made my house the neighborhood house for the kids to hang out. The other parents knew me and my rules, I knew their kids and those kids knew my expectations of behavior. While it meant I always had a bunch of kids in my basement, I knew where my boys were. Cost a little more for snacks and the latest video games but the kids were safe.

We lived near several national parks & wilderness areas and would take long camping weekends. We would go visit larger cities for long weekends and visit zoos, museums, and other local attractions.

If you were to ask my kids if they felt deprived in childhood because their mother didn’t like kids, they would say no. My kids have turned into wonderful adults, two of them good fathers themselves.

*That is my whole point! *You don’t even have to enjoy every phase of your own child’s life in order to be a great parent, let alone enjoy every phase of the children of everyone else! Good feelings make it easier on you, but if you don’t feel that way, it doesn’t make you a bad person.

The OP doesn’t have to enjoy other people’s small children to be a great parent or even a fine Christian. She doesn’t have to enjoy them in order to have them enjoy her! She only has to love each person where they are no matter how much the person appeals to her natural likes and dislikes or her mood at the moment. She doesn’t have to beat herself up for finding some people easier to love than others, even when the ones who are hard for her to enjoy are easy for others to find adorable.

There is nothing magical about liking small children that makes someone a good person. It is a natural emotion that makes doing our duty a pleasure instead of a trial, but it is not a virtue in and of itself. Parents would much rather be around the adult who doesn’t like children but is good to them anyway than the adult who loves children but does nothing good for them.

 

[Horton]

*That is my whole point! *You don’t even have to enjoy every phase of your own child’s life in order to be a great parent, let alone enjoy every phase of the children of everyone else! Good feelings make it easier on you, but if you don’t feel that way, it doesn’t make you a bad person.

The OP doesn’t have to enjoy other people’s small children to be a great parent or even a fine Christian. She doesn’t have to enjoy them in order to have them enjoy her! She only has to love each person where they are no matter how much the person appeals to her natural likes and dislikes or her mood at the moment. She doesn’t have to beat herself up for finding some people easier to love than others, even when the ones who are hard for her to enjoy are easy for others to find adorable.

There is nothing magical about liking small children that makes someone a good person. It is a natural emotion that makes doing our duty a pleasure instead of a trial, but it is not a virtue in and of itself. Parents would much rather be around the adult who doesn’t like children but is good to them anyway than the adult who loves children but does nothing good for them.

Ok I get it. I pray the OP understands that we are all different, especially in the way we deal with others. Not liking children or having difficulty dealing with them is just a personality trait, not a defect.

OP - It’s ok to do something for yourself too. To do something adult occasionally without your kids. A few years ago a woman in my Fourth Day group was the mother of 6 kids under 10. Coming to a weekly Fourth Day group was her escape, her hour a week she could relax with other women and drink a cup of coffee.

 

[EasterJoy]

Ok I get it. I pray the OP understands that we are all different, especially in the way we deal with others. Not liking children or having difficulty dealing with them is just a personality trait, not a defect.

OP - It’s ok to do something for yourself too. To do something adult occasionally without your kids. A few years ago a woman in my Fourth Day group was the mother of 6 kids under 10. Coming to a weekly Fourth Day group was her escape, her hour a week she could relax with other women and drink a cup of coffee.

I’m glad you asked me to clarify, because I had no intention of implying that you ever treated any other human being like chopped liver, let alone your own children!

 

[Horton]

I’m glad you asked me to clarify, because I had no intention of implying that you ever treated any other human being like chopped liver, let alone your own children!

 

[guiltycatholic]

Thank you all for your answers! I am a little overwhelmed by your support - I half expected no one to relate to this and therefore it might go unanswered. Or worse, for people to be really harsh like “Get off our forums, child-hater!”

I think I may be burned out as Pensmama87 and Lou2U suggested. Funny thing is I never really considered that. Katy, Thanks for getting straight to the heart of my question and helping me see I’m under no obligation to volunteer with small children since I have my own right now.

ClearWater and Dove1, that’s actually part of the problem. Most people I know do say they only dislike children who are misbehaved, but that’s not the case with me. I’m not ooey gooey over any children, even if they’re perfect little saints! Of course, they’re easier to deal with, but I guess my point is just that I don’t get the fuss over children simply because they’re children. I feel like especially as a woman, ESPECIALLY as a mother, I’m under even more of an expectation to go crazy over children. 1990Domer, I see it from your perspective. In fact, the work I’ve done with children has proven to me that it’s not always the parents. Of course some behavior things are from the parents, but mostly, I find that children are just individuals. Whether they have “issues” or not, they each have their own quirks and personality. It’s adults that want to say “he’s acting like that because he’s a boy” well how do you explain the girl who acts worse? “oh it’s the way her parents raise her” etc. How about we accept that children are all different. That sometimes it’s very surprising who behaves and who misbehaves!

LittleSheep, thank you for your kind, kind words, and your prayers! Your reply is so encouraging.

Bonnie, I found myself also thinking in terms of how I’m not an “animal person” either. Which made me feel worse. Being an animal lover is sort of “optional” - pets don’t have to be a part of your life. Granted, children don’t either except to those of us called to the married life, where children are usually a part of that deal. I don’t really feel guilty that I don’t like animals because they’re just animals. But children, it’s like there’s an obligation to like them based on nothing. You’re just supposed to like them because they’re small and innocent and stuff. I guess.

Giggly Giraffe, yes I relate on getting no personal space! You’re right, I know that it’s really such a short time in my life to raise my kids, especially since I only have two. It will be over very soon, which I am very aware of. I feel like I should appreciate it and love it more because it’s short lived, but somehow I don’t.

Modern Revert and Rose71, I feel like you get it!!! Thank you for giving me a little perspective. Horton, that’s what I’m hoping for, that I can be a good mom and provide a great childhood for my children, and even if I never “enjoy” myself, I want to do right by them. But perhaps some time away doing things I enjoy is what will make that possible…

Kelfa28, I totally read your reply like a parent scolding me and basically saying I’m an idiot. However, I will give you the benefit of the doubt that you didn’t intend to give me that reaction, and I see your point. It might sound crazy to put yourself in situations you don’t enjoy in an effort to gain personal growth, but it makes sense to me. Another comparison to animals, which I feel just isn’t on par with children. The unspoken obligation to love animals is not as strong as the unspoken obligation to love children. Children are one of US, our FUTURE, etc. etc. I DO see the sense in conserving my positive energy for my own children and I think after reading all your responses here I can allow myself to do that without twisting it into a sin of some kind in my imagination. It’s not even JUST the gross factor, but I guess that’s a bigger part of it than I realized. Anytime parents bring sick kids to class, I’m pretty preoccupied with getting sick myself or them infecting everyone else in the class, and the endlessness of illnesses when spread in classes this way. I guess that is a little irrational since we all pass diseases around anyway. It just grosses me out.

Bonnie and Anglewannabe also said that the children can tell I don’t like them. EasterJoy seems to give me the benefit of the doubt that I don’t let it negatively impact my relationships with children. I appreciate that. The children in my class really love me and chase me down outside of class to say hi and stuff. In their own lives they are surrounded by all kinds of adults, each with a different level of love for them. I don’t believe that my demeanor with them is damaging them in any way, I believe I am doing them a great service that benefits them. I think it’s nice that I’m choosing to volunteer with them despite not enjoying it because it’s a position that needs to be filled and I have given more children the opportunity to go through this class than they would have without me. I don’t feel I’m “inflicting myself” on them. I just don’t fawn over them.

 

[guiltycatholic]

Jilly4ski, Xantippe, and MaryT77, I hadn’t really considered being better with different age levels. I DID enjoy my children more from birth to 2 years. And maybe I will really love another stage later too. Still it’s only really with my own. Other people’s kids not so much! I had written off the broad category of “children” without taking the time to consider that there are pretty big differences at the different stages of life. I definitely see more of a need now to get some time alone and with other adults. It’s funny how it takes a third party perspective for me to see, sometimes.

Gliggle and Lily Bernans, I TOTALLY relate to your posts. I was very much a loner my whole life and most of my hobbies are things that require time and quiet and space… ie completely incompatible with having small children nearby. I spent most of my life before being a perfectionist and just being quiet in observation and thought. I was capable of interacting with my peers, but I usually spent time with people at least 10 years older than me. I always identified that with my personality, and having children has shown me there is so much more to me than writing, reading, art, etc. that I never delved into before because I never had to! God has definitely given me a wonderful opportunity for growth. Now that I do have to, I find the less attention I pay to how I “feel” about it, the better. Sometimes I feel like I’ve lost my true personality. I guess that feeling is causing some of the guilt for not liking children much, like I’m blaming them and that’s not fair. Thanks for helping me understand that better so I can let it go. Interesting point about CS Lewis! I do believe I can be a positive person in the lives of children.

EasterJoy I feel like you understand what I was trying to do by volunteering with kids. In fact I’ve read about many different saints purposefully doing things they didn’t enjoy, being around people they found difficult, etc. just to offer it up. And I definitely do! It certainly has improved my patience, and given me more appreciation and respect for the children. I “get” them much better now than when I was single, and even since having my own. I’m so glad someone else gets it. And thank you for going into details about how children aren’t necessarily more important than anyone else, that liking them doesn’t mean you’re a good person, etc. It’s weird that I needed to actually read those things but I did!!!

1990Domer, I see you decided to leave the thread but I just wanted to say that the struggle with infertility is also partially where all my guilt comes from. I have so many friends who can’t have children and they believe that they’d be willing to put up with anything if they could only have a child. That said, I also know people who struggled for years with infertility before treatments allowed them to conceive, and then they realized it was MUCH more than they ever imagined. Not that they’d trade their kids back in, but they just realized how unrealistic their imaginations had been. I myself am having issues where I may never be able to have more children. From the title of my post, you may think I’d be rejoicing but it’s quite the contrary. Just because I don’t have an affinity for children, as someone put it, doesn’t mean I don’t see or appreciate the incredible ability to participate in bringing life to human beings, to raising them up in the Church and in the world. Just because I hate tantrums and messes and noise and chaos doesn’t mean I wish children didn’t exist. And it doesn’t make me incapable of sympathy towards those who cannot conceive.