Help...I dont want to be labelled a gay-hater when I become Catholic

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FMLJoliecouer

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I just had a horrible thought. I am going to be taking the RCIA classes this fall. I was baptized Catholic, was adopted by non-church going Protestant parents, and now, at 42…am just coming home…

I have gay friends…I read that it is not a sin to have homesexual tendancies… but that sexual relations is a sin between a man and a woman who are not married as well as two same sexed people, even if they get a civil marriage or get married in another church

Hey I have more friends who are heterosexual and living in sin than I do gay friends who are living in sin.

I love my gay friends the same as I love my straight or bi friends. i have no intention of stopping my associations with them or being seen with them in public when I am a full member of the Catholic church.

I also happen to know many Catholics who do not condemn or hate homosexuals, they just believe that they can’t enter into a Valid Marriage…Well no marriage is valid anyway outside the Catholic Faith…

Since I was married before…and have been living in sin with a man for the past nine years…I have recently decided to remain celibate the rest of my life. This was a result of a review of my conscience. I know that I could marry my partner of nine years, but if I want to be a member of the Catholic Faith…I would be committing adultery if we had sexual relations, even if we did marry.

That is how bad I want to be a Catholic.

To all of you gay people out there…I would never pass judgement on you and I feel that whatever you choose to do is between you and God. Please dont hold it against me when I become Catholic and call me a gay hater…

Peace and Joy
 
You should NEVER HATE ANYONE! If people call you a gay-hater because of your Catholicism, you should tell them that you fear to hate because you fear God’s judgment. Hatred is not something compatible with Catholicism. To call a good Catholic an anything-hater is an oxymoron. With that made clear, the only other reason they could be against your conversion is because they themselves hate the Church and God’s teachings. You would be a great witness to your friends by your conversion, holiness, and love for others, and it would be a great way to bring closer the salvation of their souls.

All gay people are called to chastity. If they live like this, they are not living in sin, and in my opinion are even holier than most people. I’d say that at least 80% of people commit fornication. If a gay person resists the temptation, then in my eyes, s/he is much holier than most of us.

Also, remember to hate the sin and not the sinner. Also, remember that if we judge, the Lord will bring the same judgment upon us. So for those who point, do not be surprised by God’s wrath when you are pointed at on judgment day.

With that said, I am glad you are coming home to the one, holy, catholic, and apostolic Church. However, are you sure you are called to celibacy? This is of course a holier state of living so I could never discourage you, but it is also a harder one. What makes you think that getting married with this man you love is sinful? Of course, until you are married you should remain chaste, but once you are married there is nothing wrong with it.

God bless. 😉
 
FMLJoliecouer said:
I just had a horrible thought. I am going to be taking the RCIA classes this fall. I was baptized Catholic, was adopted by non-church going Protestant parents, and now, at 42…am just coming home…

I have gay friends…I read that it is not a sin to have homesexual tendancies… but that sexual relations is a sin between a man and a woman who are not married as well as two same sexed people, even if they get a civil marriage or get married in another church

Hey I have more friends who are heterosexual and living in sin than I do gay friends who are living in sin.

I love my gay friends the same as I love my straight or bi friends. i have no intention of stopping my associations with them or being seen with them in public when I am a full member of the Catholic church.

I also happen to know many Catholics who do not condemn or hate homosexuals, they just believe that they can’t enter into a Valid Marriage…Well no marriage is valid anyway outside the Catholic Faith…

Since I was married before…and have been living in sin with a man for the past nine years…I have recently decided to remain celibate the rest of my life. This was a result of a review of my conscience. I know that I could marry my partner of nine years, but if I want to be a member of the Catholic Faith…I would be committing adultery if we had sexual relations, even if we did marry.

That is how bad I want to be a Catholic.

To all of you gay people out there…I would never pass judgement on you and I feel that whatever you choose to do is between you and God. Please dont hold it against me when I become Catholic and call me a gay hater…

Peace and Joy
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Don’t sweet it. If they reject you for being Catholic then what kind of friends are they. You know they are sinning when the go with their partner but you are still their friend. You shouldn’t not join the Catholic Church because there may be some difficulties. Your salvation depends on it.
  • “There is but one universal Church of the faithful, outside which no one at all is saved.” (Pope Innocent III, Fourth Lateran Council, 1215.)
  • “We declare, say, define, and pronounce that it is absolutely necessary for the salvation of every human creature to be subject to the Roman Pontiff.” (Pope Boniface VIII, the Bull Unam Sanctam, 1302.)
  • “The most Holy Roman Church firmly believes, professes and preaches that none of those existing outside the Catholic Church, not only pagans, but also Jews and heretics and schismatics, can have a share in life eternal; but that they will go into the eternal fire which was prepared for the devil and his angels, unless before death they are joined with Her; and that so important is the unity of this ecclesiastical body that only those remaining within this unity can profit by the sacraments of the Church unto salvation, and they alone can receive an eternal recompense for their fasts, their almsgivings, their other works of Christian piety and the duties of a Christian soldier. No one, let his almsgiving be as great as it may, no one, even if he pour out his blood for the Name of Christ, can be saved, unless he remain within the bosom and the unity of the Catholic Church.” (Pope Eugene IV, the Bull Cantate Domino, 1441.)
 
Read this:

payingattentiontothesky.com/2009/07/07/%e2%80%9cis-it-really-me-they-spite-is-it-not-in-fact-themselves-to-their-own-confusion%e2%80%9d/

And understand that for speaking any of the truths contained therein that you will bashed as a homophobe. That is simply the way of this world. However if these folks are truly your friends you may find a greater appreciation of your truth telling.

Recall Luke 12 51-53

Do you think that I have come to bring peace to the earth? No, I tell you, but rather division! 52From now on five in one household will be divided, three against two and two against three; 53they will be divided: father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.”

Welcome to the Church. Trust in the Lord!
 
By becoming Catholic you are not hating your “gay” friends but showing them the only way to salvation…the Catholic Church. To truly love someone is to wish them GOOD. There is no greater good than salvation. Homosexual acts are one of the five sins that cry to heaven for vengeance You don’t “love” someone by leaving them in error. By becoming Catholic and living your Faith you are leading by example. If your homosexual friends persist in homosexual activity without repenting they cannot be saved. The attraction itself is something that needs to be dealt with in spiritual direction, therapy or both.
Code: 
Q. 1. How many sins cry out to Heaven for vengeance?

A. There are five sins that cry out to Heaven for vengeance.


Q. 2. What are they?

A. Based on # 1867 of the Catechism of the Catholic Church, there are:

(1) Wilful murder - the blood of Abel, [Gen. 4:10]

(2) The sin of the Sodomites, [Gen. 18:20; 19:13]

(3) The cry of the people oppressed in Egypt, [Ex. 3:7-10]

(4) The cry of the foreigner, the widow and the orphan, [Ex. 20:20-22] and

(5) Injustice to the wage earner. [Deut. 24:14-5; Jas. 5:4]
 
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Thunderballs75:
With that said, I am glad you are coming home to the one, holy, catholic, and apostolic Church. However, are you sure you are called to celibacy? This is of course a holier state of living so I could never discourage you, but it is also a harder one. What makes you think that getting married with this man you love is sinful? Of course, until you are married you should remain chaste, but once you are married there is nothing wrong with it.
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Yes, I am sure…at this point, but I am still praying about it…both my partner and I want to live together as brother and sister and we both love each other very much…moreso I think than when we were being sexual…

I have other reasons I cant get into about why I want to be celibate . My partner is really ok with it…if he wasnt …I would not have been so quick to choose celibacy…

Thanks for asking and for caring
 
Unfortunately, one of the occupational hazards of being a faithful Catholic is that you may be rejected by those who formerly called you “friend.” Even if you did nothing that could possibly have offended them, except that you decided to take your faith seriously, they may be unable to cope. Continue to pray hard for them, and continue to show the love of Christ to them every moment.
It is wonderful that you would even sacrifice a possible marriage in the future to become Catholic. Your desire comes through in what you are writing. I can just sense that you are truly on fire for God. But, just one thing. If you were to marry the man you are living with now, you would not necessarily be precluded from becoming Catholic. The Church welcomes married people. Perhaps you are called to celibacy, or perhaps not. Pray very hard for wisdom on this one. If it is true, God will give you all the graces necessary. But it is always better for you to marry, and not fall in temptation, than to try to be celibate when you are not called to it–and fall. I don’t know what is going on in your soul, or what God had said to you in the quietness of your heart. But whatever your calling is, God bless you in it. I’ll say prayer for you at Divine Liturgy tomorrow morning. Your faith blesses me very much.
 
Thunderballs75, as a Catholic you cannot make this statement::nope:

“What makes you think that getting married with this man you love is sinful? Of course, until you are married you should remain chaste, but once you are married there is nothing wrong with it.”

The Catholic Church does not believe in same-sex marriage so you are giving false information to a person who is considering becoming a Catholic and has stated that he will remain chaste.

You are deceiving him by saying he will not commit a sin by marrying the man he has been co-habitating with and by telling him that living a chaste lifestyle is too difficult.:knight2::knight1:

I am hoping that you reconsider your advice to this young man.

:amen:
 
“Love the sinner, hate the Sin”
Yes still love them as your friends but acknowledge their lifestyle which is diametrically opposed to God’s Divine Plan and the teachings of the Church.
Romans 12:2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.
1 John 2:15 Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.
John 15:18-25If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.Remember the word that I said to you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you. If they kept my word, they will also keep yours.But all these things they will do to you on account of my name, because they do not know him who sent me.If I had not come and spoken to them, they would not have been guilty of sin, but now they have no excuse for their sin.Whoever hates me hates my Father also.If I had not done among them the works that no one else did, they would not be guilty of sin, but now they have seen and hated both me and my Father.But the word that is written in their Law must be fulfilled".
 
mullenpm said:
Thunderballs75, as a Catholic you cannot make this statement::nope:

“What makes you think that getting married with this man you love is sinful? Of course, until you are married you should remain chaste, but once you are married there is nothing wrong with it.”

The Catholic Church does not believe in same-sex marriage so you are giving false information to a person who is considering becoming a Catholic and has stated that he will remain chaste.

You are deceiving him by saying he will not commit a sin by marrying the man he has been co-habitating with and by telling him that living a chaste lifestyle is too difficult.:knight2::knight1:

I am hoping that you reconsider your advice to this young man.

:amen:
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Wait a minute. I am a woman-not a man.
I am not able to marry the man I have been living with as I never got a divorce from my first husband-nor can I afford one. If I ever did get a divorce…and then married the man I was with …it could not be in a Catholic Church…and therefore would not be valid. This aside…I will continue to pray about whether or not God is calling me to a life (the rest of it) of celibacy
 
mullenpm said:
Thunderballs75, as a Catholic you cannot make this statement::nope:

“What makes you think that getting married with this man you love is sinful? Of course, until you are married you should remain chaste, but once you are married there is nothing wrong with it.”

The Catholic Church does not believe in same-sex marriage so you are giving false information to a person who is considering becoming a Catholic and has stated that he will remain chaste.

You are deceiving him by saying he will not commit a sin by marrying the man he has been co-habitating with and by telling him that living a chaste lifestyle is too difficult.
Click to expand...
Perhaps it’s the “gay-hater” subject that threw things off but, FMLJolie, you’re a woman, right?

So your problem is that you were married once and your current partner is not that person, correct? Were you married in the Catholic Church (or outside with a dispensation) and was it to another Catholic? Have you considered trying to get a declaration of nullity?

As for living as brother and sister, it’s certainly the way to go if you want to stop living in sin and eventually receive the sacraments though it would be best if you were going to a Parish were your situation wasn’t known (living together outside of marriage) to avoid scandal as Fr. Vincent Serpa has said in similar situations.

If you’re truly set on celibacy, have you talked to a priest about this? He could give you guidance on where to go next (you could also try calling Catholic Answers and asking specifically for Father Vincent if there’s no one you’d feel comfortable talking to about this).
On the original question. Catholics are not gay-haters though it might be inevitable to be labeled as such by some people. To your friends, it would be a good chance to read up and learn what the church teaches to show them that it’s the homosexual act that’s disordered and objectively wrong, and so too is fornication (sex outside of marriage) wrong.

Not everyone is called to marriage so not everyone is called to enjoy that gift of giving yourself entirely to your spouse. Marriage is more than a document, and it’s more than just 2 people living together but society today fails to see that (which is why they’re trying to redefine it despite not seeing why it’s a bad thing to do so).

We’re meant to love God, not this world. So if the world hates us, so be it. We cannot serve two masters. Do not fear, as scripture says 365 times in the Bible, trust in Him. He’s called you this far, don’t let some *label *push you away from the Truth.
 
mullenpm said:
Thunderballs75, as a Catholic you cannot make this statement::nope:
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The person in question is a woman, not a man. Don’t worry, I’m not the kind who would give information in contradiction to what the Church teaches. 😉

God bless.
 
Liraco said:
Perhaps it’s the “gay-hater” subject that threw things off but, FMLJolie, you’re a woman, right?

So your problem is that you were married once and your current partner is not that person, correct? Were you married in the Catholic Church (or outside with a dispensation) and was it to another Catholic? Have you considered trying to get a declaration of nullity?

As for living as brother and sister, it’s certainly the way to go if you want to stop living in sin and eventually receive the sacraments though it would be best if you were going to a Parish were your situation wasn’t known (living together outside of marriage) to avoid scandal as Fr. Vincent Serpa has said in similar situations.

If you’re truly set on celibacy, have you talked to a priest about this? He could give you guidance on where to go next (you could also try calling Catholic Answers and asking specifically for Father Vincent if there’s no one you’d feel comfortable talking to about this).
On the original question. Catholics are not gay-haters though it might be inevitable to be labeled as such by some people. To your friends, it would be a good chance to read up and learn what the church teaches to show them that it’s the homosexual act that’s disordered and objectively wrong, and so too is fornication (sex outside of marriage) wrong.

Not everyone is called to marriage so not everyone is called to enjoy that gift of giving yourself entirely to your spouse. Marriage is more than a document, and it’s more than just 2 people living together but society today fails to see that (which is why they’re trying to redefine it despite not seeing why it’s a bad thing to do so).

We’re meant to love God, not this world. So if the world hates us, so be it. We cannot serve two masters. Do not fear, as scripture says 365 times in the Bible, trust in Him. He’s called you this far, don’t let some *label *push you away from the Truth.
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I have talked to my priest and he knows my full situation…I was not married in the Catholic Church, but did marry a Catholic. I do not wish to get an anulment as when I got married, my intention was for life…and we had a daughter together…it does not sit well with me that my daughter from my first marriage was from a non-existant marriage.

I thank you for your suggestions and may take you up on it…I really feel though that celibacy would be the answer. Also, my current partner is 63 and really has had very little sex drive for the past number of years… he is actually relieved about me suggesting celibacy and is very supportive following my heart to the Catholic Church.

THe original thread was fear of being labelled a gay-basher, but those fears have been put aside…thanks
 
Liraco said:
Perhaps it’s the “gay-hater” subject that threw things off but, FMLJolie, you’re a woman, right?

So your problem is that you were married once and your current partner is not that person, correct? Were you married in the Catholic Church (or outside with a dispensation) and was it to another Catholic? Have you considered trying to get a declaration of nullity?
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I’m kind of uneasy about this. In my opinion, it would be immoral to try and get an annulment if there was a valid marriage and consummation. Unless you honestly scruple about the validity of the marriage, we must remember that marriage is for life.

Since I don’t know all of the details pertaining to the situation, my advice is simple. Pray. 😉

God bless.
 
My apologies to the OP but the heavy emphasis on so many gay friends and acquaintances I assumed the OP was male and living with a male.😊

Sorry Thunderball - mea culpa, mea culpa.:bowdown:

Anyway, Catholics do not hate gays - it is the lifestyle we don’t condone.

Talk to a priest about your situation and perhaps the solution is not as impossible as you seem to believe.

:amen:
 
My daughter is a professional stage manager. Her whole life is the theater, and many of her work associates and closest friends are gay.

She became Catholic two years ago.

Since I’m not her, I can’t write up all the details, but let me encourage you by saying that her conversion did not result in the loss of her gay friends. Just the opposite.

She still loves them, and shows them that she loves them, and they could see that. They didn’t turn away from her.

In fact, I would go so far as to say that she has made the Catholic Church look better to them. She has been a light in a dark place.

She moved to California a year ago, and was immediately involved in the froth of Proposition Eight. It was difficult for her, because ALL of her theatrical friends were campaigning in favor of the “gay position.” She just kept her mouth shut, and when people asked her about her position, she would smile and say that she would prefer not to discuss politics in a work setting or a social setting.

At one point, she was out with gay friends, and they were bashing the “gay-haters.” One man said that he just wanted to see them dead. She spoke up–gently and calmly–and said, “I thought Proposition Eight is all above love and the right to show love. It’s not loving to hate others and wish they were dead just because they think differently than you. Aren’t you being a hypocrite to accuse others of hating you when you hate them? Where’s the love in that?”

The table discussion took a very different turn at that point, and several of the people admitted that they did harbor a lot of hate in their hearts. When they all left, they were all BETTER friends, not estranged because of her wise comments. I believe those comments came from the Holy Spirit, and were given to her to bring peace, as Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers.”

I would say that you should continue to show real, active LOVE to your homosexual friends. Certainly do not involve yourself with any sinful activities (once, before she converted, one of my daughter’s gay friends took her to one of the notorious “gay clubs” in her city, and she witnessed first hand what some homosexuals call “love”). But continue to invite them over for meals and drinks, go out with them to bars and restaurants, attend theatre and sports events together, get involved in political causes that are righteous (e.g., protecting the environment, fight child abuse, helping the poor, etc.)

Once you are Catholic, YOU will become their “ambassador” to the Catholic Church. What your gay friends think about Catholicism will be determined by how YOU act. By showing love and respect for them as people and as eternal souls, you can cancel a lot of negative impressions that they have about Christianity and the Catholic Church. The Holy Spirit can use you to bring them to Him.

If they ask, show them the statements in the Catechism about homosexuality. My daughter said that one of the reasons she converted is because the Catholic Church has the most compassionate position on homosexuality. Yes, they will be upset on the surface with the statement that homosexuality is “disordered.” But in their souls, they will recognize the truth of this statement.

One thing that helps my daughter is her intense love and devotion to the Blessed Mother Mary. I believe that both Jesus and His mother are especially loving toward homosexuals, and I think that staying close to Mary helps my daughter to demonstrate her love for her friends of all orientations.

Honestly, my daughter had more problems with “liberal” or “left-leaning” friends. Many of them castigated her and accused her of deserting women. They asked how she could join an organization that keeps oppresses women and keeps them in servile positions. She tells them, “Mary, the Mother of God, the Queen of heaven and earth, is a human woman. It seems to me that the Catholic Church does just the opposite of what you are saying.” She also tells them that the Catholic Church seeks to protect ALL women, including unborn women and dying women. (The Holy Spirit gives her these words of wisdom!)

And yes, her liberal friends are still her friends.
 
Thanks Cat…
I know I should be less concerned about what the world will think and think about what an honour it will be to be an àmbassador for the Catholic Church.

One gay friend of mine has invited me to her 60th birthday party in November, and she knows all about my going to a Catholic Church and formerly going to a Protestant church which openly accepts homosexuals.

Your story was most helpful and I appreciate you taking the time.

Thanks be to God
 
Two Catholics getting married outside of the Church is not considered valid. If you two got married in the Church, that would be up for review. It is possible to marry that gentleman you are living with. SOME homosexuals will label you as a gay hater. As a Christian, we are told that we are not part of this world. Show your friends that you love them, but that having pre-marital relations is not acceptable to you as a Catholic.
 
Dude…if you are hanging around people who don’t want labels but are quick to label others…you may have the wrong type of friends. I go my way and let the chips fall…good luck!🙂
 
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