Help,I miss him so much!

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dakotagirl

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So many of you may have seen me post on relationship threads before. This time I’m the one with the problem. I am really feeling sorry for myself this Christmas because I miss my ex bf so very very much… He dumped me about a year ago, and I still love him crazy. He was such a good, good person. Basically, I have done everything in my power to erase him, but although rosaries help, they don’t take care of everything. It’s not as though I let myself feel sorry for myself often, what with being involved with school, family, life. I wish I had some brain white-out.
Anybody got advice? Mainly I would love prayers, too.
 
Hey dakotagirl,

I can relate to that, but you definitely have it worse than me, since you were actually going out. Have you considered saying Merry Christmas to him? Call if you can, or if you think he won’t pick up, a message perhaps? Don’t feel guilty that you feel sorry for yourself, even at Christmas, you are after all human and it has hurt you, not every Christmas is joyous I agree.

Why would you want to erase him? I remember my mother was so heartbroken after her first love, she had to make a choice between him and her religion, he was trying to make her choose and she chose God. This was way before I was born, but she told me when I used to whinge about memories of the girl I liked lingering, even the smell of her, and she says she too remembers even after 30 years her first love and those memories won’t go away, but she reckons now that it isn’t a bad thing, she doesn’t have feelings anymore for him but she is glad it exists because it’s something from her past that reminds her of love, she loves another man now (my dad namely 😃 ) but it doesn’t detract from the fact that there was someone else in her life before and that’s fine, that’s just how things are.

I’m off to church now so I’ll pray for you, I don’t know if you two can patch things up, but here’s something to take a look at, if applicable:

theranch.org/Introduction-to-Nehemiah-Lessons-In-Re.573.0.html
 
It took me two to three years to get over a gf. I joined the Army to get away and still felt for her deeply. But it was without a doubt a clean break. Time heals. You’ll find someone else when you’re not looking. Concentrate on your faith in God. Try praying the LOTH. It worked for me. I’m now going on my 20th year of marriage with 3 children. Can’t imagine what I saw in that gf back then. My wife is wonderful.
 
Dakotagirl, it takes years to get past some feelings.

Today, I woke up after seeing in my night dreams a dear old friend who at some point or some points could have become my romantic interest but did not for various reasons (sometimes on her side, sometimes on mine, sometimes both). There is a good number of reasons why there was no relationship and there is none now, but this doesn’t deal away with the emotional side of it. Some time ago, when clicking through short profiles on a dating addon to Facebook, I found a girl I know since highschool times, who was my latent or not so pronounced interest, but still affected me to a great extent before I realised. I clicked the skip button, but this cost me a lot. This doesn’t mean that I’m already over my ex (a yet different girl) who broke up with me 2 years ago. And a while ago I was being hit hard by memories of messing up a potential good start with my friend’s cousin - this ended because it had to end when she got married. I could name at least two others to whom I wouldn’t be indifferent but don’t normally end up thinking about. Life’s hard, but life is what makes us human. And you won’t forget him by trying to erase his memories. If you pack up the gifts and so on, then it’ll be easier, but you can’t command your mind to stop remembering him.
 
vocatio said:
It took me two to three years to get over a gf. I joined the Army to get away and still felt for her deeply. But it was without a doubt a clean break. Time heals. You’ll find someone else when you’re not looking. Concentrate on your faith in God. Try praying the LOTH. It worked for me. I’m now going on my 20th year of marriage with 3 children. Can’t imagine what I saw in that gf back then. My wife is wonderful.
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Man that bit sounds like me, though I haven’t joined yet, still in the process.
 
Thanks for praying, River… what is LOTH? Anyway, I appreciate the answers…from which I gather you can have this problem for more than one person…
I think I’ll stop * looking * and just deal with the cards I’m played…
 
Having memeories of someone and feelings are 2 different things. I have memories of past loves, but definiately not feelings.

Have you dated anyone else since the breakup? Are you putting yourself back into circulation? I fear how this is gonna sound, but it was my experience, the quickest way to get over one, was getting back in the game, and finding another.

How long were you with that guy?
 
Bama, the quickest way to forget a past lover is to find another, but isn’t that using a live person as a fix to our own problems?
 
I get what you are saying, Bama, and I agree about getting on with one’s life, but I haven’t found anyone I want to date as much as him. I was with him for about 9 months.
 
chevalier said:
Bama, the quickest way to forget a past lover is to find another, but isn’t that using a live person as a fix to our own problems?
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I guess it could be, and I tired to avoid girls that I knew were on the rebound (didn’t always do it). I’m thinkin you’re ok if you are genuinely interested in the person as to who they are, and not using them to asuage a break up. I was prolly guilty of that a time or 2 though.

A new one was pretty much my modus operandi (is that what they call it?) whether I did the breaking up or not.

But when I was in my late teens early 20s I did a lot of stuff I’m not proud off, but most of it I didn’t know any better. Makes for good stories though.

But this young lady sounds like she’s been on ice over a year, she might need to get back in the game.
 
dakotagirl said:
I get what you are saying, Bama, and I agree about getting on with one’s life, but I haven’t found anyone I want to date as much as him. I was with him for about 9 months.
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I know sweeite but ya HAVE to let that go. Are you still in casual contact with him? If so you need to stop it, because it doesn’t fully allow you to do what you need to do get past this.

There are lots of guys out there dying to get a chance with you I bet, but you put yourself on the bench, and now they can’t find ya. I’d say 9 months is long enough to mourn, now be proactive.

I once loved a girl I thought I could NEVER do without. She moved away and a few weeks later sent me a dear john later. I was in the tank. But I met a another young lady, 2 months later and forgot ALL about the #1. 😉 That relationship lasted a year, and died a mutual death.

Look here baby girl, emotional attachements are strong, and powerful. And thats what you have to this guy. You prolly sit around and think about the stuff y’all did, places you went etc. And its really bad this time of year not having him. God is helping you, but you have to step through door when it opens, and not being open to anybody else you might be doing that all I’m saying.

Get some friends to take ya somewhere and have some fun.
 
I bet she’s ultra confused right now with advice flying around from everywhere. The choice is upto you, there is no right or wrong, but if you were to try to hang onto him it might do you more harm than good.

There is no point ‘looking around’ anyways, guys should be the ones pursuing, all you have to do is sit back and relax. You are bound to bump into another guy, what…in this day and age, girls get hit on all the time.
 
  1. We aren’t speaking
  2. TheRiver speaks truth…I shouldn’t have to hit on anybody 🤷
  3. I will take advice to just hang out with friends 🙂
    Thanks ya’ll!
 
No one has to hit on anyone. A woman should not have to pursue a man, but neither should a man go through a humiliating ordeal to make him look like he’s an unworthy supplicant (to an extent he should act this way, but she is not entitled to treat him that way - cf. chivalric tales, but those with the good ladies: he always treats her like she’s a class above him even if they’re socially equal, but this doesn’t mean she’s entitled to treat him like he’s a class lower than she is - just a rough analysis at 3 am). If you are interested and free to act on it (naturally, each gender acts on in in a different way), you act on it. If the interest is reciprocal, fine. If not, move on. Who should make the first step should not be too relevant for people who care.
 
Anyone can take it. But do remember the decorum. If ladies and gentlemen have died out that’s because we’ve let them. 😉 By all means be a lady, there are few things I’d wish more for you. 🙂 But don’t be too absolute in avoiding the first step in an exceptional situation and know that it’s not demeaning to you to show interest to someone you’re interested in. 😉
 
There’s a difference between “taking the first step” and “pursuing”. If a girl smiles at a guy in a bar, and they haven’t met before, who’s taking the first step there? Hinting can be a first step, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but you don’t hear of many stories where the girl is the first to call the guy, or the girl is the one who asks him out for a dinner date, that’s pursuing, that’s the guy’s job.

When girls do that at the beginning of a relationship, guys start to lose interest very quickly…
 
dakotagirl said:
So many of you may have seen me post on relationship threads before. This time I’m the one with the problem. I am really feeling sorry for myself this Christmas because I miss my ex bf so very very much… He dumped me about a year ago, and I still love him crazy. He was such a good, good person. Basically, I have done everything in my power to erase him, but although rosaries help, they don’t take care of everything. It’s not as though I let myself feel sorry for myself often, what with being involved with school, family, life. I wish I had some brain white-out.
Anybody got advice? Mainly I would love prayers, too.
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I am sorry to hear you are having such pain right now… I know break ups are hard… Keep up with your prayers… If there is a hobby you like and enjoy try doing that more often…

I will keep you in my prayers…
 
TheRiver said:
There’s a difference between “taking the first step” and “pursuing”. If a girl smiles at a guy in a bar, and they haven’t met before, who’s taking the first step there? Hinting can be a first step, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but you don’t hear of many stories where the girl is the first to call the guy, or the girl is the one who asks him out for a dinner date, that’s pursuing, that’s the guy’s job.
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As a rule yes, but I wouldn’t make it too rigid or absolute. Personally, I think it should generally be hinting and reciprocating and women shouldn’t be wooing men or doing the picking up. However, to a degree this might be cultural rather than a matter of nature and as I said, I wouldn’t rule out exceptions. It’s not good for rigid etiquettal rules to prevent people from being happy. I am very old-fashioned myself and rather attached to forms which now seem extinct, but even I make an exception from time to time if the situation warrants it. Etiquette is not morality and it doesn’t know absolutes. I’m sure we aren’t in a big disagreement, actually, I’m probably just more skeptical than you are. 😉 Wouldn’t like to hijack the thread, but a separate discussion might be interesting.
 
iluvmybabies said:
I am sorry to hear you are having such pain right now… I know break ups are hard… Keep up with your prayers… If there is a hobby you like and enjoy try doing that more often…

I will keep you in my prayers…
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Thanks so much! I can feel the difference already. 🙂
 
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