Help! I'm stuck in an antogonistic work environment

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Monse

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I am a mother of three and working in a bank for eighteen years.
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 I have always sustpected years ago that my female boss doesn't like me for reasons I don't know.  Sometimes, I feel that it is because of our different religious backgrounds.  She's born-again and I am known to be very Catholic.  Could be also, because I was the favorite of her former boss who according to her, made her life "hell".

 I have only been promoted once and it was only the year she was not my boss which was about fifteen years ago. My contemporaries, which I feel, workwise are not above me in quality and effort, have long surpassed me (all of them).  

 I know I am not a bad worker and I know that I excel in some areas and have always been pro-active and have done much to improve the systems of all the positions I've handled.  

 My co-workers'  antagonism has been severely extreme also.  They are friends with the boss I mentioned and another boss who made several passes at me, even though I am married.

 These group of friends found out about this and this started their persecution of me.  To the point that there are days that I just cry.  An example, these co-workers would laugh at a perceived physical imperfection that I have.  A mean guy in their group even made a song about it and sang it aloud (beside my desk) for everyone to hear, but pretending that he wasn't pointing at anybody.  I knew what he was doing because it was out of place in the workplace and the words used were obnoxious.  I knew their group were picking on me because I heard their snickering .  

  I was wondering how come the new comers were also avoiding me.  In times of birthdays, I would only be the one left out without food.  A friend who knew them reported to me that they have been threatening the newcomers not to include me in their blow-out, or else....

  These people are so mean.  I don't know what I've done to them.  I have already talked to the two leaders of the pack and my boss, to no avail.  They have become worst, in fact.

     Any good suggestions that I give to improve the system in the bank are all being turned down or ignored by my boss even if I am able to prove that they are workable and greatly benefits the bank by cutting down costs.  

I have been trying to look for a job elsewhere, but I don't know why God doesn't give me any option.  It's been so many years of pain.  I have finished already some novenas, but no solutions yet.

I feel I am in purgatory.   Sometimes I feel I want to die because its so hopeless.  

 I have a happy family, though, I spend most of my day at work .  Seventy percent of my time is miserable.

  Please pray for me so that I will be enligtened and I will find a way out of my problem.
 
You poor thing. There’s nothing as helpless as feeling like you have no other options than to stay where you are.

Have you and your husband talked about you staying home for now? I mean, really go through your combined incomes, and see if it’s really worth you staying at the bank. Maybe God is saying to be at home for now, because you’ve not perceived any other work options yet. Truly, it’s SO not worth it to have yourself ripped up inside and out merely for the sake of “money”. These people sound like vultures. If you’re really needing some income, perhaps you could do some childcare at home, or work at a grocery store/retail store (like Wal-Mart) for some interim income while you look for work that’s more to your experience.

But still, if it’s that bad, I’d say quit. Your mental and physical well-being is worth far more than that, and if you guys are worried about finances, you can find something in the meantime–it may not be in banking, but it will be something.

I’ll be looking for an update from you. Sending you love and support. ❤️
 
I just wanted to share with you my struggles with work as well and maybe we can share in our pain together. 😉

Before that I wanted to say that I am sorry for what you are going through, no one should have to feel that way no matter where or who they are.

Currently, I work in CO (relocated because the company I worked for in MO got bought out and had to move to retain employment) and my pregnant wife and 3 kids live in MO. We tried to sell our house for over 4 months and relocate, but that did not work. We felt that God called us to CO, but we have since thought that we missed the mark on that call. We took the house off the market this week and are focusing all of our energy on me getting a job in MO and moving back home.

The job that I have in CO is with a company that is not very ‘family friendly’ or understanding of my situation. Mind you, they think that my family will be moving to CO as I cannot tell them that we do not want to and that I want to leave and go back home. They think that everything is fine and that my family will soon be there. If I told them the truth, I would be back home, unemployed. However, I find the working conditions as this job going down hill and it drives me crazy. Having to be away from my family is hard enough and to not enjoy the job makes it all the more difficult.

My suggestions to you and forgive me if I am way off track here, these are just some things that popped into my head when I read your post. Is there any way that you can stay at home? Is this financially possible? What about a part time job? I know that there are a lot of banks out there, maybe you can find another bank. If that requires a lower salary, can you survive that? Would it be worth the piece of mind? Have you talked with any recruiters? Have you thought about changing your attitude at work, by that I mean just ignoring those that cause you pain, just doing your work and leaving it at that? Again, just random thoughts that are clouding my brain.

I know from my experience that praying and praying and praying and not getting what you have prayed for is not easy. I have prayed novenas, gone to adoration 2 and 3 times a week, increased my prayer life and still no job in MO. I know that some how some way that God will provide for me and my family, hopefully soon so that I can be home with them instead of 800 miles away.

We will be praying for you.
 
Document everything. Go to human resources. If HR is involved in anyway with the group, go district, or regional. Write letters. Save all names, dates, and information you can think of.

If someone is being threatening or harrassing you, speakup. For example, when that guy was standing next to your desk, you could have stood up and left or told him to stop singing.
 
I would rather flip burgers at McDonalds than to deal with asses like that. You might consider working at a job below your skills to get out of there, I would!
 
I agree with the idea of documenting what is happening and talking with Human Resources. If your company is big enough, do they have an ombudsman or similar position who you could contact? There’s also the EEOC at the federal level and possibly a state equal employment office.

These bullies should be dealt with both for your benefit and anyone else they may pick on in the future.
 
hasikelee said:
Document everything. Go to human resources. If HR is involved in anyway with the group, go district, or regional. Write letters. Save all names, dates, and information you can think of.

If someone is being threatening or harrassing you, speakup. For example, when that guy was standing next to your desk, you could have stood up and left or told him to stop singing.
Click to expand...
Great idea! I would even send yourself an email so that way you have a date and time stmap on the incidents.
👍
 
I totally understand and support the suggestions to document everything, go to HR, the EEOC, etc.

However, to the OP–are you the only one people have ganged up against? Would the new people join in on a formal complaint, or act as witnesses for you? The intimidation, unfortunately, sounds pretty widespread according to what you were saying in your first post; that leads me to believe that others, in the interest of keeping their jobs and/or preserving themselves from targeting, would not say or do anything on your behalf. Which would be really, really sad.

And that would make it even more reason for you to just quit and get out of there as soon as possible. If you’re worried about being a “quitter” (in the sense that one gives up too easily) you needn’t worry about that if your OP is any indication. I’m willing to bet that once you’re out of such a hostile, volatile and infectious environment, things will clear up for you considerably and you can take another temporary job while you look at other options that befit your skills.

I’m keeping up on this thread, my dear! ❤️
 
Sorry to here of your struggles, I’m always amazed how grown adults can behave as little children. We then wonder why there is so much bullying in our schools!

The way I see it, you have 2 options. (1)You can quit and trust in God. (2)Stay and fight and trust in God! Either way he has not abandoned you and never will.

It is funny you mentioned purgatory because I thought of that myself. In one sense I can see the misery and pain you are going through, but I can also see what a wonderful oppurtunity you have to offer up all your suffering to our heavenly father. That much suffering here on earth will relieve so much misery for the holy souls in purgatory. YOu really can turn this dilema into so much grace for you and maybe even your co-workers if they are able to recognize it.

My heart goes out to you and I will put you in my prayers tonight!

Peace!
 
Dear Monse,

You are being persecuted for following Jesus as a Catholic Christian. Whether you stay in your work situation or leave, one thing you can do immediately is pray to St. Michael. Another is, to place yourself in solidarity with the souls in purgatory so that your entire workday becomes a living prayer for them. I will pray for you, too.

There’s a similar situation where I work, … including birthday weirdness and shunning … and there have been days where I was actually afraid to set foot inside the door unless I was praying to St. Michael while doing so. After some time of praying like this, a light dawned that these people were not against me as a person … It was nothing personal, because they didn’t even see me as a human being, they saw me as an enemy who merely by existing opposed their lifestyle. It was actually a spiritual battle, not against flesh and blood, but against powers and principalities.

As for the silent treatment, in my case I saw it as a golden opportunity to live out as a layperson the vow of silence taken by nuns in cloistered monasteries. And so I imagined myself wearing an invisible habit of silence and solitude. It turned out that the more people shunned me, the more frustrated they became on seeing that I thrived on it by becoming more cheerful and peaceful.

God bless you, and may Divine Providence guard and guide you.

~~ the phoenix
 
hi,
I can relate a little but nothing so extreme!! There are some people at work who are very rude to me, but I do not see them being rude to anyone else. I have always been nice to everyone, and if I make mistakes I admit it. These are antagonistic people who seem to have a chip on their shoulder, and make my job difficult.
The thing is our company is now closing, and we are all losing our jobs. So I think God does want me to be somewhere else, where hopefully people will treat me the same respect I treat them or common human decency.
I did love my job, the work I do and most of the people there are okay.
I hope we can find better jobs ,with better people and be much happier with decent coworkers in the future. 🙂
I like what phoenix said about taking a vow of silence and St Michael, that helps 👍
 
"Blessed are you when men hate you, and when they exclude you and revile you, and cast out your name as evil, on account of the Son of man!
Rejoice in that day, and leap for joy, for behold, your reward is great in heaven; for so their fathers did to the prophets.
- Luke 6:22-23

Also, document everything and take it HR if you believe you are being discriminated against. Turning the other cheek doesn’t mean become a doormat.

​
 
I’m a White male teacher in a large, African-American and Hispanic high school in south Texas. I’ve managed to bond with most of my kids, and many of my fellow teachers hate me for it, because they can’t do it. I can sense their hostility, and their passive-aggressive tactics are easy to detect. Still, I love teaching, and I go to work every day committed to making a difference in the lives of my kids. So, I guess I know what the OP is going through. 👍
 
Dear Monse,
Surely what these people are doing, this harrassment, is illegal in America. It is in Australia.

First thing - consult a lawyer to find out your legal rights and options. Document everything. HR in your company could be part of the problem so I suggest taking it out of house and getting your own representation. HR has the interest of the bank ahead of your interests.

I once suffered a lesser victimization. I got appendicitis at the end of the financial year and was out for 2 weeks at the busiest time for preparing the books for audit. They never forgave me and started doing things to make me quit. I hung in there and made them make me redundant and pay me big bucks to leave. They couldn’t fire me because I hadn’t done anything wrong. Nonetheless, the harassment and victimization took its toll.

I got a new job on my first interview and have gone leaps and bounds since then. I now run my own (very small) business. I sometimes wish I had quit instead of putting up with the comments, the little digs, the isolation. There are times, when I’m feeling low, the devil hauls it all out again to beat me with, as the comments and situations are replayed in my memory. The damage that this sort of situation causes stays with you for a while.

In your case, I would say you have 2 options. One - the lawyer route and 2 - quit. Look for another job first. Have it lined up to start when your notice period finishes. 18 years in a bank should give you sufficient experience to get a job in any other bank. Contact your former boss, the one who promoted you, for a reference. Your current lack of success in this area could be due to your vindictive boss giving you a bad reference.

There is also the option of another industry. Think laterally. What are your skills and what sort of businesses use your skills? I went from a mining company to a chartered accountant’s firm. Same skills, slightly different application. Perhaps an insurance company, finance brokers or stock brokers could use your skills.

I still think you should go the lawyer route. Contact the Thomas More Society, the Christian Legal Society or the ACLJ, the American Center for Law and Justice for assistance, especially if you think that this persecution is due to you being Catholic. This has gone beyond minor hazing. You shouldn’t have to put up with it.

You are in my prayers. May St Michael defend you. May the Sacred Heart of Jesus enfold you in His Love. May this situation be resolved. Amen
 
In dealing with my adversaries at work, I meditate on the contents of an acronym I’ve created: DUOI. This is what it stands for:

Detachment: I try not to care so much about the opinions of others.

Under-reaction: I deliberately under-react to their hostility.

Objectification: I extract all emotionality.

Imitation: I identify with the struggles of Christ, He who was hated by his enemies for simply helping people in need through outstanding teaching. He was killed for it. He was righteous and good, and for that fact, had to die.
 
I believe you will be able to find other jobs with 18 years of working experience. Maybe it will not be as good pay as what you have now. It may also not really in line with your skills. But why not, rather than stuck in there…You bring nothing good to the company, not because you can’t or you don’t want, but some people prevented you from giving your best service. Why not quit and concentrate your time in finding new jobs?
 
This is called mobbing. Check out this link. Emotional abuse in the workplace -MOBBING USA

EMOTIONAL ABUSE in the workplace.

“Ganging up” by co-workers, subordinates or superiors, to force someone out of the workplace through rumor, innuendo, intimidation, humiliation, discrediting, and isolation.

Malicious, nonsexual, nonracial, general harassment.
Other expressions for MOBBING are:
Bullying
Psychological terror or aggression
Hostile behaviors at work
Workplace trauma
Incivility
Emotional violence
 
Dear Monse,
I have been in your situation (although your situation sounds even worse than mine was!) I wasted 7 years of my life thinking things would get better. I suffered from depression, experienced marital difficulties, and began to wonder if it was all my fault anyway. My husband told me God wanted me to set a good example, persevere in my trials, I just needed to pray more, etc, etc. You know, I think God was trying to tell me that wasn’t the job for me!!! I finally took a job in a lower position making less money and I cannot describe the relief I felt the day I left! It took almost a year for my self esteem to recover. Eventually, I was promoted and now I am making the same amount of money doing a similar job. My advice is to get out NOW. I don’t think you should bother with HR as your problem might get even worse. You’ve suffered enough.
 
Thank you so much for posting your advices. I was reading most of ther last night but I couldn’t reply because I was crying the whole night. I have come to a decision to end any ambition that I have in that company. I am still in mourning and it hurts. Yesterday I was told by myboss with finality that I will be doing typing and encoding jobs only. This is a demotion of sorts in terms of job description but not in rank. The term I think of what she is doing to me is “constructive dismissal” I knew that something was wrong when the leader of the pack came out of my boss’ office looking so smug. A newcomer who eats with them also had the same smug look. TWOSWEETGIRLS mentioned that they might be preserving themselves. Sadly, I think it is more of a lack of any moral conviction on the young ones and a propensity to be easily manipulated. To those who advised me to go to HR- well I refered my case to another boss from another section and who is witness to the bullying tactics. She says that she is disgusted with what is being done to me but advised against talking to HR. What for? They can easily turn things against me since they have the clout and management will always side with management. I don’t want to put my friend on the line by asking her to stand up for me since she is a witness and also since she herself has not offered to talk to HR. The struggle that I am facing now is a struggle from within. I hate that these people have stepped on me. It is ok to overtake me but to do it in such an evil way and leave me feeling like garbage is at this point unforgivable. Yes, I pray to St. Michael and I pray to Our Lady and at mass I pray (superficially) for my enemies. It is soooooo hard to forgive. That is why I think that JESUS must be really really great because forgiving my enemies is a monumental struggle. Revenge and calling the names are sooo much easier. I must admit that I have already done this. My boss friend said that maybe that is the reason why I am still stuck because I haven’t learned my lesson of not getting back at these people. I meditated on the sorrowfull mysteries and I was enlightened as I saw Jesus lovingly forgiving his enemies while on the cross. That is soooo hard to do. But I have to do it. PLEASE PRAY THAT I WILL BE ABLE TO DO IT. I’ve tried giving my pains to Jesus by offering them for causes that are close to my heart but I keep remembering the hurt. I will try to take the advice to TRUST IN GOD- actually I cut a spiritual book yesterday after praying and it I came to a page where Our Lady said that we should be docille and trust fully. God actually has helped my family greatly this year so I should have no reason to gripe. He has given my husband a well paying job which more than compensates for any lack of promotion. During the time these people were loudly making fun of my physical imperfection- three men suddenly and unexpectedly had crushes on me. I had to tell my husband:D Don’t worry it is not going to my head because it only happened during that time they were being loudly obnoxious. It seems like I was given a buffer to help stop the pain. God is good. I guess it is time to move on. I might take the advice to take a lower paying job and salvage whatever self-esteem is left in me., Thank you soooo much. Your advices has helped me a lot. To Mirror Mirror -I also feel for your dilemna because my husband is also working abroad (but in abetter situation than you are, I suppose,since his company is pro-family and the bosses are quite nice). I agree that still the best scenario is to have the family close by. Yes, I will pray for you and all those who have taken time to help me. :crossrc: Thanks again.
 
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