Help! I'm stuck in an antogonistic work environment

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I liken being in a work situation like that to being in a bad marriage. The two are very similar. An abusive spouse uses the same tactics. And until you gather the strength to say you will not take it any more, you are cooperating in the victimization.

Like an abusive spouse… until you let go of them, and your hands are empty, God cannot fill them with something better.

Quit the job. And let the karma bus mow those people over. Their bad business practices, venality, lack of control and other vices probably are affecting their work. If they are that immoral, I’ll bet there are some banking irregularities going on too. Eventually the truth will catch up with them. You don’t want to be in that bank when it happens.

Nasty vice-filled people attract each other. And feed on each other. If they are disobeying the law about workplace harrassment, who knows what other laws they are breaking.

Get out now and allow God to give you something better. Sometimes you have to shake the dust from your feet and move on.

There is always a market for employees with integrity. You will find a new job. Ask yourself if it was your husband, what would you advise him? Would you tell him to keep going into a job where he was denigrated and humiliated every day? If you were your own best friend, what would you tell you? Then follow your advice.
 
Thank you so much for taking time to answer me. I have learned so much from all of you.

Tommorow, I have an appointment to speak with a lawyer in HR regarding mobbing. I have decided to unload, without expecting anything. For all its worth, at least will not regret not having spoken out.

Please pray that I will say the right things tommorow.

Again, thank you for all your help.
 
Hang in there and pray!

My sister-in-law was the target of mobbing for a very long time.
The first years were really tough and she would let it get the best of her. However, she finally go to the point of just not giving a darn about it. She did her work and went home.

All of a sudden the last two years, things turned around. Six months ago she was promoted from a secretary to to Executive Office Manager. She was given the first employee of the year award, voted by her co-workers, which hasn’t been done in 5 years. In other words, he ship has come in!

So, the same will happen for you. Do a novena to St Theresa, the Little Flower.

Meanwhile, I’ll pray for you!

Jim
 
Monse:

Yes the work place can be a prison, and is worse if you have the years accumulated. Women have it worse than men and as you can tell I’ve had the ostrization process applied to me as well, so much so their tactics were predicatable and bored me. I was the preverbial digger-inner, this having had 30 years of seeing them pick people for torment. It’s surprising this sort of thing still goes on inspite of the mass killings in the offices we hear about. One thing everyone in an office who instigates this stuff should know, “make sure the next victim isn’t crazier than you are.”

But it is fair to state your argument first before calling out the big guns, this way when things get worse they knew it was coming. Start by a one-on-one with your boss, no one else present, insist on it. If someone else is in the office, you point to him and say “You,out”. I’m serious, say exactly that. Put a tape recorder in your purse and make an appointment. Make a list of all the accomplishments and be prepared to wave them around for everyone to see. Lay it on the line and state everything you said here. Give yourself value and put yourself at the top of the list. But don’t try to blame her for past inaction on your part, chock that up to experience. Make it a chance to put yourself ahead on the list. Exude the new you. In fact, state that the long overdue raise will be expected soon and say it angrily so everyone can hear you. On exit slam the door and state loudly your going on a well deserved break and may be back anytime, …maybe.

If she states a negative about you that is job related and new to you, ask why she held it back as ammunition for just such an occasion instead of putting it on your appraisal so you can improve yourself. Ask for an open HR hearing with head execs attending, this will make her squirm as she will need to explain this as it affects her manegement style. Measure every word you say and don’t let the shouts disturb your thought process.
If she says something that implicates her, ask her to have it in writing,(even though your recording.)

Be prepared to come out fighting and by your gesture they will have served notice that they will need to find another long overdue patsy. Start acting your seniority. Scrutinize your work and make copies of everything you send that is a document. Write down everything you do and the times you do it. Write down exactly what she tells you. If she’s ambiguous to set you up, tell her she’s unclear and your waiting for proper instruction.

Start every morning by standing behind your desk and scan the office slowly with a determined look. Your starting the day and you relish the new day’s war.

If things get worse, start going over her head. In fact the higher you go, the more the execs are tuned into advancing than to handle office wars, because they feel it reflects on their magagement and that has to be kept from people that advance them, so the better chance your wheel will receive grease in the form of a raise or a quiet corner where people will leave you alone,etc. If the execs reprimand you for your sh&& disturbing, tell them to get used to it until things improve.

This sort of thing doesn’t last long really. The next day’s events become the focal point and everyone shows up for work but not for work and it interrupts the business. Management deals with it quietly usually. Sounds like you may be candidate for a package deal. :thumbsup:They don’t want any disgruntled employees with lottsa time on the outside thinking up other atlernatives.

Anyway. Heads up, be a new person and take control, don’t take any guff. I could give you many pointers on how to handle every office event, some of it safe and great fun to amuse you while in solitary confinement, but that’s beyond the scope of this forum.

AndyF
 
AndyF said:
Monse:

Yes the work place can be a prison, and is worse if you have the years accumulated. Women have it worse than men and as you can tell I’ve had the ostrization process applied to me as well, so much so their tactics were predicatable and bored me. I was the preverbial digger-inner, this having had 30 years of seeing them pick people for torment. It’s surprising this sort of thing still goes on inspite of the mass killings in the offices we hear about. One thing everyone in an office who instigates this stuff should know, “make sure the next victim isn’t crazier than you are.”

But it is fair to state your argument first before calling out the big guns, this way when things get worse they knew it was coming. Start by a one-on-one with your boss, no one else present, insist on it. If someone else is in the office, you point to him and say “You,out”. I’m serious, say exactly that. Put a tape recorder in your purse and make an appointment. Make a list of all the accomplishments and be prepared to wave them around for everyone to see. Lay it on the line and state everything you said here. Give yourself value and put yourself at the top of the list. But don’t try to blame her for past inaction on your part, chock that up to experience. Make it a chance to put yourself ahead on the list. Exude the new you. In fact, state that the long overdue raise will be expected soon and say it angrily so everyone can hear you. On exit slam the door and state loudly your going on a well deserved break and may be back anytime, …maybe.

If she states a negative about you that is job related and new to you, ask why she held it back as ammunition for just such an occasion instead of putting it on your appraisal so you can improve yourself. Ask for an open HR hearing with head execs attending, this will make her squirm as she will need to explain this as it affects her manegement style. Measure every word you say and don’t let the shouts disturb your thought process.
If she says something that implicates her, ask her to have it in writing,(even though your recording.)

Be prepared to come out fighting and by your gesture they will have served notice that they will need to find another long overdue patsy. Start acting your seniority. Scrutinize your work and make copies of everything you send that is a document. Write down everything you do and the times you do it. Write down exactly what she tells you. If she’s ambiguous to set you up, tell her she’s unclear and your waiting for proper instruction.

Start every morning by standing behind your desk and scan the office slowly with a determined look. Your starting the day and you relish the new day’s war.

If things get worse, start going over her head. In fact the higher you go, the more the execs are tuned into advancing than to handle office wars, because they feel it reflects on their magagement and that has to be kept from people that advance them, so the better chance your wheel will receive grease in the form of a raise or a quiet corner where people will leave you alone,etc. If the execs reprimand you for your sh&& disturbing, tell them to get used to it until things improve.

This sort of thing doesn’t last long really. The next day’s events become the focal point and everyone shows up for work but not for work and it interrupts the business. Management deals with it quietly usually. Sounds like you may be candidate for a package deal. :thumbsup:They don’t want any disgruntled employees with lottsa time on the outside thinking up other atlernatives.

Anyway. Heads up, be a new person and take control, don’t take any guff. I could give you many pointers on how to handle every office event, some of it safe and great fun to amuse you while in solitary confinement, but that’s beyond the scope of this forum.

AndyF
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While I have never experienced what the OP has experienced, I still do not feel like your advice is … Christ ‘like’.

I don’t know why. 🙂
 
Magicsilence:

Your right.

I could have gone passive/submissive, but this course doesn’t work as she outlined. She is not alone and her children need her to succeed, and she is forced to spend 9 hours a day of her life here (or anywhere else), nor does being Catholic a label that anything can be done to her. (I could be wrong, but I think the religious thing was a factor somehow. Usually when people discuss religion it is a passing one-liner and everything is dropped. It should have never become a negative for her.) I think she typically burned a few bridges along the way, but usually they can be rebuilt or forgotten.

There are times when saying things the way they are is what is required. Not that this is an unusual case, it is even typical. Competitive environments are a fact of life in most businesses.
Along with tact and diplomacy I think on occasion we need to “turn over our own change tables” to establish a point of reference.

She needs to be herself in the office, the one who is speaking to us now. I know because I was very self confident and knew how to make good use of that popular method of advancement, working hard,doing it best and being friendly. Then the priorities changed, it became one of who was more popular, or had most influence and I fell behind slow to catch on. My working atmosphere was being rearranged slowly around me and my social environment changed. I came to know the fence sitters who wanted to be everything to everyone, (as long as the boss wasn’t watching, or only the two of you are in the elevator), from the rare but real jewels, the ones with solid principles who feared nothing, to the safest of all, the ones who were outwardly hostile and predictable.

I became the skilled tactician and learned to manipulate all of them. I got what I wanted through hook and by crook and unknown to them assisted in the failure of some as I pleased.
Not outwardly liked due to outside influences, I was respected still as a senior. Oddly enough, I still gave the best that I had and produced some remarkable work, not because of reward but because I was a perfectionist and loved my trade. To this day I still miss my work and now I do it for enjoyment.

She needs to become a new person, more controlling, determined and especially observant. She needs to relish challenges put to her and go to it till she wins. Most of all, she needs to discover how to turn it off when the day is done.

AndyF
 
Hello everyone!

Special thanks for AndyF. Yup, I talked to my boss and hinted on the illegality of 'mobbing". I think, she squirmed a little. Perhaps, she already has a hint that I’ve been talking to HR.

She acknowledged that I work well and cleanly. I didn’t mention that she was part of the mobbing (I think she knows anyway that she is). I enumerated all the things that supported my position. From the section meetings where I was humiliated and the shunning from the newcomers and the outright underhanded tactics of the leaders of the “pack”. I told her the instances they had been underhanded. I think it shook her that I am being vocal about it now.

She told me that she will now try to help me transfer to another branch, which is exactly what I want :extrahappy: , to be be away from all of them and start anew still with my salary intact and hopefully a friendlier work atmosphere. I really need this for my psychological well being. I hope the transfer will be soon. Please continue to pray for me. :gopray2:

Without all of you who answered, I would have not have the courage to speak out, and to show my enemies that their tactics don’t affect me anymore:coffeeread: . So my heartfelt thanks to all of you.:love:
 
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