sister, i have been in the hole you’re in now.
the next best thing to the hospital is suicide watch. you need to be with another person when you’re feeling this way. you say you don’t have friends – how about family? neighbors? church family? ask your husband to help you put together a list of at least 5 people you can call when you’re on the edge. if you’re perpetually thinking of suicide, you may need to actually be in the same room with someone else for a few days.
ask your husband to sign a no-suicide contract with you, and get as many as possible of the people on your list to be co-signers. sample language:
I ___________ hereby agree that I will never harm myself in any way, attempt suicide, or die by suicide.
I agree that I will take the following actions if I am ever suicidal:
A) I will remind myself that I can never, under any circumstances, attempt to harm myself, attempt suicide, or die by suicide.
B) If I am in immediate danger, I will call 911.
C) I will remind myself that any financial hardship that might result from hospitalization is far preferable to the harm that suicide would cause myself, my family and my loved ones.
D)If I have suicidal thoughts but am not in immediate danger of harming myself, I will contact any or all of the following people: (this is where you insert your list, with phone numbers and addresses or any other relevant contact info)
**1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
**-----
it’s very important that you refrain from seeing yourself as a burden; everyone who knows and loves you will understand that you’re ill, and they will be glad to help keep you alive and in this world.
brief details about me: attempted suicide at 21, diagnosed depressive, hospitalized a month later, hospitalized again at 27, diagnosed bi-polar, borderline personality and obsessive compulsive, declared disabled at 29… you don’t need the whole story, just know that i know whereof i speak. :yup:
finally, now that i’ve shared my vast wisdom with you,
get off the computer!
it may not feel like there’s anything else you want to do or can do, but there’s something mysteriously isolating and depressing about staring at that screen. if you’re restless, go for a walk. if you need human contact, it’s better to get it in person or on the phone.
we’re all praying/pulling for you.
psalms 42:7,8
love
emily