R
rivera01
Guest
Hi everyone, I am asking for advice or any type of consolation in for the problems I am having. For those of you who do not know my situation, my wife and i have been thru a very difficult situation and there is still some animosity on behalf of my wife. She feels completely abandonded in our marriage and feels that she can not trust any man any longer. During the first 3 years of our marriage, I have been selfish, egotistical, i have humiliated her and have not treated her as my wife. I have dissapointed my wife many times and now she can not have the confidence and trust to know that I will be a new man with God’s help. Before, I did not see that it was selfishness and my ego that kept my enslave to my own sins. I have lived a very difficult childhood, with experiencing the divorce of my parents, being abused physically and being put down emotionally by my step father, feeling worthless growing up in my life and passing on my feeling of guilt and despair to the woman I love. I have attempted to commit suicide many times because of the way that I feel, worthless and a failure. I feel alone at time especially since I feel that I have wronged my wife so badly and have destroyed her mentally and emotionally, along with my children. She has told me that she can not love me any longer. That she has tried to be near me and try to show fondness toward me, but she can’t. She feels that there is something that pushes her away from me. I asked her for us to seek a marriage counselor, or go thru a marriage retreat but she refuses to go. She feels that things between us are done with. She only wants me to look after our kids and give them love. She feels mentally exhausted by trying to help me over come my feelings of worthlessness, but she has told me that she is becoming exhausted and can not take any more of this. I told her that I am trying to change the way that I am with my kids, because before I would be very unpatient with them. I realized that I do not want my life to become theirs. I want them to have a father and for them to know that they will have someone that is always there and will never hurt or abandon them. I have changed a lot with them and my wife. But she thinks that I am a different person when she leaves. Our oldest is 6, middle child is 4 and youngest is 3 and I really want to give them a different life than what I have gone thru. I dont want to be my step father, but I feel that I have been completely destroyed from my childhood. I still feel worthless at time and feel that I cant do anything right. Every time something happens between my wife and I, I feel the same way and those dark thoughts of suicide, feeling alone and in dispair try to take me over. My wife feels that things are too late for us. She wants to help me over come my depression and she told me that she has promised God that she will do this, and when I have over come this she will be a full christian once again. We use to go to church together and were very active in church, but once we moved to Arizona, all this stopped and we parted from the church. Although she still prays and acknowledges God in things that she does, she has not attended mass or gone to confession in a very long time. I have prayed to God many times and asked Him that if He does not want us to be married any longer to end my marriage, but if He does not want this to happen to show us the means to keep us united and have love rekindled once again. Sorry for writting a book here, but i really needed to tell someone, because I feel depressed right now.