Help! Is divorce a Mortal Sin?

[jenny2682]

Question- I teach 7th grade PSR and one of the questions tonight was is divorce a sin. I answered that it is against church teachings but with the annullment process the Church decides if the marriage was ever valid in the eyes of God and went over the difference between civil divorce and what is seen in the eyes of God (if it was ever a valid marriage). My co-teacher stated that it was always a sin punishable by hell. I don’t mince words with these kids but didn’t think it was necessary to bring hell into it. Most of these kids are from split homes and I am currently seperated from my husband (by the way 2 of my priests and DRE have told me to stay away from my husband and to get a divorce due to the circumstances) and I feel now like a deficient Catholic. I understand if my annullment is not granted I am still married in the eyes of God. I would never date or remarry (btw I have been separated for 3 years and won’t date or talk to men because I took those vows!). I don’t take the Sacraments lightly. However is this always a mortal sin? I never thought so.

 

[dnu]

From the Catechism:

Divorce

2382 The Lord Jesus insisted on the original intention of the Creator who willed that marriage be indissoluble.174 He abrogates the accommodations that had slipped into the old Law.175 Between the baptized, "a ratified and consummated marriage cannot be dissolved by any human power or for any reason other than death."176

2383 The separation of spouses while maintaining the marriage bond can be legitimate in certain cases provided for by canon law.177

If civil divorce remains the only possible way of ensuring certain legal rights, the care of the children, or the protection of inheritance, it can be tolerated and does not constitute a moral offense.

2384 Divorce is a grave offense against the natural law. It claims to break the contract, to which the spouses freely consented, to live with each other till death. Divorce does injury to the covenant of salvation, of which sacramental marriage is the sign. Contracting a new union, even if it is recognized by civil law, adds to the gravity of the rupture: the remarried spouse is then in a situation of public and permanent adultery:

If a husband, separated from his wife, approaches another woman, he is an adulterer because he makes that woman commit adultery; and the woman who lives with him is an adulteress, because she has drawn another’s husband to herself.178

2385 Divorce is immoral also because it introduces disorder into the family and into society. This disorder brings grave harm to the deserted spouse, to children traumatized by the separation of their parents and often torn between them, and because of its contagious effect which makes it truly a plague on society.

2386 It can happen that one of the spouses is the innocent victim of a divorce decreed by civil law; this spouse therefore has not contravened the moral law. There is a considerable difference between a spouse who has sincerely tried to be faithful to the sacrament of marriage and is unjustly abandoned, and one who through his own grave fault destroys a canonically valid marriage.179​

It doesn’t seem that the divorce itself is a sin, but should be avoided at all costs unless absolutely necessary, such as times when the safety of a spouse and/or children is involved, etc. The sin seems to be in trying to contract a second marriage.

What does everyone else think?

 

[1ke]

Don’t confuse the issue by bringing the decree of nullity into the discussion.

Divorce itself is a sin against the sixth commandment. See the Catechism section “offenses against marriage.” So, objectively it is grave matter to divorce your spouse thereby violating the unity and indissoluability of marriage.

However, it can be a venial sin or no sin at all depending upon certain circumstances.

The catechism recognizes that a spouse may have some culpability for their contribution to the breakdown of the marriage. That might be a situation in which someone’s culpability is venial if the major reasons for breakdown were on the other person.

The catechism recognizes *physical separation while the bond remains *as necessary to protect the spouse and children in an abusive situation. Canon law also recognizes *separation *and ceasing conjugal relations in the case of adultery (although reconciliation is preferred).

It further recognizes that to pursue and obtain legal protections sometimes civil divorce is necessary (for example, where legal separation does not secure these rights). It would not be a mortal sin to separate and protect yourself from abuse or other serious circumstances. The marriage bond remains.

The Church also recognizes that a spouse can be *innocent *in a divorce and yet have no ability to stop a divorce (no fault divorce laws allow one spouse to divorce another for “no” reason and even if the innocent spouse doens’t want the divorce they can’t stop it.) There is no sin in this situation either.

Your co-teacher is correct about the grave nature of divorce. She is incorrect in stating that the sin is “punishable by hell.” All sin can be forgiven in Reconciliation. Iif we *die *in unrepentant mortal sin we indeed do go to hell, but no individual sin is “punishable” by Hell because contrition and sacramental confession forgives any mortal sin.

And, clearly if there is a situation in which you have been counseled to physically separate from your husband you should follow that counsel and not feel like a “deficient” Catholic. You are not.

 

[puzzleannie]

Question- I My co-teacher stated that it was always a sin punishable by hell. I so.

she did not state the complete truth, a fatal error in catechesis.

you also gave correct information about divorce and annulment, but unless you gave it in the context of teaching on marriage as a sacrament, you also did not give all the relevant information. This is hard to do btw when the kids throw questions at you on the fly.

All mortal sin merits hell, but only under these conditions. The sin was grave–a matter that separates us from God’s grace. Yes divorce objectively is such a grave sin. The person must know it is a grave sin. The person must do it with full free will consent, intending to sin and intending separation from God’s grace. All these 3 things make it a mortal sin. Even then that does not equal condemnation to hell. For that, one must die in a state of mortal sin, continuing to be unrepentant, and refuse God’s grace even when he offers it at the momement of death and judgement, when he gives the soul full knowledge of the consequences.

It is not therefore sound catechesis EVER to say, if you do X, you will go to hell. That is assuming a perogative, judgment, that belongs only to God.

This is a teaching moment for you on the nature of sin, death, heaven, hell and judgment, and of course on the necessary conditions for mortal sin. Grave matter is only the first condition.

Spend time on discussing free will consent. Almost always, at least as divorce and family law is practiced in most US states, civil divorce may be the only civil law option to secure the rights of the innocent spouse and children, and may be permitted for that reason, if there is a need to separate because of abuse of any kind, one party has already left the home, family and marriage and begun a new liaison, and so forth. Of course in any marriage with problems, both partners may have contributed, but when it comes to divorce very often one party initiates the action and the other has no choice but to go along, the way the laws are written. Then, subjectively for that innocent party to the divorce, they are not personally culpable or guilty of sin. At all times of course one would be seeking out their priest for his spiritual and pastoral advice and counselling.

It is worth spending an entire class on this, since it affects your learners’ lives directly. But spend time preparing with your co-teacher so she does not shoot you down again. So as not to be confrontational with her, ask the DRE to give you some resources, including the CCC, to prepare the presentation. Above all when presenting topics about morality esp. to teens, remind them over and over that WE Do Not Judge others. Only God can do that. We must assume, in Christian charity, the kindest possible interpretation on any situation we observe. We must assume, if we know someone who is divorced, or remarried after, that they have been counselled by their priest and are doing their best to work within God’s laws. We can never have all the information about another person’s marriage–not even that of our own parents–so we are never in a position to judge.

obviously, as you already responded, it is also a teaching moment on marriage, and the fact that civil divorce does not end a valid marriage. take as much time as you need to cover this in class, it is critical. go back of course to Christ’s teaching esp. in the sermon on the mount Matt 5.

 

[DaveBj]

snip

Divorce itself is a sin against the sixth commandment. See the Catechism section “offenses against marriage.” So, objectively it is grave matter to divorce your spouse thereby violating the unity and indissoluability of marriage.

bigsnip

If there is no remarriage, how can the party who has not remarried be said to be sinning against the sixth commandment?

I’m not trying to argue in favor of divorce, but let’s not mix the concept of the breakup of a marriage (sundering what God has joined, in the words of Jesus) with the concept of adultery (a married person having sex with not-his/her-spouse).

DaveBj

 

[catharina]

Question- I teach 7th grade PSR and one of the questions tonight was is divorce a sin. I answered that it is against church teachings but with the annullment process the Church decides if the marriage was ever valid in the eyes of God and went over the difference between civil divorce and what is seen in the eyes of God (if it was ever a valid marriage). My co-teacher stated that it was always a sin punishable by hell. I don’t mince words with these kids but didn’t think it was necessary to bring hell into it. Most of these kids are from split homes and I am currently seperated from my husband (by the way 2 of my priests and DRE have told me to stay away from my husband and to get a divorce due to the circumstances) and I feel now like a deficient Catholic. I understand if my annullment is not granted I am still married in the eyes of God. I would never date or remarry (btw I have been separated for 3 years and won’t date or talk to men because I took those vows!). I don’t take the Sacraments lightly. However is this always a mortal sin? I never thought so.

2383 The separation of spouses while maintaining the marriage bond can be legitimate in certain cases provided for by canon law.177

**If civil divorce remains the only possible way of ensuring certain legal rights, the care of the children, or the protection of inheritance, it can be tolerated and does not constitute a moral offense.**

Your co-teacher is wrong - how sad that ANOTHER generation of children hear error!
Where there is NO MORAL OFFENSE, there is NO SIN.
If I were you, I’d contact the pastor and if necessary, the Bishop.
There is no excuse for this kind of stupidity and bias in a Catholic teacher.

It sounds to me like your companion should not be teaching Catholicism to anyone.

 

[catharina]

If there is no remarriage, how can the party who has not remarried be said to be sinning against the sixth commandment?

I’m not trying to argue in favor of divorce, but let’s not mix the concept of the breakup of a marriage (sundering what God has joined, in the words of Jesus) with the concept of adultery (a married person having sex with not-his/her-spouse).

DaveBj

You are so correct.
Why don’t ALL Catholics understand this???

 

[choy]

divorce itself is not a sin

when you are divorced and you start a relationship with someone else, then thats a sin. you can keep yourself chaste after a divorce so you will not sin

sometimes, divorce becomes an option, especially if a spouse becomes abusive, physically, emotionally, financially, etc. you have to protect yourself and will have to resort to this. just remember that it doesn’t free you from your marital obligation in the spiritual sense, so by keeping chaste after a divorce, you avoid sin

 

[catharina]

divorce itself is not a sin

when you are divorced and you start a relationship with someone else, then thats a sin. you can keep yourself chaste after a divorce so you will not sin

sometimes, divorce becomes an option, especially if a spouse becomes abusive, physically, emotionally, financially, etc. you have to protect yourself and will have to resort to this. just remember that it doesn’t free you from your marital obligation in the spiritual sense, so by keeping chaste after a divorce, you avoid sin

Perfect answer.
Thank you, Choy.

:yup:

 

[choy]

just to add, it also depends on the intention

if you divorce and you initiate the divorce because your intention is to separate, then its possibly a sin (let no man separate what God has put together, or something like that)

but if you are the victim (spouse divorced you), or if you initiated with the intention of protecting yourself from an abusive spouse, then there’s no sin

you can also seek an annulment after the divorce. in this case the divorce is seen as a legal procedure that will protect yourself and your interests (assets, children, etc.). also, the legal won’t always see eye to eye with the Church anyway, you may get an annulment but that won’t legally end your marriage in the eyes of the law. so you’ll get a divorce anyways

 

[catharina]

just to add, it also depends on the intention

if you divorce and you initiate the divorce because your intention is to separate, then its possibly a sin (let no man separate what God has put together, or something like that)

but if you are the victim (spouse divorced you), or if you initiated with the intention of protecting yourself from an abusive spouse, then there’s no sin

you can also seek an annulment after the divorce. in this case the divorce is seen as a legal procedure that will protect yourself and your interests (assets, children, etc.). also, the legal won’t always see eye to eye with the Church anyway, you may get an annulment but that won’t legally end your marriage in the eyes of the law. so you’ll get a divorce anyways

:nope:

Sentence bolded-above is questionable. It’s a situation that does not happen.

As for annulment, the Church NEVER grants annulment until a divorce has taken place.
It never grants “annulment first” and then awaits divorce.

 

[choy]

:nope:

Sentence bolded-above is questionable. It’s a situation that does not happen.

what do you mean it does not happen? lots of people file for divorce just because they grew tired of their spouse and wants to play the field again

As for annulment, the Church NEVER grants annulment until a divorce has taken place.
It never grants “annulment first” and then awaits divorce.

not true. not all countries have divorce laws, and the Church annulment procedures are universal for all Catholics around the world, regardless if a country has legalized divorce or not

 

[catharina]

1. what do you mean it does not happen? lots of people file for divorce just because they grew tired of their spouse and wants to play the field again

not true. not all countries have divorce laws, and the Church annulment procedures are universal for all Catholics around the world, regardless if a country has legalized divorce or not

1. Now I undersatnd your point.
2. I was speaking only of annulments in the USA. You might be correct re the world.

 

[Cherry5]

All mortal sin merits hell, but only under these conditions. The sin was grave–a matter that separates us from God’s grace. Yes divorce objectively is such a grave sin. The person must know it is a grave sin.** The person must do it with full free will consent, intending to sin and intending separation from God’s grace.** All these 3 things make it a mortal sin. Even then that does not equal condemnation to hell. For that, one must die in a state of mortal sin, continuing to be unrepentant, and refuse God’s grace even when he offers it at the momement of death and judgement, when he gives the soul full knowledge of the consequences.

It is not therefore sound catechesis EVER to say, if you do X, you will go to hell. That is assuming a perogative, judgment, that belongs only to God.

Thanks for your explanation of mortal sin, Too often have I seen the notion of “if you do X, you will go to hell” being used in these forums. Most of us do not commit mortal sin because we never do it with the intention of separation from God’s grace but do it because of our human weaknesses. I am not condoning sinning but it is important to put it in perspective.

 

[prodigal-sun]

Question- I teach 7th grade PSR and one of the questions tonight was is divorce a sin. I answered that it is against church teachings but with the annullment process the Church decides if the marriage was ever valid in the eyes of God and went over the difference between civil divorce and what is seen in the eyes of God (if it was ever a valid marriage). My co-teacher stated that it was always a sin punishable by hell. I don’t mince words with these kids but didn’t think it was necessary to bring hell into it. Most of these kids are from split homes and I am currently seperated from my husband (by the way 2 of my priests and DRE have told me to stay away from my husband and to get a divorce due to the circumstances) and I feel now like a deficient Catholic. I understand if my annullment is not granted I am still married in the eyes of God. I would never date or remarry (btw I have been separated for 3 years and won’t date or talk to men because I took those vows!). I don’t take the Sacraments lightly. However is this always a mortal sin? I never thought so.

Hi Jenny,

It sounds to me you have nothing to worry about. The Church certainly does allow civil divorce in some instances and if you preist is telling you your fine, then you probalbly are. YOu are going about living your life chastily after all.

God Bless you,

Peace!

 

[JohnCS]

Thanks for your explanation of mortal sin, Too often have I seen the notion of “if you do X, you will go to hell” being used in these forums. Most of us do not commit mortal sin because we never do it with the intention of separation from God’s grace but do it because of our human weaknesses. I am not condoning sinning but it is important to put it in perspective.

I don’t want to derail this thread, but I think that the post is a little misleading. The action has to be grave matter, the person has to know it’s a sinful, and the person has to perform it without being coerced for it to be a mortal sin. To say that the intention of purposefully wanting to separate from God’s graces is needed for a sin to be a moral sin is wrong.

Ex: Cheating on my wife is grave matter, I know that it is sinful, if I do it without being coerced because I am a weak and frail, it IS a mortal sin. I do not have to purposefully say, I want to cheat on my wife because I want to be separated from God’s graces, for it to be a mortal sin, that is just silly. This belief being widespread may account for the falling mass attendance and use of the sacrement of reconciliation. I can miss Mass on Sunday as long as I am not missing it for the reason of separating myself from God. No one needs confession anymore because no one is sinning any more.

 

[catharina]

I don’t want to derail this thread, but I think that the post is a little misleading. The action has to be grave matter, the person has to know it’s a sinful, and the person has to perform it without being coerced for it to be a mortal sin. To say that the intention of purposefully wanting to separate from God’s graces is needed for a sin to be a moral sin is wrong.

Ex: Cheating on my wife is grave matter, I know that it is sinful, if I do it without being coerced because I am a weak and frail, it IS a mortal sin. I do not have to purposefully say, I want to cheat on my wife because I want to be separated from God’s graces, for it to be a mortal sin, that is just silly. This belief being widespread may account for the falling mass attendance and use of the sacrement of reconciliation. I can miss Mass on Sunday as long as I am not missing it for the reason of separating myself from God. No one needs confession anymore because no one is sinning any more.

Great clarification, John. I agree with you.