Help Knowing What's Going On?

[lola5555]

I need help discerning what is going on with me in the last six months. I’ve been Catholic my whole life. I was close to God as a child, struggled with life for a few years in adolescence (I know, so unusual ) and didn’t really think about God, and then got close again to God in early high school. I’ve had spiritually dry periods, but overall I’ve felt pretty happy and close to God.

This past January God helped me to forgive myself for things that were out of my control when I was little. I had held on for a long time, but was finally able to get a little perspective. Then I started praying to Mary more consistently. I prayed the rosary every day during Lent. My heart finally ‘understood’ Mary in a way I had never known before. I asked her to help me be a lady more like her. Things started changing and very quickly. I started seeing God very differently. More…completely, if that makes sense. I went to mass every week without fail (before it would ebb and flow-- more like once or twice a month). My confession became more robust. I started to hate my sins and see them for what they were more than ever. I wanted to spend time with God. I accepted His teachings wholeheartedly. I could finally pray that I wanted His will and not my own. It’s been wonderful.

But at the same time I started to have doubtful and stupid thoughts pop into my head almost constantly. At first it would be really dumb. I’d be praying and something like “If God even exists” would pop into my head. It was disconcerting, but so stupid I was able to brush it off. After awhile it became tiring. And more recently it’s started to wear on me and make me feel like these thoughts are gaining a foothold. I don’t know if it’s attacks from the devil because I’m getting closer with God or just some weird thing my brain is doing. Fighting it has been so difficult in the last couple of months. Remaining mindful of God, trying to listen, and having patience are huge challenges for me without this. I have felt really overwhelmed.

God has been there for me through this. He’s shown me many, many graces and been so good to me. My question is do any of you know what this struggle is? Is it common? I’m concerned it will never go away and that if I’m to continue to try to be close to God that this will be how it is from now on. Thanks for your insights.

 

[Joe_5859]

I need help discerning what is going on with me in the last six months. I’ve been Catholic my whole life. I was close to God as a child, struggled with life for a few years in adolescence (I know, so unusual ) and didn’t really think about God, and then got close again to God in early high school. I’ve had spiritually dry periods, but overall I’ve felt pretty happy and close to God.

This past January God helped me to forgive myself for things that were out of my control when I was little. I had held on for a long time, but was finally able to get a little perspective. Then I started praying to Mary more consistently. I prayed the rosary every day during Lent. My heart finally ‘understood’ Mary in a way I had never known before. I asked her to help me be a lady more like her. Things started changing and very quickly. I started seeing God very differently. More…completely, if that makes sense. I went to mass every week without fail (before it would ebb and flow-- more like once or twice a month). My confession became more robust. I started to hate my sins and see them for what they were more than ever. I wanted to spend time with God. I accepted His teachings wholeheartedly. I could finally pray that I wanted His will and not my own. It’s been wonderful.

But at the same time I started to have doubtful and stupid thoughts pop into my head almost constantly. At first it would be really dumb. I’d be praying and something like “If God even exists” would pop into my head. It was disconcerting, but so stupid I was able to brush it off. After awhile it became tiring. And more recently it’s started to wear on me and make me feel like these thoughts are gaining a foothold. I don’t know if it’s attacks from the devil because I’m getting closer with God or just some weird thing my brain is doing. Fighting it has been so difficult in the last couple of months. Remaining mindful of God, trying to listen, and having patience are huge challenges for me without this. I have felt really overwhelmed.

God has been there for me through this. He’s shown me many, many graces and been so good to me. My question is do any of you know what this struggle is? Is it common? I’m concerned it will never go away and that if I’m to continue to try to be close to God that this will be how it is from now on. Thanks for your insights.

Yes, it is quite common to have such intrusive thoughts. Your first reaction is really the best course of action: brush them aside and move on. I know that is often easier said than done. The more time and attention we give to them, the more of a distraction they become. I know I’ve heard of some saints who would simply laugh at themselves when things like this would happen. We are fragile vessels subject to many temptations and failings. Fortunately, our God is a God of mercy, love, and forgiveness. We keep on keeping on as best we can.

You might try talking to a priest about this and even asking him about the possibility of spiritual direction. It can be very valuable to have someone guiding you and walking you through these sorts of things. Having a more objective third party to evaluate these things can help us through our blind spots.

 

[AnneElizabeth]

Yes, its common. In fact, I wouldn’t even state that its ‘bad’ either. Without hardships, we usually do not grow. I wanted to ask you, what if how it is now is how its going to be for a long time? Do you think God would not provide the same graces then as He has for you in the past? Even at that…some saints had to live through very long dry periods- I’m talking years. If we strive to be lovers of God and occupants of heaven, it would be good to presume that we too might have to go through something similar… if God sees it fit for us.

New trials are always daunting. Faith does not grow stronger unless it is exercised… and even as I say that and KNOW that, I still get nervous about upcoming possible struggles, so don’t feel bad about feeling as you do. Its all normal. … and good. IN all things Thank God. Rejoice in the Lord always and in all things. Offer any of the struggles up to God… they are GOLD- so said St. Padre Pio.

Keep going to God in prayer!

 

[ready]

It appears that what you are experiencing is a temptation. Temptations should make us stronger and should give us opportunity to prove our faithfulness and love for God. Whenever you get tempted in such a way, simply make an act of faith and move on. God bless you.

I need help discerning what is going on with me in the last six months. I’ve been Catholic my whole life. I was close to God as a child, struggled with life for a few years in adolescence (I know, so unusual ) and didn’t really think about God, and then got close again to God in early high school. I’ve had spiritually dry periods, but overall I’ve felt pretty happy and close to God.

This past January God helped me to forgive myself for things that were out of my control when I was little. I had held on for a long time, but was finally able to get a little perspective. Then I started praying to Mary more consistently. I prayed the rosary every day during Lent. My heart finally ‘understood’ Mary in a way I had never known before. I asked her to help me be a lady more like her. Things started changing and very quickly. I started seeing God very differently. More…completely, if that makes sense. I went to mass every week without fail (before it would ebb and flow-- more like once or twice a month). My confession became more robust. I started to hate my sins and see them for what they were more than ever. I wanted to spend time with God. I accepted His teachings wholeheartedly. I could finally pray that I wanted His will and not my own. It’s been wonderful.

But at the same time I started to have doubtful and stupid thoughts pop into my head almost constantly. At first it would be really dumb. I’d be praying and something like “If God even exists” would pop into my head. It was disconcerting, but so stupid I was able to brush it off. After awhile it became tiring. And more recently it’s started to wear on me and make me feel like these thoughts are gaining a foothold. I don’t know if it’s attacks from the devil because I’m getting closer with God or just some weird thing my brain is doing. Fighting it has been so difficult in the last couple of months. Remaining mindful of God, trying to listen, and having patience are huge challenges for me without this. I have felt really overwhelmed.

God has been there for me through this. He’s shown me many, many graces and been so good to me. My question is do any of you know what this struggle is? Is it common? I’m concerned it will never go away and that if I’m to continue to try to be close to God that this will be how it is from now on. Thanks for your insights.