F
foundmyfaith
Guest
My 17 year old son was killed last month.
Some history:
I was raised Catholic, and always identified as Catholic. I was always observant of Lent, but always lacking in the knowledge of how to actually BE Catholic. I had no idea how often I should seek reconciliation, what sins were mortal and venial, my sunday obligation, etc. I had no idea about the many BASIC things a Catholic should know.
You see, my mother had a fight with our parish priest many years ago. We stopped going to church and I was never confirmed. This fight was over our priest refusing to marry my oldest sister to her boyfriend at 18 years old. He wanted them to wait a year or two. Obviously, he was correct. They were divorced 5 years later.
Fast forward…
I married at 21 to a divorced Catholic man. I had no idea that my marriage was invalid. I figured, “YAY! He’s Catholic!” He was also abusive and a drunk, so I divorced him 18 months later, when my son was 5 months old.
I was a single mother for many years. Eventually, I was remarried to a wonderful Protestant man. He agreed that any children were to be raised Catholic. My son was attending a Catholic grade school at this time. He also had a slight learning disability. To make a long story short, I became more involved with the church and was enjoying my discovery…when a Nun threw a book into my son’s face and terrified him. I had my own fight with the parish and gave up the church completely when they would not protect him. He was never confirmed.
Last year, I went back to church for a short period of time…and started the process to validate my marriage. My son at that point told me he thought he was gay. I naturally had an immediate nervous breakdown. Instead of doing what I should have done and talked to the priest about it…I ran away in shame that I had ruined my oldest son.
Now he is dead.
I have no idea if he ever ‘acted’ on being gay. I told him that there was a good chance he was not gay, as many teenagers have conflicting feelings about sexuality. I told him that being gay was wrong in the eyes of God.
He had not made reconcoliation in years. He was a GOOD boy. Always helping others, charitable, polite, mostly obedient, though quite sloppy. (sometimes I thought the board of health was going to shut down my house because of his room) At his funeral, I kept hearing things like, “He talked me out of suicide” “He helped me with my eating disorder” “I would never have passed my classes if he didn’t volunteer to help me”. He wanted to be a social worker.
I did not meet my obligation to see to my child’s religious education properly. I wonder if God will cast out my son for it.
Dying inside,
foundmyfaith
Some history:
I was raised Catholic, and always identified as Catholic. I was always observant of Lent, but always lacking in the knowledge of how to actually BE Catholic. I had no idea how often I should seek reconciliation, what sins were mortal and venial, my sunday obligation, etc. I had no idea about the many BASIC things a Catholic should know.
You see, my mother had a fight with our parish priest many years ago. We stopped going to church and I was never confirmed. This fight was over our priest refusing to marry my oldest sister to her boyfriend at 18 years old. He wanted them to wait a year or two. Obviously, he was correct. They were divorced 5 years later.
Fast forward…
I married at 21 to a divorced Catholic man. I had no idea that my marriage was invalid. I figured, “YAY! He’s Catholic!” He was also abusive and a drunk, so I divorced him 18 months later, when my son was 5 months old.
I was a single mother for many years. Eventually, I was remarried to a wonderful Protestant man. He agreed that any children were to be raised Catholic. My son was attending a Catholic grade school at this time. He also had a slight learning disability. To make a long story short, I became more involved with the church and was enjoying my discovery…when a Nun threw a book into my son’s face and terrified him. I had my own fight with the parish and gave up the church completely when they would not protect him. He was never confirmed.
Last year, I went back to church for a short period of time…and started the process to validate my marriage. My son at that point told me he thought he was gay. I naturally had an immediate nervous breakdown. Instead of doing what I should have done and talked to the priest about it…I ran away in shame that I had ruined my oldest son.
Now he is dead.
I have no idea if he ever ‘acted’ on being gay. I told him that there was a good chance he was not gay, as many teenagers have conflicting feelings about sexuality. I told him that being gay was wrong in the eyes of God.
He had not made reconcoliation in years. He was a GOOD boy. Always helping others, charitable, polite, mostly obedient, though quite sloppy. (sometimes I thought the board of health was going to shut down my house because of his room) At his funeral, I kept hearing things like, “He talked me out of suicide” “He helped me with my eating disorder” “I would never have passed my classes if he didn’t volunteer to help me”. He wanted to be a social worker.
I did not meet my obligation to see to my child’s religious education properly. I wonder if God will cast out my son for it.
Dying inside,
foundmyfaith