HELP - Loosing my faith (or may have already lost it) in Catholic Education - NEED ADVICE

[PeliTac2013]

I apologize for the long story but I want to give as much history as possible.

I am a life long Catholic. Although I was not fortunate enough to go to Catholic schools as I was growing up I did go to CCD after school. It was one of the best things that my parents ever did for me.

Fast forward 20 years (give or take). I am married to a wonderful Catholic woman. I have an amazing career in IT management. We buy our first home together and we are starting our own family. By 1999 my first daughter Alicia is born. She is absolutely amazing and I could not be more proud as a father. A few years later in 2001 our second daughter McKenna is born. She is an absolute angel. And she is now a happy and healthy 11 year old girl that is simply amazing just like her older sister Alicia.

Back to the point of my post. My wife and I had one very important goal for our daughters and that was that we would do whatever we could to give them a quality Catholic education. They both went to a Christian pre-school and had attended Sunday service every weekend We have a good K-8 Catholic near our home. and the parish that we had been attending weekly is part of the school. Both of our daughters were baptized and had their first holy communion at this parish.Our daughters have absolutely thrived in Catholic school. Our oldest Alicia is in 8th grade and about to graduate with honors in math, science and english. Our younger daughter has maintained a 4.0 GPA continuously for the past 4 years. They both are Girl Scouts, All Star Soccer players, alter servers and our oldest Alicia has been on the school Student Counsel for the past 2 years. Oh, and neither of them has missed a single day of school in 5 years.

Now comes the part that is rattling my faith. About a year ago I was diagnosed with a fairly aggressive and debilitating health condition. As my condition worsened it became more and more difficult for me to work and six months ago I had to focus all of my energy on my health. I also began filing for long term Social Security Disability Insurance benefits which due to my long career history I had accumulated plenty of “points” to qualify for. As I was dealing with my health and at the same time only living on one income it became more and more difficult to afford the tuition payments for the Catholic school our daughters were going to. I was able to receive some tuition assistance but not nearly enough to cover all of the private school related costs. Soon we were behind in our tuition payments and I was attempting to work with the school administration to work out a way to keep our girls in the school and then once my SSDI kicked in I would pay back the tuition owed and also the tuition going forward. Ok, this is where is get’s upsetting. The school was not interested in helping us out at all. I attempted to communicate with the principle via phone calls and also in detailed emails where I explained our situation and my plan to get back on track. Well to my horror the principle has basically ignored me. She doesn’t return my calls or my emails and the only communication I receive from her is an invoice every week showing our back tuition owed and the other commitments we have not been able to fulfill due to the severity of my health condition (I have not had health insurance in years). They even said that my older daughter Alicia might not be able to participate in any of the 8th grade graduation programs like the retreat, grad night at Disneyland, 8th grade graduation breakfast and even the graduation. They also made it clear that if we do not get current on what we owed our younger daughter McKenna wont be able to enter middle school until the account is settled. We had been a model family for the past 8 years+ never missing a tuition payment, my wife volunteering as a room mom ever year. I volunteered my time to keep the schools computer network and computer lab running smooth.

We have not told our girls because we do not want to worry them . It breaks my heart that I may have to tell my older daughter that she may not be able to participate in the 8th grade activities. I am at a loss as to why a Catholic school would completely turn their back on a family that has dedicated everything to them for 9+ years. That is what is shaking the foundation of my faith. Has it come down to money being more important than producing quality educated Catholic students? How do I explain to my daughters that because daddy got sick the school is holding their accomplishments hostage in hopes that somehow we will magically have the money. I’ve paid into SSDI for the past 30 years so it increases my chances of winning my claim. In the past year I have sold everything, liquidated all assets, borrowed from family and friends (thank God for my them), this was just to help pay for the expensive medical costs. All of the money my wife makes goes to keeping a roof over our head and other debt. We are at an absolute loss. I have always thought that the Catholic church and schools would help those who wanted a Catholic education for their children but could not afford it or they fell on hard times (like us) that they had mechanisms in place to help those people make it through rough times. I guess after 46 years my idea about the Catholic church and Catholic schools was completely wrong.

I am sorry for the long rant but I did’t know where else to turn for advice or ideas that I may be able to try to at least help so that my older daughter can graduate with all of her friends that she has been going to school with since kindergarten.

Any thoughts, prayers ideas, etc. would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you and God Bless,

Paul Troy
Southern California

 

[Christy_Beth]

Have you talked with your priest about this? I think that would be the first place I’d go. Also, let family and friends know. With it being this close to the end of the school year, I don’t see how you can’t get som help from somewhere. Heck, I’d send the school a check if I could afford to. But I’m on disability myself, and mine doesn’t amount to much. I honestly wish I could help. My prayers are with you.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I am sorry for what you have gone through, but is it fair to blame all Catholic schools, and even the Church in general, for what this one school has done? Have you taken this up the chain and talked to the school Board about your situation? Is there a pastor of the parish? Don’t give up. But the school also has their perspective. If you are not paying tuition, why should they carry your daughter’s costs for field trips? The other parents are paying for their children to attend, but you are not. It would be Christian of them to sit down with you and work out a plan for the future, though.

p.s. Welcome to CAF!

 

[quiet52]

1. Make an appointment with the pastor, to share what you have written on this thread, and ask if there is a way the parish can help.
2. Call the diocesan school superintendent to ask if there is a program which provides emergency tuition assistance for Catholic school families in crisis.

 

[PeliTac2013]

Thank you for the reply’s. Yes, I have spoke to the priest that is in charge of the school parish. He said that he agrees that in this case because we have been with the church / school for so long (9 years) that he would love to help and he is going to speak to the principle but he also said that as far as helping out financially he can’t do anything because the parish is having financial problems. He is very supportive of my situation but I don’t think he will be able to help all that much.

I apologize if it appeared that I was blaming all catholic schools or the church, I didn’t mean that. I have done a lot of research recently and it appears that in the part of Southern California that we live in the Catholic schools are more for the “privileged” with little to no regard for the “under-privileged” in the community. I have spoken to families that go to our churn and would love to be able to send their kids to the school but it is literally impossible unless a family can pay at least half of the tuition. We teach our children to have compassion for the less fortunate and to serve God by helping those that cannot help themselves but if you want to have a Catholic education (at least in my area) you are out of luck if you are unable (through no fault of your own) to pay for all that comes with that education. I am in no way saying that Catholic education should be free but I do feel that there should be a certain amount of enrollment that is “sponsored” or in some other way able to attend a quality Catholic school because in my experience children that have had a good Catholic education usually support their school / parish for the rest of their lives by donating, volunteering, etc. I have no doubt that my daughters would “give back” in any way they could for the amazing Catholic education that they have received.

I have already tapped out my family and friends. They have done all they can. Most are having difficulties of their own due to the economy or similar issues. I also know for a fact that the school has a certain amount of money set aside for kids that cannot afford to pay the costs of the school. Unfortunately my daughters do not fall into the right “demographic” to enable them to access these funds.

Thanks again for the comments, ideas, constructive criticism, etc. Please keep them coming. It makes me feel better to hear from other Catholics regardless of their reason for replying. Prayers are always encouraged and appreciated.

 

[coachdennis]

As others have said, have you gone up the chain of command, especially talking to the pastor?

I only say this because we had a similar situation in our extended family about 20 years ago and what was discovered that the person who could make accommodations did not know the extenuating circumstances. That person in your situation may NOT be the principal.

Also, not to be cynical, when you are on the other end of the table you hear a lot “hardship stories”. Even in the best of circumstances, it can be extremely difficult not to be jaded and suspicious, especially when it comes to financial issues. Believe me, I am not saying that is the case in your situation – just unfortunately we are all too human and can develop a case of compassion fatigue.

I hope your situation has a good resolution

 

[PeliTac2013]

1. Make an appointment with the pastor, to share what you have written on this thread, and ask if there is a way the parish can help.
2. Call the diocesan school superintendent to ask if there is a program which provides emergency tuition assistance for Catholic school families in crisis.

I have spoken to the priest (see above comment) and I have also submitted the proper paperwork (it’s called an SOS application) to the school principle. She is supposed to pass that form onto the proper organization for processing. I gave her that form when this first happened and I have not heard anything back regarding the application or any “approval” or “denial” of any kind.

We have received help from the Catholic Education Foundation and they always send a nice letter explaining the amount of the support and that it goes directly to the school in your child’s name.

Paul

 

[coachdennis]

Thank you for the reply’s. Yes, I have spoke to the priest that is in charge of the school parish. He said that he agrees that in this case because we have been with the church / school for so long (9 years) that he would love to help and he is going to speak to the principle but he also said that as far as helping out financially he can’t do anything because the parish is having financial problems. He is very supportive of my situation but I don’t think he will be able to help all that much.

I apologize if it appeared that I was blaming all catholic schools or the church, I didn’t mean that. I have done a lot of research recently and it appears that in the part of Southern California that we live in the Catholic schools are more for the “privileged” with little to no regard for the “under-privileged” in the community. I have spoken to families that go to our churn and would love to be able to send their kids to the school but it is literally impossible unless a family can pay at least half of the tuition. We teach our children to have compassion for the less fortunate and to serve God by helping those that cannot help themselves but if you want to have a Catholic education (at least in my area) you are out of luck if you are unable (through no fault of your own) to pay for all that comes with that education. I am in no way saying that Catholic education should be free but I do feel that there should be a certain amount of enrollment that is “sponsored” or in some other way able to attend a quality Catholic school because in my experience children that have had a good Catholic education usually support their school / parish for the rest of their lives by donating, volunteering, etc. I have no doubt that my daughters would “give back” in any way they could for the amazing Catholic education that they have received.

I have already tapped out my family and friends. They have done all they can. Most are having difficulties of their own due to the economy or similar issues. I also know for a fact that the school has a certain amount of money set aside for kids that cannot afford to pay the costs of the school. Unfortunately my daughters do not fall into the right “demographic” to enable them to access these funds.

Thanks again for the comments, ideas, constructive criticism, etc. Please keep them coming. It makes me feel better to hear from other Catholics regardless of their reason for replying. Prayers are always encouraged and appreciated.

You touch on a larger situation – if we as Church believe in Catholic education – how do we make that affordable? However, that systemic problem doesn’t help right now.

BTW, there are always accounting techniques to handle outstanding accounts. If the powers that be (pastor and principal) want to make it happen, they can make it happen.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I have spoken to the priest (see above comment) and I have also submitted the proper paperwork (it’s called an SOS application) to the school principle. She is supposed to pass that form onto the proper organization for processing. I gave her that form when this first happened and I have not heard anything back regarding the application or any “approval” or “denial” of any kind.

We have received help from the Catholic Education Foundation and they always send a nice letter explaining the amount of the support and that it goes directly to the school in your child’s name.

Paul

Go to the School Board of Regents or whatever it’s called where you are. Go to the Diocese next after that.

 

[PeliTac2013]

(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)

Here is a recent picture of my daughters. McKenna is on the left, she is 11. Alicia is on the right, she is 14. I am so very proud of them. I am the luckiest father on the planet.

~Paul

 

[PeliTac2013]

Go to the School Board of Regents or whatever it’s called where you are. Go to the Diocese next after that.

I do have an appointment with the schools board. I am not to optimistic based on some discussions I have already had with several of there members. Due to less than effective management the school is having financial difficulties of their own. That’s a whole other story in itself. There are rumors of mismanagement of funds. Donations that were supposed to be used for new computers for the 8th grade students that were diverted to somewhere else. I could go on but needless to say the school has some potentially scandalous issues that have come to light recently.

~Paul

 

[PeliTac2013]

You touch on a larger situation – if we as Church believe in Catholic education – how do we make that affordable? However, that systemic problem doesn’t help right now.

BTW, there are always accounting techniques to handle outstanding accounts. If the powers that be (pastor and principal) want to make it happen, they can make it happen.

As I kinda explained in another reply, the principle definitely has the authority and the ability to either forgive the debt or allow me to pay what I can until my disability claim is awarded. She for whatever reason is not being very helpful. I believe it may have to do with those potential “scandals” that may or may not come to light soon.

~Paul

 

[St_Francis]

Your daughters are beautiful, and I hope this all works out for them.

 

[MattinTex]

You’ve spoken with the principal, the priest, etc. I’d just move up the chain. What about the diocesan authority in charge of education? Auxiliary bishop? Bishop’s office.

Each step is a less likely win, but maybe still worth the effort.

 

[Steinway]

My wife had the same problem when she was a kid, her father was in the hospital for 2 years then died. Her mom met with the pastor and the kids ended up going for free.

 

[ellzeena]

Dear friend,

Most States have medicaid available to those on SSI or SSD AND their families. I suggest you approach social services to see why YOU do NOT have “health insurance”. My daughter was on SSI (mentally ill) and she had the best health insurance I’ve ever seen! PLUS, since I was at home with her (unable to work) I, too, was on the “Health Plus” benefit in NY State and had Medicaid, which virtually paid for anything and everything.

Now, to your post:
You have two beautiful, healthy, normal children. These are a gift from God. All children are. I would rather have been paralyzed from the neck down, been blind and deaf, than watch my beautiful, gifted, pure and loving daughter suffer through a horrible experience with severe mental illness and, then, survive her.

You cannot BLAME GOD or lose your faith in JESUS CHRIST because of the circumstances in which you find yourself. You must TRUST HIM (try to, learn to, it’s not easy I know) and rely upon Jesus, Himself, rather than those humans in the church or any of the humans in charge of the school your daughters attend. IF you allow your faith to extinguish because of the actions (for whatever reason, and perhaps legitimate) of the leadership of this school (unable to provide you with further assistance), WHAT MESSAGE does this give to your children?

Circumstances are often horrific and, in this world, there are people far worse off than you, or I (and I lost my only child). Take your eyes away from BLAME and put them on BLESSINGS, because you have been blessed, you are being blessed. Look at your daughters, live for their welfare and remember that YOU ARE THEIR ROLE MODEL as a man. BE STRONG in your love for the Lord. If your children need to go to public school, there are programs in every parish that offer religious education. The ultimate education is YOU: they are watching YOU. Put a plug in it: look for social services assistance for health insurance and then try, very, very hard, to trust God.

 

[ricofall]

Of course this is not a good situation but I have to make a point here.
You title says you mayle losing your faith. I read you post and I am kinda perplexed (perhaps perturbed). You are losing your faith because of a Catholic School’s choice not to help you? Not because you found another truth, or because you have a religious awakening, but because your children may not get to attend a school…

WOW, I mean really. Either the title is a fib and you wanted the extra attention you would have received, or you are really losing your faith over this sad situation.

Before I go any further, let me tell you that I went to Catholic school until I my mother could no longer take me by 3rd Grade, my brother was in 7th grade. We were pulled from our school to go to a public school. The reasoning is we moved and could not afford the local Catholic School in our new area. My Mom was receiving assistance from the government at that time as well. Did I mention that my Dad was not around either? Not once did I thought that I was losing faith because of our situation. Faith had nothing to do with it. We were poor, that is how you roll.

Flash forward to today. At my current salary, I cannot afford to take my children to a Catholic school. I never once thought that my faith is in anyway tied up whether or not my children go a Catholic School.

I know you are sick and in a desperate situation, but please to do hold your faith hostage because you are not getting what you want. Offer your suffering to God and pray that his will will be done.
Amen Brother, I will be praying for you

ps-sorry if I am offending you but I hoped it helped

 

[coachdennis]

Of course this is not a good situation but I have to make a point here.
You title says you mayle losing your faith. I read you post and I am kinda perplexed (perhaps perturbed). You are losing your faith because of a Catholic School’s choice not to help you? Not because you found another truth, or because you have a religious awakening, but because your children may not get to attend a school…

WOW, I mean really. Either the title is a fib and you wanted the extra attention you would have received, or you are really losing your faith over this sad situation.

Before I go any further, let me tell you that I went to Catholic school until I my mother could no longer take me by 3rd Grade, my brother was in 7th grade. We were pulled from our school to go to a public school. The reasoning is we moved and could not afford the local Catholic School in our new area. My Mom was receiving assistance from the government at that time as well. Did I mention that my Dad was not around either? Not once did I thought that I was losing faith because of our situation. Faith had nothing to do with it. We were poor, that is how you roll.

Flash forward to today. At my current salary, I cannot afford to take my children to a Catholic school. I never once thought that my faith is in anyway tied up whether or not my children go a Catholic School.

I know you are sick and in a desperate situation, but please to do hold your faith hostage because you are not getting what you want. Offer your suffering to God and pray that his will will be done.
Amen Brother, I will be praying for you

ps-sorry if I am offending you but I hoped it helped

Although the OP should defend himself, if you look at his title he is referring to losing his faith in Catholic “Education”, not the Catholic Church – big difference.

Also, I interpreted his title as a result of being frustrated and disappointed with the situation of health problems and the bureaucracy at the school.

As human beings, we are all affected by events and setbacks differently and with varying degrees of emotions. There is NO ONE WAY. What you can let roll of your back may take more of a toll on others.

Did you ever think of that?

You know, we’re all entitled to a “bad day” and does not necessarily mean we are giving up our faith or holding it hostage.

 

[PeliTac2013]

Although the OP should defend himself, if you look at his title he is referring to losing his faith in Catholic “Education”, not the Catholic Church – big difference.

Also, I interpreted his title as a result of being frustrated and disappointed with the situation of health problems and the bureaucracy at the school.

As human beings, we are all affected by events and setbacks differently and with varying degrees of emotions. There is NO ONE WAY. What you can let roll of your back may take more of a toll on others.

Did you ever think of that?

You know, we’re all entitled to a “bad day” and does not necessarily mean we are giving up our faith or holding it hostage.

Coach Dennis,

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!!

You hit the nail on the head. I AM NOT loosing my faith in the Catholic church or in the Catholic religion. My wavering faith is strictly with the Catholic school that my daughters attend. And it does not have anything to do with the church parish that is connected to the school and that we have been parishioners at for close to 20 years. It would take a whole heck of a lot more than this incident to impact my love of God and Jesus Christ. I have thanked them several times every day of my entire life for giving me the gifts that I have. I have no negative feelings toward either over things I do not have because I am absolutely not a materialistic person at all. Having a roof over our heads and food on the table is all I ask for and I am blessed to have those things and much more. My daughters are the exact same way. Not once has either of them ever “demanded” that we buy them the latest must have item or expect us to shower them with expensive things we all know that they do not need. If they want something bad enough then they either wait for Christmas or their birthday and even then there is no guarantee that they will get those items. Both also are willing to earn the money needed to purchase those things. I can put together a list of things that they can do for me and in return I pay them what we both consider a fair compensation. My older daughter is only interested in growing her book collection. She reads an entire book every 4-5 days and then gets either the next book in the series or she starts another series etc. Many times I will download the same book she is reading onto my Kindle so that we can discuss the story together and how certain parts of the story can be learning experiences for her and sometimes the both of us. My younger daughter is beginning to do the same thing. She has begun reading the Percy Jackson series and she is hooked. When they are not doing homework or studying both are reading. Many evenings everyone in the entire house is reading all at the same time. I love it!

Back to the comments based on the title of my post. Again, I am not in any way shape or form having problems with my faith in the Catholic religion. I now feel like I need to clarify that over and over in case others felt the same way that the other reader did.

Back to the school. Going through the school management is a lost cause, the school board is a lost cause, I have escalated my issues to the local diocese and while they may be able to help the red tape and delays will only mean that any resolution they may find will be to late. I have spoken to the priest at the church that is connected to the school and unfortunately because of some changes that are upcoming in regards to the school (it will be merging with another Catholic school in our area) the priest here at our school has been squeezed out of the loop when it comes to school related issues. The priest at the other school that they are merging with is now in charge and I cannot even get him to return my calls because he is so busy. Not saying he doesn’t care but he now has 400+ students, families, teachers and other staff to deal with and my problem is just not a big priority for him (my words not his). Believe me, I have explored every avenue and every path to seek a resolution and they are just all coming up short.

 

[HouseArrest]

Have you had a face to face meeting with the school administrators regarding this issue or has all the communication been through applications, emails, and phone calls? I think a face to face meeting would allow you to better explain your situation and allow the school to explain theirs (if they wish).

Is there a well known decision date that you need to wait for? Or is it anyone’s guess as to when you will find out if you will receive the help? When you are calling are you asking for a decision that are just not ready to make yet? It’s also a bad time of year to expect a decision such as this one. If you do call and ask for an answer I would simply ask when the decision is expected.