HELP - Loosing my faith (or may have already lost it) in Catholic Education - NEED ADVICE

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I apologize for the long story but I want to give as much history as possible.

I am a life long Catholic. Although I was not fortunate enough to go to Catholic schools as I was growing up I did go to CCD after school. It was one of the best things that my parents ever did for me.

Fast forward 20 years (give or take). I am married to a wonderful Catholic woman. I have an amazing career in IT management. We buy our first home together and we are starting our own family. By 1999 my first daughter Alicia is born. She is absolutely amazing and I could not be more proud as a father. A few years later in 2001 our second daughter McKenna is born. She is an absolute angel. And she is now a happy and healthy 11 year old girl that is simply amazing just like her older sister Alicia.





I am sorry for the long rant but I did’t know where else to turn for advice or ideas that I may be able to try to at least help so that my older daughter can graduate with all of her friends that she has been going to school with since kindergarten.

Any thoughts, prayers ideas, etc. would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you and God Bless,

Paul Troy
Southern California
I understand and sympathize with your plight.

It looks like you are losing faith in the local parochial school system and the people who run it, which is a whole lot different than losing faith in the tenets of the Catholic faith. I mean, what would it matter if the Pastor, God forbid, robbed a bank? It has no bearing on one’s beliefs. It merely chronicles another human failing, and the world is replete with human failings both inside and outside the Church.

It is truly unfortunate if your Diocese does not have a safety net in place for such misfortunes as the one you are experiencing. I can neither condemn nor uphold the Diocese or school system, or parish or Pastor, in this, because of course I do not have all the facts. We do know some simple facts. It takes money to educate a child. The resources of the Catholic Church are not available to the parish or to the Diocese. It doesn’t work that way. If the parish is running a school, the money has to come from somewhere, generally the student’s parents and sometimes assistance from the Parish. If they don’t have enough money to accommodate your situation, it is what it is. Has your parish been negligent in failing to put aside money for just such circumstances? That would be a difficult judgment to make. Some schools are already operating by the skin of their teeth, I am sure. I am not defending the school, because I do not know their circumstances. Maybe they have plenty of money but have no charitable plan in place to help. Maybe they are barely making ends meet. Maybe they are mismanaging available funds. Maybe their heart is not in the right place. We could go on forever with the maybes, but the fact is, it looks like you are not going to get what you want, although I would not stop praying for it.

The way I look at it, we are owed nothing, not from the state, not from the parish, not from anyone. We would hope that other Catholics would be more charitable than the state, or strangers, but that is not always the case. I know two things. God has a plan for my life and my family members, and God will provide my needs. God’s plan may or may not be the Catholic education that you dreamed of for your children. It may be that God wants you to assume responsibility for their Catholic education (the religious part of it) through homeschooling. Then again, it may not. It may be that the only solution will be for CCD. Who’s at fault is not the issue; what you are going to do to make the best of your circumstances is the issue. The God of all the universe was born in a stable. He was not sent to the leading Hebrew schools of the times. He did not have the advantages that some of the other kids had. He could have been born into a rich Jewish family with all the advantages, but he chose a different way. I’d say you are in good company.

All I can do is sympathize with your plight and pray that it all works out for you. I understand what you are saying, how you have been a model parishioners and now when you need help, where is the Church? I know at one point my parents had to take my younger brothers out of parochial school because my Dad could not afford it. He was not bitter at the Church, but it did hurt my brothers IMO in that they did not have the same solid Catholic education that I had. My Dad was well liked by all so I don’t think it was a matter of people being heartless; it just came to the point where he had to make a financial decision. Maybe he lacked faith that God would provide, or maybe he just made the only decision he could make at the time. I can’t second guess him. But everything costs money, Catholic Church or not. Looking back, I wish my parents were more religious and had picked up the responsibility for educating my younger brothers in the faith themselves. I think most people at the time however assumed that CCD was sufficient. Looking back, I don’t think it was. But then, I am sure my parents did the best they could with the understanding they had and the light they walked in. And most Catholics in their day looked at Church as their Sunday obligation, a few devotions, some social events, and the sacraments. I think more emphasis was put on getting enough education (Catholic or public) so that there kids could get a good job and not suffer like they did during the Depression. Sorry for talking so much. Keep us posted how you are making out. I will pray for you and your family. Peace.
 
Coach Dennis,

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!!

You hit the nail on the head. I AM NOT loosing my faith in the Catholic church or in the Catholic religion. My wavering faith is strictly with the Catholic school that my daughters attend. And it does not have anything to do with the church parish that is connected to the school and that we have been parishioners at for close to 20 years. It would take a whole heck of a lot more than this incident to impact my love of God and Jesus Christ. I have thanked them several times every day of my entire life for giving me the gifts that I have.
Than I stand corrected. :imsorry:
 
Of course this is not a good situation but I have to make a point here.
You title says you mayle losing your faith. I read you post and I am kinda perplexed (perhaps perturbed). You are losing your faith because of a Catholic School’s choice not to help you? Not because you found another truth, or because you have a religious awakening, but because your children may not get to attend a school…

WOW, I mean really. Either the title is a fib and you wanted the extra attention you would have received, or you are really losing your faith over this sad situation.
Thank you for standing corrected. I know it’s difficult for some to admit they were wrong.

But one more thing on the subject then I will leave you alone:

I am in no way “fibbing” and I am absolutely NOT “looking for attention”, if anything I want just the opposite. I am getting tired of people treating me different just because I have a serious health issue. Sure, I may not be able to do a lot of the things I used to do but I am still the EXACT same person I have always been. My family, friends, God and especially my daughters know that, and that’s really all that matters.

~Paul
 
OP,

Have you thought of Plan B? I mean what if you can’t get your girls back in the Catholic school?

Maybe it is time to prepare them for the big change ahead where they will be going to public school or maybe even home schooled.

I understand your frustration with the school authorities, believe me, I do. But in the end, you don’t NEED a Catholic school education. You and your wife can teach our faith to your children. And they can have lots of opportunities in public school to live it out.
 
I feel for you in this situation. Many times we have been at a point where we were unsure if we could continue to pay for Catholic school. It’s hard to think of pulling kids out of a school they like and in which they thrive.

Having said that, many familes have financial hardships and the schools cannot absorb the cost of giving everyone breaks and discounts. The money is simply not there for that kind of charity (I wish it were!) Many families sacrifice, scrimp and save to be able to “afford” private school, and do not get any help doing so. If the school jumped in with aid every time a family had a financial hardship - there would be no more school. On a micro level, this might seem heartless, but on a macro level, the school does need to stay solvent and stay open. It seems like the school already did work with you a little to aleviate some of this strain, but is unable to do more. It is probably really easy to take that personally, but it’s a business decision.

Don’t forget that there are probably hundreds of families in your city that would have loved to have sent their kids to this school, but never even attempted because of financial considerations. If each of these families came looking for a “deal” - well, the school would be in the red in no time.

I’m also in So. Cal and I know CEF offers financial aid to low-income familes - have you looked into it? Additionally, you say that you will be coming into some money soon and will be able to pay off your debt to the school. Why not pay off the tuition NOW using a low-interest credit card, and pay off the card when that money comes in?
 
OP,

Have you thought of Plan B? I mean what if you can’t get your girls back in the Catholic school?

Maybe it is time to prepare them for the big change ahead where they will be going to public school or maybe even home schooled.

I understand your frustration with the school authorities, believe me, I do. But in the end, you don’t NEED a Catholic school education. You and your wife can teach our faith to your children. And they can have lots of opportunities in public school to live it out.
Yes, we have discussed a “Plan B” extensively. We did get some great news, my older daughter (the one that is in 8th grade) was just accepted into one of the top all girl Catholic High School’s in our area. Because of her academic success and her commitment to service and the church (Student Counsel, Girl Scouts, varsity soccer, alter server, etc.) she was given a “full ride” scholarship. She was also accepted with honors in math, science and english. She also received a leadership and a service award for her past accomplishments. That in itself shows me that God is indeed listening to my prayers. My daughter has worked so very hard the past 5 years to achieve this goal of going to this particular high school. Now it looks like it will become a reality. Will worry about how to pay for books, uniforms, etc later on. For now we will just enjoy the good news.

As for the other issue. I decided to postpone a couple of major medical procedures and use that money to pay the school. That way I don’t have to worry about my younger daughter having any issues when it comes to the end of the year and the academic awards are presented (she is a 4.0 GPA student also). And my older daughter can enjoy all of the 8th grade graduation activities. I have applied for aid through CEF but have not heard anything back from them regarding any financial assistance. I need to make something clear. I never meant it to seam like I was expecting special treatment from the school. If I came off that way it was because I was upset and was taking out my frustrations on others that don’t necessarily deserve it. I guess my only real issue is with the school leadership not even acknowledging my concern at all. If they at least would have said "we feel for you and would love to be able to help but unfortunately we are not in a position to do anything at this time. We recommend you contact “Person A, or Person B, or Organization XYZ,”, Etc that would have been great. To this day I still have not gotten any response to the 3 emails I wrote to the principle over the last month or so.

~Paul
 
Yes, we have discussed a “Plan B” extensively. We did get some great news, my older daughter (the one that is in 8th grade) was just accepted into one of the top all girl Catholic High School’s in our area. Because of her academic success and her commitment to service and the church (Student Counsel, Girl Scouts, varsity soccer, alter server, etc.) she was given a “full ride” scholarship. She was also accepted with honors in math, science and english. She also received a leadership and a service award for her past accomplishments. That in itself shows me that God is indeed listening to my prayers. My daughter has worked so very hard the past 5 years to achieve this goal of going to this particular high school. Now it looks like it will become a reality. Will worry about how to pay for books, uniforms, etc later on. For now we will just enjoy the good news.

As for the other issue. I decided to postpone a couple of major medical procedures and use that money to pay the school. That way I don’t have to worry about my younger daughter having any issues when it comes to the end of the year and the academic awards are presented (she is a 4.0 GPA student also). And my older daughter can enjoy all of the 8th grade graduation activities. I have applied for aid through CEF but have not heard anything back from them regarding any financial assistance. I need to make something clear. I never meant it to seam like I was expecting special treatment from the school. If I came off that way it was because I was upset and was taking out my frustrations on others that don’t necessarily deserve it. I guess my only real issue is with the school leadership not even acknowledging my concern at all. If they at least would have said "we feel for you and would love to be able to help but unfortunately we are not in a position to do anything at this time. We recommend you contact “Person A, or Person B, or Organization XYZ,”, Etc that would have been great. To this day I still have not gotten any response to the **3 emails I wrote **to the principle over the last month or so.

~Paul
Again, I would make an appointment to discuss this in person. And please be patient. This is a crazy busy time of year for teachers and administrators.
 
Yes, we have discussed a “Plan B” extensively. We did get some great news, my older daughter (the one that is in 8th grade) was just accepted into one of the top all girl Catholic High School’s in our area. Because of her academic success and her commitment to service and the church (Student Counsel, Girl Scouts, varsity soccer, alter server, etc.) she was given a “full ride” scholarship. She was also accepted with honors in math, science and english. She also received a leadership and a service award for her past accomplishments. That in itself shows me that God is indeed listening to my prayers. My daughter has worked so very hard the past 5 years to achieve this goal of going to this particular high school. Now it looks like it will become a reality. Will worry about how to pay for books, uniforms, etc later on. For now we will just enjoy the good news.

As for the other issue. I decided to postpone a couple of major medical procedures and use that money to pay the school. That way I don’t have to worry about my younger daughter having any issues when it comes to the end of the year and the academic awards are presented (she is a 4.0 GPA student also). And my older daughter can enjoy all of the 8th grade graduation activities. I have applied for aid through CEF but have not heard anything back from them regarding any financial assistance. I need to make something clear. I never meant it to seam like I was expecting special treatment from the school. If I came off that way it was because I was upset and was taking out my frustrations on others that don’t necessarily deserve it. I guess my only real issue is with the school leadership not even acknowledging my concern at all. If they at least would have said "we feel for you and would love to be able to help but unfortunately we are not in a position to do anything at this time. We recommend you contact “Person A, or Person B, or Organization XYZ,”, Etc that would have been great. To this day I still have not gotten any response to the 3 emails I wrote to the principle over the last month or so.

~Paul
If your only issue is that the principal has not responded in a prompt manner, then try calling the office and making an appointment to see him. I am sure he gets emails/calls/visits all the time regarding this issue. At the end of the year, when parents are deciding whether or not to re-enroll in the school, he has probably been hearing it all. Be patient, but make an appointment.
 
Yes, we have discussed a “Plan B” extensively. We did get some great news, my older daughter (the one that is in 8th grade) was just accepted into one of the top all girl Catholic High School’s in our area. Because of her academic success and her commitment to service and the church (Student Counsel, Girl Scouts, varsity soccer, alter server, etc.) she was given a “full ride” scholarship. She was also accepted with honors in math, science and english. She also received a leadership and a service award for her past accomplishments. That in itself shows me that God is indeed listening to my prayers. My daughter has worked so very hard the past 5 years to achieve this goal of going to this particular high school. Now it looks like it will become a reality. Will worry about how to pay for books, uniforms, etc later on. For now we will just enjoy the good news.

As for the other issue. I decided to postpone a couple of major medical procedures and use that money to pay the school. That way I don’t have to worry about my younger daughter having any issues when it comes to the end of the year and the academic awards are presented (she is a 4.0 GPA student also). And my older daughter can enjoy all of the 8th grade graduation activities. I have applied for aid through CEF but have not heard anything back from them regarding any financial assistance. I need to make something clear. I never meant it to seam like I was expecting special treatment from the school. If I came off that way it was because I was upset and was taking out my frustrations on others that don’t necessarily deserve it. I guess my only real issue is with the school leadership not even acknowledging my concern at all. If they at least would have said "we feel for you and would love to be able to help but unfortunately we are not in a position to do anything at this time. We recommend you contact “Person A, or Person B, or Organization XYZ,”, Etc that would have been great. To this day I still have not gotten any response to the 3 emails I wrote to the principle over the last month or so.

~Paul
You didn’t come across that way to me. I am glad that you came up with a solution, but please don’t put your health at risk either. Your daughters need a healthy father too!

👍
 
First - have you ever gotten any response from the principal from that email address at all, I mean ever, concerning anything? Question I’m getting at is - are you sure you have email address correct?

If you’re not too sick to do it, can you just go park yourself at the school office until someone sees you? Maybe you need to be like the old woman approaching the judge or the neighbor knocking on the door. You know, squeaky wheel.

Are you in any position to do fundraising of some kind for your daughter? Can you take out a loan?

I totally get how much you want your kids in Catholic school. Me too. I sympathize. I fear ever having to remove them from their school.

One more thing: don’t post pictures of your kids on the internet. Think about this: you’ve given your name and your general location and the school system your kids are in, along with a lot of particulars. Be very careful. Also, beware of geotags on pictures taken with phones and even some cameras.
 
snip…As for the other issue. I decided to postpone a couple of major medical procedures and use that money to pay the school. That way I don’t have to worry about my younger daughter having any issues when it comes to the end of the year and the academic awards are presented (she is a 4.0 GPA student also). And my older daughter can enjoy all of the 8th grade graduation activities…snip
I have no knowledge of your medical issues, but I really hope that delaying medical treatment won’t set you back health-wise or potential cause problems which could lead to an early death. If I were your daughter I would much rather you be alive and in a non-Catholic school than in a Catholic school with a dead Dad.
 
I… My wife and I had one very important goal for our daughters and that was that we would do whatever we could to give them a quality Catholic education. …
Hi Paul,
I am so sorry that you have run into these difficulties at your children’s Catholic grammar school. Catholic schools can be expensive and difficult for many families to afford. Catholic schools were much more affordable when more women entered religious teaching orders, but following the shortage of vocations came a shortage of affordable Catholic schools.

May I suggest a less expensive alternative form of Catholic education? If it is still your goal to do whatever you can to provide your very beautiful daughters with a Catholic education, consider Catholic home schooling. Your health problems may make home schooling difficult, but there are many people who do it even with health struggles. As you are in a position of being unable to work outside the home, you might be well situated for teaching your daughters at home or monitoring their progress with a Catholic school on-line. If you want to learn more about various Catholic home education options, just ask. 🙂
 
Wow, do I feel for you. I find the situation with U.S. Catholic schools truly shameful – what once was an outstanding option that reaffirmed faithful participation in the Church is now available to only a select few and it often doesn’t remain true to Church teachings. My father (who came from a very poor family) attended a Catholic high school for free fifty years ago. Free! My parents prioritized our Catholic education and sacrificed to make it possible. But sacrifices alone often don’t make it possible anymore for parents to give their children Catholic schooling. While each diocese is unique, the U.S. Church as a whole should see the collective demise of Catholic education as a crisis.

Keeping you in my prayers. :gopray:
 
If you really wind up being unable to work something out to send them to Catholic school, and if homeschooling wouldn’t work out for whatever reason (that’s our Plan B - homeschooling), what about charter schools?

There are lots of charter schools around, either brick-and-mortar or programs you do online, or a combination of online and in class. Some are even free. I’ve seen these work really well, with kids often being able to accelerate their progress and graduate early (the public high schools in the town where I used to work as a youth minister were places in which it was so easy to procure drugs that some parents gave up on them entirely and used charter schools instead).

So, maybe it’s some consolation to you that it’s not really the case that there’s a dichotomy: “Catholic school OR Public School”. There are other options. And with parents who really care about them, your daughters are probably going to thrive even outside of Catholic school. At least you’ve been able to give them what Catholic schooling you’ve already been able to, and set the foundation for their characters?
 
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