Help me by telling me about your marriage!

[LaughingBoy1503]

I assume you have been praying to find someone. Try this: Pray for the woman who will be your wife. Ask God to protect her. Ask God that she will find you.

I do that too. Really, I pray about it in every way I can. I really do. I pray for her, I pray for my patience, I pray that Gods will be done, I pray until I am blue in the face about this topic. And I am still patient. I have heard it all too about how it is just not the right time and so forth. And I still have not given up hope and I am still patient while I am the only single person of pretty much everyone I know. Prayer is all I have because I do not talk about these things with anyone I know. I bring up these matters before The Blessed sacrament weekly too. I do pray.

 

[Convert_in_99]

I think it’s of limited use to look for “ways to meet women”. I met my wife in a completely unexpected manner. Here on CAF! While I was in the Dominican novitiate! I had merely answered her question in the forums and we got chatting. I left the novitiate (for unrelated reasons) and we began to pray the rosary over the phone and got to know each other better. Now we’re married!

Often you can meet someone in a place you don’t expect at all.

What a neat story!

 

[Convert1]

Thank you. “I do not know how to comfort you but do not give up” is one of the best things I have heard, and it does comfort me. You get it. I am so glad that you found your spouse. And at 35, I am 32. Maybe it will just take a few more years. No, I will not give up.

Awesome! Keep us posted! God bless you!

 

[Xantippe]

I’m sorry, this is clearly a really rough subject for you. I am just trying to help based on my own experiences. I’m not trying to accuse you of anything, just offering a different way to look at things that might be helpful going forward.

I think Xantippe had a good suggestion for you.

If you have a good Catholic college in your area, pop in from time to time and read the flyers for evening events–there are a lot of evening talks open to the public.

Keep an ear open and if somebody asks a question that catches your interest, you can chat her up and maybe even take her out to coffee. (You might be more successful asking a group of people to continue a talk over coffee.)

Don’t be afraid that it’s just going to be 19-year-old girls–there will be graduate students, young professors, chaplains, and other staff people who are more your age.

(But wait a bit before asking questions after talks yourself until you understand the local etiquette. There’s always an angry weirdo or two at these talks and you don’t want to be that guy.)

Here’s the sort of events that the Catholic Information Center (that’s the Opus Dei bookstore/chapel/social hub) runs in DC:

cicdc.org/events/listen-and-watch-past-events-gallery/

 

[Xantippe]

Young adults groups are out. I am not looking to date girls in their teens and early 20’s. Its hard to go to all these activities because I am a catechist, I get up a 4:45 every morning and I go to bed early to be able to get up at that time and I have Knights of Columbus obligations. Weekday stuff is out. Weekend stuff is something I can look into. I do not know where to really start to look for these things. My diocese website and newspaper have been worthless for me in that regard. The closest newman center I can think of is about 40 miles from me. But what would I do there?

1. I’m not talking about girls in their teens and 20s–if you find the right group or the right kind of event, there will be people mid-20s and right up. The graduate/professional reading group where I met my future husband had people from their early 20s into probably their 60s (but with the bulk being probably mid/late-20s).
2. You may need to give up certain kinds of volunteering right now if it kills your ability to socialize with nice women your age. It’s unfortunate, but being both a catechist and an active Knight is exactly the kind of volunteering where you’re not going to be meeting nice women your own age–or at least not in any kind of numbers.

Think about what your goals are and budget your time accordingly. When you are married, that might be a good time to go back to being a catechist. Obviously, being a catechist is a great, wonderful thing–but you do not have unlimited free time right now.

1. You can look up stuff in advance–nowadays stuff is online and you can email for details. If it’s a good enough environment with good enough events, it’s worth driving to.

For example, I don’t know what it’s like now, but back in the day, the Pittsburgh Oratory was definitely well worth that kind of drive. The Catholic Information Center in DC also has fantastic offerings.

1. This is a little crazy, but you might want to start a separate thread where you ask specifically about your general area (Southern California or wherever) and ask people to identify good places to meet fellow Catholics, good meetups, and good events.

These things are very geographically specific. If you were from my area, I would be able to point you to a parish that has a huge fall lecture series (I mean, MASSIVE–I saw a dozen different dates) and to promising campus talks (I see that two major Catholic intellectual figures are speaking soon in our area).

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

1. I’m not talking about girls in their teens and 20s–if you find the right group or the right kind of event, there will be people mid-20s and right up. The graduate/professional reading group where I met my future husband had people from their early 20s into probably their 60s (but with the bulk being probably mid/late-20s).
2. You may need to give up certain kinds of volunteering right now if it kills your ability to socialize with nice women your age. It’s unfortunate, but being both a catechist and an active Knight is exactly the kind of volunteering where you’re not going to be meeting nice women your own age–or at least not in any kind of numbers.

Think about what your goals are and budget your time accordingly. When you are married, that might be a good time to go back to being a catechist. Obviously, being a catechist is a great, wonderful thing–but you do not have unlimited free time right now.

1. You can look up stuff in advance–nowadays stuff is online and you can email for details. If it’s a good enough environment with good enough events, it’s worth driving to.

For example, I don’t know what it’s like now, but back in the day, the Pittsburgh Oratory was definitely well worth that kind of drive. The Catholic Information Center in DC also has fantastic offerings.

1. This is a little crazy, but you might want to start a separate thread where you ask specifically about your general area (Southern California or wherever) and ask people to identify good places to meet fellow Catholics, good meetups, and good events.

These things are very geographically specific. If you were from my area, I would be able to point you to a parish that has a huge fall lecture series (I mean, MASSIVE–I saw a dozen different dates) and to promising campus talks (I see that two major Catholic intellectual figures are speaking soon in our area).

I do not get up at 4:45 every morning because I am a catechist lol. That was a mistake. I meant to say I get up that early for my job. So, I need to be in bed early every night too. I help teach RCIA at my parish and it runs until 9:00pm so I get to bed real late that night. That is why weekday stuff is out, I cannot do that another day of the week. And I still need time to hit the gym once in awhile after work. I need to keep in decent shape. I have tried a Bible study on weekdays but I got burned out and I was always the youngest one there lol. I have tried a couple other things but no luck. I would rather give up being a Knight than a Catechist. I love being a knight but I have wanted to instruct others on The Faith since before I was even Baptized. But I think I can retain being a Knight and a Catechist and make time for a occasional weekend thing. I am not going to go to a event every single weekend either, you know? Ill figure something. you gave me some good advice. Thank you.

 

[Polluted]

You say “making babies” in some pretentious “donkey” way. Who the he’ll are you pal? All I hear is “open to life”. Judge these girls all you want but you are in your 30s bud. chances are any girl you meet is gonna have SOME type of past. . There are allot of crummy guys out there and I promise you none of these girls were doing the love making act thinking in their heads…“I can’t wait to be a single mom collecting welfare”.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

How did you meet your spouse and how long did you date until you got married? Here is why I ask…

I am a 32 year old man and single. I have been having a hard time meeting women for the last several years that I have been a practicing Catholic. I came into The Church from Protestantism back in 2013. So far, every woman I have ever met through my parish is either already married, engaged or has a boyfriend. I have no prospects and I never do. I volunteer, I am active at my parish and nothing. I work in construction, which is 99.9% men. The only women any of my friends know are all women who have 2 or 3 children and pretty much did nothing throughout their 20’s except make babies out of wedlock. No thanks. I would date a single mother of 1 child but not a woman with several. Not to mention none of them are practicing Catholics.

I have been using online dating for years, with some success… One relationship, met several women and made some friends. The problem is that it takes a very long time to find another woman interested in me so as a result I get maybe 2 dates with 2 different women a year. And out of all of them so far, only one wanted to be with me and she was definitely the least knowledgeable Catholic of all of them. The practicing ones just seem so hard to get to give me a chance although we always connect so well on the spiritual level.

How did you meet your spouse? Maybe I can get some ideas.

If I remember correctly you live In a populated area. Your parish is only a small microcosm of Catholic girls. There are other places to look. Does your diocese have an active young adult ministry or theology on tap program? Have you tried being involved outside of your parish.

Are your physical standards too high? Are you within your “league” with perspective dates?

There are numerous threads and indeed complaints in the world about not finding a mate. Introspection is needed. I can assure you that it isn’t that no one is out there for you but rather how you go about finding an attracting a mate. There seem to be just as many women complaining they can’t find a man.

I don’t think you need to " lower your standards" but perhaps finding someone you like who is willing to grow in the faith. My wife and I have grown from nominal Catholics to devout Catholics together.

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

You say “making babies” in some pretentious “donkey” way. Who the he’ll are you pal? All I hear is “open to life”. Judge these girls all you want but you are in your 30s bud. chances are any girl you meet is gonna have SOME type of past. . There are allot of crummy guys out there and I promise you none of these girls were doing the love making act thinking in their heads…“I can’t wait to be a single mom collecting welfare”.

I ain’t your pal.

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

I ain’t your pal and I will call it what it is.

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

If I remember correctly you live In a populated area. Your parish is only a small microcosm of Catholic girls. There are other places to look. Does your diocese have an active young adult ministry or theology on tap program? Have you tried being involved outside of your parish.

Are your physical standards too high? Are you within your “league” with perspective dates?

There are numerous threads and indeed complaints in the world about not finding a mate. Introspection is needed. I can assure you that it isn’t that no one is out there for you but rather how you go about finding an attracting a mate. There seem to be just as many women complaining they can’t find a man.

I don’t think you need to " lower your standards" but perhaps finding someone you like who is willing to grow in the faith. My wife and I have grown from nominal Catholics to devout Catholics together.

Indeed I believe I will have to look outside my parish. Young adults at my parish is out because they meet on the same day I have obligations. No, my physical standards are not too high. I have dated from thin girls to very heavy girls. I love them all

I should have just never brought up the fact that my ex was not very devout because now I have given the impression that I refuse to date women who are not Theologians or something. Not the case. I will repeat what I already said. All I did was notice that the least devout woman I ever dated was the only one to enter into a relationship with me so it seems the more devout women are harder to get to give me a chance. That is it, that is all. My standard is “Practicing Catholic” that is it. It is not that I am only targeting the most devout women to date. Not by a long shot. I even got the phone numbers of a few non practicing Catholic women last year and the year before.

I have tried groups and Bible studies and things to that nature. I even tried a Charismatic group even though Charismatic stuff is not my cup of tea. I saw. I guess I just need to continue to look for other things. All these “youth groups” and other young adult groups you need to find out about by word of mouth though and I hardly even know anyone my age at my parish. I know and talk to a bunch of older folks who are already married many years and know nothing about the young adult scene. They are never announced on the diocese website or newspaper. Every once in awhile I hear about Theology on tap but it is not a every weekend thing. Probably not a every month thing and it is allways WAY on the rich side of the county while I am on the “ghetto side” lol. Ill find other stuff to attend but it is not as easy to find these events as people seem to think.

 

[Kay_Cee]

How did you meet your spouse and how long did you date until you got married? Here is why I ask…

I am a 32 year old man and single. I have been having a hard time meeting women for the last several years that I have been a practicing Catholic. I came into The Church from Protestantism back in 2013. So far, every woman I have ever met through my parish is either already married, engaged or has a boyfriend. I have no prospects and I never do. I volunteer, I am active at my parish and nothing. I work in construction, which is 99.9% men. The only women any of my friends know are all women who have 2 or 3 children and pretty much did nothing throughout their 20’s except make babies out of wedlock. No thanks. I would date a single mother of 1 child but not a woman with several. Not to mention none of them are practicing Catholics.

I have been using online dating for years, with some success… One relationship, met several women and made some friends. The problem is that it takes a very long time to find another woman interested in me so as a result I get maybe 2 dates with 2 different women a year. And out of all of them so far, only one wanted to be with me and she was definitely the least knowledgeable Catholic of all of them. The practicing ones just seem so hard to get to give me a chance although we always connect so well on the spiritual level.

How did you meet your spouse? Maybe I can get some ideas.

I heard about a young man who had the same problem as you. He complained to his parish priest that there weren’t any nice young Catholic women to date. As it turned out, a short time before that, a young woman had complained to the same priest that there weren’t any nice young Catholic men to date.

So the priest introduced them to each other.

Those two became my great-grandparents.

(As you can see, yours is not a new problem!)

I met my husband by calling my diocese and asking what programs and clubs were available for Catholic singles. I was directed to a Catholic singles group, and my future husband happened to be the president of the organization.

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

I heard about a young man who had the same problem as you. He complained to his parish priest that there weren’t any nice young Catholic women to date. As it turned out, a short time before that, a young woman had complained to the same priest that there weren’t any nice young Catholic men to date.

So the priest introduced them to each other.

Those two became my great-grandparents.

(As you can see, yours is not a new problem!)

I met my husband by calling my diocese and asking what programs and clubs were available for Catholic singles. I was directed to a Catholic singles group, and my future husband happened to be the president of the organization.

Nice. Calling the diocese, huh? I may give that a try.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Nice. Calling the diocese, huh? I may give that a try.

I can’t remember if you are in LA or not but I googled young adult Catholic Los Angeles and got a lot of hits for thier YAM program and even a pat of parishes with YAM programs at certain parishes.

Here is what you do. Volunteer to help out with programs and events. Become involved in the leadership of the ministry don’t just expect the ministry to serve you.

I guarantee there are some eligible women there.

Also. Don’t think that those of us who are married and have nice Catholic lives and families came by it easy. I struggled to find someone for years. And I actually had to end up dating a much younger woman…

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

I can’t remember if you are in LA or not but I googled young adult Catholic Los Angeles and got a lot of hits for thier YAM program and even a pat of parishes with YAM programs at certain parishes.

Here is what you do. Volunteer to help out with programs and events. Become involved in the leadership of the ministry don’t just expect the ministry to serve you.

I guarantee there are some eligible women there.

Also. Don’t think that those of us who are married and have nice Catholic lives and families came by it easy. I struggled to find someone for years. And I actually had to end up dating a much younger woman…

Thanks. Yes, L.A. is only a few miles down the road but in L.A traffic, that can take a long time to get to lol. But, that is yet another idea I can keep in mind.

How old where you when you got married? How long were you looking?

Yeah, well none of my buddies who I use to hang out with (but do not anymore) have any problems getting women while they are 2 strikers or at least been on several prison terms with alcohol and drug problems and or Chronically unemployed some are gang members (And have not grown out of it by now, I do not judge when they were younger) so sometimes I do get a little bitter that it has been so hard for me

 

[Xantippe]

Thanks. Yes, L.A. is only a few miles down the road but in L.A traffic, that can take a long time to get to lol. But, that is yet another idea I can keep in mind.

How old where you when you got married? How long were you looking?

** Yeah, well none of my buddies who I use to hang out with (but do not anymore) have any problems getting women while they are 2 strikers or at least been on several prison terms with alcohol and drug problems and or Chronically unemployed some are gang members (And have not grown out of it by now, I do not judge when they were younger) so sometimes I do get a little bitter that it has been so hard for me **

Well, you’re looking for a totally different kind of woman, aren’t you?

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

Well, you’re looking for a totally different kind of woman, aren’t you?

Which makes things more difficult.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Thanks. Yes, L.A. is only a few miles down the road but in L.A traffic, that can take a long time to get to lol. But, that is yet another idea I can keep in mind.

How old where you when you got married? How long were you looking?

Yeah, well none of my buddies who I use to hang out with (but do not anymore) have any problems getting women while they are 2 strikers or at least been on several prison terms with alcohol and drug problems and or Chronically unemployed some are gang members (And have not grown out of it by now, I do not judge when they were younger) so sometimes I do get a little bitter that it has been so hard for me

I was 26 when we got married. We actually got married on my birthday. She was 19.
I was looking since puberty. . But only realized the type of woman you party with and the type that is the mother of your children are different people about six months before I met my wife. We met at work and she started going to mass with me. We were both converts. She converted 6 months prior to our wedding. I was her sponsor…

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Which makes things more difficult.

Not really. If the goal is to find a holy woman that can help you and your kids achieve heaven as a good mom and wife then I’d say your buddies have the more difficult task…

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

Not really. If the goal is to find a holy woman that can help you and your kids achieve heaven as a good mom and wife then I’d say your buddies have the more difficult task…

You know what I meant, you are a smart man