Help me help my husband

[Kera]

My husband’s father passed away 2 1/2 years ago. Since then, my husband has been distant and “off”. I always thought it was my fault…I gained weight. I wasn’t attractive…whatever. Today we had a talk and he told me that he thinks he never got over his father’s passing. I am so sad for him. I encouraged him to seek counseling, but he doesn’t want to. My question is…what can I do for him, besides stick by him and love him? Has anyone had a situation like this? What can I do? Thanks!

 

[maria_rose]

My husband’s father passed away 2 1/2 years ago. Since then, my husband has been distant and “off”. I always thought it was my fault…I gained weight. I wasn’t attractive…whatever. Today we had a talk and he told me that he thinks he never got over his father’s passing. I am so sad for him. I encouraged him to seek counseling, but he doesn’t want to. My question is…what can I do for him, besides stick by him and love him? Has anyone had a situation like this? What can I do? Thanks!

Hi Kera,
Yes, there is something very important you can do. Storm the heavens for Him. pray with your whole heart for his happiness, his faith, his health… you get the point!
There is a really good book out there By Stormie Omartian called “The Power of a Praying Wife!”
She is not Catholic, but generic Christian, but her thoughts on praying as a wife are very helpfull.
BTW has your husband seen his doctor lately? He could be suffering from Clinical Depression.
He may not wanting to go to counsling, because he doesn’t want to open up an old wound. Please remind him that he must open himself and deal with his pain so he can move on .
It is tough to lose a parent, it brings up thoughts about your own mortality. Have you talked with him about this?
In general provide lots of love for him and encourage beautiful experiences for the two of you.
My prayers are with you and your husband.
God love you!

 

[tcay584]

My husband’s father passed away 2 1/2 years ago. Since then, my husband has been distant and “off”. I always thought it was my fault…I gained weight. I wasn’t attractive…whatever. Today we had a talk and he told me that he thinks he never got over his father’s passing. I am so sad for him. I encouraged him to seek counseling, but he doesn’t want to. My question is…what can I do for him, besides stick by him and love him? Has anyone had a situation like this? What can I do? Thanks!

Sometimes just doing what you’re doing “Sticking by him and loving him” is the best thing. Grief is a strange thing and affects everyone differently. Maybe you could help him by showing him that his dad is still alive in his heart, and that people are still affected by his life and remember him. See if you can remember a funny instance when his dad said something particularly humorous or insightful, or did something cool, and remind him that “Wow! You’re his son”!

 

[crohnie4life]

hi kera,

My DH husband’s father passed away a yr. ago. I can sympathize with what you are going through.

In the beginning, when he got home from work he would go down into his shop for a few hrs. and I use to go down and ask him if he wanted to talk. He’d get angry and tell me to just leave him alone. My heart was breaking for him because he and his dad were so close. I’d try to get him to open up but he’d tell me to go away.

I knew it wasn’t me. It was his way of dealing. I attended a bereavment support group for myself and to learn how to be there for DH. I’ve learned that men deal with grief differently. They need their space and when they are ready to open up they will.

I pray for my husband every day. When he goes to his shop, I know enough not to bother him unless it’s an emergency. When he wants to talk, he does, when he wants to be alone, I let him be. We go to church together , help his mom when she needs it, and share stories of things his dad use to do when he was younger & adventures w/the grandkids. The very last project they worked on was a shed in our backyard. They built it from the ground up and each time I see it, I always think of my FIL .

I still miss him myself, but I am very grateful for how he raised his son. He will always have a place in my heart.

Feel free to PM if you need to talk. I will keep you and your DH in my prayers.