Help me I need some advice for a friend

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gingerella

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I want to know why people complain about everything wrong in their lives. I have a friend who has been complaining to me about how she struggles to pay her house payments, how she struggles to pay for food and gas and her house is falling apart and she doesn’t have enough money to pay for the repairs. Nobody is helping me, when her husband helps her and her parents help her. She evens puts down her own family to me and tells me they aren’t helping her at all. That they are useless and lazy. Every time I see her for the last eight years, that is all she does is complain and telling me all her problems. I don’t know what to do. I am just listening to her problems and I don’t know how to tell her that everything will be okay. She says she believes in God and goes to Church regularly, but it doesn’t sound like it to me. Her tone of voice is sounds so discouraging and she never seems to be happy and makes me feel awful inside because I don’t like listening to her complain all the time I see her. I was reading some posts here and some people on the forum would say instead of complain say Thank you God for giving me the strength to work another day and that I have a job that help pay my house and Thank you God for being here for me while I struggle paying all those bills and that I have enough funds to pay for my bills another month. Everybody has tough times, but I realize complaining doesn’t make it better. I realize saying Thank you God for these struggles makes me feel better about everything because God will take care of me even through the tough times. I am asking for some advice and what I can do to handle this situation with my friend.

Thank you.
God Bless and Amen.
 
gingerella said:
I want to know why people complain about everything wrong in their lives. I have a friend who has been complaining to me about how she struggles to pay her house payments, how she struggles to pay for food and gas and her house is falling apart and she doesn’t have enough money to pay for the repairs. Nobody is helping me, when her husband helps her and her parents help her. She evens puts down her own family to me and tells me they aren’t helping her at all. That they are useless and lazy. Every time I see her for the last eight years, that is all she does is complain and telling me all her problems. I don’t know what to do. I am just listening to her problems and I don’t know how to tell her that everything will be okay. She says she believes in God and goes to Church regularly, but it doesn’t sound like it to me. Her tone of voice is sounds so discouraging and she never seems to be happy and makes me feel awful inside because I don’t like listening to her complain all the time I see her. I was reading some posts here and some people on the forum would say instead of complain say Thank you God for giving me the strength to work another day and that I have a job that help pay my house and Thank you God for being here for me while I struggle paying all those bills and that I have enough funds to pay for my bills another month. Everybody has tough times, but I realize complaining doesn’t make it better. I realize saying Thank you God for these struggles makes me feel better about everything because God will take care of me even through the tough times. I am asking for some advice and what I can do to handle this situation with my friend.

Thank you.
God Bless and Amen.
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It depends on the friendship and the person! Maybe she sees you more of a friend than you do her which is why she comes to you to offload or maybe it’s just her personality (attention seeker).

I have friends who are close that can off load on me as much as they want, that is what I am here for as their friend. However I have an acquaintance who attention seeks too. I see her very rarely and mostly as part of the “group” of friends we both belong to.

If this is a close friend who is genuinely in need of support, then as her friend you are being very harsh. If she is just an acquaintance who is attention seeking…end the contact if it bothers you too much.
 
If you have determined that she actually does get help from everyone, that somehow, despite her complaints, she is still able to eat, pay bills, etc, maybe after 8 years it is time for something different. It may be in how you respond to her, it may be an offer of help, or it may be to speak how you feel and risk letting the relationship change/end because she won’t want to hear what you are saying. Or denies everything.

I don’t hear you mention any pleasant “friend” things like eating out, going to a movie, or anything else resembling “fun.” It sounds as if all of your time with her is spent listening to her negative conversation. How is she a friend to **you? **

Perhaps you can offer her a book to read, one that may change her view. (Wayne Dyer, You’ll See it When You Believe it, for example. Read it first so you can tell her how you think it could help her.) If she won’t read it, have a discussion with her about how she has to try something different, because what she has been doing is not working.
 
Some people just enjoy complaining, and they suck the joy out of others.
 
gingerella said:
I want to know why people complain about everything wrong in their lives. I have a friend who has been complaining to me about how she struggles to pay her house payments, how she struggles to pay for food and gas and her house is falling apart and she doesn’t have enough money to pay for the repairs. Nobody is helping me, **when her husband helps **her and her parents help her. She evens puts down her own family to me and tells me they aren’t helping her at all. That they are useless and lazy.
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Her husband helps her? I find this odd because isn’t it just normal that husbands chip in financially :confused: Unless what you mean is she is divorced and gets alimony.

But honestly, if you are fed up with hearing her complain, there is nothing wrong with setting a boundary and asking her to tone it down or completely stop. However, I d o sense from you post a bit of judgement or jealousy. If no one is helping you and she is getting help and she is complaining that no one is helping her, even if it is true, it still does your peace of mind no good be jealous or judgmental. You can’t change her but you can change yourself to make you more happy
 
Irishmom2 said:
If you have determined that she actually does get help from everyone, that somehow, despite her complaints, she is still able to eat, pay bills, etc, maybe after 8 years it is time for something different. It may be in how you respond to her, it may be an offer of help, or it may be to speak how you feel and risk letting the relationship change/end because she won’t want to hear what you are saying. Or denies everything.

I don’t hear you mention any pleasant “friend” things like eating out, going to a movie, or anything else resembling “fun.” It sounds as if all of your time with her is spent listening to her negative conversation. How is she a friend to **you? **

Perhaps you can offer her a book to read, one that may change her view. (Wayne Dyer, You’ll See it When You Believe it, for example. Read it first so you can tell her how you think it could help her.) If she won’t read it, have a discussion with her about how she has to try something different, because what she has been doing is not working.
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Thank you for your advice. I was really quickly after seeing her that day and she opened up again about all her problems and complaining to me again. I met her at my Aunt’s work where she volunteers. The first time I meet her it started off as a friendly conversation and then every time I have seen her since then she just talks about her problems and because I would just listen to her without really telling her some real truths. I would just say everything will be okay. Mostly, these conversation only last more than fifteen minutes or less and I only see her once a month when I volunteer at my Aunt’s work. I think her other friends, and relatives probably tell her the truth and she probably doesn’t like what they say and she needed someone to talk to. I just used the word friend, she more of an acquaintance. I think next time if she talks to me I will tell her about the book and maybe suggest she talks to someone at her church for my guidance. But after reading others posts, I think she is an attention seeker and needs some professional help with her problems.

God Bless and Amen.
 
And here you are bitching about your friend, that makes a **** ton of sense, dont it?
 
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