Help Me, imprisoned by sin

[zertech]

I am 21 years old and i believe i am addicted to porn and masturbation. I dont know how to stop and i feel like im completely at the end of my rope. No matter how much i pray, how much i try i always lose control and end up falling into sin.
I live in an area where there are almost no Catholics my own age. All my friends have always been very secular and usually pretty liberally minded. Ive ended up stop contacting all my friends because i realize that they are all dragging my farther into a sinful way of thinking.
I am trying to transform myself into the person Jesus wants me to be however i can not break these bindings of sin. Its as if i lose my identity when temptation hits. I stop thinking as i do 90% of the time, i lose all guilt, and i consume porn and mis-use my body. I love God so much and want to do his will but it seems i cannot even control my own will. I do not have as extreme an addiction as some, however it induces habits that keep me in a state of sin that seperate me from god to such a degree that i cannot help but hate myself and every moment of my life that follows. Everything i do seems meaningless because i am not doing it with Jesus in my heart. My heart is crippled by a sin that i can not break free of. Please anyone who cane spare the time, pray for me so that i may be given the strength and wisdom to avoid the “near occasions of sin” and have a constant fire in my heart that allows my to combat the evil that seems to overcome me during times of temptation.

 

[TiggerS]

You have already begun the journey in overcoming your habits by recognizing your situation and ardently desiring and trying to do something about it. I will be keeping you in daily prayer and you could say one Hail Mary every day with “Our Lady, Queen of Holy Purity, guard, guide and protect me”. Or pray every day however you feel most comfortable. It doesn’t have to be lengthy prayer, it can be quite short but put your whole heart into whenever you pray. You might feel comfortable just talking to Our Lord from your own heart.

The first and most important step in overcoming a problem is to recognize that we have one. And you have done this! It is a fait accompli!

You are not going to overcome your situation in a day unless The Lord grants you a miracle. This will be a journey for you and it may be a two steps forward, three back, two forward etc. type of journey. In other words, you will have successes and failures as long as you keep on the road of desiring and trying to do something about the situation and with prayer. In the face of failure, you need to try very hard to not despair and simply begin again - and again and again and as many times as you need to do so. The Lord will not be asking of you success so much, as that you keep on the journey even in the face of any failures. He knows we are sinners and that is why He died for us and while we were sinners still. He knows that sin can get a hold on us and that it is not easy to overcome our habit once this happens. What pleases Him is that we recognize our sad plight and really want to do something about it - and take those steps necessary to do so.

You have taken another very big step in your journey - a successful movement in staying away from those who may lead you into sin again.
What has happened is that you have formed a bad habit and habits are a form of conditioning and just as conditioning and habits do not happen overnight, so the journey away from them usually does not happen overnight. It is a journey you are undertaking and a journey that is pleasing to The Lord.

Finally and most importantly of all, go to Confession regularly and if possible to the same priest. Tell Father of this bad habit you have formed that you are finding so hard to break and listen to what he has to say and follow his advice.
Go to Holy Communion as often as you are able and ask Father’s advice about this in Confession to reassure you.

God bless you and may He grant you fortitude and consolation…Tigger

 

[Pfaffenhoffen]

I am 21 years old and i believe i am addicted to porn and masturbation. I dont know how to stop and i feel like im completely at the end of my rope. No matter how much i pray, how much i try i always lose control and end up falling into sin.
I live in an area where there are almost no Catholics my own age. All my friends have always been very secular and usually pretty liberally minded. Ive ended up stop contacting all my friends because i realize that they are all dragging my farther into a sinful way of thinking.
I am trying to transform myself into the person Jesus wants me to be however i can not break these bindings of sin. Its as if i lose my identity when temptation hits. I stop thinking as i do 90% of the time, i lose all guilt, and i consume porn and mis-use my body. I love God so much and want to do his will but it seems i cannot even control my own will. I do not have as extreme an addiction as some, however it induces habits that keep me in a state of sin that seperate me from god to such a degree that i cannot help but hate myself and every moment of my life that follows. Everything i do seems meaningless because i am not doing it with Jesus in my heart. My heart is crippled by a sin that i can not break free of. Please anyone who cane spare the time, pray for me so that i may be given the strength and wisdom to avoid the “near occasions of sin” and have a constant fire in my heart that allows my to combat the evil that seems to overcome me during times of temptation.

You are guilt-ridden. Stop that, please.
That is according to statistics, something that happens to 90% of men and less to women. It is not good but it is normal.
Men many times cannot avoid it for a number of reason.
And it is not through looking all day into it that you are going to be balanced.
When you do it, ask for God’s forgiveness, tell Him that you stick to Him, tell Him that He is THE ONLY ONE in your heart and go ahead. forget thee past, look into the future.

And make some questions:

1. 
   *]Are you leading a balanced life?
   *]do you have friends?
   *]do you practice exercise at least 30 minutes a day?
   *]do you practice meditation at least 5 minutes a day?
   *]do you pray the rosary?
   *]cant you get a girfriend who may pair with you?
   *]do you go to parish meetings?
   *]do you write a diary?
   
   All of these may help you to get into balance.
   But, above all, you must listen to your body and see when are “the times of crisis” and when are “the times when you do not need that”.
   Watch carefully and do the things you do when you do not need it, which means you ar balanced.
   I am giving some tips but you must watch your body and take conclusions.
   By me granted help needed.

 

[dchris]

I am 21 years old and i believe i am addicted to porn and masturbation. I dont know how to stop and i feel like im completely at the end of my rope. No matter how much i pray, how much i try i always lose control and end up falling into sin.

I can completely understand as I have been struggling with this addiction for over 20 years! Recently I have been coming to terms with it, and with God’s help I will get out of this addiction. One thing that is helping me, and may help you, is a group on this site called the Impurity Addiction Support Group (forums.catholic-questions.org/group.php?groupid=369). I have read many posts there, and am posting my daily struggles myself. It can help to have others that are in your same situation, share in your successes and failures in dealing with this addiction.

I am trying to transform myself into the person Jesus wants me to be however i can not break these bindings of sin. Its as if i lose my identity when temptation hits. I stop thinking as i do 90% of the time, i lose all guilt, and i consume porn and mis-use my body. I love God so much and want to do his will but it seems i cannot even control my own will. I do not have as extreme an addiction as some, however it induces habits that keep me in a state of sin that seperate me from god to such a degree that i cannot help but hate myself and every moment of my life that follows. Everything i do seems meaningless because i am not doing it with Jesus in my heart. My heart is crippled by a sin that i can not break free of.

As others have stated in this thread, go to confession on a regular basis! I myself am starting this “habit” as to help me walk closer with Christ. Start your day with prayer, pray the rosary for example. If you don’t know how to pray the rosary, there are many helps out there such as catholic.com/tracts/the-rosary, and newadvent.org/images/rosary.pdf.

If you are viewing the porn on your computer, get someone to install a filter on it so that you aren’t able to view such things. Memorize scripture to keep your mind on the word of God. You can print scripture verses on index cards and carry them around with you, so that when your mind wanders, you can refocus on God. I use these cards, familylifecenterstore.net/Store-Items/Fatherhood/Pure-Mind-Cards-Combo.

Please anyone who cane spare the time, pray for me so that i may be given the strength and wisdom to avoid the “near occasions of sin” and have a constant fire in my heart that allows my to combat the evil that seems to overcome me during times of temptation.

Will be praying for you, and remember you are not alone in this. There are others out there like myself who are struggling as well. I commend you though that you are taking action at such a young age to deal with this.

Peace!

 

[Carolus_Martell]

Try reciting the Rosary daily as a defense against impure thoughts and the souls in Purgatory. When you get an impure thought you find difficult to resist try reciting a decade. Don’t be so quick to blame others…it’s natural for the unschooled to take the path of least resistance.

ps^ not that I’m saying you are accusing others…mostly just a figure of speech.

 

[synlly]

Praying hard for u.Lord,have mercy on ur son,He hungers and thirsts for You.Feel him with Your goodness Lord.May he have the spirit and strenghth to be able to ressit sin.in the name of Jesus

 

[jovial_dsouza]

dear zertech,
praying for your intentions. believe in Jesus and His forgiveness. let guilt not burden you.

God bless,

jovial and family

 

[zertech]

Thank you all very much for your prayers, and advice. I will keep trying my best to pray daily. I try to say a rosary a day but usually have a hard time meeting that goal but i am usually able to manage a to fit in a decade somewhere during my day. I have been addicted like this for about 10 years since 8th grade i think. I was sexually abused by my cousin at a young age and i think that set me on a very bad road. I have not had the opportunity to talk about this with anyone that is also catholic so again thank you all for your support. This is a fight i am forced to fight with only Jesus by my side since as i said where i live there really aren’t any other catholics for me to associate with other than my family(who im not going to tell about this) and older people at my church.
I am currently at home going to community college and i am planning on attending landmark college next semester and although its a great college for people with a learning disability such as myself, it is also very secular and i know now that if i do not free myself of this vice i risk losing my faith when i attend that college. I need jesus by my side every step of the way and have graces so that i am granted enough wisdom and fortitude to still live a holy spiritual life while not losing my faith or becoming a complete social outcast. i spent a year at a state college and i fell into a very abusive relationship(emotionally and on a few occasions physically) with a non catholic girl that lasted for a year and it dug me into an even deeper hole of despair and vulnerability to sin. I am at a vital period in my life and i feel much of my future will be determined by what happends over the next year or so. I love God deeply but having the exterverted personality that i do i need social interaction and to be alone in a completely secular environment and try to find friends that will not lead me to near occasions of sin is a challenging thing.
Additionally it pains me to know that i am in such a grave state of sin when i am the role model for my younger siblings aswell as for many of the kids at a school where i work and for the kids in the religious education class i co-teach. It is something i am ashamed of to no end that i have been given the responsibility to spread gods love to young people and explain the workings, history and teachings of the church when i fail so frequently to avoid one of the most grievous sins. However perhaps god put me in this place so that i would have that exact motivation.
Thank you all if not only just for taking the time to listen. I feel a heavy burden has been placed on my shoulder however i know that god would not give me a challenge without giving me enough graces to overcome that challenge. you all have given me the bit of hope i had been praying for last night when i reached a very low point.

 

[dchris]

Thank you all very much for your prayers, and advice. I will keep trying my best to pray daily. I try to say a rosary a day but usually have a hard time meeting that goal but i am usually able to manage a to fit in a decade somewhere during my day.

I can understand that you have a busy day at times, and I commend you on trying to say at least a decade! If you have at least fifteen minutes a day, maybe driving or something where you can’t use a rosary, try listening to the rosary instead. This site, rosaryarmy.newevangelizers.com/prayers/free-rosary-mp3/, has free downloadable audio rosaries for you to listen to whenever. I would listen to them at times while I was driving to work, and pray along with them. Just a thought.

I have been addicted like this for about 10 years since 8th grade i think. I was sexually abused by my cousin at a young age and i think that set me on a very bad road. I have not had the opportunity to talk about this with anyone that is also catholic so again thank you all for your support. This is a fight i am forced to fight with only Jesus by my side since as i said where i live there really aren’t any other catholics for me to associate with other than my family(who im not going to tell about this) and older people at my church.

I can understand not knowing who to talk to about this. Being online here has a sense of anonymity to it, so that you can say things you might not say any other time. I would advise you to use these message boards as a sounding board when you feel you have no one else to talk to.

Additionally it pains me to know that i am in such a grave state of sin when i am the role model for my younger siblings aswell as for many of the kids at a school where i work and for the kids in the religious education class i co-teach. It is something i am ashamed of to no end that i have been given the responsibility to spread gods love to young people and explain the workings, history and teachings of the church when i fail so frequently to avoid one of the most grievous sins. However perhaps god put me in this place so that i would have that exact motivation.

Don’t be too hard on yourself. We all sin, and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). The thing that I am learning is not to let sin keep you down, but confess, and get back up fighting the good fight! I will continue to keep you in my prayers!

Peace!

 

[FLGreg]

I try to say a rosary a day but usually have a hard time meeting that goal but i am usually able to manage a to fit in a decade somewhere during my day.

Do NOT try. DO IT! Get up 20 minutes earlier and pray the Rosary first thing in the morning asking Our Lady for moral sobriety. No Rosary, no breakfast! This sets the tone for the entire day. I call it my daily inoculation against the “wickedness and snares of the devil”.

I struggled with a very strong porn addiction for years - so much so that I considered seeking professional help. One day, in the depths of my despair, a voice told me, “Pray the Rosary!” I remembered that I had the rosary that I was given for my First Communion way in the back of my desk. I hadn’t prayed the Rosary in 35+ years and even forgot what the various mysteries were. I went on the Internet and downloaded a Virtual Rosary program and prayed. It was like a HUGE weight was lifted off me and I never looked back. Sure, I am still tempted at times but nothing like it was before.

You CANNOT do this alone! I cannot stress this enough! Enlist the Divine Assistance!

A great resource is Catholic Answers’ speaker, Matthew Fradd, and his websites:

Chastity.com

The Porn Effect

 

[dchris]

Do NOT try. DO IT! Get up 20 minutes earlier and pray the Rosary first thing in the morning asking Our Lady for moral sobriety. No Rosary, no breakfast! This sets the tone for the entire day. I call it my daily inoculation against the “wickedness and snares of the devil”.

I like that, “no Rosary no breakfast” rule!!

I actually get up, with God’s help, at least a few hours before I have to. I pray the Rosary, and after that I pray the Liturgy of the Hours. Gets me in the start of a brand new day! After that I can go about my day knowing God is with me. It is only when I forgot to pray that the temptations were the strongest. I don’t know who said it on here in the forums, but someone used the analogy of putting on the Armor of God by praying the Rosary! Cool!

A great resource is Catholic Answers’ speaker, Matthew Fradd, and his websites:

Chastity.com

The Porn Effect

Great resources!

Peace!

 

[FLGreg]

I like that, “no Rosary no breakfast” rule!!

I cannot take credit for coining that phrase. It is a variation of something I heard years ago - “No Bible, no breakfast … no Bible, no bed”. I was reminded of the phrase after it was said recently on an EWTN Open Line or Catholic Answers program.

 

[TiggerS]

Thank you all very much for your prayers, and advice. I will keep trying my best to pray daily. I try to say a rosary a day but usually have a hard time meeting that goal but i am usually able to manage a to fit in a decade somewhere during my day. I have been addicted like this for about 10 years since 8th grade i think. I was sexually abused by my cousin at a young age and i think that set me on a very bad road. I have not had the opportunity to talk about this with anyone that is also catholic so again thank you all for your support. This is a fight i am forced to fight with only Jesus by my side since as i said where i live there really aren’t any other catholics for me to associate with other than my family(who im not going to tell about this) and older people at my church.
I am currently at home going to community college and i am planning on attending landmark college next semester and although its a great college for people with a learning disability such as myself, it and i know now that if i do not free myself of this vice i risk losing my faith when i attend that college. Iis also very secular need jesus by my side every step of the way and have graces so that i am granted enough wisdom and fortitude to still live a holy spiritual life while not losing my faith or becoming a complete social outcast. i spent a year at a state college and i fell into a very abusive relationship(emotionally and on a few occasions physically) with a non catholic girl that lasted for a year and it dug me into an even deeper hole of despair and vulnerability to sin. I am at a vital period in my life and i feel much of my future will be determined by what happends over the next year or so. I love God deeply but having the exterverted personality that i do i need social interaction and to be alone in a completely secular environment and try to find friends that will not lead me to near occasions of sin is a challenging thing.
Additionally it pains me to know that i am in such a grave state of sin when i am the role model for my younger siblings aswell as for many of the kids at a school where i work and for the kids in the religious education class i co-teach. It is something i am ashamed of to no end that i have been given the responsibility to spread gods love to young people and explain the workings, history and teachings of the church when i fail so frequently to avoid one of the most grievous sins. However perhaps god put me in this place so that i would have that exact motivation.
Thank you all if not only just for taking the time to listen. I feel a heavy burden has been placed on my shoulder however i know that god would not give me a challenge without giving me enough graces to overcome that challenge. you all have given me the bit of hope i had been praying for last night when i reached a very low point.

Catholic Catechism:
scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s1c1a8.htm#1859

1859 Mortal sin requires full knowledge and complete consent. It presupposes knowledge of the sinful character of the act, of its opposition to God’s law. It also implies a consent sufficiently deliberate to be a personal choice. Feigned ignorance and hardness of heart133 do not diminish, but rather increase, the voluntary character of a sin. 1860 Unintentional ignorance can diminish or even remove the imputability of a grave offense. But no one is deemed to be ignorant of the principles of the moral law, which are written in the conscience of every man. The promptings of feelings and passions can also diminish the voluntary and free character of the offense, as can external pressures or pathological disorders. Sin committed through malice, by deliberate choice of evil, is the gravest.

I really urge you to have a good talk with Father in Confession and/or by appointment - also about going to Holy Communion and be guided by his advice. Father needs to know the circumstances surrounding the development of your habit and also your fears re the college you will be attending and your Faith. You are under much stress - much.

 

[Fogwalker]

I am neitiher a priest nor a spiritual advisor, but I don’t need to be either to sense some despiration in your original post. Here’s a few of my thoughts that will hopefully help you to rally and focus more closely than ever on Jesus:

1. You are not alone. While I have no statistics, I don’t think that anyone will challenge me saying that tens of millions of men suffer with these same temptations and failures in one way or another.
2. Your sin may or may not continue to tempt you, but Jesus will always love you.
3. The crushing force of habit that you feel has another effect…it clouds your free choice to choose to commit the sin. By definition, mortal sin requires a complete separation in your relationship with God, and a complete separation requires a free choice to separate. Of course, that’s not an excuse to give in to the sin again, but take heart in the fact that God and the Church recognize the effects of an addiction’s pressures on your free will.
4. God knows what is in your heart.
5. Ask and you shall receive.

 

[zertech]

It certainly is accurate to say im under alot of stress. Having to cut myself off from those that i considered friends for 6 or more years has been hard, and lately i have tried to stop letting non catholic people intimidate me into being quiet about my faith in such a way that i allow myself to be swayed. It has been hard because i have had alot of hate aimed at me, it is still very hurtful but its nothing compared to what many other Catholics have gone through in the past so ive just been sucking it up. I dont provoke things however here in Vermont being catholic or conservative is like being a witch in salem Massachusetts during the witch trials. In addition, i have been dealing with ADD and school work issues as-well as my porn addiction. ADD people apparently frequently have sexual addictions because the ADD brain craves the the type of stimulation one gets from things like porn and sex.
I have been very stressed and sometimes its all i can do to just keep going but when i do things get better and through it all God has been by with me and i have made progress with time so expect through the power of God i may be able to make it.

As for whether its a mortal sin or not, im not gonna try to say its not. At the end of the day it was i who committed the sin with knowledge of what i was doing. It is true that much of the time temptation seems to overcome my will in an extremely powerful way however i do not want to make excuses to God.

I am at a crossroads in my life. Decisions i make here will reverberate throughout the rest of my life. I have alot of work ahead of me

 

[PrayRosary]

Frequent confession+ Daily Rosary= Conversion

 

[Crumpy]

We are all tempted to sin, many times a day.

Try to remember that a temptation is just that, a temptation. The next time you have a temptation for “M” just resist it, anyway you can. Try to meditate on Deut 6:4ff. Hear O Israel the LORD is God, the LORD is One God. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.

Jesus revised this Bible command and added “with all your mind.”

You might not overcome your tempations all in one day, but try to keep in mind that you are to love God with “all your strength.” Now, you can beat yourself up with this, and I’m not saying that, but try to concentrate on loving God “with all your strength.” That means that you should take a lot longer than one second to give in to this temptation.

Another thing, if you don’t give in to the urge to “M” then look at yourself and see how long it took for you to get over this momentary urge. You need to see for yourself that if you can hold on and resist somehow for 5 or 10 minutes, the urge will go away.

May I suggest that you get on youtube and search for some of the beautiful classic religious music that is there, and listen to some of it over and over. It is very inspirational, to begin with, and very biblically based. I’m listening to “worthy is the lamb” from Handel’s messiah, right now.

There are many other beautiful works by Beethoven, Handel, Bach, Vivaldi. Look up the Hallelujah from Christ on the Mount of Olives. This is breath-taking and mind-changing music.

worthy is the lamb
youtube.com/watch?v=3x2fSxOeij4

zadok the priest (with lyrics)
youtube.com/watch?v=zj65u_VY0uM&feature=related

gloria in excelsis Deo (Glory to God in the Highest)
youtube.com/watch?v=tWDqDV1BUQg&feature=related

Pray for help in overcoming your temptation. The remedy for all of is to evangelize ourselves and grow closer to the LORD. There are no limits for growth here and the
cost is very low, insignificant.

 

[Fogwalker]

You need to see for yourself that if you can hold on and resist somehow for 5 or 10 minutes, the urge will go away.

I appreciate the effort to encourage everyone who is struggling with sexual temptation, but also do not want to give false hope. I have personally experienced sexual temptation lasting well over an hour and it wouldn’t surprise me at all if others had even longer episodes. Praise God that some people have such brief temptations as 5 or 10 minutes, but remember that some people are in it for the long haul.

 

[Fogwalker]

You have an awesome awareness of your control over your own spiritual destiny. If you were as encouraged by that fact as I am by your testimony of it, you would not be despairing right now.

 

[fred_conty]

Sexual temptations are a part of normal living. Jesus has spared some people from
them, one of them being St. Faustina, where he told her she would no longer be
bothered with them. She relates that from that moment she wasn’t. However, the
normal course of events is that we are, from time to time, going to be subjected
to those temptations. The next question is how to deal with them.

Prayer = God’s strength(grace).
Jesus said, “Pray always.” “What is impossible to man is possible for God.”

Conclusion, without prayer(God), and sometimes lots of it, spells failure, impossibility.
This is the “must” of holiness. It is incumbent on each person to practise Jesus’ words.
A normal person that dodges prayer will not have the strength and endurance to
resist. No prayer, no purity. Noone can afford the luxury of not praying every
day. The real temptation is to SKIP prayers because of time, the late hour, busy,
lazy, tired, and plain “I just don’t feel like it”. Give in to those thoughts, and it is
the “end of story”. Prayer is ABSOLUTELY essential each and every day. Break any
promise you want, but don’t break the pledge to complete your prayers every day.
Remorse should first be had for not praying, then for sin.

Rosary = great prayer.

If prayed well, the rosary will work wonders. You have Mary’s own word
for it. There is a whole list of promises attached to the Rosary. And effective way
to pray is the way Mary suggests. There are other prayers that are quite good, but
off hand I don’t know of any as strong as this one.

Miraculous Medal = sign of Mary’s protection

This too was given to us by Mary as a sign of her protection and help. It is so simple
to get, and be blessed, and then wear. “Great graces” were promised to those who trust
her for them and pray to her. Whenever tempted, hold the medal, and ask Mary for one
of those “great graces” and she will never refuse you if you believe she will keep her
very own words. It’s Mary’s guarantee of GREAT graces if you TRUST her absolutely.
She also requested that it be given to everyone to wear. It is her gift to her child, you.

So in conclusion, do all these things faithfully, and the miracle of purity and integrity becomes yours.

“When one does not love prayer, it is morally impossible for him to resist his passions.”
St. Alphonsus Maria de Liguori on prayer
ourladyswarriors.org/prayer/mustpray.htm

Great site for explaining purity.
davidmacd.com/catholic/masturbation.htm

Catholic prayer devotions
theworkofgod.org/Devotns/devotns.htm

Just a last thought. Aim for 1 rosary, then 2 rosaries, then 3 rosaries a day. You can do it.