Help me make sense of my sister and her BF

[SDMom]

Of course none of us wants to sit and watch people make bad decisions. And you haven’t just sat - you’ve told her she’s making a mistake. You’ve done all you can by doing that, trust me.

If you keep going on about it she’s more likely to want to continue the relationship at any cost, out of sheer stubborness and sheer determination to prove you wrong. That’s another lovely way sisters tend to have, in my humble experience

** She is not the only one in the family who is stubborn, as we share that gene But I know … I know … I can’t keep hounding her about it. I think I’ve said to her what I need to say, and will leave it at that. My DH had said to me this morning, “I’ve been doing a lot of reading and am trying really hard not to focus on negativity.” God-willing, and only by His grace, may I shift my focus, too.**

Bottom line is you can’t live her life for her, you can’t force her to do things or make decisions the way you would. I don’t suppose you’re lending her any money for these trips, at least talk to your parents about them not lending her anything. Then take a big deep breath, give it to God and let it go, at least for a while.

**You are right … I can’t make her change her mind simply because I think she’s making poor choices. It’s just saddening, and I feel so helpless! :banghead: I know she deserves better … much better. And no, I am NOT lending her any money for these trips. Not a single penny. My parents give in, though, even if I’ve chatted with them about being “enablers.” They don’t see that their “helping” is enabling her.

I am off for some quiet prayer time … please keep me in your prayers (I sure could use them).

Oh, Sweet Jesus, make me a channel of your peace. Teach me to love others. Humble me, oh Lord, that I may always do what is right and pleasing in your eyes. Calm me, oh Lord, and hear the cries of my heart. Amen.**

 

[LilyM]

**You are right … I can’t make her change her mind simply because I think she’s making poor choices. It’s just saddening, and I feel so helpless! :banghead: I know she deserves better … much better. And no, I am NOT lending her any money for these trips. Not a single penny. My parents give in, though, even if I’ve chatted with them about being “enablers.” They don’t see that their “helping” is enabling her.

I am off for some quiet prayer time … please keep me in your prayers (I sure could use them).

Oh, Sweet Jesus, make me a channel of your peace. Teach me to love others. Humble me, oh Lord, that I may always do what is right and pleasing in your eyes. Calm me, oh Lord, and hear the cries of my heart. Amen.**

:hug3: you’ve got it

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

Yes, she travels at least once a month to see him. She is unemployed right now and “borrows” (never paid back) money from our parents to pay for her flight and trip. She has even sold DVD’s to go see him. I just think its rather selfish of him not to make **some **kind of effort to visit her, instead of her scraping up money each month to go see him.

See, the way you presented it prior, it seemed she lived at least in his area, working, in another area of the state, etc. What you described in post #1 and what you described here- a different kettle of fish all together! This is a desperate woman, not somebody who is independent and just out of time and has her family for what ever reason hassling her to meet her beau.

Nonetheless, hon, not your place to tell her no- as long as she is not using your money to go on these ventures. Do you really want to meet this guy? Wouldn’t it be better if he just went away?

As far as your parents go, there’s not a lot you can do. If they lend her the money, as long as they aren’t senile, it’s their choice.

I take it you aren’t lending her money for this project every month (I know I wouldn’t). Let her sell her DVDs, her furniture, her clothes, her blood for that matter. She’s better off getting her own money for this project. Maybe she’ll get the message.