Help me out here regarding annulment

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normcaro

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I take my Sacrament of Matrimony vows seriously but my wife trampled it by committing adultery and had a baby while we are married. We have been married for 8 years and now separated for 1 year so I am filing for divorce.

However, I want to remarry again in the house of God and the only thing I can do it is file for annulment or is their other way?

What are my chances for filing for annulment successful?

I was reading this gotquestions.org/Catholic-annulment.html about being unfaithful = grounds for annulment.
 
First, you should be aware that the link you provided is to a decidedly un-Catholic website … therefore, you shouldn’t pay any attention to it !!

If you were married within the Catholic church then your marriage may be valid, however, for specific situations you should really consult your Parish priest so as to review the facts surrounding the marriage … there may be some impediment or canonical grounds to file a petition for nullity … there are several reasons that a marriage may not be valid even if you were married within the Catholic church. If you were married outside the Catholic church while you were a practicing Catholic then your marriage may not be valid.

The bottom line to all of this is that you really need to consult your priest …good luck.
 
A decree of nullity declares that there was no marriage because of some defect at the time the couple was married. Events after the marriage are pertinent only in so far as they can prove a flaw existed at the time of the marriage. In a local case the husband was habitually unfaithful, even during the honeymoon. While the unfaithfulness after the marriage is not cause for a decree, it was accepted as evidence that he had not intent to be faithful at the time of the marriage. Thus the marriage was invalid from the beginning.
 
normcaro said:
I take my Sacrament of Matrimony vows seriously but my wife trampled it by committing adultery and had a baby while we are married. We have been married for 8 years and now separated for 1 year so I am filing for divorce.

However, I want to remarry again in the house of God and the only thing I can do it is file for annulment or is their other way?

What are my chances for filing for annulment successful?

I was reading this gotquestions.org/Catholic-annulment.html about being unfaithful = grounds for annulment.
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Why did you use that Non-Catholic source? Why on earth would you think that they know anything about it?

Try this instead: catholic.com/thisrock/1999/9909fea2.asp
 
We got married in a Catholic Basilica in Spain. She had the affair on the 7th year of our marriage. Sorry I did not check that it was anti-Catholic website.

I am going to consult with my local priest. Thank you all.
 
normcaro said:
So far I cannot use adultery as a reason to file for annulment on the link you provided

catholic.com/thisrock/1999/9909fea2.asp

So does this mean I cannot never remarry again in the house of God? I will still talk to my priest and I will let you know.
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JMJ

I sympathize with you, my, uh, parent, was not faithful. However, an annulment is not the “Catholic divorce.” If your marriage was valid, neither of you can marry again, to do so would be adultery.

If she’s sorry and has no intention of doing it again, and wants to work things out, you’re obliged to try to make it work. If she’s not, separation is permissable, but that doesn’t nullify the marriage.

Is she sorry? Does she want work with you, and the Lord, of course, to improve the marriage?

Pax.
 
Lady_Kikyo said:
JMJ

I sympathize with you, my, uh, parent, was not faithful. However, an annulment is not the “Catholic divorce.” If your marriage was valid, neither of you can marry again, to do so would be adultery.

If she’s sorry and has no intention of doing it again, and wants to work things out, you’re obliged to try to make it work. If she’s not, separation is permissable, but that doesn’t nullify the marriage.

Is she sorry? Does she want work with you, and the Lord, of course, to improve the marriage?

Pax.
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Good advice, Lady Kikyo. There is always hope and God’s Grace that the marriage may be repaired. My suggestion would be to be a faithful Latin Catholic and recieve the Eucharist daily, the source of our strength. God can work miracles.

My prayers are with you, brother Normcaro.

Abundant blessings,
Marduk
 
Pax, thank you for your reply. I forgave her “multiple times” to salvage our marriage but it was hopeless. She moved out on Jan. 2009 then 4 months later, she finally had the courage to talk what happened and about our future as husband and wife. She was very thankful that I forgave but she told me, “I can never forgive myself for what I had done to our marriage and because of the baby, we have to move on with our lives separately.” Nov and Dec 2009, I was still trying to see if we can reconcile but there was no hope so we closed the window for good. For this reason, I am filling for a divorce and hopefully a successful annulment.

God Bless.
Lady_Kikyo said:
JMJ

I sympathize with you, my, uh, parent, was not faithful. However, an annulment is not the “Catholic divorce.” If your marriage was valid, neither of you can marry again, to do so would be adultery.

If she’s sorry and has no intention of doing it again, and wants to work things out, you’re obliged to try to make it work. If she’s not, separation is permissable, but that doesn’t nullify the marriage.

Is she sorry? Does she want work with you, and the Lord, of course, to improve the marriage?

Pax.
Click to expand...
 
normcaro said:
I take my Sacrament of Matrimony vows seriously but my wife trampled it by committing adultery and had a baby while we are married. We have been married for 8 years and now separated for 1 year so I am filing for divorce.

However, I want to remarry again in the house of God and the only thing I can do it is file for annulment or is their other way?

What are my chances for filing for annulment successful?

I was reading this gotquestions.org/Catholic-annulment.html about being unfaithful = grounds for annulment.
Click to expand...
Adultery is not “grounds” for nullity. This site-- “got questions.org” is NOT accurate. It is an anti-Catholic website and does not accurately describe Church teaching.

No one here can tell you what your “chances” are for a decree of nullity, because we do not know the details of your life before marriage, courtship, exchange of vows, and married life. That is what the tribunal investigates.

You need to seek spiritual counseling from your priest and make decisions based on his counsel. The Church urges reconciliation between couples in cases of adultery. Are you sure you and your wife cannot reconcile?

I do suggest you get the book Annulment: The Wedding That Was by Michael Smith Foster and read it. This book does accurately describe the Church’s teaching on marriage and nullity. Foster has worked in diocesan tribunals and is qualified in what he speaks about.

Stay off non-Catholic websites. They will not help you in your understanding of Church teaching.
 
normcaro said:
I take my Sacrament of Matrimony vows seriously but my wife trampled it by committing adultery and had a baby while we are married. We have been married for 8 years and now separated for 1 year so I am filing for divorce.

However, I want to remarry again in the house of God and the only thing I can do it is file for annulment or is their other way?

What are my chances for filing for annulment successful?

I was reading this gotquestions.org/Catholic-annulment.html about being unfaithful = grounds for annulment.
Click to expand...
Here is a musch better place to get your answers
www.archgh.org/Tribunal/annulment_info.htm

The word document is excellant and should give a great ammount of information that you need right now.
Peace,
FAB
 
normcaro said:
I take my Sacrament of Matrimony vows seriously but my wife trampled it by committing adultery and had a baby while we are married. We have been married for 8 years and now separated for 1 year so I am filing for divorce.

However, I want to remarry again in the house of God and the only thing I can do it is file for annulment or is their other way?

What are my chances for filing for annulment successful?

I was reading this gotquestions.org/Catholic-annulment.html about being unfaithful = grounds for annulment.
Click to expand...
Would you prefer to be remarried, or forgive your wife? Which one would make you holier? The Sacrament of Marriage came with graces to persevere to the end, and grace to offer forgiveness.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. ***

Eph. 5:25-30

Adultery is not grounds for divorce. You didn’t mention if your wife is repentant and sorry. Are you unable or unwilling to forgive her?
 
normcaro said:
Pax, thank you for your reply. I forgave her “multiple times” to salvage our marriage but it was hopeless. She moved out on Jan. 2009 then 4 months later, she finally had the courage to talk what happened and about our future as husband and wife. She was very thankful that I forgave but she told me, “I can never forgive myself for what I had done to our marriage and because of the baby, we have to move on with our lives separately.” Nov and Dec 2009, I was still trying to see if we can reconcile but there was no hope so we closed the window for good. For this reason, I am filling for a divorce and hopefully a successful annulment.

God Bless.
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You should not be filing. You said in your very first line that you took your marriage vows seriously. Miracles can be born of situations like this.

She needs to know Christ’s forgiveness. That is where you are to step in and be Christ to her. God be with you. I know I’m giving a dry response, and there is much pain behind your posts. I have walked in similar shoes as you.
 
Please see my reply #9.
graceandglory said:
Would you prefer to be remarried, or forgive your wife? Which one would make you holier? The Sacrament of Marriage came with graces to persevere to the end, and grace to offer forgiveness.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. ***

Eph. 5:25-30

Adultery is not grounds for divorce. You didn’t mention if your wife is repentant and sorry. Are you unable or unwilling to forgive her?
Click to expand...
 
normcaro said:
I . We have been married for 8 years and now separated for 1 year so I am filing for divorce.

However, I want to remarry again in the house of God and the only thing I can do it is file for annulment or is their other way?

What are my chances for filing for annulment successful?

I.
Click to expand...
not enough info, the only way to get the info you need pertinent to your individual situaiton is to make an appoinment with your pastor and lay out all the facts of your marriage. What determines validity is the conditions that existed at the time of the marriage and exchange of vows. What happened after the wedding is not at issue, except insofar as it sheds light on the intent and ability to exchange valid consent at the time of the marriage. Please see you priest today. In any case the tribunal will not consider your request to investigate your marriage until it has irretrievably broken down. In this country that usually means civil divorce.

in general you will not obtain any truthful or helpful information about the Catholic Church teachings, law, sacraments and practices on an anti-Catholic website. If you have general questions, ask them here on the appropriate forum or search previously published answers via the homepage links. For your own individual issues, see your priest.
 
Please see my reply #9. I forgave her multiple times for having multiple affairs with the same guy. We attended marriage counseling for a year in 2008 and talked to the priest that married us without avail. When she got pregnant from the same guy late 2008, my reaction of course was to forgive and even told her, “I am willing to raise this baby with you.” Throughout 2009 during the separation, I tried and tried for a reconciliation and her reply, “it was too late.” She told me “our marriage is dead” & “I’m not in love with you anymore.” It is like beating a dead horse.

What would any of you do if you were on my shoes? God will understand why I am filing for a divorce and annulment. God is a forgiving God and He is also a just God so I know things will work out for my own good.
graceandglory said:
You should not be filing. You said in your very first line that you took your marriage vows seriously. Miracles can be born of situations like this.

She needs to know Christ’s forgiveness. That is where you are to step in and be Christ to her. God be with you. I know I’m giving a dry response, and there is much pain behind your posts. I have walked in similar shoes as you.
Click to expand...
 
normcaro said:
Please see my reply #9. I forgave her multiple times for having multiple affairs with the same guy. We attended marriage counseling for a year in 2008 and talked to the priest that married us without avail. When she got pregnant from the same guy late 2008, my reaction of course was to forgive and even told her, “I am willing to raise this baby with you.” Throughout 2009 during the separation, I tried and tried for a reconciliation and her reply, “it was too late.” She told me “our marriage is dead” & “I’m not in love with you anymore.” It is like beating a dead horse.

What would any of you do if you were on my shoes? God will understand why I am filing for a divorce and annulment. God is a forgiving God and He is also a just God so I know things will work out for my own good.
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JMJ

The mentality expressed in what I underlined will only add to the sin. A civil divorce may be necessary for one reason or another, but her cheating is not grounds for an annulment. From what you’ve said, the only reason you’re looking into an annulment is because she’s leaving and you want to remarry. You’ve given no indication that you believe the marriage was invalid, and all an annulment does is say that the marriage never existed.

Doing what pleases you in defiance of God’s law will never work to your own good. If one of you lies during the annulment process/trial/whatever, and an annulment is granted based on that lie, and either of you remarry you’re committing adultery. Similar to Confession, the priest can absolve us but if we have no intention of avoiding X sin, we are not absolved and the sin is still on our soul.

You’re in a ****** situation, I really, truly feel for you:console: but don’t let her sin drag you to hell with her. Offer the suffering of being without your wife for her conversion *and *your sanctification. Many Saints dealt with a promiscuous spouse, but they remained faithful to God and joined their suffering to Christ’s, the Divine Spouse, continued to pray, and that worked out for their good, **and **the good of their spouse. You have a wonderful opportunity here, a way to unite with the Lord who suffers so much due to the unfaithfulness of His beloved.

My prayers are with you brother.:signofcross:
 
you cannot even begin to consider the so-called Internal Forum solution (and the linked article is misleading in many ways) unless and until you have exhausted all your other options. Please do as suggested and see your priest as you are in need of pastoral counselling now. Don’t wait until a divorce is finalized to get help you need now in dealing with all of this, and remaining in God’s good graces as you do so.
 
puzzleannie said:
you cannot even begin to consider the so-called Internal Forum solution (and the linked article is misleading in many ways) unless and until you have exhausted all your other options. Please do as suggested and see your priest as you are in need of pastoral counselling now. Don’t wait until a divorce is finalized to get help you need now in dealing with all of this, and remaining in God’s good graces as you do so.
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Thank you for your reply. I already went to Basilica but it was closed so I am going to see a local priest for his advice. But reading about a successful annulment using adultery as the reason is pretty slim. A lot of you mentioned it.

Here’s a better link

arcc-catholic-rights.net/internal_forum.htm

What other options do I have? As far I as know divorce then annulment or IFS. And why are you so against IFS? I think it is a good option for those of us who don’t have a chance with the annulment procedures.
 
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