Well, I was born and raised a mormon, and left. This is a long post but once I got to typing I just kept going.
What you have to believe as a mormon is that there was a “great apostasy”, that a man named Joseph Smith was visited by God and Christ, as separate individuals. Mormons do not believe in the Trinity. According to Smith, God told him that all the churches in the world were wrong and that Smith got the job of restoring the true church. Mormons call this the “restoration”. Then you have to believe that Smith was later visited several times by an angel named Moroni, who told him where a set gold plates were buried in a hill in NY state that had a history of the Americas, written in a language Smith called “reformed Egyptian”. Smith claimed to dig these plates up and translate them using seer stones in a hat. That is how the Book of Mormon came to be. (Mormons official teaching is that this translation done with a divine device that was buried with the gold plates called a urim and thummim. However, there are several eyewitness accounts of Smith putting his trusty seer stones in a hat, and putting his face in the hat. Smith had used these same seer stones to charge people a fee for him to find treasure. Where, he was arrested for this behavior and run out of town on one occasion.)
Later, Smith purchased Egyptian artifacts which included a mummy and an ancient Egyptian papyrus. This was before the Rosetta stone was discovered that enabled people today to read and understand ancient Egyptian. Smith “translated” this papyrus and his “translation” is found in the mormon scripture “The Pearl of Great Price”, in a book called “The Book of Abraham”. After the Rosetta stone was discovered, this papyrus was found and translated by someone who actually did study and understand ancient Egyptian. The real translation shows that it was a funeral text. Smith’s “translation” contained an incredulous story, ie God living on a planet that is closest to a star called Kolob. It is obvious that the Book of Abraham is entirely and completely a fabrication of Smith’s imagination.
Smith continued to claim divine revelation, straight from God Himself, which is what is contained in the mormon scripture called the Doctrine & Convenants. In the D&C you find Smith’s instructions, from God, for the institution of mormon polygamy. However, Smith was practicing polygamy AND polyamory for many years before he told people of his “revelations”. These relationships included those with teenagers who were living in his house as guests or boarders. And the wives of other men (polyamory). He told several of these married women that their salvation in the afterlife depended on them marrying him. He told the fathers teens that their salvation in the afterlife would be assured by giving up their daughters to him for a polygamous marriage.I recommend a very good book re: Smith and his known 33 wives that is well referenced and researched: “In Sacred Loneliness” by Todd Compton.
I do understand feeling nothing and it sounds like you have a lot of responsibility in your life. I wouldn’t jump to the conclusion that your faith is broken, and certainly wouldn’t jump to any conclusion that mormonism is going to fix that.
Also, be aware that the terminology that mormons use, and that seem familiar to you, ARE NOT THE SAME thing. Believe me, when I first started to study the Catholic Church I had to first dump everything in my head abort mormonism. Otherwise, I kept applying mormon beliefs to Catholic terminology. I would suggest that you may be doing the same thing…that is, applying Catholic beliefs to mormon terminology.
Honestly, I would recommend that before jumping into ANY religion you should study it for at least 6 months. If you have missionaries teaching you they will do everything they can to fast track you to a mormon baptism (within weeks). Slow it down. Mormon missionaries will be extremely persistent, but be aware that they are very well trained sales people and have a practiced methodology.
