Help me think this through...blasphemy

[Veronica97]

This morning when my alarm clock went off, I knew I had to get up to take my MIL to the doctor, but I was very tired and didn’t want to get up…and some curse words against Jesus came into my mind. Then I said, “No, I don’t feel that way…I have to get up and do what I promised to do.” But then I thought, “I DO have these feelings inside, but I choose to serve the Lord anyway.” Then I thought, “But I’m serving Him because I don’t want to go to Hell.” Then I got up and did what I needed to do. But I was still afraid I had committed the sin of blasphemy, and so I was re-examining my thoughts to see if I did have full consent. Then I said to the Lord, “It doesn’t matter if I have these feelings…my will is to continue to serve you.” Then I was fearful that I admitted I do have these feelings and afraid that means I consent to them. I do have some anger inside against God because of my ocd, and I also have a twisted image of God as someone who is “out to get me” (even though I know this is not true). But then I thought, “The Lord already knows I have these feelings and I might as well admit to them–He knows all.” Is admitting to the feelings the same things as consent? Is this a mortal sin? I still want to continue to serve the Lord, partially because I don’t want to go to Hell and partially because it is right and just no matter what. I said my rosary a little while ago, and I felt love for the Lord then. Feelings and thoughts are confusing to me, and they are the area where most of my sins are committed (or not committed). I would never curse the Lord aloud or speak badly of Him. But in my mind these thoughts and feelings arise and I’m not sure where the line is between temptation, partial consent, and full consent. I’m trying to think through this rationally and decide whether or not I should go to confession. If I were Protestant, I would simply turn to the Lord, ask forgiveness, ask Him to help me get over these feelings, and go on with my life serving Him. But because I am Catholic, I get hung up on the necessity to go to Confession if mortal sin has been committed.

 

[RedFox0456]

Admitting to having feelings is not the same as consenting to them. It only crosses into consent when you encourage those feelings. For example, I have a temper. I acknowledge this, but I try not to allow that anger to build when I feel it coming on. Partial consent, I believe, occurs when I do allow myself to get more and more angry. Full consent here occurs when I just give in and allow my anger to take control.

I would even argue that acknowledging such feelings is not just acceptable, but good, both psychologically and spiritually, because you can take steps to address them rather than denying them until you can’t anymore. In my case, I know to avoid certain situations that will very likely trigger my temper. If I do begin to feel angry, I know I need to cool off before I continue because I will end up saying our doing something I would later regret.

 

[chefmomster2]

Perhaps this section from the CCC will help you:

1432 The human heart is heavy and hardened. God must give man a new heart.25 Conversion is first of all a work of the grace of God who makes our hearts return to him: "Restore us to thyself, O LORD, that we may be restored!"26 God gives us the strength to begin anew. It is in discovering the greatness of God’s love that our heart is shaken by the horror and weight of sin and begins to fear offending God by sin and being separated from him. The human heart is converted by looking upon him whom our sins have pierced:27

Certainly we want to move from fear to desire. Fearing sin because it would be offensive is a valid sign of desire to do God’s will. But, when we begin to see sin as creating a distance between two beings in an intimate relationship, you begin to obey out of love for the other.

 

[MichaelHowling]

Also…love is an act of the will.

Heard a neat story from a priest.

A man was praying to his guardian angel":

Oh, I wish I could know the love you have for God. I really want to love Him with all that I am…How it must feel to be in love with God like you are!..His angel answers back… " Oh yes, my love for our God Is heaven itself! There’s nothing I wouldin’t do for such a great God! He is my reason for exisiting and my only joy!" … the guy says " wow! I wish I could love God like that! I wonder how that feels so I can know if I am actually loving Him like that…can you please help me to understand how that feels ??? " …there was a silent pause…the guy asks " hello ? can you please help me to understand how that feels so I know I am on the right path? " …the angel answers " feels ? I’m an angel … I “feel” nothing! I don’t have a body!."

The point is…loving God is simply an act of the will and feelings/emotions/obscure thoughts have nothing to do with it.
If you will to love God…then you love Him! AND…every time you return from a distraction in your prayer-time, every time you refuse to listen to that “hateful voice” and go and do God’s work anyway …it’s a return of love to Him!

So be happy

 

[Veronica97]

Admitting to having feelings is not the same as consenting to them. It only crosses into consent when you encourage those feelings. For example, I have a temper. I acknowledge this, but I try not to allow that anger to build when I feel it coming on. Partial consent, I believe, occurs when I do allow myself to get more and more angry. Full consent here occurs when I just give in and allow my anger to take control.

I would even argue that acknowledging such feelings is not just acceptable, but good, both psychologically and spiritually, because you can take steps to address them rather than denying them until you can’t anymore. In my case, I know to avoid certain situations that will very likely trigger my temper. If I do begin to feel angry, I know I need to cool off before I continue because I will end up saying our doing something I would later regret.

I almost feel relieved that I’ve admitted to these feelings. But now I feel like I’m encouraging the feelings by continuing to acknowledge that I have them–like I’m dwelling on this now and I’ve just accepted the feelings. Even though I do care, it’s almost a feeling of not caring. Kind of like how in cognitive behavior therapy, the therapist encourages you to accept the blasphemous or impure thoughts in order to get rid of them. But I never wanted to do that because I feel it is wrong to dwell on these types of thoughts, whatever the purpose. So now I feel like this is what I’ve done–even since I posted this question–because it’s giving me a feeling of relief. So if I didn’t feel like I needed to go to confession before, I feel like I need to now. I’m always getting myself into trouble by thinking and thinking instead of dismissing the thought and moving on.

 

[InNomineDomini]

If I were Protestant, I would simply turn to the Lord, ask forgiveness, ask Him to help me get over these feelings, and go on with my life serving Him.

The grass is always greener on the other side.

Serious Protestants who are actively trying to conform to Christ, likewise have struggles and anguish that they have to deal with. Suppose a man is on a regular basis losing his temper with his children. He consistently turns to God and asks Him for forgiveness, but the man continues to sin in this way. He wants to change, but he’s having trouble. He may even feel that he can’t, and God is seemingly not helping him much.

A lot of Protestants in such a situation may very well start to doubt if they’re actually forgiven, and, after a while, may even doubt if they’re really reborn Christians to begin with. Maybe, they’ll think, I don’t repent with enough sorrow, or maybe I was never truly and deeply serious when I invited Christ into my heart to be my Savior. Furthermore, if God doesn’t zap them out of their sin and prevent them from doing it, they may very well start to doubt God’s very existence. This is especially true of serious sins, and especially so if such sin is ruining their lives. Doesn’t God want me to be happy?

So Protestantism can be quite difficult too, and there are many difficulties and even traps that the evil one sets for Protestants.

But because I am Catholic, I get hung up on the necessity to go to Confession if mortal sin has been committed.

If we don’t know whether or not a particular action or behavior was a mortal sin, then we should ask the Holy Spirit for His guidance in such things. He will – in His own time! – help us to develop the ability to properly discern.

There’s always development. And whenever we’re uncomfortable about something, then this is an opportunity to go to Jesus and to ask His help. He wants to help us, after all, and He wants to hear about our problems. Moreover, He wants to give us the graces to help deal with them, so that we can grow in holiness, and learn to love Him more.

In terms of practical advice for did I just commit a mortal sin, and must I go to confession?, I think it best to simply banish such thoughts. Whilst there is a good way to analyze actions, there is also a way that is simply following down the path of temptation.

If you find yourself thinking of these things in such a way that you are growing ever more fearful, and ever more unsure of your standing with God, and ever more full of doubt and anxiety and insecurity and panic, then you are very likely experiencing temptation.

When you are sure that you commit a mortal sin, go to confession, after making an act of perfect contrition, at the closest opportunity. If you are unsure, give it to the Lord, ask for His mercy, and bring up the major “unsures” in your regular confession, whether bi-weekly or monthly or what have you.

Lastly, a closer relationship with our Blessed Lady is a beautiful remedy for these things, since she will help us to perfect our prayers, and to intercede for us in a way that we cannot know to do on our own.
*
Mary, I am afraid that my sinning is destroying my relationship with God. Please pray for me, and obtain for me the graces which you know I need.*

 

[Veronica97]

I’ll go on to say that I have almost a strange sense of peace about just accepting that I have these feelings. I think it’s okay to acknowledge that I have the feelings and then ask for God to help me to get rid of them; yet, I feel almost like I’ve given up and am content with the feelings…which I should NOT be. I don’t feel angry with God right now–I just feel strangely peaceful…like “So what I have the feelings–it’s okay.” I feel like I need to go to confession because I should be dismissing these thoughts…not feeling “comfortable” with them. I usually feel very anxious and worried that I have committed sin and that prods me to go to confession. But this time I feel “peaceful”–almost like I don’t care. Is that a sign that I’ve given in to mortal sin and consented to the thoughts? Does the devil trick people into feeling “peaceful” or “numb” about sin, or would I feel horrible if I had mortally sinned? I think I should also mention that I’ve been taking a natural supplement–l theanine (an ingredient found in green tea), and it’s helping me to feel calmer. I’m not asking for medical advice–I’m just saying perhaps that has something to do with me not panicking. I feel like I may go to confession tomorrow, but I’m not panicked about it.