Help me transform my mind on chastity

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pwlj_christ87

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Hello everyone,

I want to live chaste, I know its the only way to live. Its the right way. Ive just been so brainwashed by society growing up that premarital sex is ok. It has been tough for me on this subject, but im slowly coming to the light. How can i come to the light fully on this matter?
 
Go to confession and pray for the grace to see yourself, others, marriage and sexuality as God sees them. Pray for the grace!
 
ok i will do that today,

the reason i ask about tranforming my mind and all your help is becausei view every sin as ugly an a serious offence, however whenever temptation comes my mind thinks its ok to do so, i dont know if its ignorance or what but i need help to transform because this is dangerous for me not to do so

also all my friends always get at me for not having sex and what not, should i tell them im waiting, or do i continue to stay silent

or should i stop hanging out with them, i read st paul said bad company corrupts good morals
 
A chaste life is joyful and peaceful, not full of anxiety. A chaste life is not a life of dour deprivation. A chaste life has right-ordered pleasure. Do not live in fear of deprivation, and do not live in fear of sin. Keep your mind and heart on the fulfillment promised to us by Christ. You are missing NOTHING by saying NO to premarital sex. Saying no to sin is saying YES to Christ.
Keep your heart centered on Christ’s promise of fulfillment.
Surround yourself with good reading and with the Sacraments. And good Christian people. If you are out of step with your friends, it may be time to move on.
 
Hello everyone,

I want to live chaste, I know its the only way to live. Its the right way. Ive just been so brainwashed by society growing up that premarital sex is ok. It has been tough for me on this subject, but im slowly coming to the light. How can i come to the light fully on this matter?
I would eliminate any form of media that de-sensitizes you to sexual immorality. Do you watch any television shows or movies that glorify fornication or show people immodestly dressed or engaging in acts that you wouldn’t, yourself, do before you are married? Do you read any magazines that contain advertisements showing partially-dressed women? Do you spend time with people who talk about sexual immorality lightly? Do you listen to secular music?

Unfortunately, there’s a lot more to chastity then just refraining from sexual acts in your own life. Chastity is also about our thoughts. What we allow into our minds through our eyes and ears all has an enormous impact on how we think.

Just look at our society, 20 years ago. Homosexual acts were still pretty socially unacceptable, but as the media has increasingly portrayed homosexual “relationships” as being acceptable on television, our society is quickly becoming de-sensitized to the sheer repulsiveness of sodomy…an act so heinous that it had entire cities burned to the ground during biblical times.

I, personally, came from an especially un-chaste past before I converted to the faith. Here are some of things I do to help myself grow in chastity (I’m a long ways from perfect, but maybe this can at least be a starting point for you!)
  • No cable connection (my television set is hooked directly to my computer and I have a wireless keyboard so I can stream good Catholic content such as Mother Angelica, Michael Voris, etc… over the internet and watch it from the dinner table, while cleaning, etc…)
  • No movies that I wouldn’t want a young child watching (if something is bad for a child, then why is it OK for an adult? I try to avoid not only movies that contain sexual immorality, but also movies that have profanity… as you can imagine my movie shelf is quite compact 😃 )
  • Avoid looking at women while in public. Even if they are not flagrantly immodest in dress, once you start trying to be chaste you are going to find that Satan is going to work all that much harder to drag you back into sin (expect that even women who are dressed in average clothing will start to become a source of temptation). If you can avoid the first glance then that’s great, but at the very least stop yourself from looking back for a second. Pray a Hail Mary as soon as you feel yourself being overcome with desire, our Holy Mother will help you!
  • Daily rosary! This one is very important. No matter how busy your day is, make sure to pray your rosary daily (there are huge promises attached to doing so).
  • No secular music. I’ll listen to the local christian radio station while in the car… sometimes, though, silence is just nice! 🙂
God bless, and don’t feel overwhelmed by any of this. I know this seems like I am suggesting that you “disconnect” yourself from society (and, in fact, that is exactly what I am suggesting). I promise, however, that this life will be so much more satisfying and joy-filled then one that is still immersed in the world. Satan will use fear to try to hold you to worldly attachments, but please focus on how the Saints live their lives and don’t see this as being an insurmountable task (focus on prayer and personal holiness, God will take care of the miracles!) To quote a Saint:
'Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
By “the poor in spirit” is meant those who are poor in earthly desires, and desire nothing but God. These are poor in desires, but not without affection, because they live contented even in this life; and, therefore, the Lord does not say, “Theirs will be the kingdom of heaven,” but “theirs is,” because even in this life they are rich in spiritual blessings which they receive from God; and thus, however poor they are in temporal goods, they live content with their condition.
They are different from the rich in earthly desires, who, in the present life, whatever riches they possess, are always poor, and live discontented; for the good things of this life do not satisfy our thirst, however much they are increased; wherefore, these persons are never contented, never attaining to the acquisition of what they desire.’
St. Alphonsus Maria de Liguori
 
A male friend gave me the advice- think about getting married. Would you want that your spouse had slept with other people? Would you want your spouse to know you had been with other people? He said that helped him.

Also- why would you help another to sin? If you really love the girl, why would you want to cause her to sin?
 
I would eliminate any form of media that de-sensitizes you to sexual immorality. Do you watch any television shows or movies that glorify fornication or show people immodestly dressed or engaging in acts that you wouldn’t, yourself, do before you are married? Do you read any magazines that contain advertisements showing partially-dressed women? Do you spend time with people who talk about sexual immorality lightly? Do you listen to secular music?

Unfortunately, there’s a lot more to chastity then just refraining from sexual acts in your own life. Chastity is also about our thoughts. What we allow into our minds through our eyes and ears all has an enormous impact on how we think.

Just look at our society, 20 years ago. Homosexual acts were still pretty socially unacceptable, but as the media has increasingly portrayed homosexual “relationships” as being acceptable on television, our society is quickly becoming de-sensitized to the sheer repulsiveness of sodomy…an act so heinous that it had entire cities burned to the ground during biblical times.

I, personally, came from an especially un-chaste past before I converted to the faith. Here are some of things I do to help myself grow in chastity (I’m a long ways from perfect, but maybe this can at least be a starting point for you!)
  • No cable connection (my television set is hooked directly to my computer and I have a wireless keyboard so I can stream good Catholic content such as Mother Angelica, Michael Voris, etc… over the internet and watch it from the dinner table, while cleaning, etc…)
  • No movies that I wouldn’t want a young child watching (if something is bad for a child, then why is it OK for an adult? I try to avoid not only movies that contain sexual immorality, but also movies that have profanity… as you can imagine my movie shelf is quite compact 😃 )
  • Avoid looking at women while in public. Even if they are not flagrantly immodest in dress, once you start trying to be chaste you are going to find that Satan is going to work all that much harder to drag you back into sin (expect that even women who are dressed in average clothing will start to become a source of temptation). If you can avoid the first glance then that’s great, but at the very least stop yourself from looking back for a second. Pray a Hail Mary as soon as you feel yourself being overcome with desire, our Holy Mother will help you!
  • Daily rosary! This one is very important. No matter how busy your day is, make sure to pray your rosary daily (there are huge promises attached to doing so).
  • No secular music. I’ll listen to the local christian radio station while in the car… sometimes, though, silence is just nice! 🙂
God bless, and don’t feel overwhelmed by any of this. I know this seems like I am suggesting that you “disconnect” yourself from society (and, in fact, that is exactly what I am suggesting). I promise, however, that this life will be so much more satisfying and joy-filled then one that is still immersed in the world. Satan will use fear to try to hold you to worldly attachments, but please focus on how the Saints live their lives and don’t see this as being an insurmountable task (focus on prayer and personal holiness, God will take care of the miracles!) To quote a Saint:
Some of these tactics will depend on our spiritual dispositions and vocations.
I for instance avoid most popular visual entertainments because I have a problem with lust.
Others, not so much. We still have cable in the house, we watch sports, cooking, home improvement etc… But generaly speaking in regards to popular entertaiment, much of it is a waste of time at best.
A young person especially needs to at least be aware of what is going on in the world, without indulging in all it has to offer. It is usually not a good idea to shut ourselves off from the world. Detachment can turn into hiding. Different vocations can put you smack in the middle of difficult situations…policeman, teacher, pastor, where there is nowhere to hide.
 
Study the Catechism of the Catholic Church, also maybe to put things in perspective try studiyng the sayings of the Fathers of the Desert.
 
or should i stop hanging out with them, i read st paul said bad company corrupts good morals
If your friends are tempting you to sin, get rid of them. Read, oh, pretty much any Saint on this topic.
 
One thing I try to remember is a quote from my favorite band, Counting Crows. “Separate love from addiction, its not the same.”
 
If your friends are tempting you to sin, get rid of them. Read, oh, pretty much any Saint on this topic.
I wouldn’t necessarily go straight to that. For example, I have many friends who believe pre-marital sex is just fine. In fact, I wouldn’t have many friends left if I cut off all my friendships with them. What I try to do is be a good witness to the truth. When discussions come up about pre-marital sex, co-habitating, contraception etc. I will share my views (which they are all pretty familiar with by now). One story I love to make sure to share anytime contraception is brought up, or if I’m being given a hard time for not using it, is that out of ALL of our friends, aside from one couple, my wife and I are the ONLY ones who have now had two children exactly when we planned them and not had any unplanned pregnancies.

The other day at work, a couple friends mentioned co-habitating and how they were in support of it before marriage. I just mentioned the divorce rate is about 50% higher for those couples. The response was basically, “Oh, really? I didn’t know that.” Got them thinking.

Bottom line, if friends are actually causing you to sin, then yes, stop associating with them. Otherwise, continue to be friends with them and be a good witness to the truth of the Gospel. Who knows, maybe you’ll convert a few!
 
I wouldn’t necessarily go straight to that. For example, I have many friends who believe pre-marital sex is just fine. In fact, I wouldn’t have many friends left if I cut off all my friendships with them. What I try to do is be a good witness to the truth. When discussions come up about pre-marital sex, co-habitating, contraception etc. I will share my views (which they are all pretty familiar with by now). One story I love to make sure to share anytime contraception is brought up, or if I’m being given a hard time for not using it, is that out of ALL of our friends, aside from one couple, my wife and I are the ONLY ones who have now had two children exactly when we planned them and not had any unplanned pregnancies.

The other day at work, a couple friends mentioned co-habitating and how they were in support of it before marriage. I just mentioned the divorce rate is about 50% higher for those couples. The response was basically, “Oh, really? I didn’t know that.” Got them thinking.

Bottom line, if friends are actually causing you to sin, then yes, stop associating with them. Otherwise, continue to be friends with them and be a good witness to the truth of the Gospel. Who knows, maybe you’ll convert a few!
A well balanced outlook. We can live in the world as witnesses while not being OF the world.
 
Originally Posted by Burdensome1
If your friends are tempting you to sin, get rid of them. Read, oh, pretty much any Saint on this topic.
I wouldn’t necessarily go straight to that. For example…

Bottom line, if friends are actually causing you to sin, then yes, stop associating with them. Otherwise, continue to be friends with them and be a good witness to the truth of the Gospel. Who knows, maybe you’ll convert a few!
So, after your paragraph of blah blah, we disagree about whether the OP should separate himself from a source of temptation once he recognizes it as temptation (me) or after that source causes him to sin (you).

Derp.

Do we even need to discuss this?

Also, the OP said “help me transform MY mind on chastity” not “how can I convince my friends…”.

I call your post a fail, Rand, for not using the most basic Catholic principles correctly, for not responding to the actual question posed, and for taking issue with another poster (me) who actually got it right.

Once the OP gets his own head straight and life right, then he can go all Lumen Gentium on everybody.

Derp.
 
So, after your paragraph of blah blah, we disagree about whether the OP should separate himself from a source of temptation once he recognizes it as temptation (me) or after that source causes him to sin.

Derp.

Do we even need to discuss this?

Also, the OP said “help me transform MY mind on chastity” not “how can I convince my friends…”.

I call your post a fail, Rand, for not using the most basic Catholic principles correctly, for not responding to the actual question posed, and for taking issue with another poster (me) who actually got it right.

Once the OP gets his own head straight and life right, then he can go all Lumen Gentium on everybody.

Derp.
What does “Derp” signify?
 
Derp signifies the appearance of a term, construct or concept in debate that a poster views as prima facie evident, and implies that a lack of recognition of the veracity of that concept by another poster constitutes an evidentiary finding of the capacity of that other poster.
 
Derp signifies the appearance of a term, construct or concept in debate that a poster views as prima facie evident, and implies that a lack of recognition of the veracity of that concept by another poster constitutes an evidentiary finding of the capacity of that other poster.
Really…
Why don’t I find this term in dictionaries?
 
Give it a few years.

It will appear, along with LOL, BTW, and BRB.
 
So, after your paragraph of blah blah, we disagree about whether the OP should separate himself from a source of temptation once he recognizes it as temptation (me) or after that source causes him to sin (you).

Derp.

Do we even need to discuss this?

Also, the OP said “help me transform MY mind on chastity” not “how can I convince my friends…”.

I call your post a fail, Rand, for not using the most basic Catholic principles correctly, for not responding to the actual question posed, and for taking issue with another poster (me) who actually got it right.

Once the OP gets his own head straight and life right, then he can go all Lumen Gentium on everybody.

Derp.
Temptation and actual sin are not the same thing, and I was making that distinction. We are tempted to sin all the time. I am tempted to sin when I drive (uncharitable thoughts) but I don’t just give up driving automatically. I took no issue with you; I just said I wouldn’t necessarily go straight to getting rid of all my friends and gave some personal experience I’ve had with similar issues. If there is some temptation to sin, but he is overcoming it and able to witness to his friends, then great. If he, like I clearly stated, is actually being caused to commit sins, then yes, don’t associate with the friends anymore.

A basic Catholic principle is spreading the Gospel and being a witness to the truth. That was exactly what I recommended, so I’m not sure where you get to the conclusion that I’m not using basic Catholic principles. But thank you for responding with hostility, though, that was a very Catholic principle. And good use of a made-up term to chastise me. 👍
 
I guess I was the only person who read the OP for content. Fine by me. You can tell him to keep hanging around with people who tempt him to unchastity. You can own that one. I’m sticking with St. John Bosco, for one.
“Bad companions, bad books, and bad habits,” my guide exclaimed, “are mainly responsible for so many eternally lost.”
Link.
 
I guess I was the only person who read the OP for content. Fine by me. You can tell him to keep hanging around with people who tempt him to unchastity. You can own that one. I’m sticking with St. John Bosco, for one.

Link.
How often did Jesus hang out with sinners?
 
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