Help me understand...Confirmation/spouse/sponser question

[gdeann]

First off, I just want to say I LOVE this site! I have used it as a reference several times throughout my spiritual journey. I have a question about adult confirmation. I was baptised as an infant but received no further instruction to receive the sacraments. When I married my husband, we were not able to marry into the Catholic church because of a misunderstanding with the Priest. We were married in a civil union 11 years ago. Over the past 1.5 years, we have been attending the Catholic church and were even married by the Priest this past October. The day of our union, I received the sacrament of first confession and the following day, first communion. I now want to take steps for confirmation. I have been told it is best to attend all of the classes even though I am just seeking confirmation, no problem there, I know there is much to learn about the faith. My question is, I would love to have my husband as my sponser, but was told it is best to pick someone else other then a spouse. He is my husband and best friend, I can’t think of anyone else I would enjoy more then him as my sponser. I feel it should be someone I admire in their faith and someone I am close to, and he is the first to come to my mind as the one I would choose. He started the journey with me which has taken us this far, I would love to have him continue the journey with me as I move forward. Will you please give me insight as to why some programs would prefer to not use the spouse as a sponser? Thank you so much for your time and thank you also in advance for your (name removed by moderator)ut.

Blessings, Gayle

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

First off, I just want to say I LOVE this site! I have used it as a reference several times throughout my spiritual journey. I have a question about adult confirmation. I was baptised as an infant but received no further instruction to receive the sacraments. When I married my husband, we were not able to marry into the Catholic church because of a misunderstanding with the Priest. We were married in a civil union 11 years ago. Over the past 1.5 years, we have been attending the Catholic church and were even married by the Priest this past October. The day of our union, I received the sacrament of first confession and the following day, first communion. I now want to take steps for confirmation. I have been told it is best to attend all of the classes even though I am just seeking confirmation, no problem there, I know there is much to learn about the faith. My question is, I would love to have my husband as my sponser, but was told it is best to pick someone else other then a spouse. He is my husband and best friend, I can’t think of anyone else I would enjoy more then him as my sponser. I feel it should be someone I admire in their faith and someone I am close to, and he is the first to come to my mind as the one I would choose. He started the journey with me which has taken us this far, I would love to have him continue the journey with me as I move forward. Will you please give me insight as to why some programs would prefer to not use the spouse as a sponser? Thank you so much for your time and thank you also in advance for your (name removed by moderator)ut.

Blessings, Gayle

I really hope you are in an adult Confirmation preparation process. I hope you have not been dropped into that big bucket called RCIA into which any Catholic adult wanting to learn more about the Catholic faith seems to be dropped into. Nothing prohibits your spouse from being your Sponsor as long as they qualify according to Canon Law. They must be a practicing Catholic in good standing with the Church and Confirmed themselves. I will say that sometimes having another person as your Sponsor is a better situation. But nothing prohibits you from having your spouse as your Confirmation Sponsor.

 

[1ke]

You can pick your spouse as your sponsor, and they can’t stop you.

However, the rationale behind such a suggestion in RCIA is that many times spouses and fiances/fiancees (and even “boyfriends” or “girlfriends”) can be pressured by their significant other to convert. There may be family dynamics that prevent the inquirer/catechumen/candidate from asking questions freely, exploring sincerely, and voicing doubts/concerns openly. Having a sponsor who has no stake in the marriage/wedding/relationship can be an objective, supportive, and helpful thing.

During my time on the RCIA team I’ve seen engagements and boyfriend/girlfriend relationship break up during RCIA. Sometimes the candidate continued on to join the church and sometimes they didn’t.

Also, you really only need adult Confirmation classes, but if your parish is small you’ll likely be put in RCIA-- some places just don’t have the resources to run multiple programs. So, just stick to your guns and be firm that you want your husband as your sponsor if that is your desire.

 

[quiet52]

You said:

I would love to have him continue the journey with me as I move forward.

Remember that as your spouse, you and your husband will ALWAYS continue to help each other on your journeys.

While it’s not prohibited, it may be good to consider why it’s discouraged to have a parent or spouse be a Confirmation sponsor.

(2) “While it is allowed that a spouse or fiance be a sponsor, it is not suggested or recommended. The reason it is not suggested is that the nature of the relationship between the sponsor and the candidate is that of a role model and an initiator into the community, not a relationship of equals, as it is between spouses.”

Your sponsor is to pray for you daily, to give you time and energy as a mentor, role model and friend – not only during the period of preparation before your Confirmation, but on an ongoing basis. Especially during your difficult times – to challenge you, to comfort you, to chastize you with love and guide you when you’re falling off track. Wouldn’t you want this gift?

I’m not saying your husband wouldn’t be able to do these things – hopefully he will ALSO do them. But imagine if your marriage is in a slump – one or both of you aren’t tending your marriage – or you’re in a fighting or indifferent stage within your marriage. Realistically, how able would your husband, who may be too involved in the marriage relationship, be able to serve you in an objective way, as your sponsor during these times?

Just a thought.

 

[cecilia97]

Gayle,

I think it’s a lovely idea! Last Easter, one of our parish’s new Catholics had her husband as a sponsor and it brought tears to my eyes to see them together. I can’t see why it would be discouraged, as you and your hubby are supposed to help each other grow in faith. If you ever need a fresh perspective you can always ask someone from your preparation classes for help.

prayers for you!

 

[rwoehmke]

While it can be done with a spouse, I always quote my five year old granddaughter in California. “Grandpa, it is good to spread the love around.”