What I fear is that my daughter has been “caught” in a situation where my son in law sees her as needing to have continuous babies.
You know that she made the decision to get married when she did. She didn’t go as far as what you were thinking she was going to go, but she made the decision. Something about that husband of hers made her decide to get married and start a family, and not staying single longer to pursue that career. She made that decision.
But this is his religion telling them that “God only sends what people can handle.” And frankly, I just don’t believe that mentality.
I was the daughter in this situation, becoming Catholic as an adult, and marrying a Catholic later on. To have a parent question the decisions that my husband and I made together was none of their business, and to say “God only sends what people can handle” is a very polite way of handling an awkward situation. She could have answered in a much ruder way and put your questions to an end. She was being kind, it doesn’t mean that’s what they think, because really the decisions between husband and wife are not for you to be in on. So frankly, don’t sweat that answer. It’s a ‘go to’ reply to questions that are rude and prying.
she should fulfill her potential and not just throw away her dreams - and they were HER dreams - just so that she can provide her husband with endless children.
I do not have a problem with larger families at all, but when you see your child throw away her dreams and just adopt someone else’s idea of what a “good wife and mother” is and does, it’s very upsetting.
She
is fulfilling her potential. You don’t have a crystal ball to the future and maybe if you did, you may see these babies now, grown up, and be very proud of how amazing they turned out. She certainly could have been going a certain direction but found something greater, something she could put her whole heart and soul in, something that makes everything else make sense.
Don’t put that on her, “someone else’s idea of what a 'good wife and mother” is. She entered this marriage with full knowledge and consent and for now, put her career aside. Tired? yes. Exhausted? yes. You know what I saw in the work place? The same thing. Wives who had 2 kids, were working full time, and were tired and exhausted, because, guess what? They had to still take care of young ones in the middle of the night when they were sick, still had to arrange those doctor and dentist appointments, still had to be the one to organize meals, laundry, housecleaning, etc. What I saw was very tired women, and I heard about how the husbands enjoyed their extra curricular activities with boats, snow mobiles and golf memberships, trips, big trucks to pull all these things, houses that were bigger than they needed, vacations that were expensive and annual, etc. Boys with their toys. Are these women ‘trapped’ in this expensive lifestyle? They may indeed say no because they
have to support this lifestyle. They can’t imagine anything else. If you think women with only 2 kids and working full time aren’t exhausted, think again.
We have to work for what we want, we make our own luck,
I am very surprised at the attitude here. Of course we have to work for what we want, but as a Christian, I understand that if my husband and I are not plugged into the mercy and grace of God to the best of our ability, we will be building on sandy soil, and when the rains come, it all will be washed away. Our ability to wake up, swing our legs over and put our feet on the floor is because God is helping us. If He would turn His face from us for a moment, we would no longer exist. My husband has been unemployed a number of times in our marriage and our eyes were always fixed on God and we always saw His fingerprints on doors that opened, direction shown. Many times we were amazed. You control what you can but be under the Lordship of Christ and His righteousness, and He will guide your path. Our time here is short, and eternity is a very long time. I would never want to come before the judgement seat of God and have him say “I never knew you”.
but we could always adopt or foster!