Help me understand this

[Fraz94]

I understand what you have written and know you have written it as a non Catholic respectful to us and as a Christian yourself…however I think your daughter has got a true and proper understand of the Catholic religion and of God’s love for her- she clearly understands the purpose of marriage and the loving union it brings- I understand “your concern” for her having too many children but your daughter was expressing to you and believing the tradition and ever much unchanged and true Catholic teaching. Those Catholics who say that it is okay for married couples to use Contraception to limit the number of their children are very wrong and misguided- many people in the Church are of that mentality, a lot through ignorance and misunderstanding but many “intelligent” yet misguided Catholics try to lead others astray.

I understand your concern and love for your daughter, of course you love and care about her and her family/financial worries- but you have to understand she as a good Roman Catholic believes in the evilness of Contraception and will not take it. She may be finding things hard and it is great that you are doing all you can to help- may God bless you for that.

I think your daughter is a great example to all Catholic women, especially as she was not born a Catholic and of her own accord joined our faith and then keeps the Church’s most important teaching on this as sacred and true- she is true a Saintly example to all Catholic women. May God bless you and your family, I don’t want you to think I am being unkind, however, understand it from our point of view- your daughter is a Saintly example of a good wife and mother!

 

[Cathmomof6]

I feel your husband’s pain. My phone has been ringing off the hook…ugh. Tomorrow, tomorrow! Amen.

LOL!! We are always soooo excited for April 15!! We even had our first “busy season” baby this year on March 25! I was very nervous he wouldn’t make it to delivery because he also has an hour commute and very often just stays with a nearby coworker since we are all sleeping when he gets home and leaves anyways!! Fortunately, I was induced so he could be there!!! He was able to bring his computer and cell phone and work thru must of my labor (which was fine by me as I don like to interact with people when in labor!!)

He really hasn’t got to meet his newborn son yet so we are all looking forward to some relaxing daddy/son time

 

[Xantippe]

TeachCatechism said:

“Then if it is successful they shouldn’t be on assistance.Otherwise I’m sure they could work around schedules so the kids have a babysitter. Maybe grandpa of the op can watch the kid since he mentioned helping them.”

They have $1400 a month rent. That is the core problem that the OP’s daughter’s family faces, much more so than family size. It is really, really hard to support a family with that kind of rent, even with an excellent income. To have any traction at all, that would need to be no more than 25% of their income, i.e. a total income of at least $5600 a month, or $67,200 a year. That’s a lot of money for a couple just starting out. Google suggests that the median income in CA is only $61k, so if they were earning $67k, they would be above the median. (I’m not making the 25% figure up–that’s very usual as a recommendation among personal finance gurus.)

If they could get a $1,000 a month rent, the same numbers would require only a $4,000 a month income or $48k a year. The more you cut down housing costs, the less you need to live on.

This isn’t so much a problem of morals so much as it is a math problem. The math is that they either need a lot more income or they need to change areas. As a refugee from a high income area, I think that it’s very worthwhile to change areas. If they moved to an area with decent $100k homes and were able to get their income to within range of their CA income, they’d be on easy street. I’ve done this–it works. You would not believe how much easier it is to have 3 kids in TX than it is to have just 1 kid in MD.

I also think you’re forgetting that the OP’s daughter is pregnant now (i.e. practically disabled), and hence not a good job-hunting candidate.

The OP’s SIL is a much better candidate for vocational help, whether with advertising or with figuring out how to move his business to a lower-cost area.

 

[The_Bucket]

“Why hasn’t God sent me a spouse?”

Probably because of the attitude displayed in this thread.

 

[holyrood]

We don’t know if this couple practices NFP so I can’t. However if one can’t support a child they need to make sure they don’t have any, and yes this may include abstinence when the woman is ovulating.

This is exactly the point that has been made repeatedly. One can practice NFP, one can practice abstinence during those times, and still get pregnant. I can tell you from personal experience that I got pregnant *three days outside of *even the ‘barely possible to get pregnant’ days. I knew NFP. I knew the signs. Pardon the TMI, but I think it’s important to those who don’t quite believe it: I was regular TO THE HOUR. Practically to the minute. Yet I got pregnant. With twins, no less.

Many women get pregnant multiple times despite any and all forms of birth control. Do they abort those babies?

And it bears repeating, also, that this couple is working and paying taxes. So if it was acceptable for you to apply for Medicaid, it’s certainly acceptable for them to do so.

As to your question, I have done a great deal of volunteer work in the church and parish schools over the years. I have played in the choir, even purchased and learned a new instrument because it’s what Father asked for; I currently direct a choir. Those kids I worked so hard to raise–every single one of them has helped teach, year after year after year, from the minute they were old enough, in the CCD program. This is years of getting up early to drive them to the early Mass, come home and get the rest of the kids ready, go to Mass myself, and pick the older kids up again after they finish their volunteer work.

This is years of driving them to volunteer for Vacation Bible School and to meetings for mission trips, where they help people build houses. I have freely given hundreds of dollars to help them go on those trips, so they can help others.

We support three families through Unbound. I spent years doing weekly Adoration starting when I was 25. I’ve returned, taking a time in the middle of the night because it’s a harder slot to fill, and someone has to do it.

It is true, however, that I don’t teach Sunday school, so perhaps I still fail.

May God bless you and bring you peace, TC.

I understand what you have written and know you have written it as a non Catholic respectful to us and as a Christian yourself…however I think your daughter has got a true and proper understand of the Catholic religion and of God’s love for her- she clearly understands the purpose of marriage and the loving union it brings- I understand “your concern” for her having too many children but your daughter was expressing to you and believing the tradition and ever much unchanged and true Catholic teaching. Those Catholics who say that it is okay for married couples to use Contraception to limit the number of their children are very wrong and misguided- many people in the Church are of that mentality, a lot through ignorance and misunderstanding but many “intelligent” yet misguided Catholics try to lead others astray.

I understand your concern and love for your daughter, of course you love and care about her and her family/financial worries- but you have to understand she as a good Roman Catholic believes in the evilness of Contraception and will not take it. She may be finding things hard and it is great that you are doing all you can to help- may God bless you for that.

I think your daughter is a great example to all Catholic women, especially as she was not born a Catholic and of her own accord joined our faith and then keeps the Church’s most important teaching on this as sacred and true- she is true a Saintly example to all Catholic women. May God bless you and your family, I don’t want you to think I am being unkind, however, understand it from our point of view- your daughter is a Saintly example of a good wife and mother!

This is so beautiful, it bears quoting and repeating.

 

[90Domer]

LOL!! We are always soooo excited for April 15!! We even had our first “busy season” baby this year on March 25! I was very nervous he wouldn’t make it to delivery because he also has an hour commute and very often just stays with a nearby coworker since we are all sleeping when he gets home and leaves anyways!! Fortunately, I was induced so he could be there!!! He was able to bring his computer and cell phone and work thru must of my labor (which was fine by me as I don like to interact with people when in labor!!)

He really hasn’t got to meet his newborn son yet so we are all looking forward to some relaxing daddy/son time

Congratulations and God Bless. I hope you have a happy and holy Easter.

 

[catholix_cool]

Now I’m just a single guy at the young age of 24. Never been married or had any children. I haven’t been able to successful get through college let alone hold a menial part time job.

Your concerns are valid like “how is my daughter going to get through this” and “we got stuck paying their rent, etc”

The concerns about your daughter going back to school may have been at one time what she did want to do then she might have changed her mind to have a family instead. Perhaps your daughter doesn’t want to go back to school now nor in the future, it’s ultimately between her and God to decide despite your own wishes that are good.

But don’t let what “you want” be confused with what your “daughter wants” or “God’s wants” Life has never really been what we want, it’s about what God wants. Maybe God has a lesson for ya’ll in all of this…Perhaps God is teaching your daughter’s family to be more discerning and responsible in stewardship in her young family? Perhaps God is teaching you to help them help themselves and whether or not she goes back to school, it’s ultimately up to your daughter and God to decide together regardless of “what you want”?

From an outside perspective coming from someone who isn’t qualified to have a say. The only thing that comes to mind as far as what one could say is this…

Trust in the Lord for He is good and His mercy endures forever, and nobody can control anyone (even God can’t control people because of the gift of free will).

So trust in God and do all you can do on your end to be a physical representation of God the merciful father in heaven.

I hope everything gets better soon. God Bless!