Help me with my doubts

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Razgovory

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Hello! This is my first post here. I’m having serious troubles and don’t know exactly where to turn. This seemed to be the right place. If it’s not, I’m sorry. Hopefully a moderator will put in the right place.

Some background: I was born to a Catholic family though not always a particularly observant one. My mother was a minor politician and came into conflict with the priests. Gradually we moved away from the Church. When I became an teenager I shifted toward Atheism thinking I was to smart for the church. I was never confirmed. In recent years I have been getting more sympathy for the Church (oddly enough from a sci-fi novel I read called ( A Canticle for Leibowitz). But I’m still plagued with doubts and haven’t gone to mass in years.

This last month I’ve been plagued by panicky fear of death and ceasing to exist. I’m utterly terrified by it. I wondered if accepting religion again would help me. It’s just that I have so many doubts. When ever I try to pray, I only hear myself. I’ve never had a spiritual experience.

I should note that I’m not a very normal person. I suffer from mental illness. I was diagnosed with Obsessive compulsive disorder, social phobia, and some kind of autism called Asperger’s Syndrome. I’m a naturally pessimistic person and I’m plagued with doubts about normal stuff as well. I’m the type that checks the oven several times to make sure it’s off.

I need help overcoming doubts about the existence of God and the afterlife. I have these horrible feelings that God is just a local legend that got a life of it’s own and became a religion. I know how easy it is for stories to get thrown around until everyone believes them. For instance Abner Doubleday is often thought of as the founder of baseball but he did no such thing.
 
Razgovory said:
For instance Abner Doubleday is often thought of as the founder of baseball but he did no such thing.
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Well, I have never heard of Abner Doubleday, and I’m probably not the only one.

However, Jesus Christ is a pretty recognizable name.

Of course, the Bible is a good starting point. Not only will you read about the life of Christ, but you will allow the Holy Spirit to get to work in your soul.

Here are other sources:
carm.org/bible/extrabiblical_accounts.htm
christiananswers.net/archaeology/
peterkreeft.com/featured-writing.htm

I also found C.S. Lewis “Mere Christianity” to be especially revelatory when I was working my way back into the Church.
 
hi,

as far as your aspergers and o.c.d. they often seem to go together.

they say you can use your logical mind to help overcome these tendencies. asperger folks usually are above average intelligence.

please take the time to read the following book, "divine mercy in my soul " written by st. faustina. i know it will help you with your spiritual questions a great deal.

also check out these web sites


newadvent.org

God bless,

johnco
 
Razgovory,
It’s great that you’re trying to find answers to some of the most important questions in life - it shows a lot of honesty and integrity.

First off, don’t worry - no one is a ‘normal’ person. But I can relate somewhat to you, because when I was young and all throughout my teenage years I had a sometimes crippling anxiety disorder (which never really came under control until after I reconverted). I also turned away from Christianity, and I thought I was too smart for all those ‘brainwashed people’ who were only Christians because they were born that way.

But when I got into college (I went to Boston College, a Roman Catholic school) I started being exposed to brilliant minds who firmly believed in the Christian religion because they were convinced in both their minds and their hearts. I had several professors who CONVERTED to Christianity (and Catholicism)! This totally amazed me - I thought the smarter and more educated one was, the more they balked at religion.

I would strongly recommend C.S. Lewis, as blessedtoo said. He was one of the most powerful forces in my conversion. And you’re right to not believe in a religion if you don’t think it’s true - that would be dishonest. The reason that I am a Christian (and a Catholic) is because I believe the religion is true - that Jesus really rose from the dead on Sunday morning almost 2000 years ago. I do not believe that because it makes me feel good - then I may as well just believe in Santa Claus!

But by looking at rational arguments for the Christian faith by people like C.S. Lewis, you’ll probably be amazed that faith is reasonable and rational.

In terms of never having a spiritual experience, God promises that those who honestly seek with open hearts will find. I did not find God until I honestly wanted to (it’s very easy to ignore Him - He doesn’t scream at us like a tyrant, He whispers.) So I think that you should look into your heart, look into your fears, and decide whether or not you truly want to seek God. Remember, if Christianity is true, God wants you to come to Him for peace just as much as you would want to. But you have to want it, and you have to knock on the door for it to be opened.
 
Also, in response to the Abner Doubleday comment, the Christian religion was founded in an entirely different environment. We have the writings of the early Church (aside from the New Testament) where people explicitly say that Jesus was risen from the dead and that’s why they are going to face martyrdom. It would be pretty inconceivable for a legend to start up in only a generation that would be so powerful that thousands of people would suffer the most horrendous deaths for it.

Also, Christianity began in a place where people knew Jesus. If you were going to spread about who he really was, why on earth would you preach those lies to people that knew him? Wouldn’t you want to get as far away from Palestine as you could? If someone came up to me and told me that my grandfather, who died over ten years ago, really rose from the dead, I would laugh at them. It’s a very different situation. Whether or not a man really died for your salvation and then really rose from the dead is a far cry away from knowing who really invented a sport - there’s a lot more riding on the correct answer to the former. I hope that helps, and God bless.
 
Hey my friend,
I fought depression and anxiety attacks for a few years. I went to my family doctor and began taking a prescription. I then visited with a local priest and then began a conversion of heart. He helped me make a good confession and it was wonderful walking out with that new beginning. You need that experience of mercy…go get it. 👍
 
Heh. Oddly enough, one of my friends owns the C.S. Lewis book in question and was planning to let me borrow it before I posted here. His wife bought it for him when he was going through an atheist mood. He said it really helped him. What’s interesting about that is that his wife is a card carrying communist, a daughter of party high-ups in Beijing. She came here (Missouri) to study and converted to Christianity. Interesting story I thought.
 
I may be wrong here, but as I understand it, people with Aspergers Syndrome tend to see things in a much more structured, less emotional way than most.

In which case, Catholicism is ideal as it has a strong logical streak derived from the deductive philosophy of the Greek Aristotelian school of thought. If you’re someone who likes to read and go in heavy, then you could take a look at St Thomas Aquinas’ Summa Theologiae, that might mean more to you in your particular situation than some more emotive apologetics, which tend to rely on personal testimonies.

At the end of the day though, Christianity isn’t just about logic, it is about love, about a relationship of love with a person, God incarnate, Jesus Christ. At the same time, the Church recognises that we are all lost sheep and don’t know how to love by ourselves, so gives us lots of guidance on how to live out that life of love.

Happy hunting, hope you find what you’re looking for.
 
I have some good info on proofs of Gods exitence and the church’s claims if you PM me an email address. It’s too big for here.🙂
 
I’d like to thank everyone’s help here. I just got the C.S. Lewis book and intend to read it tonight. I also read the Emails I was sent.
 
Razgovory said:
I’d like to thank everyone’s help here. I just got the C.S. Lewis book and intend to read it tonight. I also read the Emails I was sent.
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God bless! Let us know what you think when you’re done!
 
I’m not sure if it’s helping. While I understand the arguments and they make sense and I’m even inclined to agree I still have this overwhelming dread. This anxiety is causing me to be physically sick and I can barely eat (I’ve had this for about a month). I think the time has come to hospitalize myself. So I’ll be in the mental ward of St. Mary’s hospital tomorrow. They have priests there as well as head shrinkers and hopefully I can be helped.
 
Dear friend,
I think that is wise. I will keep you in my prayers this week. May God watch over you and comfort you.
 
Aww, you poor dear. :hug3: What a terribly bleak way to feel.

The thing is, religion requires faith - and that sounds like a stupid comment, but give me a moment to elaborate a bit.

We take a lot of things on faith, when you think about it. Scientists say something is so, and while they might have a ton of research to back them up, their truth might be The Truth Based on Current Human Knowledge. A few years down the road, a certain thing held to be The Truth might turn out to be bull, but it was the truth as far as anyone could determine at the time, and we took it on faith that it was true.

Love is my favourite example of taking something on faith. Someone tells you they love you, and you don’t know it’s The Truth, not really. They may do lovely things for you, they may give every indication they love you, but do you know they do? No, you don’t - but you’re willing to have faith that they do.

So there is no proving that God exists or doesn’t exist, at least in my opinion (and I’m no theologian, so take this as an opinion only, please!). You have faith - which, to me, means you’re willing to go out on a limb and meet God halfway, so to speak - and you pray, and hope, and love, and wait.

Religious experiences aren’t always big grand things - sometimes they’re tiny, like when the rain is dumping down, has been for days, the wretched roof is leaking, and without thinking you yelp ‘GOD, let the freakin’ rain END, please!’

And it does.
And the sun peeks out from the clouds.

Sure, the rain has to end sometime ANYWAY, but sometimes you just feel it, that Someone said ‘I’m listening, and I don’t want you to be upset’. Could you be deluding yourself that there’s Anyone there? Possibly … but you’ll never have proof one way or the other, except for that feeling, that faith, that knowing that somehow, this really was a moment between you and God.

I think God’s willing to wait for you no matter how long it takes - He certainly waited long enough for me. You’re not committing to a church, or to being a Christian, or anything if you try sitting down alone and having a chat with God, just as you would with another person. Tell Him what worries you. It doesn’t need to be even remotely formal - there have been days that my chats with God have been less prayers than they have been rather foul-mouthed rants, ending with ‘please just show me what the beep to do!!!’ And even when I’ve been in the most horrible state, I’ve walked away from that feeling that He was listening, and things would get better.

And they always have. 🙂

Give it a try, hon. I can’t give you proof, I can only hope that somehow, you’ll find some of your own.

God bless, and please keep posting here.

Deb

p.s. I’m getting a grin out of a novel making you think about religion again … it was watching Dogma that got me started. laughing
 
I have returned. I feel better. I still have doubts and anxiety but not so overwhelming as to cause me to scream and claw at my eyes. I did go to confession for the first time since 2nd grade (which was a long time ago) and took the Eucharist. I have been instructed to start attending church again and plan to do so next week. Erasing all doubt will still take some doing and may be impossible. After all didn’t Moses doubt at one time?

To keep me going I will be doing some volunteer work at the hospital and perhaps other places and have taken up a minor exercise routine (walking and a stationary bike). On the plus side the anxiety caused me to lose 23 pounds!

For the first time in maybe 10 years I’m beginning to feel like me again.
 
Razgovory said:
I have returned. I feel better. I still have doubts and anxiety but not so overwhelming as to cause me to scream and claw at my eyes. I did go to confession for the first time since 2nd grade (which was a long time ago) and took the Eucharist. I have been instructed to start attending church again and plan to do so next week. Erasing all doubt will still take some doing and may be impossible. After all didn’t Moses doubt at one time?

To keep me going I will be doing some volunteer work at the hospital and perhaps other places and have taken up a minor exercise routine (walking and a stationary bike). On the plus side the anxiety caused me to lose 23 pounds!

For the first time in maybe 10 years I’m beginning to feel like me again.
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Nothing wrong with doubting, in my opinion … it shows you’re THINKING about your faith, rather than either ignoring it or taking it for granted.

I think that’s a good thing!

23 pounds is a lot of weight. 😦 But you’re happy about it, so that must be a good thing - just please make sure you eat enough and take care of yourself, dear! HUG

I think your approach is wonderful and positive, and I’m proud of you! 👍
 
Don’t worry, my friend. Many of the saints had doubts. Doubt isn’t something you can just dispel. In order that we doubt less, we must trust more, but gaining trust in someone is gradual and often it goes unnoticed. Probably a year from now you will reflect on all of this and wonder how on earth you didn’t have more faith. That’s when you know you’re going in the right direction. And it’ll never stop being that way, no matter how holy you become - we all have so much to learn.
 
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