Please help me deal with some problems that I am struggling with. I suffer from scrupulosity and it has caused me much anxiety. It keeps me from praying…I always go to Mass every Sunday…but I don’t receive Communion because I am never sure if I’m in the state of grace. Whenever I go to Confession, I end up committing the SAME sins over again. I am too shamed to pray sometimes…and when I do it feels like I’m just talking to myself. I find that overcoming temptation is too hard and I often don’t even try to avoid sin. I feel lost.
John
John, have you tried speaking with your priest outside of confession for counseling? it is best to get help from your priest, provided he is well educated in the faith enough(sadly many priests nowadays are not) but if that be the case, i might be able to help you in that area(finding a good spiritual director)
because honestly, the only person really qualified, under your particular circumstances, to tell you if you can go to communion, is your priest(or spiritual director),
and honestly, if you are scrupulous, then you should not be here, you should find yourself, if you do not already have one, one good spiritual director, and stick with him and him alone, because it is important for you as a scrupulous person to only have one spiritual director to get counseling from and to be obedient to, even if that is a challenge for you, you must force yourself to do it, it’s very important.
as for avoiding temptation and sin, that is something you cannot do alone, do you ask for Gods grace to resist temptations and avoid sin?
if you are not asking for His help, then you are going to fall, you need to ask for His help and also your Guardian angels help(because that is what he’s there for) and also the angels and saints, and especially Our Blessed Mother, who can obtain more graces from God for us than anyone else.
it’s just important to never neglect to ask for help in avoiding and resisting sin, no matter how big or small the temptation may be, and actually it’s more important to ask for help in little temptations, because those are the ones we face the most, and they tend to build up into bigger temptations when not dealt with right away.
and despite how it feels, God always hears you,
you may have heard or read the bible passage that God does not hear sinners, but don’t take that as it sounds, according to Saint Alphonsus(doctor of the church) that passage in the bible is referring specifically to those who pray
as sinners, meaning, that they pray for what is sinful or what would help them to sin,
but God never ignores even the greatest of sinners, so long as they are praying sincerely for His help, and He does not hesitate to send you the graces you need,
so when you pray for His help in time of temptation, you receive that help at once,
and of course at times(even many times) it may feel as though you are talking to yourself or to a wall, but that is only because you cannot see God there in front of you, it is normal really, because we are physical creatures and we react and perceive things on a very physical level,
so don’t let that worry you, and honestly, don’t even pay to much attention to your feelings in regards to the spiritual life, because more often than not they just cause more trouble and distraction than they’re worth, and not to mention the devil can manipulate our feelings…so they just can’t be trusted either,
and don’t let yourself feel to ashamed to pray, God wants to hear from you, He wants more than anything to help you and to bring you closer to Himself, and really the more you fall into sin, the greater is His longing to bring you back, because the more you fall into sin the further you become from Him,
and so if you wish to please God, then try to run immediately to Him when you sin, and i don’t mean confession, although you should go to confession as soon as possible when you are sure you’ve committed and moral sin, but what i mean is, immediately pray for His forgiveness, ask for His grace, and then pick yourself up and try again,
God will be more pleased with you for picking yourself up and trying again, than He would for a million hours of brooding over your sins…which really is not a good thing to do at all.
just have faith that God will certainly help you when you ask, after all, do you think that God would not help you now after He suffered tortures of all kinds for many hours, and hung bleeding on the cross for 3 hours, giving every last drop of blood for love of you? of course He would! His love did not stop after His passion, He died for love of you, He saw you throughout His passion and focused on suffering for the salvation of your soul the whole time, and He has thought of you always even before you were born…so trust in Him and have peace(speaking of which, here is a wonderful little book on “searching for and maintaining peace” -
amazon.com/gp/product/0818909064/ref=s9_simh_gw_p14_d0_i1?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=0P6MMBRC02G535PRFS1X&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=470938631&pf_rd_i=507846 )
well, before i go on to long, i will just end with a few more book recommendations -
tanbooks.com/index.php/page/shop:flypage/product_id/840
tanbooks.com/index.php/Treatise-On-Love-of-God
tanbooks.com/index.php/Call-to-Souls
alright, hope this helps, take care.
