Help me.

[Chris_W]

In highschool I found myself among the group of kids who nowadays would be considered Goth I suppose. I was rebelling, as your sister is. Here are my reasons, and you can see if they might apply to your sister:

1. I entered highschool without a strong sense of identity. I had to decide who I would be seen as in school. I tried out for sports and wasn’t good enough. I was quite academic but didn’t want to be considered part of what I considered the nerdy honor role kids. The drama folks were too odd for me. I had enough morality to not want to be the partier sex crazed type. I was somewhat intraverted and shy and lacked a good self esteem.
2. I came from a rather strict Catholic home (what seemed strict in comparison to other kids anyway). I felt too controlled. I felt like I was not enabled to make decisions that affected me. I wanted to grow up and have control and felt I had none.

So, I found myself drawn to the other kids who felt like me…out of place, rejected by the clicks, unsure of what identity to create for myself. I started smoking cloves, then pot, lyed constantly to my parents so I could hang out in the rotten parts of the city with people I knew they disapproved of, etc.

Don’t laugh, but country music snapped me out of it. I had an unpopular farmer friend who was my old gradeschool buddy. I noticed he wasn’t all hip and cool, yet he was self confident. That’s what I perceived (right or wrong) the country music liefstyle promoted. Pride, self worth, ‘screw them if they don’t like it’ attitude, etc. And yet I could still be a good kid while living it. It was my out. I could identify with it.

Okay, so here’s my suggestion:

Get with your parents and figure a way to help your sister re-invent herself into something she likes. Chances are she doesn’t like what she’s becoming any more than you do. You said “*She says she can’t believe in a religion that is intolerant of people, an example she gave is homosexuality, but yet, one thing she oftens likes to say, is that she hates everybody in the world, and really has no friends” * That’s the jackpot info I think.

Perhaps it means changing schools, buying new clothes for her, making one of her new rules be that she MUST come up with one extracurricular activity that she enjoys…and then promoting the heck out of her doing it.

It’s a cry for help. I get a lump in my throat thinking about how I felt back then. Oh, how I wish someone would have helped me reinvent myself back then.

Gotta go, I’m at work and getting teary eyed.

 

[LukeQ]

Andrew - how old are these boys - under or over age. A restraining order sounds good.

The last few posts have provided excellent advice dealing into your Sister’s cry for help. Your mom’s idea of counselling and priest involvement is a good one. Counselling also exists for the family too where this dynamic in the family caused by your sister’s Goth involvement can be assisted. This has to be causing a strain in the family.

The unfortunate suicide attempt may be the begining of the end of these events. Maybe your sister seeing her friend in this condition in the hospital may trigger her positively.

Please pray the rossary in your family for your sister - it will help together with the intervention methods your partents and you are doing.

Luke

 

[ak29]

The boys are roughly there age, maybe a year older. Yeah I definately agree a restraning order would be good.

Also I forgot to mention, my sister yesterday got a phone call from that kid, and went into the bathroom and locked herself in and talked to him, we did not know what she was doing, then I heard voices from the bathroom and stopped it as soon as possible.

The guy phoned again at 11:30 am, which makes me wonder if shes skipping school. because at that time she should be in school (obviosuly today she was at home, but i dont tihnk he knew that.) So my mom and dad confiscated the cellphone.

Today my mom and dad kept her home from school, they wanted to really talk to her and try and get through. However, from what I heard the results are not good.

My dad was saying that we should all take a trip to Polans( Where my dad grew up.) And he was talking about when he saw the Pope serve Mass on his first visit and so forth. Then he went on to describe a church that has a wall made of skulls, from all the deaths during the Black Death. Instantly she became enthused, asking about how many skulls? What condition they were in and so forth. It was appalling.

But anyway, the school principle is talking to my sister tomorrow, and my family is working on a lot of things. So hopefully it works out.

Guys I will try to see if my sister is willing to participate in a family rosary section.

Thanks for all the support guys.
Andrew,

 

[CARose]

Wow, what a challenging situation you and your family are in with your sister. I hope that as you go through this that you keep letting her know how much you love her and how concerned you are for her welfare.

I’d like to comment on your mother’s desire to get her into counseling. The one concern I have is that she find a counselor who will support your parents in their role as the parents. Some counselors will be more in line with those your mother met at the hospital, believing that your sister, at nearly 14, is capable of making her own moral decisions and should be allowed to “branch out”. Obviously, we here believe (I’d like to say “know”) differently (can I say “better”?).

I’d like to suggest that they begin with family counseling, that includes your mom, dad and sister to work on the parent child dynamics you have going in the family (yes, I purposely excluded you at this point, she needs to work with them right now). I would also strongly recommend that your parents see if they can find a good Catholic Counselor, someone who will support the moral perspective in this.

Again, I am so sorry for the challenges you are facing. You and your entire family are in my prayers.

God Bless,

CARose