H
harv5069
Guest
Dear Readers,
I’ve found myself in a tight spot. My best friend is making decisions I think are harmful for her but she isn’t listening to me. We are about to graduate from college and have been best friends since freshman year. She is a very traditional Catholic, and even seriously considered becoming a nun, (I myself am a Protestant). Up until this year she had never had a boyfriend. She started seeing a guy at the start of the school year and they have been officially a couple since mid-November. Now, up until a couple months ago, she would always speak adamantly on the ‘rules’ any romantic relationship she ever got into would have. I figured she would break most of these rules (like this one: “He will never sit on my bed”), but I always thought her rule about not sleeping in the same bed was solid. I especially thought she would stick to this because of her knowledge of the bad experiences (as in: resulted in sex) of a mutual friend (also Catholic) and of her sister on this issue.
Now, things are different. A few weeks ago, she was very upset but wouldn’t say why at first. We talked and she told my she was worried about whether or not her boyfriend really shared her faith and admitted to me that she had let him sleep over a few times. I was shocked. We discussed it, and she herself cited many of the reasons for NOT engaging in such behavior that I have found on this website. She even came right out and said she thought she hadn’t told me because she knew I would tell her I thought it was a bad idea and she didn’t want to hear that. She left me under the impression she had come to a decision and would talk to her boyfriend.
Our friendship has been under a lot of stress this year while she’s tried to balance a new relationship with her old life. It’s been really tough for both of us, and we’ve certainly had ‘words’ on the issue. At least half of that discord is my fault, and I know and freely acknowledge that, but now I’m not sure what to do. I found out that she is still sharing a bed with her boyfriend and that in fact she thinks it is “really good” because it means she trusts him. She seems convinced that the only reason I’m upset is because this means she is getting closer to her boyfriend and further from her friends. I admit, that does upset me, but at this point the issue seems bigger than that. How can I talk to her about this? I’ve already told her why it’s a bad idea, but when it comes to telling her it’s wrong it’s like having bullets and no gun: I know the information but goodness knows I feel a fool as a Protestant speaking to a Catholic on the Catechism and “occasions of sin”. When I tried to speak to her about it without bringing faith into it she just got defensive and said I had to trust she had made the right decision. But how can this be right? How can I stand by and support a choice she once told me is contrary to her faith, which I know is so important to her? She refuses to talk to a priest about this. Also, our other best friend also thinks this is a great development, so I’m out-numbered. Is there anything I can do?
I’ve found myself in a tight spot. My best friend is making decisions I think are harmful for her but she isn’t listening to me. We are about to graduate from college and have been best friends since freshman year. She is a very traditional Catholic, and even seriously considered becoming a nun, (I myself am a Protestant). Up until this year she had never had a boyfriend. She started seeing a guy at the start of the school year and they have been officially a couple since mid-November. Now, up until a couple months ago, she would always speak adamantly on the ‘rules’ any romantic relationship she ever got into would have. I figured she would break most of these rules (like this one: “He will never sit on my bed”), but I always thought her rule about not sleeping in the same bed was solid. I especially thought she would stick to this because of her knowledge of the bad experiences (as in: resulted in sex) of a mutual friend (also Catholic) and of her sister on this issue.
Now, things are different. A few weeks ago, she was very upset but wouldn’t say why at first. We talked and she told my she was worried about whether or not her boyfriend really shared her faith and admitted to me that she had let him sleep over a few times. I was shocked. We discussed it, and she herself cited many of the reasons for NOT engaging in such behavior that I have found on this website. She even came right out and said she thought she hadn’t told me because she knew I would tell her I thought it was a bad idea and she didn’t want to hear that. She left me under the impression she had come to a decision and would talk to her boyfriend.
Our friendship has been under a lot of stress this year while she’s tried to balance a new relationship with her old life. It’s been really tough for both of us, and we’ve certainly had ‘words’ on the issue. At least half of that discord is my fault, and I know and freely acknowledge that, but now I’m not sure what to do. I found out that she is still sharing a bed with her boyfriend and that in fact she thinks it is “really good” because it means she trusts him. She seems convinced that the only reason I’m upset is because this means she is getting closer to her boyfriend and further from her friends. I admit, that does upset me, but at this point the issue seems bigger than that. How can I talk to her about this? I’ve already told her why it’s a bad idea, but when it comes to telling her it’s wrong it’s like having bullets and no gun: I know the information but goodness knows I feel a fool as a Protestant speaking to a Catholic on the Catechism and “occasions of sin”. When I tried to speak to her about it without bringing faith into it she just got defensive and said I had to trust she had made the right decision. But how can this be right? How can I stand by and support a choice she once told me is contrary to her faith, which I know is so important to her? She refuses to talk to a priest about this. Also, our other best friend also thinks this is a great development, so I’m out-numbered. Is there anything I can do?