Help My Husband Is Looking At Porn!

[BEattitude]

Hi again, sorry to say that my husband is looking at porn via internet. I caught him once however I believe he has just been deleting it! Does anyone know how to look at the history after it has been deleted? I mean does anyone know how to look at deleted stuff?

 

[estesbob]

Hi again, sorry to say that my husband is looking at porn via internet. I caught him once however I believe he has just been deleting it! Does anyone know how to look at the history after it has been deleted? I mean does anyone know how to look at deleted stuff?

Are you peprared for the consequences to your marriage if he finds out you are “checking” on him? Have you a plan of action to follow if you find he is still viewing pornography.?

 

[BEattitude]

Hey I have already busted him cheating! I just need to know if this is a pattern or what! I want to know if he is a sex fiened! It makes a big difference if it was once or a hundred times! We can work through these things, but the truth must come out! He has to be an open book to help me grieve over these things.

 

[Karin]

If he has deleted all internet history (cookies, links etc.) I do not think you can find out what he has seen or visited.

Have you thought about putting a monitoring program on your computer…that way you can see what he has visited/typed/emailed etc.?

 

[estesbob]

Hey I have already busted him cheating! I just need to know if this is a pattern or what! I want to know if he is a sex fiened! It makes a big difference if it was once or a hundred times! We can work through these things, but the truth must come out! He has to be an open book to help me grieve over these things.

I am not criticizing you-just chekcing to make sure you have thought this through. You say you can work through this BUT it would appear to me that he is going to have serious trust problems with you, especially if you install monitoring programs on his computer.

 

[Rolltide]

This isn’t spying, it’s simply looking at the activity logs of the computer. There are several easy ways to do this. Go into the trash bin in Windows and see what’s been thrown out. Be sure to check to see if there’s an “Undo Delete” feature. A lot of times, it will let you recover what was thrown out in the trash. Most web browsers also have a history feature that tracks differents sites you’ve been to. Look under Preferences at the top. If you can’t find anything there, set it to the maximum setting, which is like a month. Every site visited will be recorded, although if he’s smart, he’ll know to delete that. You can also click on the address bar to see what sites he’s been typing in. If he uses an instant messenger, you can set it to save copies of all conversations as a backup. That will also be under the preference menu. That particular feature was set up as a safety feature to prevent misuse by children. You can also look at his e-mail, although that’s getting closer to invasion of privacy. However, as his wife, I believe you have the legal right. Be sure to check not only what’s in his in box, but look at his trash folder, and also the “sent” messages folder. You can see what he’s sent off that way.

There are a tremendous amount of things you can do without having to install some kind of spy program, although those things do exist as well. I’d check through the file listings on the computer as well for image files, and also look through any cd’s or dvd’s that have been burned. Before I was an historian, I studied to be a computer scientist, and I had to take a class on security issues.

 

[BEattitude]

Well I blocked all sites right now, but I need to know what is going on. So you dont think there is any way?

 

[Karin]

Well I blocked all sites right now, but I need to know what is going on. So you dont think there is any way?

the post above your last one gave you some suggestions (see post #6)…dont know how computer savy your dh is though.
as to blocking the sites…cant he just unblock them if he really wants to look at whatever is blocked?

 

[BEattitude]

NO you need a password and only I have it!

 

[Karin]

NO you need a password and only I have it!

Okay…

 

[KC_Davis]

Sorry to hear that. Here is a link to a website that may be helpful. They have a lot of info dedicated to porn addictions, and how to overcome them. Also help foe their wives.

familylifecenter.net/

 

[rayne89]

You say you can work through this BUT it would appear to me that he is going to have serious trust problems with you, especially if you install monitoring programs on his computer.

He is going to have serious trust problems with her? He is looking a porn behind her back. She is supposed to trust him and not check on him. Yeah ok.

I’m sorry if my husband got mad at me for checking on him because he’s been viewing porn -oh well too bad. She has the right not to have this garbage coming into their house and he has already proved himself untrustworthy in this regard.

 

[thechrismyster]

versiontracker.com/dyn/moreinfo/win/35764

is one.

there are many other freeware stealth keystroke loggers on the net. try versiontracker.com

complete track of every keystroke entered running in the background. even if they check the running program it identifies itself as some benign name… like caf.exe

right, maybe not. you decide.

if you have children, they’re great for watching EXACTLY what the kids are doing online.

 

[estesbob]

He is going to have serious trust problems with her? He is looking a porn behind her back. She is supposed to trust him and not check on him. Yeah ok.

I’m sorry if my husband got mad at me for checking on him because he’s been viewing porn -oh well too bad. She has the right not to have this garbage coming into their house and he has already proved himself untrustworthy in this regard.

I said up front I wasnt criticizing her-just asking her if she had thought through all the ramifications of what she is doing. It is easy for you or I to say if he gets mad so what-its not our marriage we are talking about. And yes-he will have trust problems with her that will not go away once they settle the porn issue. It is an issue that has the potential to dwarf the prorn problem , which is why I asked he if she had thought it through.

 

[outfctrl]

Surfing porn on the internet is an addicting sickness. I know, I used to do it. I am single so I didnt have to worry about someone looking over my shoulder.
I realized what I was doing was going against everything I believe in, so I cleaned my system and never did it again.

Snooping on your husband, IMO, is not right. I think what you need to do is discuss the situation and relate your feelings about it to him.

If I was married and in his position and you approached me with your concerns, I would listen and make my decision in front of you. It is not hard to quit that nonsense if you really want to.

 

[juno24]

Hi again, sorry to say that my husband is looking at porn via internet. I caught him once however I believe he has just been deleting it! Does anyone know how to look at the history after it has been deleted? I mean does anyone know how to look at deleted stuff?

I am not going to comment on the propriety or impropriety of checking behind your husband, because you are not asking about that. Instead I will simply answer the question of how to check for internet activity.
Most people think that simply deleting the history files wipes out all traces of interet activity. That is not the case. If your husband is not very computer savvy, he will not know that you can check his surfing habits by looking at the cookies that are stored on your computer, and also by looking at the temporary internet files. To look at these, simply click on “tools” at the top of your web browser, click on internet options, and you will see options for cookies, files, etc. If you are using the new Explorer browser (it was just updated recently), after you click internet options, click on “general” then next to browsing history click on “settings”. Once in there, you click on “view files”. You will then see a list of websites that have been visited and cookies. MOST of what you see is normal stuff that you may think “I never visited that site!” but it is advertising stuff. You will recognize porn site by their names.

If you are using the older explorer browser (the one without tabs), after you click internet options, click around until you find the view files and view cookies links. (I’m sorry I don’t remember the exact steps-- it’s been a little while since I’ve used the older edition of the explorer browser).

MAJOR CAVEAT— if you find porn sites in the history or temp files DO NOT OPEN them-- you do not want to embed more cookies on your machine. After you do your search, if you find evidence of pornography do a complete and thorough virus scan. I guarantee your computer will be loaded with all kinds of malware. I use avast! antivirus, and it is great for several reasons. One being that if your husband views porn while it is running, it will send up a huge warning (big warnig sign, with sirens blaring) whenever the site he is on tries to send your computer an unwanted file. That may just scare your husband into shutting it down, at least for the moment.

 

[JezuUfamTobie]

And yes-he will have trust problems with her that will not go away once they settle the porn issue. It is an issue that has the potential to dwarf the prorn problem , which is why I asked he if she had thought it through.

I’m sorry, but how could that dwarf mental adultery? A loss of privacy is a natural consequence of a great breach of trust like porn viewing. Cheaters who want to fix their marriages need to give up much of their privacy. Frankly, I don’t think married people are entitled to much privacy of this type anyhow… don’t the two become one? Saying, “You lost my trust when you looked at the cache and saw my porn habits!!!” is like saying, “You lost my trust when you called the police and put me in jail when I beat you up!”

I just can’t muster up much sympathy for the poor porn-lover who now lives under watchful eyes He made his own bed.

Beyond that, I daresay most porn-viewing husbands are also liars, so checking up on their net activities is often the only way to find out the real truth. This is not morally problematic.

 

[estesbob]

I’m sorry, but how could that dwarf mental adultery? A loss of privacy is a natural consequence of a great breach of trust like porn viewing. Cheaters who want to fix their marriages need to give up much of their privacy. Frankly, I don’t think married people are entitled to much privacy of this type anyhow… don’t the two become one? Saying, “You lost my trust when you looked at the cache and saw my porn habits!!!” is like saying, “You lost my trust when you called the police and put me in jail when I beat you up!”

I just can’t muster up much sympathy for the poor porn-lover who now lives under watchful eyes He made his own bed.

Beyond that, I daresay most porn-viewing husbands are also liars, so checking up on their net activities is often the only way to find out the real truth. This is not morally problematic.

Are you married?

 

[JezuUfamTobie]

To the OP: I am going to PM you a page with info on how to find secret files that stay on your computer even after someone erased the cache. Anybody else who wants this, just ask.

 

[JezuUfamTobie]

Are you married?

Not anymore. My husband beat me, looked at porn, and for the cherry on top he attempted to drown our son. Luckily I qualified for a decree of nullity. Happy times.

I used to belong to a support group for wives of addicts. The thing you mentioned about the loss of trust issue really hits a button with me, because so many of these husbands used that tactic to manipulate their wives into blind submission as they continued to look at porn. The husbands who really changed chose to share all their info with their wives: emails, cell phone records, etc. The man’s insistence on continuing to hide things (erasing the cache, etc.) is almost a sure sign of continued guilt, in my experience.

Dr. Ray was just talking about this today on his show. He agrees with me.