Help, my niece is getting married outside of the catholic church!

[Strydersroom]

It’s her life and her wedding. Celebrate with her and be happy for her. I’m proud and happy that so many of my Catholic friends and family came and celebrated my wedding with me, enjoy their day. Life is short, celebrate it!

 

[EasterJoy]

I know OP said she’d unsubscribe, but I want to reply for anyone else in the same situation that finds this now or later. I left the Church in college and got married before I returned. We were married outside the Church. If someone had skipped my wedding and then come to my reception to harass me about it, I would have been furious. Planning a wedding was incredibly stressful, dealing with my family and in-laws is very stressful, and I just wanted to relax and enjoy the day, now that it had finally come. My FIL kept bothering us to get convalidated (we eventually did of our own volition) and it was incredibly irritating. It made me more resistant to the idea of returning to the Church. Either go to the wedding, both parts, and be a polite guest, or do not go at all.

I agree that the time to raise this question was back when you had originally stopped practicing, not when you chose to marry outside the laws of the Church. Someone who does not even observe the Sunday obligation is not going to be open to encouragement to follow the laws of the Church regarding marriage.

Having said that, as irritating as it was, I hope your do realize that your husband’s father, especially seeing his son had married another Catholic, had an obligation to encourage you to return to observing the duties of the faith he had handed on to his son. He may not have done it in the most sensitive or diplomatic way, but leaving you to ignore the question indefinitely would have been a dereliction of his duty as a father and a fellow Catholic.

 

[EasterJoy]

… At least they are getting married - many people don’t bother these days!..

There is truth to this. It is better to attempt marriage to the best of one’s understanding, even if objectively valid from an outside point of view, than to evade the duty to exchange consent altogether although the couple is determined to consummate the marriage and live as man and wife.

 

[pianistclare]

PianistClare,

I want to thank you for your advice.You are very understanding and all I was only looking for some direction. If I were to mention any thing to my niece I would be more than compassionate and “not in her face” about it.
My nieces love and respect me, as I do them, and I would never do anything to ruin their day. They have had a horrible family life due to the poor decisions of both of their parents. I also pray for my nieces and their family too. I know that the Blessed Trinity and our Blessed Mother will hear my prayers for them and I pray that in the end, all will be well for them.

Thank you once again for you kindness PianistClare. I will keep you in my prayers.
I’m going to unsubscribe to this Thread and because the way I was treated on this website,
I’m not going to ask for any advice from catholic answers, ever.

In Christ
BlessedTrinity

OH, don’t do that When I first came here I got chewed out by the “welcome” people for asking a question. IT’S FOR WELCOME ONLY!
okaaaaaaay.

If I had left I wouldn’t have made friends with the many amazing and knowledgeable posters here, and some really great and true friends.
It’s hard to read intent in print. What sounds or looks snarky to you, is just words on a page.
Take a deep breath and read some of the other fora.
There’s many wonderful people here.
Take care.

 

[AdamP88]

Hello,

My niece is getting married outside the church. She was baptized catholic, but my sister never raised both of my nieces in the faith.
It also saddens me that the individual that is going to officiate at this ceremony will be a woman.
I plan on going to the reception and not the ceremony, but I’m only doing this in order to tell my niece that she should consider finding a local church and talk to the priest about returning to the faith. I want to plant some seeds and pray that what I say to her will be a start in the right direction. I don’t want to dump to much information on her and confuse her either.

Thanks

BlessedTrinity

Bad idea. That would most certainly come across as interfering and possibly rude. You’re not her mother.
The best thing would be to go and maybe just pray that she returns to the faith, perhaps encouraging her in subtle ways.
If she wasn’t raised in the faith, then she probably won’t care about returning, at least, not right now.

 

[AdamP88]

PianistClare,

I want to thank you for your advice.You are very understanding and all I was only looking for some direction.** If I were to mention any thing to my niece I would be more than compassionate and “not in her face” about it. **
My nieces love and respect me, as I do them, and** I would never do anything to ruin their day. **They have had a horrible family life due to the poor decisions of both of their parents. I also pray for my nieces and their family too. I know that the Blessed Trinity and our Blessed Mother will hear my prayers for them and I pray that in the end, all will be well for them.

Thank you once again for you kindness PianistClare. I will keep you in my prayers.
I’m going to unsubscribe to this Thread and because the way I was treated on this website,****
I’m not going to ask for any advice from catholic answers, ever.

In Christ
BlessedTrinity

1 - Mentioning it at her wedding is not the time or the place. And it would, by definition be in her face.

2 - Bringing up your reservations about her wedding, on her wedding day could well ruin her day for her. Even if she is married legally only, it is still recognised as a legitimate marriage by the church (but not sacramental).

3 - What way were you treated? It sounds like you only wanted advice that was encouraging your original course of action? If you don’t like people disagreeing with you then don’t post on random internet forums. None of the posts were rude or offensive.

 

[1neophyte]

I’m going to unsubscribe to this Thread and because the way I was treated on this website,
I’m not going to ask for any advice from catholic answers, ever.

In Christ
BlessedTrinity

This really made me laugh. Hard. Essentially we have a person who asks for advice (“Help”), doesn’t like the advice, and then declares that they refuse to listen anymore, and vows never to ask for advice here again, EVER! This same person wants to give completely unsolicited advice to someone about about something that is absolutely none of their business, and they think that this action might provoke some sort of profound conversion.

And then…THEN…they go on to sign off on their message “in Christ,” the name of Someone who endured a level of profound rejection and a death more torturous and humiliating than any of us can even imagine, without so much as a HINT of complaint.

Is it any wonder that so many brush aside the Church as an irritating little gnat? Aren’t we supposed to be setting the world on fire and making disciples of all nations? Yet we end up just being experts in whining.

 

[DeniseNY]

This really made me laugh. Hard. Essentially we have a person who asks for advice (“Help”), doesn’t like the advice, and then declares that they refuse to listen anymore, and vows never to ask for advice here again, EVER! This same person wants to give completely unsolicited advice to someone about about something that is absolutely none of their business, and they think that this action might provoke some sort of profound conversion.

And then…THEN…they go on to sign off on their message “in Christ,” the name of Someone who endured a level of profound rejection and a death more torturous and humiliating than any of us can even imagine, without so much as a HINT of complaint.

Is it any wonder that so many brush aside the Church as an irritating little gnat? Aren’t we supposed to be setting the world on fire and making disciples of all nations? Yet we end up just being experts in whining.

This may all very well be true, but piling on the OP doesn’t exactly bathe anyone in the light of Christian glory.

 

[1neophyte]

This may all very well be true, but piling on the OP doesn’t exactly bathe anyone in the light of Christian glory.

It was really more of an academic observation, seeing as how the OP will never see it.

 

[DeniseNY]

It was really more of an academic observation, seeing as how the OP will never see it.

But others here will. Shouldn’t you still be setting the world on fire?

 

[1neophyte]

But others here will. Shouldn’t you still be setting the world on fire?

Excellent question. Does setting the world on fire simply mean being nice and polite all the time? What exactly is the Christian glory that we should bathe the world in? Is it possible that setting the world on fire means just telling the flat out truth?

Would it be better for the OP’s niece to get married in the Church? Of course! But if someone’s experience of the Church is having someone confront them at their wedding reception with quotes from the Catechism and an admonishment that they’re doing the wrong thing, what possible hope do we have to evangelize anyone? And what credibility will the Church have if we’re just as sensitive and easily offended as the self-centered world that ignores the Church?

 

[DeniseNY]

Excellent question. Does setting the world on fire simply mean being nice and polite all the time? What exactly is the Christian glory that we should bathe the world in? Is it possible that setting the world on fire means just telling the flat out truth?

Would it be better for the OP’s niece to get married in the Church? Of course! But if someone’s experience of the Church is having someone confront them at their wedding reception with quotes from the Catechism and an admonishment that they’re doing the wrong thing, what possible hope do we have to evangelize anyone? And what credibility will the Church have if we’re just as sensitive and easily offended as the self-centered world that ignores the Church?

I"m glad you realize your earlier post was neither nice nor polite.

It is certainly possible to tell the truth without being rude or combative. But, I think on the internet, people get a kick out of it sometimes.

 

[1neophyte]

I"m glad you realize your earlier post was neither nice nor polite.

It is certainly possible to tell the truth without being rude or combative. But, I think on the internet, people get a kick out of it sometimes.

How dare you say that my post wasn’t nice or polite! I don’t appreciate being treated like this, and I’m never coming back to this forum!



In all seriousness, it was certainly possible in theory for God to communicate His desires for humanity without plagues or floods or angels of death, but that’s not the way it went down. It may have been possible for the Church to communicate truth without labeling anyone as a heretic. But alas, it was apparently necessary. Sometimes when a falsehood is especially egregious, an equally forceful response is called for.

 

[DeniseNY]

How dare you say that my post wasn’t nice or polite! I don’t appreciate being treated like this, and I’m never coming back to this forum!



In all seriousness, it was certainly possible in theory for God to communicate His desires for humanity without plagues or floods or angels of death, but that’s not the way it went down. It may have been possible for the Church to communicate truth without labeling anyone as a heretic. But alas, it was apparently necessary. Sometimes when a falsehood is especially egregious, an equally forceful response is called for.

I don’t find anything so especially egregious by the OP that a simple “the wedding is neither the time nor the place to discuss this” wouldn’t suffice.

Unsubscribing